Perfect Storm

The holidays were amazing, I loved being able to be a part of Sidney’s family and then the team through the beginning of the year. I got to go to several games, and help out with the wives and girlfriends or WAGs. There was little tension with the other ladies but once we got to know each other a bit it was better. Kris’ wife has become a good friend; their son might be the most adorable thing ever. It is nice to feel like I am being accepted into their hockey family.

It’s been a rough few weeks at work, thank goodness it is spring break, I feel like I need it more than the students. Because damn, I feel weird. I’m exhausted like an hour after of waking up. I’ve been getting dizzy, and light headed. Random cramps in my lower back. And I’m spotting, for the past almost week. Overall I feel off, and lethargic. I haven’t mentioned this to Sidney yet, he’ll freak out and take me to the team doctor. And I really don’t want to talk about this with a guy who doesn’t know what it’s like to be sacred like this. Terrified that we might, I might be pregnant.

“Hey girlie” Kristen greets when I make it down stairs after getting ready for the day.

“Morning” I reply groggily.

“Coffee?”

“No, my stomach is a bit off.”

“Are you getting that cold that was going around at school?”

“I don’t know” I sigh.

“Are you still going to pick up the guys from the airport?”

“Sid called and said that Zac was going to drop him off when he comes to get you.”

“Ok, I have a few errands to run do you want me to get you something?”

“No, I need to go out for a bit… I’ll get something then. Thanks though.”

“Alright, I’ll see you later. Feel better.”

“Thank you” I say waiting for her to leave so I can take an important test.

I’m freaking out, like more than normal freaking out. The kind of freak out that you have no idea what the hell you’re going to do next. I’m pacing in the living room, waiting for him to get home, waiting to change everything. Everything will change no matter what I decide, we decide, I don’t even know who gets a choice in this. How are we going to handle this? We already have people scrutinizing our relationship, but now?

I hear the lock turn on the front door and turn immediately towards it, he steps in and smiles at me. “Hey baby” he says, his smile dropping to a look of concern, “what’s wrong? Are you ok?”

“I don’t know” I reply still wrapping my head around this development.

“What do you mean?” he asks setting down his bag as he walks towards me, enveloping me in his arms. “What is it?” What do I say? How do I say it? “Kaylee, you need to tell me what I can do to help you.”

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around this myself” I whisper against his chest.

“What is it?” he coaxes, kissing my forehead. “Whatever it is we’ll face it together. Just like we’ve done everything else so far.”

“That’s the thing, this could ruin everything, or it could be amazing but I won’t know that for sure.”

“Just tell me” he whispered against my hair. “It’s not like you’re pregnant or something. That would be crazy,” I freeze in his arms, “could you imagine?”

“No, I can’t imagine! Because I’m freaking out about just that! I can’t wrap my head around this, not with you.”

“Not with me?” he asks taking a step back, confusion and hurt running across his face.

“Not with you making it sound like it’s horrible. My family is going to freak out, I’m not ready for this.” I want to burst out in tears, I love him but a baby!

“There’s something else there, it’s not just your family and not being ‘ready’. Why don’t you want this with me?”

“It’s not you, it’s everything that comes along with you. I love you, but having a baby in the public eye, Sidney, it’s terrifying. More terrifying than just having a baby without the public lurking in the background.” The thought of the tabloids picking this up, following me and the baby around for the rest of Sid’s career and probably beyond that, “they already criticize our relationship enough, but add this.”

“We’ll figure it out” he sighs. “You’re sure though? We’re having a baby?”

“Yes” I nod, “I took a test this morning, and then by some miraculous turn of events the doctor had an opening.” I hand him the ultrasound pictures they gave me.

“Wow, this is real.”

“As real as it gets” I reply sitting on the couch.

“Everything will be alright” he sits beside me, “we’ll be alright.” I sigh leaning into his side, feeling a rush of relief run through me. “I love you Kay, I’m going to love our baby too.”

“I know, it’s a lot to wrap my mind around, I mean it hasn’t even been a year yet. 7 months isn’t long, and now we’re having a baby.”

“It’s been 7 wonderful months.”

“Yea, it has” I whisper leaning into his side. “It’s ok if you’re freaking out, I’m freaking out.”

“Ok good” he says kissing my forehead. “I’m going to be a dad.”

“Yup, but I don’t know if I want anyone else to know right now. I don’t want to tell everyone and something happen…”

“That’s fine babe. What about Kristen?”

“Well with her and Zach hitting it off she’s not around as much. Just when you are away for games. She will either figure it out right away, or be oblivious” I explain as he rubs my back. “I’m so tired, if you keep doing that I just might pass out right here.”

“How about we stay right here watch a movie, and if you fall asleep I probably will to.”

“Yea, that sounds great. I love you Sidney…”

“I love you too” he says turning so we’re face to face. “Kaylee, we’ll figure this out. You me and this baby.”

“I know we will.”

“I’m guessing that you have been tired not just because of your class then, huh?” He asks grabbing the remote and a blanket.

“Yea, it’s probably part of it, but the growing a human thing apparently is exhausting” I reply cuddling up to him, he wraps the blanket around us to block some of the March chill. “I have another appointment, to see how far along I am. They squeezed me in quick today…”

“When?”

“Tuesday.”

“What time?”

“3, but you don’t have to go…”

“Yea I do. It’s my baby too.”

“Well yea, but you have a lot going on with work and I don’t want to make a scene…”

“A scene?”

“What if someone sees you there?”

“I didn’t think about that.”

“I don’t want this to make things difficult for you…”

“Our baby, will not make things difficult” he says, cupping my face so I am looking into his eyes. “We’ll just have to be creative until we tell people.”

“I don’t want to tell people until we know for sure that everything is ok. That the baby is ok…”

“That’s fine, I get it.”

“We’ll figure it out.”