Edge of Our Dreams

Lilly groaned as she stepped into the bar, it was just as she had expected; lively, exciting and young people everywhere. Not that she wasn’t young, She just didn’t feel it here.

As soon as she had stepped in she tried to spot Owen, she knew this wasn’t a great idea but hadn’t been able to say no or come up with a good excuse. So here she was at the bar, ready for tapas and cocktails, and her date with Owen.

“Hello Lilly,” She stopped hearing his voice so close to her and turned a little too quickly.

“Owen,”

“Who else?” He chuckled looking her up and down. “You look lovely, for a minute I was worried you weren’t going to turn up,” Lilly just nodded forcing herself to smile.

“No just missed the tube so had to wait a few minutes,” She explained, letting herself relax as he led her back towards a table he had secured. She hadn’t missed the tube at all, in fact she’d left the house late while trying to beg Sarah and Taylor to phone him up and say she was ill. Both had laughed and told her to grow up, she should go, enjoy the night and then at least she had tried. If she tried then she had a good enough reason to say no.

Owen pulled the high stool out as she reached the table, allowing her to sit first before he moved to the other side. It was a small table for two, wrapped around a big old wooden beam that went up from the ground floor and through to the balcony above. A drink was already in her place, something brightly coloured and from the smell of it tropical.

“I took the liberty of ordering drinks, that one is one of my favourites,” Lilly just nodded with a polite smile taking a long sip. It was good, she’d give him that. He started to ask her about her day, and she explained politely how it was fine and dandy. Of course it was anything but, she wasn’t in the best of moods, she’d dwelled on Tom and work at the moment was slow and therefore dull.
She shared none of this with Owen though, because she felt it unnecessary and would only prolong the evening. Lilly listened as he went on about his work; he had a number of different IT related jobs within the university none of which Lilly really understood. She asked a few questions but he spoke down to her in a patronizing tone; she lost interest.

The conversation was halted when Owen suggested they decide what they want to order; it was getting busier in the bar and they might have to wait a while. Lilly wasn’t keen on that idea. Thankfully the menu was good and the array of tapas excited her somewhat.

As they ordered Lilly found herself wondering what Tom would have ordered here. They’d discussed favourite foods when they went for coffee, Lilly admitting that cheese was her weakness and therefore stuffed crust pizza was her ultimate favourite. Tom had laughed and said he liked girls that could admit they ate food, Lilly groaned realising how fat she felt and he’d told her off. Perfect. He’d mentioned enjoying tapas; she wondered what he would go for here.

“I’m thinking we need some chicken bites,” Lilly gazed up at Owen as he spoke. Chicken bites…wow we couldn’t be more adventuress if we tried! She bit her lip and nodded, showing no emotion at all.
She knew tonight she would have to try her hardest to get through this date. She wished again she had stayed home with Taylor and Sarah, they were making paella and sipping on sangria.

Owen excused himself and went to order the food for them. He’d sniffed at her suggestion of chilli poppers, a guilty pleasure of hers, and she doubted he’d remember to order them.

When he came back he was polite and charming. Lilly laughed at his jokes, nodded her head at his stories and listened to his woes. She didn’t bother boring him were her stories, and she felt even if she did she might not have got a word in. Owen could talk and that was something that had passed her by before. Although when he talked she caught herself zoning out, having to remind herself to listen.

The bar was getting busier and busier, and Lilly couldn’t help but think this was not a perfect place for a date. If that was in fact what this was. She was straining to hear Owen when the food finally arrived, and he’d taken to moving closer because of this.

She kept wondering how he was feeling, he didn’t give off many negative signs and that concerned her. She wouldn’t even say they made good friends, acquaintances yes, but close friends not really. They had very little in common apart from work, and they had very different views of the world.

“You don’t want any chicken?” He questioned as she nibbled on the hummus and dip. “You should it’s high protein, do you get enough protein in your diet?”

“What?” Lilly looked up, confused by his question. “Well seeing what you’ve eaten,” Well now she felt judged. “Lots of carbs, dairies and,” He paused waving his hand around, he was going to say something but felt better of it. “You should change them for more-“

“I’m fine,” Lilly replied bluntly. “Honestly, I have a good diet,”

“If you say so,” She raised her eyebrows at him, and he backed down. Her opinion that was not good dinner conversation, she was touchy about her image, appearance and therefore what she ate, particularly around new people. It was just a thing she had; he had no right to bring that up. “Sorry,”
He spoke softly to her and she couldn’t help but look up. “I didn’t meant to,” He coughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. “You know,”

“It’s ok,” She replied quietly, sticking her fork into the salad. She was completely put off their food now, but she didn’t want to let him know. It took a few minutes for their conversation to start up again, and Owen stayed with safe topics. They discussed work, again, friends, plans for the weekend and Owen’s upcoming trip to Greece with his mates.

The lads.

He used the term The Lads, a bit too much and Lilly had developed an image in her head she couldn’t quite shift. She wondered if her image was correct. A group of men mid to late twenties, some stuck in relationships, some single and playing the field and a few half in and half out of relationships. The relationship part mattered the most because she felt this lads holiday was in fact a way of escaping, they were going to get completely wasted each night and then do silly things in the day. It sounded like a teenage holiday.

“So there is an excellent golf course,” She smiled slightly, her image was slightly wrong, this was an upper class lad’s holiday with excellent scotch, lots of well bread woman to enjoy and lavish bills. Of course add in a game of golf for good competitive atmosphere. He started asking about holiday plans she had this year and the conversations turned to past trips. She discovered he was well travelled and they’d even enjoyed some of the same cities.

She excused herself when they’d finished the food, going to the bathroom and checking her phone at
the same time.

Lilly knew what she was doing, all night she’d been picking out bad traits and exaggerating them on Owen. He wasn’t that bad, and he probably didn’t deserve grumpy Lilly, but she was just bitter from not having the man of her dreams in front of her.

Whether that was Tom from the tube, or he ex from 3 years ago or even a random guy she had never run into. Tonight wasn’t working because Lilly was clinging onto something she’d never had, a dream not reality.

As they called it a night on the date, she told herself to polite and kind. She thanked him for a wonderful evening and that seemed to make his smile never ending. They hugged at the tube station, both needing to get separate trains.

“Yeah tonight was great,” Owen smiled kissing her cheeks in a polite goodbye. “You’ve got my number, call me sometime, I’d like to do it again,”

Here’s your chance Lilly, say something now.

She smiled and nodded, unable to do what the voice in her head told her to.

“Of course, we’ll do something,” She smiled, it was a rediculas over the top smile that he seemed to buy. The voice her head had gone silent, probably because it had released there was no hope, she was useless. She had no intention of phoning him back, however awkward that made work. She hoped he’d find someone else to take interest in and forget she existed.
Lilly sighed as she unlocked the flat door and stepped in. Her nose instantly assaulted by the smell of burning.

“Oh god,” She whispered closing the door as the girls called out to her.

“How did it go?” Taylor questioned looking up as Lilly walked into the living room.

“About as good as it went here,” She muttered noticing the mess of the kitchen, the stack of plates and a circular burnt object on the breakfast bar. “What happened?”

“I forgot about the garlic bread,” Sarah replied with a sigh. “I’m an idiot I know, I blame her and the wine!” She pointed towards Taylor who shrugged. “How was your date?” She got up and wondered over to the kitchen finding a glass for Lilly.

“Ugh as I predicted,”

“Self for-filling prophecy,” Taylor warned as Lilly just rolled her eyes.

“He isn’t for me,” She replied.

“Did you tell him that?” Sarah questioned handing her a glass of wine. “Oh I know that look,”

“What look?” Lilly replied defensively.

“The I’m in shit look,”

“Ugh okay no! I didn’t tell him, not in so many words, but I guess, I agreed to calling him when he got back,”

“AH! Woman you are fucking useless!” Taylor groaned flinging her hands up in the air. “What is it with you?”

“I’m an idiot, and on that note,” She muttered flopping onto the sofa. “I’m going to finish this glass and possibly have another! To hell with the gym tomorrow!”

“That’s my girl!”