Miss the Misery

“Did you ever love her? Do you know?
Or did you never want to be alone?

Fight off the light tonight and just stay with me
Honey, don’t you leave…”
- Jet Pack Blues, Fall Out Boy.

Alex was in the bar again, without Jack this time. His reasoning for this was that for some reason Josephine – he still couldn’t believe that she’d told him her name – only came when Jack wasn’t with him.

Slowly, as he took a sip of his beer, Alex scanned the crowds for Josephine, looking for her distinctive long black hair. He didn’t have much luck; the flashing lights threw everybody’s hair into a craze of colours. He sighed heavily before downing his drink, he would have to brave the dancefloor.

He didn’t like dancefloors as there tended to be too many people crowded into too little space, and there was always that one guy who didn’t understand the meaning of deodorant. And that one dude always ended up pressed against Alex. He didn’t know why it happened, it just did.

Getting off his stool next to the bar, he began to make his way across the floor, through the crowd. He flinched several times because of the amount of hands that grabbed onto his waist and hips.

Just as he was escaping towards the bar again, Alex got twisted around by hands on his waist.

He was about to say something like, “Fuck off”, but then realised that it was Josephine.

She smiled at him and then leant over to whisper in Alex’s ear, her hot breath ghosting over his ear, “Come and dance Alex,” as she gripped his hand tightly.

And who was Alex to decline such a request from a pretty, pretty woman?

He followed Josephine, his hand held by her, to the dance floor, uncaring of the rest of the people on there. He was only focused on the way Josephine’s hair shone in the bright lights and the way her hips swayed enticingly.



Jack opened his eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the light filtering in from the window. He yawned and stretched his arms over his head. Then he climbed out of bed and noticed that he had a massive headache, which was probably down to the Apple Martinis Alex had been buying him after they’d danced. He could feel his head complaining at the light so he shut the curtains, the bedroom going blissfully dark.

Why the hell did he dance with Alex yesterday? Jack thought that he’d convinced himself that doing anything more than talking to Alex was risky. But apparently, in his alcohol-fuelled mind, dancing with Alex, being pushed together by the crowd, had been a good idea.

He wanted to hit himself. What if Alex – his best friend – noticed that Josephine danced like him? With this one mistake, Jack felt like he’d blown his cover, that Alex would start banging on his front door, demanding to know why Jack dressed up as a woman in his spare time.

The nausea in his stomach had nothing to do with his slight hangover. Fuck, he’d screwed up badly. There was no way he could recover from this.

Jack wouldn’t have a best friend that he kind of loved anymore. Instead, he would just have the fucking bittersweet memories.

But he couldn’t deny that it had felt good to have Alex pressed against his back as they danced. It made him want to dance with him normally, dressed as Jack. But he knew that would never happen; it was Josephine Alex liked, not Jack.



Josephine took her time getting ready to go out. She wanted to look absolutely stunning. First, she had a long, hot shower and then dried herself off, putting her underwear on once she was completely dry.

When she reached her bedroom, Josephine opened the wardrobe and contemplated the dresses that were hung up inside next to Jack’s shirts and jackets. She could choose the purple dress she’d been wearing when Alex first hit on her, or she could choose the green dress she wore last time she went out.

She pursed her lips, she didn’t want to wear one Alex had already seen. Never mind that it had been dark in the club where she and Alex had met, meaning it was highly unlikely that Alex had noticed the dress she’d been wearing.

Her eyes fixed on a deep red dress that was in between the other two and she bit her lip. Josephine had never worn it, though she had brought it over six months ago. Maybe tonight was the right time?

Fuck it, she thought, picking the dress up and taking it off the hanger. After she had put the hanger back in the wardrobe, Josephine slid the dress over her head and admired the dress in the mirror next to her wardrobe. The way it hugged her and draped over her legs was perfect.

She smiled, she could remember why she brought the dress. It made her legs look fantastic.

Josephine checked the time and decided that it was time to leave for the bar.



Alex was at the club again. This time he was waiting for Josephine. They had arranged to meet for once, instead of chancing upon one another. He adjusted his grey beanie as he scanned the bar for Josephine.

“Hey Alex.”

He turned to his right to find the woman he’d been waiting for.

“Hello Josephine.” He replied, “Can I buy you a drink?”

“Sure.”

“Apple Martini as usual?”

Alex was sure that it said something that he now knew the woman’s drink orders, but he refused to look deeper into it. Not when the woman in question was looking at him with those wide brown eyes of hers as she nodded.

As he ordered their drinks, he wondered why those eyes seemed so familiar.



Jack gulped as Alex sat next to him. He had decided to tell Alex the truth about Josephine. The thought had originally floated into his mind that morning, as he got out of bed, and now here he was, about to spill his guts to the person who meant the fucking world to him. All he could do was hope that Alex didn’t take it the wrong way.

“Jack, you look like you’re worrying about something.”

Twisting his hands under the table, Jack said, “I’ve – I’ve been lying to you Alex.”

A frown appeared in his best friend’s face, “About what?”

He took a deep breath and then said, “I’m Josephine, and I didn’t tell you ‘cause I thought you’d freak out.” Jack paused before deciding not to say what he had been originally going to confess as well, watching as Alex’s face went from normal to disgust.

“You’re Josephine?! A woman? Fucking hell!”

Jack watched helplessly as Alex stood up and left the coffee shop. Immediately, he was glad that he hadn’t told Alex that he loved him because if this is how his best friend responded to knowing Jack’s well-kept secret, then he didn’t want to know how much Alex would reject him if he had told him that he was in love with the elder.