Who Will Fix Me Now?

A cherry sunset blossoms
But we’re not here to watch it fall
On the vacant canvas, we should be waiting
with our faces d

I flinch when my phone unexpectedly chimes, making me draw a deep, dark line across what I just wrote. I curse at myself for being a little bitch as I toss my notebook away and instead reaching for my phone, opening the message.

Sushi: So I kinda forgot to text you yesterday sorry

me: It’s okay, I was hanging out with a few friends

Sushi: Okay because I felt bad

me: No it’s okay

Sushi: Okay. Can we face time?

me: Sure

Then a few seconds later, my phone starts ringing, alerting me of a FaceTime call. I answer the phone, aiming the camera up at the ceiling.

“Oli, why am I looking at a fan?” Sushi asks after his face appears on the screen.

“I don’t know,” I lie with a shrug, even though he can’t see.

“You’re weird. That’s a good thing, though.”

“I do my best.”

“I start school in a few weeks, what’s it like?” Sushi asks.

“Uh… Just don’t piss anyone off… and there’s this spot outside where a few jocks like to sit, I think near the track?”

Sushi raises his eyebrows slightly at that, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “What if I sit there anyway?”

“They’ll ask you to leave and they’ll kick your ass if you don’t move,” I explain, remembering the time Josh stood up to those ugly ass jocks, which made me, Jack, and Alex suffer as well.

“I’ll fight those bitches back!” Sushi laughs, and I laugh at him a little.

“But you’re so small!”

“I’m actually pretty big,” Sushi jokes with a wink. I feel my face heat up at the innuendo and I’m so fucking glad I don’t have my face on the camera.

“Not that you’d ever know, anyways,” he adds, as if he somehow read my thoughts. “I’m straight.”

“Oh, okay,” I laugh, ignoring the slight disappointment I felt.

You don’t like him, Oli, you’re just lonely.

“Yeah, so what’re you doing?” Sushi asks, and I shrug, again.

“Nothing, just sitting around,” I tell him. “What’re you doing?”

“I’m playing with my guinea pig,” he says happily, pointing the camera down at the fluffy rodent crawling around on his lap. “His name’s Muffin Purper-Gurk.”

I bite back a laugh at the rodent’s name. I blame Xavier.

“Cute,” I tell him as he aims the camera back to his smiling face.

“Thanks.”

I hum in reply, leaving us in a comfortable silence, not knowing what to talk about anymore. After a few minutes of quietly sitting here, he says bye and hangs up. I lock the screen and put the phone back on the nightstand before retrieving my pen and notebook, going back to the page I was on before Sushi texted me. I frown at the thick line going through the words and sigh. I don’t remember what I was writing anymore…

I just cross it out and set it aside again.