Save Me From Myself

Austin’s POV

When Austin woke up, he was groggy, sticky, and had a sharp pain coming from his arm. He got out of bed and quietly walked into the bathroom, not wanting to wake up his father, who was currently passed out drunk. Running the sink’s faucet, he rinses off his blood caked arms, wincing in the process. The water tinged pink as blood was washed off with warm water from Austin’s arm. Once done, he ruffled through his medicine cabinet, where he kept stored his gauze and tape. Dressing his arm, he kept his eye on the time. It was 6:08 A.M. Throwing out his trash, he grabbed his blade and went into his room to get dressed. Pulling on a pair of skinny jeans and a band t-shirt along with a pair of Vans, he quickly brushed his hair and brushed his teeth.

Grabbing his bag, he put his blade in one of the compartments and headed downstairs. His father was, once again, in a drunken coma. He pulled out a pan and the toaster, getting ready to prepare breakfast for his father. He learned better yesterday when he got home from school and his father beat the shit out of him because there was no food on the table when he woke up. Grabbing a couple of eggs and two pieces of bread, he began making egg sandwiches for him. The aroma of food cooking was making Austin nauseous. He took the food off the stove and out of the toaster and put it together, wrapping it in saran wrap after. Throwing it on the table, he washed the dishes before making his way out the door, locking it behind him.

Austin took a breath of relief at the fresh air. As he walked to school, his stomach settled down a bit and Austin gave a small smile to himself. Walking through the crowd, he kept his head down and repeated the process when he arrived at school.

“Hey, Austin!” a voice behind him called.

Just keep walking. Pretend you didn’t hear him. Austin thought desperately to himself. He didn’t understand why Alan was acting so clingy lately. He knew that Alan was clingy when they were friends, but this Alan doesn’t even recognize him. He stuck by Austin’s side through the whole day, and when he was being bullied, he stuck up for him. Just like the Alan who knew him. And that made him a little more depressed. Why couldn’t he have changed so much that he couldn’t have recognized him?

“Hey, asshole! I know you heard me and you’re just ignoring me. Hey! Wait up! Damn, you’re fast. Fuck you and your long strides!” Alan said, trying to catch up to the giant. Finally catching up, he placed his hand upon Austin’s shoulder. Austin, so focused on walking away from Alan and ignoring him, jumped at the unexpected hand and flinched in fear of another bully. Alan saw this, frowning, but for Austin’s sake, he ignored it.

“Don’t just ignore me like that, I still don’t know my way around the school!” he playfully reprimanded Austin, but Austin didn’t see it that way.

“Of course.” he mumbled under his breath, shaking with fear. He didn’t want another beating, but he knew that was the price you paid when you do something wrong, no matter how small it may be. Austin could feel a panic attack surfacing and he tried to calm his breathing. Taking several deep breaths, he led Alan to the music room.

Music passed quickly, only having to do a small assignment, after the rest class had free time to do whatever they pleased. They both finished rather quickly, and Alan tried to start a conversation with Austin, but Austin could only guess that he grew bored of the silent treatment seeing as he left him to go talk to some boy cover in tattoos and a british accent. They seemed to get along real fine. Stop it! Austin scolded himself. He can’t even remember you, let alone want to start a relationship with you. If he can’t remember you, that just shows how insignificant you are to him.

Math came and went, and so there he was, in third period art. Alan wasn’t with him in this class, so he quickly showed him to his room before coming to his second most favorite class and sanctuary. Taking his usual seat beside Gerard, a boy with greasy black hair. They never talked to each other, but they were a form of what you would call friends. Both were silent, only talking when the situation requires (or Gerard’s boyfriend), but they understood each other in a way no one else would. When one needed space, the other would get the hint and so on. If one was hurt, the other would help them in needed. It was a perfect kind of bond between them, one that they could never replace nor want to.

Austin took out his work that he’s been working on for a month. It was a major project the class was doing and would be worth sixty percent of their grade. Austin was determined to make this his best work, not just because his grade would plummet if he didn’t, but also because he loved art (another thing he and Gerard shared) and it was a great way to release all that he was feeling in a healthy way.

The teacher clapped several times to get the attention of the students.

“Today, as yesterday, we will be working on the projects that we have been doing for a month now.” she said, dramatically waving her arm around in an attempt to be funny. Only a couple of people giggled, but overall, it was a fail.

Returning to his work, Austin began to use contrasting colors, making his image pop. The class passed fast and both only spoke up to ask for something they needed.

Austin went to pick up Alan. He waited by the lockers till Alan came out. He didn’t have to wait long for Alan was soon exiting the classroom, talking to a boy with brown hair with a blonde streak. Waiting for them to finish talking, Austin kept his head low and fiddled with his coat sleeve and the bandages on his arm. He didn’t like this emotion he was feeling. It was angry and possessive and it was only something he’s seen on tv. He was jealous. He knew he shouldn’t be, but this was his long time best friend and his three- almost four year crush. He calmed himself down. Alan was allowed to have friends. Besides, when walked up to Austin, a boy with brown hair took the boy’s hand and placed a kiss on his cheek. Austin’s cheeks flamed red. How could these people do these things and not get beat? Wouldn’t their parents shun them, neglect them even, for being homosexual? It stunned Austin. He couldn’t understand how people could be so open with who they are, and he was Austin, not even being able to accept he was gay for fear of what his father might do. He disgusted himself. He wished he had the balls to just go up to Alan, grab his hand, kiss him deeply, and whisper huskily in his hear, You’re mine.

Fourth period took forever to get by, but that was probably because it was chemistry. The teacher droned on and on in monotone about the elements, never making anything exciting. Austin never thought he could be this happy to hear the loud, obnoxious bell in his life. Austin shot out of the room, not once glancing behind. He didn’t want Alan to follow him and eat lunch with him, because… well… he didn’t eat. And he didn’t want Alan to become suspicious of him and get him reported. His father would kill him if that happened. Austin pushed down the guilt that was already starting to gnaw at him. It was for his own good, whether it was for his own, or Alan’s, he didn’t know.

Alan’s POV

He was so upset when Austin ditched him like that. He understood that Austin was a social butterfly, no, he was the farthest thing away, but he didn’t have to go ahead and be rude by practically running away from him! Alan sighed to himself before making his way to the cafeteria. Getting a chicken sandwich, he took a table that had no one at it. Munching on his lunch, he got lost in thought, obviously thinking about Austin. Not paying any attention, he didn’t notice when a small boy came up to him, only snapping to attention when something poked him.

“Hey, we saw you sitting alone and thought you could use some company. Wanna sit with us? My name’s Frank.” The boy was about only five feet and wore a band tee. He had multiple piercings and tattoos. Alan already loved him.

“Sure!” Alan was glad for the company. He liked a distraction from his festering thoughts that popped up often. Frank led him over to a crowded table and sat down, Alan following him.

“Okay, the bro with the ‘fro is Ray. Blondie is Bob, the dude cover in awesome tats is Oliver, but you can just call him Oli, the short blond next to the pink haired guy is Patrick and the pink haired one is Pete, they’re together. Next to them is Mikey. Skunk hair over there is Jack,” Alan smiled at him, glad he knew one person. “and next to him is his boyfriend, Alex. Those two over there are Vic and Kellin, another couple, and Mike and Tony, again, couple. And this beauty next to me is Gerard.” he said while practically groping Gerard. They all gave a form of greeting before dispersing into their own little conversations.

“So, you friends with Carlile?” Frank asked. Alan nodded, he didn’t know what to say at the moment. The only one he’s been talking to was Austin and his Austin’s name was Austin Carlile. It just proved his suspicions about his long gone friend.

“Sucks that he doesn’t talk. The only friend he has is Gerard here, even though they don’t talk much.”

“Yeah, do you possibly know the reason behind that?”

“Sorry, I can’t say I do, though I do feel bad for him. He’s constantly has bruises and doesn’t look like he ever sleeps. Far too skinny to be healthy.” Frank rambled, sounding like a worried mother. He reminded Alan of Mrs. Weasley from Harry Potter almost.

“Oh, well, I was just hoping to help him, and any information I get is helpful in my mission.” Alan gave a sort of half laugh at the end before returning to eating.

“Well, I wouldn’t know anything about it, but he might.” Frank pointed at Gerard. Gerard looked at him like he was crazy. There was no way he was going to tell this stranger anything about his friend, no matter how much his boyfriend begged. One, he wasn’t going to betray his trust like that and two, it wasn’t his business to tell. If Austin wanted his stuff out like that, then he can tell them himself or if asked.

Alan looked at Gerard expectantly. Gerard just stared at him, not willing to give anything out. Alan sighed to himself before giving a half smile. Even though it wasn’t exactly helping him at the moment, it was still nice to know that people like Gerard still existed, the ones who wouldn’t dare sell out their friends. Alan swore to himself that he was going to make up all the time they had lost and be that friend for Austin, but he couldn’t do that unless Austin lets him in.

By the time the bell rang, Alan had only eaten half his sandwich. He got up and threw out his milk. Austin ran up to him to help him to their next class. History was fairly easy for Alan, so he took the chance to just space out and think. His eyes roaming the classroom several times, and each time they landed on a certain tall brunet. He had many more tattoos than when he had left. They practically covered his arms and chest. It suits him well, Alan thought to himself. He grew his hair out and it lay in a shaggy way upon his head, gently framing his head. He had his head down, just as he always does, and he was writing intensely. Alan was curious about what he was writing about, but he couldn’t catch a glimpse.

The teacher droned on and on about whatever his little heart had desired and Alan just sat there, staring at the clock, counting the minutes, seconds, till school was being released. The bell rang and Austin got up, waiting just long enough for Alan, and led him to the gym before heading off to his free period.

The last two classes passed quickly, the only downside was that they were given a shit ton of homework in English.

Austin’s POV

When Austin got home, his father was up and about. Austin could felt a chill go down his back, trembling in fear as he entered his house. Looking around cautiously, when he saw no one around, he tried to make his way up the stairs to his room without a noise. Hearing the footsteps coming from the living room, he knew instantly that he had failed. Resigning himself to his fate, he turned around to face his father.

He slurred, “Hey, bitch. How’s my dear, ol’ son?”