Scars Don't Heal When You Keep Cutting

I got lost a couple of times but managed to get to Trenton’s house without too much of a problem. The first thing I did was go look for Sam and Ben, which wasn’t too hard, since Sam and Ben and about five other people were just getting here too. I smile and jog up to them.

“Hey!” I chirp as I approach, gaining their attention. I recognized all of Sam’s friends, especially the one clinging on him. When Ben sees me, his face lightens up and he smiles.

“Danny!” he cheers and throws himself at me, squeezing me with a hug. I laugh and hug him back with just as much enthusiasm.

“Brusnop!” I hear one of the girls giggle quietly. I totally forgot about the whole Brusnop thing, to be honest. Ben let’s go and looks down at his feet, but I can see a small blush color his cheeks cutely.

“I think I’m gonna introduce you to my friends now, Danny! I already introduced them to Ben,” Sam says. I nod approvingly and smile.

“That’s James, Cam, Logan, Ariel, and Raeven,” he points at each teen and they wave. I recognize Logan to be the girl I always see with Sam and Ben.

“James, it’s kinda chilly out. Shouldn’t you be wearing a shirt?” I ask, seeing that he’s topless.

Raeven giggles as she grabs James’s hand, who kisses the top of her head.

So Ariel is dating Cam, unless they’re both riding solo.

Count on me to make a Jason Derulo reference. I don’t even like Jason Derulo...

“Great, everyone knows each other!” Sam chirps happily. “Ben, aren’t they great?”

“Um…” I glance down at Ben, who was avoiding eye contact with Sam’s friends.

“Awe, don’t be so shy, Ben!” Ariel giggles at Ben’s awkwardness.

“Oh, Danny, Sam told us about Ben’s home life...” Logan tells me. Ben’s head snaps towards Sam’s direction when he hears the news, offering him a look of betrayal. I pull Ben in for a side hug to try to make him feel better. Sam gives Ben an apologetic look, and I give Ben one too, even though he can’t see. I really didn’t expect Sam to tell them since he fucking promised, but I’m quite sure he was trying to help.

“If you want to stay with us some nights, you can,” Raeven kindly offers.

I smile a thanks to her as we wait for Ben’s reply.

“Um...I’ll think about it,” Ben stutters. “Uh, Danny, I came to the party. Am I allowed to go home now?”

“But don’t you wanna be with me?” I ask with fake hurt, motioning towards myself with a pout.

“Yeah, but….” he doesn’t say anything much after that, only starts mumbling about how much he didn’t want to be at his party. I chuckle at him and his grumpiness.

“Well, let’s go in now. It’s kinda chilly out, like Danny said,” James says as he starts to pull Raeven into the house. Everyone pretty much follows them inside the house, and let me tell you, Trenton obviously has a bad taste in music.

<><><>

Ben went off to talk to Logan and Ariel, Sam went to talk to James and Cam, Trenton’s hanging out with DJ, leaving me leaning against a wall with Raeven. We were both quiet for a few minutes, until she finally decides to talk to me, breaking the awkward silence.

“So Ben’s your best friend?” she asks me before taking another sip of the drink Waldo had for the party. It tasted pretty bad, and I think the only ones who like it are Trenton, DJ, Waldo, and Waldo’s girlfriend. We’re all just drinking it to be nice, I guess.

“Yeah?” I ask, turning my head to the right to look at her.

She sniffs the liquid in the cup before gagging. “This smells as bad as it taste.”

“It does.”

She’s silent for a moment before speaking up again.

“You know people call him names, right?” she asks as she turns her head to look at me with sad eyes. I frown and nod sadly.

“Yeah, I’ve seen plenty of it,” I answer her.

“Don’t tell anyone this. I managed to get it out of Trenton.”

“I swear I won’t tell,” I tell her as I lean closer to hear what she’s got to say.

“You know Ben had a boyfriend in the tenth grade?” she asks me quietly so no one else could hear.

“Yeah, Ben told me yesterday,” I say.

“How much did he tell you?”

“He told me that he was flirty, he didn’t want anyone to know he was gay, people started to get suspicious of their relationship, he broke up with Ben and got a girlfriend, told everyone Ben was gay, and he told the school all his secrets,” I tell her, then quickly add when I remember, “and he laughed when his friend made fun of Ben’s appearance, making Ben think his smile was ugly.”

“That sounds about right.”

“Did you get anything else about Ben from Trenton? Like, the secrets his ex told everyone?”

She shakes her head. “No, that part never got to me. Sorry.”

“Boo. Do you at least know who it was?”

She nods.

“Yes, tell me who’s getting their ass kicked?” I ask again.

“You’re gonna love this,” she tells me.

“Okay, let me hear it then.”

“David Jr. Reed.”

Reed. I fucking heard that name! Heard it Tuesday or Wednesday or something...

“I heard the last name, but I can’t quite-” I mumble to myself until she cuts me off.

“He’s DJ, the guy you always like to fight.”

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!” I scream accidentally in her face, but she didn’t even flinch. It drew a lot of attention to us too, people offering us concerned looks all around. I didn’t fucking care though, I was too fucking livid to care.

“Danny, I think DJ still likes him,” Raeven whispers, noticing all the attention too. “I thought you should know.”

“DJ’s not allowed to have him! He’s mine!”

Raeven looks surprised by my outburst, and honestly, it shocks me too.

I basically just told the whole room I was gay.

We’re all quiet for a moment, before Raeven seems to remember something. She tells everyone to fuck off, which surprisingly, they do.

Just like in the fucking stupid-ass movies. How fucking cheesy and irritating.

“I just remembered something else you should really know,” she tells me seriously.

“Tell me, then.”

“Have you noticed his eating habits?” she asks me. I frown again, remembering a few of them.

“Well, on Monday, I offered him half of my granola bar. He tried to say no, but I convinced him to eat it. And whenever I ask him if he wants to eat dinner when he comes over, he tells me he’s not hungry and says that he’s full.”

“I think he might be anorexic, Danny. You told me he ate the granola bar on Monday. Trenton told me he saw him pick it apart and toss it on the floor when he thought no one was looking.”

Well, fuck. I can’t believe I was too stupid to see this. I mean, fuck me. I’m the fucking worst friend ever…

“Thanks for telling me,” I sigh.

“It’s no problem.”

<><><>

Me, Ben, Logan and Sam were chilling at Sam’s house, since Trenton’s party was unbearably boring and the others had went home. I don’t think he even noticed us leave, but I have an excuse made up in case he did. I’d tell him that Ben got really sick so we took him home to take care of him. Oh, Danny, but does it really take seven people to take Ben home and take care of him? No, but I’m their ride home.

Sounds good?

Ben ended up comfortable enough with his new friends to spend the night over at their houses, so instead of me getting to have him over five days a week, I can only have him over one day a week. I really hate only having him for one day instead, but at least I get him on Saturdays, right? He’s staying here at Sam’s tonight. I believe he goes to Logan’s every Thursday.

Just thought I should get that out there. Could be nice to know.

Sam’s parents saw us come in a while ago, and I guess they made cookies for us since they just called us down for some. I accepted the offer, because hey, they’re cookies! Ben said he didn’t want any, so me, Logan, and Sam went down to get some. Of course, I grabbed two. One for me, one for Ben. We went back upstairs, Logan and Sam eating their cookies on the way up.

When we got back in the room, I sat on the floor next to Ben and held out one of the cookies to him.

“No, I don’t want it,” Ben says again. I keep it held out for him anyways. Ben, stop being so fucking stubborn and eat the damn thing, I lecture him in my mind, even though he can’t fucking hear it at all. I give him a look that says the same thing though.

“SAM! LOGAN! SOMEONE’S AT THE DOOR TO SEE YOU TWO!” Sam’s mom screams at the top of her lungs, scaring the shit out of all four of us.

“God, I fucking hate it when she does that shit,” Sam groans as the couple get up and leave the room. I make sure they’re out of earshot before I speak.

“Ben, you’re eating this,” I tell him.

“Why do you want me to eat it so much?”

“Because you need to eat!” I answer, shoving the cookie towards his mouth. He only backs away.

“I do eat!” he tries to defend himself.

“When and what was the last thing you ate? Don’t lie to me, I’ll know if you’re lying.”

No fucking reply.

“Hmm?” I urge him to answer my question. He sighs, defeated.

“I’m sorry.”

“If you’re sorry then eat the cookie.”

“I’m not eating it, so stop.” I glare at Ben a little bit.

“If you don’t eat yours then I won’t eat mine.”

Ben doesn’t do anything else, just keeps his head down, hiding his face. I’m fucking serious, if he’s not gonna eat, then I’m not either. But that may be easier said than done. I remember one time when I was a young kid, I found out that there was starving children all around the world. I wondered what it was like, and decided to go a whole day without food.

I didn’t even make it five hours without getting food.

“Hey, Benny?” I mumble after a silence.

“Yeah, Danny?” he replies, keeping his head hung low.

“Why don’t you wanna eat? I won’t tell anyone, I promise,” I say gently, wrapping my arm around Ben’s shoulders. He’s quiet for a few seconds, but eventually sighs.

“I’m fat, Danny.” I shake my head sadly.

“No, Benji. You’re not fat at all,” I tell him.

Ben sighs, leaning on me a bit, and I take it that he disagrees with me.

“But Ben, you’re so fucking tiny! And you barely weigh anything!”

“I don’t wanna talk about this. Eat your cookie and be happy, please.”

“No, Ben. I told you. I’m not gonna fucking eat shit unless you eat,” I snap a little, making him flinch, but I can’t bring me self to care this time. He’s being so fucking stubborn, it’s getting on my damn nerves.

I hear him quietly sigh as he takes a cookie from me.

“Don’t break pieces off and toss it onto the floor like you did with the granola bar,” I tell him.

“What are you talking about?” he asks as he finally looks up to look at me.

“Nevermind, just eat the cookie,” I tell him. He rolls his eyes and hesitantly takes a small bite from the cookie.

“How’s that?” he asks when he finishes the bite. I shake my head.

“More,” I tell him, much to his dismay. He takes a slightly bigger bite than the first one. He chews it and swallows.

“Now?” he groans.

“Better, but eat at least half of it,” I say. He eats more, until most of it is gone.

“Three quarters. Now can I stop?” He’s acting like eating one cookie is fucking killing him. One fucking cookie.

“Good boy. But now the whole thing is almost gone. Just eat the rest of it.”

“You fucking dick,” he snaps at me, making me flinch a little.

This is new. He’s never talked to me like this before. I don’t think he’s ever called me a name before, either, unless I’m really forgetful and forgot already.

“I’m only making you do this because I care about you, Benji,” I whisper as he swallows the last bite.

“You promised you’d eat if I ate. You’re actually skinny, you need food,” Ben mutters quietly, motioning to the cookie I forgot I was even holding.

“Ben, you’re way fucking skinnier than me,” I try to convince him again.

He ignores me this time. I sigh and shove the whole cookie in my mouth. I sigh. How am I gonna make him see how skinny he really is? Why the fuck does he think he’s fat?