Tomorrow's Money

Panic struck the moment I heard that familiar voice. I couldn't understand how this was possible. He'd been gone for almost three years and suddenly he was only a dance floor away. I had no idea that he was in a band, let alone coming home to play a show. And Mikey, who I'd noticed had been missing for so long, he was with him just like I suspected. He was playing bass guitar, I didn't even know he knew how to play.

I felt so disconnected from them, having been so close to them before and now.. Strangers. They didn't even know I was there. Neither of them. I wanted to approach Gerard, tell him everything I'd wanted to tell him three years ago but.. Things were different than they were last we'd talked. I had a boyfriend. Would Gerard think I'd replaced him? Would he think I was a slut? My clothes sure didn't help those thoughts.

I listened to the music playing from the stage. I hadn't really known how amazing Gerard's voice was. I always took him for an artist and teacher (And lover but that's beside the point) rather than a singer. He didn't seem like being a front man of a band was what he wanted to do. Had he totally given up on his love of art and comics?

"Now listen up." I heard from the stage after about 7 songs. "All of us, me, Mikey, Frank and Ray, we all grew up here in Jersey, and we want to thank every single one of you for being here today. You see, three years ago, I left this place and everyone in it and never came back until tonight." The crowd roared. He did have an odd way of manipulating a crowd. They were all eating out of the palms of his hands. "Tonight is the last night of this tour, and I think it's amazing that we were able to make it home after so long. So thank you all again, this is our last one. I wrote it shortly after I left here. It's called Demolition Lovers." He began singing this song in a sad and eerie tone. His voice quiet, which hushed the crowd.

Somewhere in the middle of the song, it happened. Gerard, for some reason, caught me staring at him. Fear ran through him quite obviously. He stumbled on his words a bit but quickly regained himself. I kept finding him looking back at me, maybe trying to figure out if it was actually me. Maybe he didn't expect to see me there. He ended the last few lines, standing almost motionless on stage, just staring at me. He must have known.

When the show ended, I started packing up all of Aiden's stuff they were selling as Wil and the rest of Aiden left the venue to bar hop the rest of the night. I was nervously rushing putting things away. I knew I wanted to talk to Gerard but the thought of actually doing it scared the hell out of me. I wanted so badly to say hello.. But instead I tried as hard as I could to escape without contact.

"Hey." I heard from behind me. I jumped and turned around, only to find that it was Mikey, not his brother.

"Hi." I smiled.

"I didn't know you'd be here!" He said, excitedly giving me a hug. He'd changed so much, fro his hair to his glasses to the overall way he presented himself.

"I didn't know you would either." I laughed.

"You didn't?" he asked, pulling away, seemingly shocked. "I thought you came to see us. If not, then what are you doing here?"

"I'm here for Aiden. I'm dating Wil." I said, guilt hanging over me.

"Where is he?" He asked, a sad look on his face.

"He left with everyone else." I said, nonchalantly pointing to the exit.

"He didn't stay to help you?" He asked, feeling sorry for me.

"Oh, no. But that's alright, I can get it." I smiled, trying to get the sadness out of his eyes.

"I'll help you." He smiled and started helping me put things away.

"I thought you guys were amazing by the way. I didn't know you were playing music together. I hadn't even known you left until I noticed that I didn't see you or Tiffany around anymore." I admitted, feeling like I really had nothing to lose.

"Yeah. Gerard called me and said he missed me and that he wanted me to come see him. I ended up staying obviously." He laughed.

"Where did he go? You know, when he left?" I asked. I wanted to know so badly what he;d been doing the last three years. What if he'd even had a girlfriend? And she was here? I started to panic a little but managed to keep cool on the outside.

"California. He said he'd driven there himself with nothing but some clothes and a guitar." He explained. "He sold his car and got an apartment and a job at a book store before I came out. He called and said that he met up with Frank and Ray out there, who oddly used to live here, and that he wanted me to come be in his band." He seemed so proud of his brother and I felt happy for him.

"That's really great. And you guys started touring?" I asked, getting excited for him.

"Yeah! We have a second album coming out next year. This band thing really seems like it's going to work! But how about you? What have you been up to?" He asked, but before I could answer, I saw a familiar man out of the corner of my eye.

"Mikey, I wondered where you went." He said, then suddenly noticed I was there too.

"Yeah. Uh.." Mikey stuttered, seeing the tension. "I'm going to go see what Frank is doing." He said, scampering away.

"Hi Gerard." I said, quietly.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, a little too cold.

"I came for Aiden. I didn't know you'd be here. I'm really sorry Gerard, I didn't mean to ruin your show." I said, quickly.

"Aiden huh? Why is that?" he asked, almost as if he already knew.

"Wil is my boyfriend." I said, not looking at him. I was having a terrible time looking at him at all. I kept feeling old emotions rush back, the sadness and the love..

"Oh. How long?" He asked, in a sort of masked, sad tone.

"About two years. I started dating him around my 18th birthday." I said, emphasizing "18th birthday." He knew damn well what that day meant to us.

"I see. Well I better go, I wouldn't want Wil getting the wrong idea and-"

"Wait." I said, cutting him. This was it. This was my one and only chance to apologize. I had to do it. What did I have to lose, right? "I'm so sorry. I know what I did was stupid and wrong." I said, finally looking at him. "I was just upset over the break up. I didn't want you to go anywhere. I was panicked and scared and I lost it. I said some things that I shouldn't have said, and I've wanted to tell you how sorry I am for a long time. I'm sorry I forced you to leave here, and I'm sorry I ruined your job and college education whole career. I never meant to fuck up this bad." I almost started crying. I never thought I'd be able to say everything I wanted, and even still, I knew there was more to say but I couldn't bring myself to tell him everything in so little time.

"Lily, oh my god, you didn't ruin anything." He said, sincere. "Moving away from here was a good decision. If I hadn't left I'd still be standing in front of that class room. When it comes to my career, this is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. And I'm sorry I left on bad terms, but I thought that if you hated me anyway, it would be easier for you. And as much as I wanted to end things on a good note, I could see it wasn't going to happen with how upset you were. I had no idea what to do anymore. Escaping was all I could do. But everything is different now." He paused, probably thinking back to a time when things weren't so different. "I'd always hope that when I came back here that you would either not be here, or you'd just tell me how much you missed me and we'd pick up where we left off."

"Is that still what you want?" I asked, feeling terribly conflicted already.

"It doesn't matter what I want. You're with Wil." He said, as if I'd forgotten.

For a moment, I had forgotten about Wil. I felt bad, because he was so nice to me and I knew he cared about me. But I had this terrible gravitation toward Gerard. I knew once I saw him it would be all over. My life would turn upside down and everything would be questioned and reconsidered and everything about my life would change. And it did. "I know." Was all I could say.

"Aren't you happy?" he asked. "What have you been doing since I've been gone?" He asked, sitting with me behind the table.

"I switched back to private school after you left. Graduated. I've been going to Princeton for two years now and I've been living with Wil in an apartment. Every day is the same old routine, I have the same conversations with the same people every day. I feel like a robot. I feel like I'm only doing these things for everyone else. So no, I guess I'm not that happy." I admitted, feeling frustrated.

"Then break the cycle." He said, as if it were so simple.

"Break the cycle? Gerard, my life is planned out until I die. I know how the rest of my life is going to play out because it's been planned that way since birth. There is no breaking the cycle. Plus, I probably shouldn't even be telling you all this." I shrugged, trying to just accept the fact that just because Gerard was in town, didn't mean he was mine.

"Sugar, you've always been an open book with me. No need to stop now." He reassured. It was amazing, him being this way. I thought he would be more hateful.

"Gerard, how long are you in town?" I asked, wanting him to stay.

"However long I want really. Tour is over, so I was going to stay for a week or so to see Mom." He answered. "Why?"

"Because I don't want this to be the last time I see you, okay?" I plead. I felt awful that I was saying this to another man while I was in a relationship. I could not win with Gerard.

"You want to see me again? Even though I fucking left out of nowhere? And even though you have a boyfriend?" He asked, almost intentionally making it hard on me.

"Yes. I missed you being around." I said, hoping he felt the same.

"Let's get this mess cleaned up and get you home before the creeps come out, okay?" he said sweetly, and stared helping me load things.

After everything was cleaned up and packed in my car, we stood around kind of awkwardly as Gerard finished a cigarette. "Are you okay?" he asked, kind of out of nowhere.

"Yeah why?" I asked, wondering where that question came from.

"I just want to be sure." He said, not really even looking at me. "I have to go though. Everyone is going to head to my mom's to stay until the morning. So I'll see you later, okay?" He said, somewhat with a heavy heart.

"Promise I'll see you again before you leave?" I asked, afraid he'd leave without saying goodbye.

"Promise." He said. I wanted him to smile, I missed his smile, but I hadn't seen it since he noticed me when he was on stage.

"Thank you Gerard. You know, for talking with me. And your band is amazing, by the way. You guys are really incredible." I smiled, reassuring him, even though I was sure he didn't need it.

"Thanks Lily. I'll see you." He said, lazily wrapping his arms around me, hugging me. I felt the same way I did last time he hugged me; safe and warm. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be hugged by him, and the way he smelled.

"Bye." I whispered in his ear, not wanting to let him go.

He let go slowly and started walking away. He seemed to have one last thing to say, so he turned around and walked backwards, giving me that perfect, snarky smile and said "You look gorgeous tonight, by the way." He turned back around, left, only leaving me to my own thoughts.

As I went home my mind raced and I had no idea how to handle this. I could only imagine what would happen in the days to come..