Am I Losing Myself?

One Thursday night is when it happened..

I was bored in our cell. We were in lock down because one inmate stabbed another inmate with a box cutter. I don't even know how he got a hold of one in the first place, but he stabbed him in the neck and he bled to death.

Anyway, onto to the point..I was sitting on my bed drawing in my sketch book. I was drawing Frank. I don't know why but the way Frank looked at the current moment gave me an urge to draw him. I think he figured out I was up to something when he got up off the floor. He sat on the floor a lot when He was too lazy to climb up on his bunk.

"What are you drawing?" He asked me with a smile.
I blushed and closed the book. "Nothing."

His smile widened and he grabbed the sketch book out of my hands and flipped to the page I was working on.

He gasped and looked at me. My face burned crimson. "You're drawing me?"

I blushed harder now, gently nodding my head. Frank wormed his way into my bunk, smiling again.

Dammit. His smile is enchanting.

"It's really good."
"You think so?"
"It's amazing."

I smiled slightly, still majorly embarrassed.

I bit my lip and sighed. "I'm an artist actually."
"With that talent, I hope so" He joked.
"You're not creeped out?"
"Nah, not at all. I'm actually flattered..but why did you wanna draw me in the first place?"
"I don't know. I don't really have any inspiration and you were the first thing to come to mind."
"Oh. I see then."
"Y-yeah."

We sat in silence the next couple of long minutes. I turned my attention back to my sketch book and picked up my pencil to draw some more.

Just when I felt Frank's hot breath on me and a soft hand belonging to him cup my face, and before I knew it, he pressed his lips to mine. I froze in shock. Frank didn't pull away. I found myself kissing him back. I pulled away from him, with my mouth slightly open, my cheeks pink.

I sat breathing heavily looking at Frank, trying to process what we just done when all of a sudden, I placed a hand on the back of Frank's head, twisting locks of hair around my fingers, slamming ours lips together. The kiss got more passionate by the second. He licked at my lips, trying to get access into my mouth. I let him. Our tongues explored each other's mouths. We panted as we kissed.

Finally we pulled away when we were obviously out of breath. I was still panting heavily and Frank was grinning.

"Holy shit Gerard. You're an amazing kisser." He breathed.
"So are you. Like wow..My girlfriend...er ex never kissed me like that."
"What happened?" Frank asked me, his happy expression now turning into a concerned one.
"She cheated on me with my brother."
"I'm sorry. That must have been painful."
"Yeah, it's alright though. I mean I'm in prison so we don't really have a future anyway."
Frank bit his lip before he spoke. "So...I thought you didn't like guys..you totally made out with me."

I blushed.

He was right. I had myself convinced all this time that I was straight.

"Yeah well, I am straight. This was a mistake. I'm sorry."

He frowned.

I knew Frank was ecstatic that he finally got a chance to kiss me to say the least. He always has a look of lust in his eyes pretty much any time he'd be alone with me. I don't know what came over me to do what I did. I kissed him. We made out for a long time, or it sure felt like a long time. This CANNOT happen again.

I was eating in the cafeteria just like everyone inside this dump was. Today we get cold bologna and cheese sandwiches, an apple and lukewarm water. It was disgusting. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Frank. I didn't know what to say to him since our encounter. Frank wasn't a bad guy. He sat down next to me but I remained silent.

****
Four days later, It happened again. We were both walking around with black garbage bags picking up leaves since it was Fall now, leaves ended up everywhere out in the yard. We both reached down to open up the garbage bag at the same time, and our hands touched and we started at each other like two lovers do before they kiss and I nervously laughed and walked away.

By now I was starting to get really confused. I always thought there was no way I Gerard Way, could like guys, but Frank Iero really had me messed up. I was attracted to him, no doubt. He is a prisoner, and so am I. I don't know what to do.

All I know is I just get all giddy when he gets super close to me or we accidentally make some kind of physical contact. Could I really be developing feelings for my cellmate? That's just ridiculous. Maybe he only lusts after me? That's all I thought it was but yet another event took place.