Running Through My Mind

Together

I heard Louis's loud footsteps run down the stairs and cross over from the living room into the kitchen.

With my back turned I started to ask him if he had found them, but as I turned around I stopped dead in my tracks.

Louis's eyes were about to pop out of his head and his breathing was heavy.

"Is this the reason you broke up Briar?"

Angry was an understatement as he threw the bag onto the counter.

"I can't believe you didn't tell us" He said still fuming.

I opened my mouth to start to try to explain, but was cut off again by Louis.

"Do you even realize how big of a deal this is? Do you? Honestly, how could you have known about this and not told us?" He was now yelling.

Yelling at me.

Yelling at me?

"Are you kidding me?" I finally spoke out as Eleanor came slowly walking into the room.

"No are you-"
This time it was my turn to yell.

"No! Enough you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Coming in here and yelling at me because your friend has a coke problem? Something that I had thought you were aware of! This is bullshit, everything in my life is bullshit at this point."

I couldn't stop at this point words were just fumbling out. It wasn't that I was mad at Louis, it was the whole entire situation.

Tears brimmed my eyes, and every emotion that I was holding in the last few days came all at once like a tidal wave.

"You think that I ,for any second, am ignorant to the fact of how big of a deal this is? I cut him off from my life for christ sakes! Do you think that was easy? I cut him off because for the last year and a half I have been trying to get my baby brother off of heroine!" The last part just came slipping out.

My voice now a small quiver , "I can't watch another person I love wither away right in front of me. I can't do it anymore."

The tears that had gathered seemed to be frozen in my eyes, and the pain in my chest was back. I shouldn't have yelled back at Louis, he had every right to be upset. Not only was his bestfriend putting his life at risk, but the whole entire bands career as well.

"Briar," Louis lowered his head ashamed, and gave me a sad look.

"No please do not give me that, do not feel sorry for me. You were right I should have told you. I just I don't know, I couldn't bring myself to even deal with it. I love him so much and I feel like that was just completely ripped away from me."

Eleanor and Louis both now came over to me, El grabbing onto my shoulders and looking into my eyes.

"Hey look at me, we're going to figure this out. Together. You cannot keep going through life fighting every one else's battles, you need to take care of yourself."

She then pulled me into a hug. I tightened my grip around her, and for the first time in my life I felt relief. I had realized asking for help, was okay. It was necessary.

I heard Louis sigh and he slowly made his way over to us putting his arm around El, and then rested his free hand on my shoulder.

Our moment was interrupted when we heard a car door shut outside and then a key turn in the lock.

My heart stopped, and I quickly stepped back looking around me for an exit so I could escape this situation.

Louis grabbed my hand stopping me, " You can't keep running we have to address this."

I nodded slowly and took a deep breath as the door flung open.

Harry walked into the living room oblivious to what was waiting for him in the kitchen,

"Hey Lou whatever you're cooking smells great but I'm gonna call it a night." He called out from the stairs, sounding mentally and physically exhausted.

I spoke up now ready to get this over with, "can you come in here please?"

His footsteps abruptly stopped.

"Briar?" He said the vulnerability dripping from his voice.

He then appeared in the doorway. His eyes were bloodshot and had huge bags underneath them obviously trying to be hidden with concealer.

"Wh-what are you doing here?"
He asked looking only at me.

Louis now stepped infront of me and told Harry to sit down, as he took a seat himself.

Harry looked confused but his face turned a deep red as he looked at the table infront of him,
"Where'd you find it?" He said about the bag infront of him.

"In your room." Louis said quietly.

"I don't use it anymore if that helps." He said solemnly.

"I understand your concern and I will gladly talk about this with you and the rest of the lads any other time, but right now I can't do that until I have talked to her."

Louis looked as though he was about to protest but Eleanor placed her hand on his arm and nodded her head to his room.

"Tomorrow. We talk about this tomorrow." Louis said seriously, as he and Eleanor retreated.

"Briar please look at me, I know I said I would give you space. But there's something you really need to know."

I looked up at him signaling that he could continue,
"Every single day that I have spent without you, I have literally felt myself disappearing. It was like you took a piece of my soul with you the very first day that we met. I can remember what you were wearing, what you first said to me, and I have memorized every single freckle on your face. I have come to realize that you laugh is the melody I want to hear every day for the rest of my life. I have also realized that I never want to see another tear fall down your cheek, and the fact that I am a reason they do fall is killing me." He said standing up and walking over to me, using his thumb to wipe the stray tear off of my cheek.

"Like this right now, this is killing me. I need you to know that as soon as I knew about Luke I stopped. I haven't touched it since, I was going to flush it the other day and took it out but before I could Niall was at my door so that's how it ended back in my dresser. I never would do anything to intentionally hurt you Briar please understand that."

I didn't know what to say or how to even respond at this point, I wanted my life back with Harry. But what I want and what I need are two completely different things,

"I'm going back to America Harry."