So Kiss Me Goodbye

Somehow things went into a blur from sending Madi to bed to be surrounded once more by my family.

When I had time to assess everything I was holding my bundled up niece in my arms, once again in the living room.

"I'm so excited that you're going to have a baby!" Christine exclaimed.

I nodded, a little tired from waking up so early.

Matt was across from me and Christine on the couch, watching me with a happy glowing smile.

It was just us there, with Jake having left to hang out with some friends, my parents running errands, and Will handling business on the phone.

"Do you know when you're due?" She asked as I handed the baby over.

I shook my head.

"Not yet, I need to go back though for a check up." I explained.

She and Matt nodded as I looked over at Elizabeth, my niece.

Seeing her made the fact more real that in eight or so months I would have a baby of my own just like her.

I think my maternal instincts may have been defective since nothing about this seemed natural.

It was uncomfortable being with them, like I was intruding on a family moment or something.

My saving grace was my vibrating phone.

"Oh damn, I've gotta go take this." I explained, getting up and heading outside into the silence.

I hit the talk button like it was one of those orgasm buttons they gave to monkeys in labs.

"Shelby?"

"Oh thank god you're alive!" She squealed from the other end.

"I'm so glad I'm hearing from someone that isn't my family or Will."

That set her off.

"Oh God sweetie your text! When we got back he was gone, don't tell me he's there!"

I had to admit her reaction was the exact thing I needed to hear at a time like this.

"He and I are both here till tomorrow. Sharing a bed."

She gasped at that last part and began screaming ferociously into the phone.

I couldn't quite understand it but I continued after she lost a few decibels.

"But there's some good news. Me and Madi, she's going by Madi now, we're sisters again. And we were even talking about her maybe moving to Chicago. You wouldn't [i[believe the photographs she's taken!"

Shelby squealed, knowing how much that meant to me.

"What about everyone else? How are they?"

I sighed, ready to gush.

"Shelby... I'm an aunt." I breathed happily.

Laughing she replied. "Oh sweetie that's so awesome! I demand pictures when you get home!"

I happily complied with what she asked since it was already what I planned.

Things went downhill however, when she asked how me and Will had been coping, especially after I mentioned my family, aside from Madi and Matt, didn't know we weren't together.

It nearly broke me having to explain the events from the night before.

"I don't know what to do now. I mean, do I attempt to make this work, do I leave him? He made a pretty valid point you know, it's not like I can just forget what's happened. Even then we've both been making so many mistakes. It's just so messed up!"

I could almost see Shelby nodding like the therapist I had gone to shortly before I ditched Charleston.

"I have some advice but... I don't think you'll like it." She murmured over the phone.

Just the thought at a third option made me feel freer, though I should've remembered the third option I was offered last night before thinking that.

"Sweetie... I think maybe you and Will should just break all of whatever this is off. It's putting way to much stress on you and that baby. It's just too complicated to work out."

I was completely floored at her suggestion.

Out of all the solutions that had popped into my mind, that one seemed to have been filtered out by my own fear.

Breaking things off entirely with Will was scary... very scary.

The scarier part was as I thought about it, it really was the only possible solution.

"Lilly? Are you still there hon?" Shelby asked, breaking through my thoughts.

"I, I... yeah I'm here... oh god I think that's the only option..." I breathed in shock.