The Leather Jacket

Two days later

Jack was sat in the same chair, in the same room next to his mother. Alex had been right they’d done their best and his mother had been stabilised. She was going to be okay but Jack still refused to leave her side. He held his phone in his hands, hadn’t text Alex since the kiss. In fact they’d barely spoken since and not because Alex was trying, no Jack’s phone was always buzzing with messages from him but Jack had ignored every one. Jack just felt... Confused. He didn’t understand why he’d kissed Alex in the first place. He wasn’t even sure that he liked him, that away at least. He did know that in that moment he needed him, he needed him to make everything seem okay but when that moment ended where did that leave him? Jack wanted to put the kiss down to his emotions being fucked up from nearly losing his mum. The question was how was he going to tell Alex...
He fiddled with his phone in his hands, he’d been trying to text Alex to ask to meet him for nearly an hour but he hadn’t been able to press sent. All the texts from Alex were so happy, he loved him and Jack didn’t want to break that. He wished his mum was awake, she’d be able to tell him what to say but she was in a deep drug induced sleep. Jack sighed and pulled him knees up on the seat, closing his eyes he pressed sent and awaited Alex’s reply. The hard part had only just begun.

Jack sat at one of the tables in the small cafe of the hospital. It was small and cheap, Jack thought he’d tasted better drain water than their so called coffee but he drank it anyway. Alex was late as usual so Jack took another sip of the bitter water and placed back on the wobbly table in front of him. It wasn’t the ideal place to talk to Alex but he couldn’t leave his mum for long and he didn’t think the nurses would want Alex yelling in the wards and Jack did think he’d start yelling... Jack just hoped he wouldn’t cry.
Alex walked in ten minutes late on the dot, a smile on his face as he caught sight of Jack sitting in the corner.
“Hey Jacky, I’m just going to get a drink. You want anything?”
“Don’t bother, I’m pretty sure the drains of his place would taste better”
Alex cracked a laugh and took the seat opposite Jack at the wobbly table.
“So what did you call me here for? Nothing with your mum I hope...”
“No, no she’s fine. I just need to talk to you” Jack said.
“What about? I’ve been trying to talk to you for two days but you’ve ignored everything I’ve tried to say” Alex said, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms over his chest.
“I know, I’m sorry but I needed time to think”
“Think about what?” Alex asked.
Jack bit his lip, the words were on the edge of his tongue...
“The kiss Alex, our kiss. I think it was mistake”
“What do you mean?”
Jack tried to ignore the quiver in Alex’s voice and carry on.
“I was so messed up from the hospital and mum and well I’m not sure if I really meant that kiss.”
“Felt like you meant it...” Alex mumbled.
“Maybe I did then, in that moment I needed you but that moments ended.”
“Are you saying you saying that was just a mistake? That you never really meant that kiss?”
Jack couldn’t look at him as he spoke, he refused to see that pain in his brown eyes or the way Alex’s lip wavered like he could burst into tears.
“Yes... No... I don’t know. I’m confused”
“You’re confused?! I love you and now you’re telling me that kiss means nothing to you?” Alex demanded. The heartbreak Jack had seen written across Alex’s face moments ago faded to anger. Jack wasn’t sure which was worse.
“I didn’t say that! And stop using the love thing against me, it isn’t my fault!”
“Not your fault? You’re the one who kissed me!”
“I know, I know but what I’m saying is. Yes I did kiss you and in that moment it did feel right but as I look back on it I think it was more me being an emotional mess that actually wanting to kiss you. I’m so sorry Alex”
“How can you say that? Obviously some part of you wanted that kiss.” Alex said.
Jack didn’t have an answer, it was all too much to think about. He didn’t understand his own feelings, it was too much to try and get Alex to understand them.
“I’m sorry Alex”
“Fuck your apology! You kissed me, you made me feel like everything I wanted was possible and now you’re going to take it all away. Fuck you!” Alex yelled, pushing the table away from him so the disgusting coffee went all down Jack’s front. Alex left, storming away in anger and leaving Jack feeling the worst human in the world.
Jack didn’t move for a long time but eventfully the feeling of cold coffee on his skin was enough to make him leave. He went back up to his mum’s room only to find a nurse there. The same nurse who’d taken him and Alex up to the room the first time, she’d been so kind to him and he didn’t even know her name.
“Hmm hi” he said.
“Oh Jack, I thought you might of gone home. You need some rest too you know”
“Yeah I was going but I wanted to see her first”
“She’s the same as ever, still sleeping”
“Sleep is good for sick people” Jack mumbled.
“And for everyone else, go home Jack. Sleep, eat, shower and I bet when you come back nothing will have changed”
“Yeah thanks... Sorry I don’t know your name?”
“Lily, Lily Evens”
“Thank you Lily, for taking care of her”
After making sure his mum was okay he left. He’d always hated hospitals having spent too much time inside with his mum. He could remember being barely 8 years old and having to sit for hours in a waiting room all by himself. He was thankful to Lily for taking good care of her but he still couldn’t help feeling alone. His mum was the only family he had and now the only other person he’d trusted had walked out the door. Jack should’ve been used to being alone by now but it still hurt.

Alex could feel the anger bubbling in his veins, he hated Jack. No he didn’t but he wanted to. He wanted to be able to hate him for everything he’d just put him through but of course he didn’t. He was so busy thinking about Jack he wasn’t aware how hard he was pressing on the accelerator pedal nor did he see the oncoming car till there was nowhere to go. The last thing Alex thought before he crashed was Jack Barakat I fucking love you.