These Four Words

John’s mom was actually a very pleasant person, not like I was expecting her to be the she-devil or anything. I was more or less nervous on how she would take John bringing a girl home. She took it amazingly. I was actually afraid for a minute or two that she would hug all the air out of me, but John saved me before she could do to much damage. She had hurried us to our shared room, apologizing profusely that the other guest room was occupied with other junk and she just didn’t have the time to clean it. John had offered to take the couch but kicking him out of his room just didn’t feel right. We were currently all sitting around a small dinning room table, eating a bowl of chili that his mom made us. It tasted amazing but I was more focused on the fresh French bread she got for us. The bread in New York was good but unless you were up at the crack of dawn, you wouldn't get bread this fresh.

“So Erin, tell me a little more about yourself.” His mom, Jenny, told me. “All John has cared to share is that you are some pretty girl he knew back in 2012.”

I blushed and bit as John continued to whine at his mother about embarrassing him. “Well I work for vogue,” I trailed off soaking another piece of bread in the chili.

“Oooh how fun!”

I nodded my head in agreement. “Um I really don’t have any hobbies other than shopping.”

“Psh,” John interrupted me. “She is better at the piano than I am.”

“Not even close,” I argued back.

“Have you heard yourself play?” John raised his eyebrow in a playful manner.

“Um yeah and I’ve also heard you play!” I scoffed. “So much better than me.” Jenny giggled at our bantering.

“Where are you from?” Jenny asked as she began collecting plates from the dinner table.

“Originally South Florida before I moved to California and then again to New York.”

“You’ve been just about all over the country.” She commented with a small smile.

“I’m not one to stay in one place too long,” I mused.

“John isn’t either,” Jenny sighed. “I wish I could get him to spend more than a month in one place.”

“Ah the hard life of a musician.” I turned towards John and winked. I collected my dish and brought it to the kitchen where I washed it off and placed it in the dishwasher. John got a phone call and excused himself while his mom and I continued to clean off the rest of the dishes.

“You don’t need to help me, Erin.” Jenny told me as she tried to take the bowl out of my hand. “You are the guest.”

“Please,” I tried to reason with her. “It is the least I can do.” Jenny smiled and let me continue helping her. As soon as we were both done cleaning up John walked in with a rather big smile.

“Hey would you mind if I went to go meet up with some of the boys for an hour or so?” I couldn’t tell if he was asking his mom or me so I kept my mouth shut.

“Oh course deary,” His mother cooed. “It gives Erin and I some time to have girl talk.” John must have noticed the frightful expression on my face because he turned towards me and double-checked to see if I was alright with it. “I don’t have to go.”

“Don’t let me stop you from seeing your friends! You’ve been gone for like a month.” John smiled and gave me a kiss on my cheek.

“I’ll make it up to you I promise.” I laughed and waved him off as he practically ran out the door. Jenny made us two cups of green tea. Once they were fixed to her satisfaction she ushered me outside and on to their back porch. Sure enough they did have a decent sized pool and hot tub, as every suburban house should. I settled down on an old rocking chair and Jenny took the outdoor couch.

“So Erin you know it is my duty to vet girls that John brings home,” Jenny started out. She looked at me in the eyes and sipped her tea. “You seem like a nice girl but I am a little concerned.”

“Concerned about what?”

“The last girl John brought home ended up breaking his big heart into many small pieces and you are the first girl he has brought home since. As a mother, I do not want to see my son deal with that ever again. You seem like a nice girl but it is my duty as a mother.”

I nodded my head, “John and I are not really dating.” I admitted.

Jenny held up her hand to stop me, “Regardless he wouldn’t have brought you home if he didn’t have strong feelings towards you. I know you two have slept together, I am not naïve, but I would like to think that you at least like him a little bit.” She paused waiting for me to respond. I didn't know what I felt to be honest. More often than not, it was easier to be numb. Every time I began falling in love, something bad happens. I do care about John but it wasn't enough for me to take that jump yet. Maybe I would never be in love again. It was something I was ok with. Sometimes you find your soulmate and everything works out, and then sometimes you find you soulmate and everything doesn't.

“I do,” I confessed.

She nodded her head as if she already knew that. “I hope you take his feelings into account before you do something stupid. That boy, bless his heart, falls in love too easy. I just want to make sure you are the right girl before I let him do that again.”

“To be honest,” I pushed my hair out of my face. “I don’t know if I could ever be that girl for anyone.”

Jenny looked at me with loving eyes. “Honey your heart is made of gold, any fool can see that. It’s your mind that is tainted. Now I think that you and my boy John would be good together but don’t you go leading him on if your heart isn’t there. Letting him down now is better than letting him down when he already took his leap of faith.” I sighed heavily knowing that might have been too late. "I can see it even when you can't."

"See what?"

"The love in your eyes." I went to correct her but she stopped me. "I see it because that is the way I used to look at John's father. When he walks into a room, your mood just brightens. The weight of the world is off your shoulders when he is next to you. I know it because I have felt it. There must be a million and one things holding you back if you can't." She looked at me with sad eyes. There were issues holding me back but isn't that life? Nothing is ever easy. You have to work for what you want. Did I want John? Did I want Alex? Part of me just wanted to be left alone. “Now that we got that over with, why don’t you tell me about that fancy job of yours? Have you met Christian Dior yet?”



The evening with John’s mom didn’t go as horribly as expected. Even though she grilled me like a fine piece of meat, Jenny was the most likable person on the planet. I was putting on moisturizer while sitting on the edge of the bed when John busted in, drunk as a skunk, scaring the shit out of me.

“Hello beautiful,” he cooed throwing himself on the bed.

“Have fun?” I asked with a playful tone.

“The best time ever,” His face lit up. “Expect all those times you were under me.” I blushed heavily wondering if his mom could hear us.

“John!” I scolded and he just chuckled.

“I like your shirt.” I looked down and realized I was wearing one of John’s white V-necks. “I think it looks better on you.”

“Of course it does,” I joked. “Come, lets get you changed.” I stood up and began to help John take off his shoes and socks. “Stand up,” I ordered helping him to his feat.

“So bossy,” John stood and held his arms above his head like a child. I rolled my eyes and took off his long-sleeve. I moved my hands to his jeans and quickly unbutton them and slid them down his legs. He tried to step out of them, but he ended up falling on the bed with an thump.

“You’re a mess,” I giggled getting the pants off his legs.

“I like it when you undress me,” John purred.

“I’m sure you do.” I climbed in bed next to John with a large smile. Drunken John was fun John.

“We could, ya know?” He wiggled his eyebrows and I slapped him.

“No we cannot.”

“Oh right,” John let out a big sigh. “Your rule. I can’t sleep with you until I agree no feelings.” John pouted and I resisted another giggle. “I miss that freckle right next to your—“

“JOHN!” I exclaimed laughing.

“What?” He asked innocently. “You have such a pretty p—“

“John shut your mouth!”

“Ugh,” John groaned again. “So bossy. The things I would love to do to you.” He looked up and down my body. “With you,” He moved closer and my breath momentarily faltered. “For you.” John abruptly stopped, “But your dumb rule.”

I felt sexually frustrated so instead of taking advantage of drunken John, I rolled over and decided to go to sleep. “Goodnight John,” I whispered. There was nothing but John’s silence snores. I assumed he passed out. I closed my eyes and let sleep slowly take over my body.

“I think I love you.”