The Chasing of Moons

“Well this isn’t at all how I planned on my Saturday turning out.”

Frank, who has not opened his eyes yet because that doesn’t sound like something he wants to do, kind of just wants to stay here and never move. He’s very warm. He’s warmer than he usually is when he wakes up. It’s a nice kind of warm but it’s foreign. Frank can only remember this happening once before.

“Gerard?” Frank groans, still not moving.

“Yeah?”

“Oh okay so you are there then,” Frank replies. He’d kind of thought that maybe he’d been dreaming about hearing his voice.

“What do you think?” Gerard asks.

“Well I just thought it might be a dream or something. So then yesterday happened, right?”

“Yeah,” Gerard says, “well otherwise the fact that you’re in my bed would be much more peculiar than it already is.”

“Weird in a good way though?”

“Yes. Why are you not opening your eyes? I’m not that ugly.”

“No!” Frank says, “I’m really comfy, I don’t want to disrupt anything. I also don’t really want to be awake. Are we going to have to move?”

“Eventually.”

“Ugh, that sounds awful.”

“If it’s any consolation, we get to go pick on Pete and Mikey.”

“Well that’s something. Where did Pete sleep? Do you think he slept in Mikey’s bed? Do you think they cuddled?”

“If they did, then Pete will still deny it to himself that Mikey likes him,” Gerard says.

“You think Pete will still doubt Mikey’s intentions on their wedding day? Like he’s going to get up there and be like ‘hey Mikey, you sure that this isn’t some kind of misunderstanding?’”

“If they have a wedding day, I suppose that’s likely.”

“What do you mean ‘if’?” Frank asks.

“Well, I mean, we’re teenagers. What are the odds that any of us are going to still know each other in ten years, let alone be married to each other?”

“What do you mean?” Frank asks, feeling a little insulted.

“Well like,” Gerard says, sounding flustered at Frank’s response, “I mean, you and I probably won’t know each other in like two years, let alone whenever either of us get married, in like ten.”

“Five years, actually,” Frank says.

“What?”

“Never mind,” Frank says, a little panicked because he knows that they’re going to get married in five years, but Gerard doesn’t, so Frank should brush over that bit.

“Frank, I think that’s wishful thinking though,” Gerard says.

“So we’re not going to know each other in five years at all?” Frank asks.

“Well, I mean, logically.”

“That’s a really shitty thing to say,” Frank says, finally opening his eyes.

“What?”

“You’re amounting whatever the hell this is right now to your shitty little cynical point of view. Basically, you’re saying that this can lead nowhere.”

“I think you’re taking that out of proportions a bit, aren’t you?”

“No,” Frank replies, “What’s the point of even being here if it can’t lead anywhere, huh?”

Frank would very much like to stay in this position forever. Gerard is warm, and he’s safe, and he’s there, but Frank thinks he’s being a little shitty right now. It was one thing for Brendon to say it, someone who Frank has no intention of being romantic with, but someone who he actually likes and is supposed to end up with literally says to his face that it won’t work, that’s not something he can just swallow and accept.

Frank knows that even if Gerard says one thing, Frank knows another. But the very thought that right now Gerard doesn’t believe in them enough to even give it a shot past high school, is making him sick.

“Well like, Frank-”

“What?” Frank asks, and that’s it before he’s pulling himself away from Gerard, trying to get out of his bed with some amount of composure, but he knows that he has bed head, and he’s also fairly sure that his pants are falling down which seems impossible since they’re practically sewed onto him.

“Oh my god, what did I do?”

“Gerard, just tell me, honestly. Do you think there’s any future for us after senior year?”

“Frank we’re only eighteen.”

“That is not an answer!” Frank insists.

“Well, I mean, odds aren’t really in favor of-”

“Oh my god,” Frank says, resisting from either smacking himself in the head or grabbing the action figure on Gerard’s nightstand and throwing it at him.

“Frank, I mean, I’m not going to lie.”

“Gerard, you’re saying that this is pointless.”

“I don’t mean that though!” Gerard says, pulling himself up onto his feet because it’s hard to have an argument when you’re lying in bed covered in a Star Wars duvet.

“What do you mean then?”

“I just mean, that, like no one really stays friends with people they knew in high school. Some people I suppose, but we’re not, or at least I’m not all that special.”

“You’re really making this better for yourself, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Gerard, you don’t date someone if you don’t at least hope, somewhere in the back of your mind, at least that maybe it’ll be forever. Like you don’t just date someone because you want to not be with them for a while and then ditch them, or if you did you’d be kind of an ass, so why the fuck would you say to my face that you don’t believe that we have anything that could last?”

“I wasn’t trying to insult you-”

“But you did!”

“You keep interrupting me,” Gerard says.

“I’ll stop when you stop say something that makes me want to kick your teeth in.”

“You’re seriously pissed at me because I don’t think I’m going to marry the guy I’ve been dating for about fourteen hours?” Gerard asks.

“You don’t even understand why I am angry at you. This is fucking fantastic,” Frank says, literally pitying himself at this whole situation.

“Well then explain it to me! I want to know.”

“Gerard, if there isn’t even a glimmer of potential in a relationship then that relationship is not worth having. I mean, yes there are exceptions, but not in these circumstances. If you genuinely do not think there is any way you and I could ever beat some stupid ass statistic that old white people probably made up to scare us away from high school relationships, than I don’t think I care to even mess around to see what’s here.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, Gerard, that if you’re incapable of imagining anything with me past graduation, because you’re that uninhibitedly pessimistic, then you and I can shoot this horse before it gets out of the gate, and you can also go fuck yourself for leading me on.”

“I’m not leading you on!” Gerard says, turning around as if to get support from one of the people on one of the posters behind him, “I like you, I mean I can’t exactly pretend that I don’t, can I?”

“Liking me is different from saying that you don’t think you could ever possibly like me enough to have a real relationship with me.”

“Frank, I like you, but I’m still a fucking kid! I barely know what I want to go to school for, how can I tell you if I want to get married to you?”

“I’m not asking for a marriage proposal, Gerard, I’m asking for the assurance that you’re not going to dump me in three months just because you’re too chicken to test the odds. I don’t want you to get on your knees with a ring, I’m not asking for that, I don’t want it, okay? That’s not something I’m even close to wanting right now, I just want to know that there is somewhere that this relationship can go besides in the garbage bin.”

“I can’t make that promise,” Gerard says.

“Then what’s the point in this?” Frank asks.

“Why can’t we just, like, have fun?”

“We can’t have fun if I have to worry about you being a dick and breaking up with me at the end of the year. I’m not asking for anything even that hard here, Gerard. I’m not asking you to go to the same school as me, or for you to give me an engagement ring or for literally anything beyond you telling me that you won’t ditch me because you have so little faith in whatever feelings we may have in each other.”

“I’m not lying to you, Frank. I don’t believe that can make this situation any better.”

“So what you’re saying is that you won’t tell me that. You won’t tell me that you’re going to put any effort into the success of this relationship.”

“I’m not saying that, I’m saying that I can’t guarantee you a future that I don’t know anything about.”

“For fucks sake, you are still avoiding my question. Gerard, yes or no, is there any part of you that actually believes in us?”

“Us?” Gerard asks.

“Our whatever the fuck this is. I don’t think relationship is really a proper term, because I’ve just realized that I’m the only one putting any effort into it.”

“Okay now that’s not fair.”

“Not fair? It’s not fair that I say the truth?”

“It’s not the truth, I want to put effort into this, but you’re being way too, ugh, I don’t even know.”

“I’m asking for the smallest thing possible and I’m being too demanding?”

“You’re asking me if I think I’m going to marry you!” Gerard says, completely missing the point.

“I’m asking you if you think there’s any potential in us at all. Not marriage. Potential.”

“Well in that case, I don’t know,” Gerard replies.

“You’re an asshole,” Frank says, shaking his head. “Gerard, if you continue to deflect my question, I have no choice but to assume that you don’t care about whatever this could be.”

“And what would that mean?”

“That I can’t be around you.”

“You can’t be around me?”

“Gerard, I thought yesterday when we were talking about you and I being boyfriends, that there wasn’t going to be a set-in-stone expiration date on that. I thought that maybe you actually cared enough about me to give me more than a bitchy goodbye on the last day of school, but what I’m getting here is that you don’t believe I’m worth even trying to make things work with. If that’s the case, than I agreed to something before I read the fine print, but the good thing is that this isn’t as much of a binding thing. So I don’t think I’d be breaking up with you, I’d just be fixing a mistake that I made.”

“I’m a mistake?”

“You are when you say things like this.”

“Fine then,” Gerard says, “what do I care?’

“I don’t know, I thought maybe there was some part of you that might give a shit.”

“Well apparently I don’t like you,” Gerard says, “or at least, that’s all you’ve said the past few minutes, so I guess that’s how I feel.”

Gerard’s door opens before Frank has time to respond, and Mikey is standing there looking very confused, and also incredibly concerned, which Frank has to admit, is probably the most expressive look he’s ever seen on the guys face.

“What do you want?” Gerard asks, in a voice that Frank would very much associate with an older sibling.

“You two are yelling, mom wanted me to find out why,” Mikey says, looking almost timid under Gerard’s glare. “And also if you wanted breakfast.”

“It’s not important,” Gerard says.

“Wow,” Frank says, “not important?”

“Frank, you know what I mean.”

“Evidently, I don’t.”

“I’m not saying you’re not important.”

“But you’re saying that this conversation is unimportant,” Frank says, “like the fact that you’re a gigantic asshole who’s probably going to end up alone because of your astounding commitment issues isn’t important.”

“Oh my god, you’re barely even listening to me.”

“Well it’s an even distribution then, isn’t it? I’m not listening to you because you refuse to respond to the questions I’m asking.”

“So neither of you want waffles then,” Mikey interrupts.

“Just, fuck,” Frank groans, “Gerard, I can’t do this right now.”

“Right now or at all?”

“Both,” Frank says.

“So you’re breaking up with me.”

“I’m barely even going out with you.”

“But you’re breaking up with me!” Gerard says, “After I literally confessed to you that I like you. I said it like a billion times, because it’s true. Well I’m not so sure about it now, but I know that I thought I liked you.”

“Yeah well, Gerard, I like you but I’m not willing to be in a relationship that I know you don’t believe will go anywhere.”

Gerard doesn’t respond. He just stands, staring at Frank. Frank’s back is turned to Mikey so he doesn’t know what he’s doing or what he’s thinking about, but Frank also doesn’t care. He cares about Gerard being a huge dick right now and doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that he’s been Gerard’s boyfriend for less than twenty four hours and is already fighting with him.

“Fine,” Frank says, and he turns to the door. He only stops just before leaving to say, “Oh and Gerard, here’s a tip, if you like someone, and you want to date them, do not tell them that you don’t think it’s going to fucking work out in the end, you gigantic asshole.”

“Frank-” Gerard says, but Frank’s not listening. He does what he thinks would technically be classified as storming off. He hurries down the stairs, out the front door, collecting his keys from his pocket as he comes outside and is met with a bright sun. He’s forced to squint as he heads to his car, trying not to worry about the fact that he probably looks like he just woke up. At least he’s wearing normal clothes and not pajamas because that would be some first impression to leave on Gerard’s neighbors across the street who are gardening.

The front door of the house behind him opens with a creak and Frank sighs, not excited in having to deal with Gerard again, but when he turns, Gerard’s not standing there.

“Hey Frank, I was wondering if you could give me a ride home? I’m not really keen on having to call my mom to pick me up, like, Mikey is going to think I’m a little kid if I do that,” Pete says, looking at Frank sheepishly.

“You know, now’s not a really great time for me to drop you off,” Frank says, “I kind of just need to be alone for now.”

“Oh, okay,” Pete says, trying not to look kind of hurt.

Frank walks around his car, pulling the door open before Pete speaks up again, and Frank doesn’t want to be near him at all right now. It’s nothing against Pete it’s just that human interaction sounds awful in general.

“Hey Frank,” Pete says, “I mean, I know that my opinion doesn’t really count that much, but, like, you know that Gerard really does like you, right?”

“Yeah, Pete, I get that,” Frank says, sighing, and barely believing it.

“Whatever’s going on, I’m sure you can work it out.”

“Sometimes it’s not that easy,” Frank says, and he feels like he’s talking to a child. Not that Pete is that childish, it’s just that, he feels like a parent when he says that.

“But the point isn’t that everything is perfect in the relationship. The point is that you enjoy the other person, even if it’s not in a romantic way. It’s just important that you like to spend time with them and they make you smile. If it’s perfect something’s not right, because that doesn’t exist, but that’s never been the point. All that really matters is that you like each other, in whatever way you do like each other, and that you are good to each other.”

“I gotta go, Pete,” Frank says, turning back to get into his car.

“Okay, but just like, before you go, I just want you to know, even if things between you and Gerard don’t work out, and I’m not saying they won’t, but in any case, I just want you to know that I’m still your friend. I’m still here, and I’m not going to go anywhere else, okay? Because, uh, I don’t like you in a romantic sort of way but I still like you more than most people I know and I want you to be happy, so I’m always going to be here to make you happy in whatever way I can.”

Frank sighs, “You’re a really good person Pete. Don’t let anyone make you forget that.”

Frank pulls his car door shut, and he doesn’t have the heart to look back at the house, or even at Pete, as he drives the hell away from it.