30 Days

“There are some days where I really feel
Like this could work;
Like you and I are finally gonna get it right…”
- Forget About It, All Time Low.

“Alex, can’t you be bothered to carry your own guitar?” Zack asked.

I smiled and said, “Jack offered.”

And that was true, when we’d got out of Jack’s dad’s car, Jack had said that, instead of me trying to carry my guitar and not slipping on the ice underfoot, he’d carry them in.

“It’s true.” Jack said, entering the basement behind me, holding our guitars.

“You see?”

“Ok, I get it. But I still want to know why Jack offered in the first place,” Rian said, moving his gaze from me to Jack, “You don’t normally do things like that.”

From where I was standing, I could see the hurt that crept onto Jack’s face, so I jumped in.

“He does. All the time,” I said, thinking that what I was saying was true, “It’s just you guys never really see it.”

The slight blush on Jack’s face made me glad that I’d spoken up for him. I smiled at him as he gave me my guitar. I then leant it up against the wall, next to Zack’s bass and Jack’s guitar. Rian’s drum set was at the back in the middle of the room.

“Thanks Lex.” He said quietly as Rian and Zack went over to the side of the room where there was a few beanbags next to the wall.

“It’s fine Jack.”

“C’mon Alex!” Rian said, sitting down on one of the brightly coloured beanbags, “You said you had new stuff to sing!”

“That’s true!” I said, going over to the beanbags that were “Well, I came up with this one the other week,” I blushed a little, always nervous about sharing my lyrics with the guys, “It’s called Memories That Fade Like Photographs.”

I gave the sheet to Jack first, who skimmed over it and then passed it to Zack. I didn’t take offence at the fact that Jack barely looked at it; he always preferred it when I sung it after everyone had looked at it. Once Zack had finished looking at it, he gave it to Rian, who took a long look at it and then gave it back to me.

“One question before you sing it Alex,” Zack said, “Why are your hands pink Jack?”

Jack grinned and pointed at my hair.

“You can’t blame me!” I protested, “It’s not like I forced you to dye it. You offered.”

Jack shrugged and said, “Whatever Alex. You gonna sing or what?”

“Yes I am.” I said before taking a breath and looking down at the paper in my hands. I began to sing.

“I said I'd never forget your face
Vaulted away inside my head
And memories never seem to fade
You were the best part of my life, my last regret

Now I've walked this line a thousand times before
It hurts too much to bear
For you, I'd tear out my own heart
And write our names together…”

I looked at Rian and Zack. They were smiling, but refrained from commenting until I was done.

“Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me, am I on the right end?
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away

And in the end, we're turning on and off again
There's a look in your eye
And it's screaming "goodbye"
I'd hate to watch you cry…”

Then I looked at Jack, who was staring at me with wide eyes and an open mouth, which he quickly shut when he saw that I was looking. Huh. Probably because of the content of the song. I continued.

“Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me, am I on the right end?
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away

There's a look in your eye
And it's screaming "goodbye"
Now it tears me apart just to look at the sky
And I'd hate to watch you cry
I'd hate to watch you cry…”

I was almost done, just one last verse. I looked down at the paper and sung.

“Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me, am I on the right end?
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away…”

I smiled as I finished. It was always such a boost to sing for someone other than myself.

“What d’you think?” I asked.

“Awesome!” Rian said, smiling widely, showing off his bright white teeth. How he got them that white, I’ll never know.

“That was really good Alex!” Zack said.

After a few moments, I said, “Jack? What’s your opinion?” because he hadn’t said anything yet and normally, he’s the first one to praise me.

“It was – it was good. Like really, really good,” He said, looking me in the eye, “I liked it.”

“Thanks.” I replied, smiling softly.

He shrugged, “It’s ok. It really was good.”

We continued with practice, playing some blink-182 and Green Day songs, but the way Jack had looked stayed with me all the way through. Maybe it was because no one had ever looked at me with such an open expression before.

As I left Rian’s basement, making my way up the stairs, holding my guitar, I kind of wished that Jack would do that more often.