Full Life Circle

“Good morning, Mr. Toews. Brooklyn had a good first night. The pediatrician will be by in the next half hour to check on her and then we can go from there to see if she is ready to go home. I don’t see any reason for her to stay, but we will see what the doctor says. Until then, would you like to hold her?” the nurse got all of my questions answered in one swoop. It’s a nice change for once. Usually you have to ask a million times to get a straight answer, but I didn’t even ask this time.

“I would love that. I have some family joining me this morning, so when they arrive, if they could join Brooklyn and me, which would be great.”

“Of course, Mr. Toews. We are going to set you up in the family room today. It is much more comfortable than the nursery. You can get situated here and I will go get your little girl.” She smiles and heads into the nursery leaving me in a private room off to the side of the nursery. I hadn’t noticed it last night at all. I wouldn’t have been able to tell if it was just from the exhaustion or not really paying attention to my surroundings. Either way, it’s a nice room. It’s private and seems to be prepared to handle quite a few people. I’m sure it comes in handy for people like me who are Chicago celebrities and need privacy outside of a normal hospital room.

A nurse comes in with Brooklyn and my baby girl is safely in my arms once again. I had tossed and turned all night for two reasons, obviously the first is Ande and the fact that she is gone and the second is this precious little girl holding the strings to my heart. She also, “holds your hockey stick,” to quote Abby from this morning’s phone call. She sure does. Just looking at this miracle baby is enough to tell me that maybe I should think about giving up hockey. I know it would take a lot to give it all up and I most likely couldn’t go through with it. But it’s the thought that counts, right?

“Jon,” I hear Abby’s voice again. This time she is standing in the doorway to the family room they put me and Brooklyn in.

“Come on in guys. Excuse me for not getting up, but I’m pretty comfortable right here.” Abby and Patrick come in with Kane tagging along too. Abby is in her nurse outfit which tells me that she plans to stay when she is done visiting. I know she needs something to get her mind off of Andy as much as I do, so I think it is a good idea that she plans to stay.

“Damn, Toes, you make a pretty cute kid. But I’m really sorry about Ande, seriously.” Kaner says to me as he comes to look over my shoulder at Brooklyn. She is in a semi-sleeping state with her fingers clutching one of mine tightly. It’s precious, not that I would ever use that word out loud in front of the guys.

“Thanks, man. Nice game yesterday, by the way. I caught the highlights this morning.”

“Did you get to see Ande before the delivery yesterday?” Sharpie wants to know. I shake my head and continue to look at my baby girl. I’m not ready to talk about it and I think both Patricks’ pick up on that.

“Want to hold your god-daughter?” I offer to Patrick Kane. He looks nervous at first, but then nods. “Take a seat in the chair next to me and I will get up and hand her over.” He does as told quickly and so I made the move to get up. It’s easier said than done, but that’s only because I’m new at this. I’m sure in a few weeks I will be pro at this.

It’s now January 18th and Abby’s sister is finally in a position to come and do a trial run for Brooklyn’s nanny. Abby and Patrick are picking her up from O’Hare Airport and dropping her off here. Abby claims it will save Brooklyn a trip out of the apartment for one and my time for two.
I already put in an order for Chinese food for Emily and I to share because Brooklyn is being fussy and I don’t want to take the time to defrost something my mom has left in the freezer. She and my father had left three days ago with a promise to come back to help if things with Emily don’t work out. Before mom left, she made up two weeks’ worth of food for me and stocked up on close to a month’s worth of baby food and supplies.

The three days that my parents have been gone are the only three days that I have been alone with my daughter, all day. Sure, Abby will come by with little things she claims I need, but I know she told my mother that she will check-in on Brooklyn and I. And it does help to have Abby bringing things over. It means that I don’t have to take Brooklyn outside any more than I have to, which is particularly helpful. It’s really cold, even in Chicago, at this time.

I hear a knock at the door before I hear Abby’s voice. She has a key now that Ande is gone in case I ever need her and can’t get to the door or something. I also have told her multiple times that she doesn’t need to knock because she has a key but she still does every time. I make sure that Brooklyn is finally sleeping before heading towards the family room and kitchenette area off the hallway and entryway.

“He is probably in with Brooklyn. She really is the cutest thing, well, besides our girls. Looks a lot like Jon actually. The guest room is next to Jon’s room, Brooklyn has been staying in his room. Jon’s parents just left a few days ago, and he seems to be doing well by himself, but that’s only because he isn’t doing anything with hockey.”

“Hey now, I’m still making my workouts fit into the schedule. Only so I can be ready for hockey when I need to be. Hey Emily, I can take your bags if you want? Show you your bedroom? I ordered Chinese food for two, sorry Abby and Pat. Figured we can talk about the job and see if we could work together over a meal. Brooklyn was being fussy or I would have heated up one of Mom’s meals.”

“Seeing my room would be great, and the restroom. I appreciate you guys picking me up, Abs. But I will give you guys a call tomorrow, okay?” She hands her bags over to me and looks back at her sister and brother-in-law nervously. Or at least I think it is nerves. Her voice is higher than I remember. And on top of that, Emily is drop dead gorgeous in a subtle way. She’s a natural redhead and her hair is curly. She is also the perfect mixture of thin and curvy in all the right places. She is womanly and feminine and if my wife hadn’t just died three weeks ago, I might get a rise from her, but I haven’t.

“We see when we aren’t wanted. We’ll leave you guys to this trial run. Let us know if either of you need anything,” Patrick says as he pulls his wife towards the door. If he didn’t, we both know that Abby would have stayed until the Chinese arrived.

“This way then,” I say when Abby and Patrick finally disappear behind the door without Abby’s protesting, which is weird. I think she is speechless about my offering to take her bags, having a clean apartment, and having thought about calling for Chinese.

“I’m sorry Abby probably forced you into inviting me down. And paying for my travel expenses, that was really kind of you.”

“You are the one doing me a favor, Emily. Taking time out of your life to come and give this a try. So thank you. Paying for your travel is the least I could possibly do. This is your room, it isn’t much so I apologize. Ande and I had picked out a house, but I have withdrawn the offer on it. It was a perfect house for Ande; I can’t stand to live there without her. I am actually looking for a new place because soon enough Brooklyn will need her own room and so will her nanny. I actually have an appointment tomorrow afternoon to look at some places. You can come with or stay here with Brooklyn, either way works.” I can’t stop talking. I am nervous to have a woman besides Abby or my wife planning on staying, if even for only a weekend.

“It’s perfect for now, thank you.” I place her bags onto the bed that my mother had made before she left. The room still has white walls because Ande and I never really used it except when one of our parents would come down. But the bedspread is the one that used to be in my bedroom. Ande had picked it out not long after the move to Chicago and I couldn’t bear to look at it every day anymore. Ande would probably say I am avoiding anything that reminds me of her besides our daughter and she would be right. She got a degree in psychology from University of Chicago. She figured that while she was living with me in Chicago, she might as well go to college and find a job for herself, not that I told her she needed to do that. I was ready to support her myself the day we moved to Chicago. “I assume that’s the closet?” she interrupts my thoughts and points to the only other door in the room.

“Yes, but it also goes to a bathroom. The closet makes a little hallway from the bathroom to the bedroom. This is the bathroom that guests use too, just to give you the heads up. I have a private bathroom in my room, however.” She nods and opens the closet door. It is a nice closet, Ande had stored some of her off-season clothing in here, but I had my mom help move it before she left. I couldn’t do it myself. I had a hard enough time cleaning out the closet we shared in the bedroom.

“That’s nice and convenient. Thank you. I think I want to freshen up a bit and then I would love to meet the infamous Brooklyn Toews.” I smile as she smiles at the mention of my daughter.

“Sure thing. My bedroom is just across the hall, just knock and come in.” She nods and goes to her bags so I leave the room to give her some space and check on my daughter.