Starting Over

Kakashi slipped stealthily down from the tree, where he had been watching over Xavier. When X left the campsite, it was quickly noted by the three ninja . Kakashi opted to watch over him, while Vivian and Gai caught up on the times together. He gazed down in uncertainty at X. The slow steady rise and fall of his breaths as he slumbered, curled up and small. He looks so innocent while sleeping. Xavier tries to act tough, and mature... but he's still just an 8 year old boy.

Kakashi sighed softly thinking about the tremendous pressure Xavier was under. Vivian has been pretty tight lipped with me the whole time we've been in contact. But it's plain to see this boy has a past, and a heavy burden to carry. At such a young age... I wonder what's going to happen with him? Kakashi knelt down gently trying to scoop Xavier in to his arms. Xavier woke with a jolt kicking, and squirming in the unfamiliar grip.

"Shh. Shh. It's just me, Kakashi," he tried to sooth the startled boy.

"You surprised me,” X sighed trying to catch his breath and calm his heart. Kakashi proceeded to carry him back to camp.

“It's ok just keep resting. We have a big day tomorrow.” Xavier yawned in response and closed his eyes relaxing again.

“Normally I'd walk,” Xavier whispered tiredly. “but... I hate... waking up... I love... sleep,” he leaned in to Kakashi more, dozing off once again. Kakashi smiled and tenderly tucked him in to his sleeping bag for the night. Vivian nodded at him thankfully and stretched.

“Alright,” she whispered. “You guys rest I'll take first watch. “Good night Gai,” she hesitated then looked at Kakashi awkwardly, “Good night Kakashi.”

“Good night,” Kakashi responded uncertainly, Gai seemed to be out like a light snoring and mumbling in his sleep. Kakashi sat up for a while watching over Xavier, and gazing in to the fire. Vivian had disappeared walking around the campsite. Kakashi stood up and followed Vivian.

“Yes?” Vivian growled as she sensed Kakashis presence. Kakashi hesitated and leaned against a tree trunk crossing his arms. Maybe I shouldn't have come after her. She's so heartless now. Kakashi stared at her turned back. She wore tight black shorts, a simple black T shirt, and her clunky boots matched Xaviers. Seems to be a pirate staple. He mused to himself.

“Well? Are you gonna say something, or stare at me all night?” She whipped around to face him.

“Well,” he began unsure of what direction to take things. “How about we just talk?”

“About?” Vivian crossed her arms on the defense. About how you wrecked my life Kakashi? Lets talk about that. Vivians eyes narrowed behind her mask. Kakashi stared solemnly at her.

“Why did you leave the village?”

“Don't ask questions you already know the answer to,” she breathed bitterly. “Is that all?” she turned to leave.

“Don't avoid this Lord Ongaku,” Kakashi suddenly appeared inches from her face his eyes looked sincere and stern. Vivian avoided his gaze as a chill traveled up her spine. How many years has it been since I've been called that? She wondered in numb shock. “Just tell me why,”he pushed satisfied with her reaction.

“I had to get away from certain things,” she looked Kakashi up and down, “and people.” Kakashi felt her words like a stab in the back.

“For so long Vivian? No one expected you to disappear for so long. Honestly most people think you're dead.” He remained cool and composed letting the words drift lazily in to the air. Yet, he felt a burn inside himself of anger. How could she not see that we needed her? Or let anyone know she was ok?

“If this is about the war Kakashi,” she clenched her fists and stomped the ground. “I may not have been at the final battle, but I did my fair share Kakashi. I gave 'all' that I had for Konoha. Everything, period.” anger mixed with sorrow flooded in to her eyes threatening to spill over. She only half believed the words coming from her mouth. In truth she didn't know things would escalate so badly while she was away. Still, in that condition she would have been a bigger burden than an aid. You just can't fight for life, when you want to die.

“We needed you Vivian. There where so many casualties.” Kakashi let a bit of his emotions slide in. Vivian just shook her head slowly in denial. “Look at Gai Vivi. The time and effort in battle could have been split in half, if you used your families technique.”

“Im sorry ok, is that what you want to hear?” the tears snuck past her mask snaking down her face. The silence grew thick, and there was an underlying hesitation. “I couldn't... After it happened... I just couldn't any more.” Vivian took off her mask and wiped her eyes with a sniff.

“Vivi we've all lost people. And we've all had to do things we aren't proud of. It's part of being a ninja. You where revived, given a second chance-”

“I never asked for one!” she breathed trying to calm down. “I wanted to die Kakashi,” she looked directly at him. Her icy blue eyes sent a shiver through his body. Kakashi was dumfounded for a second. She wanted to die? Die for what, for him?

“You've killed many people Vivian... But over one rouge ninja?”

“I was in love with him Kakashi! He was my fiance,” Vivi spat. “What would you know about love, and other peoples feelings? Mr. Coldblooded Kakashi,” she threw one of his darker famed titles at him Maybe this conversation should have never been started. Kakashi thought with hurt in his eyes. “Ok maybe I'm not like you. I didn't just join black ops and take it out on other people.”

“Yeah you joined a pirate crew instead, battling it out on the seas. Where is the comparison?” Kakashi scoffed sarcastically. Vivian shook her head exhausted. She rubbed her temples with her finger tips and then looked blankly at Kakashi.

“You asked why I left, and why for so long? Well, it's because I felt there was nothing for me to live for in Konoha.”

“You're wrong,” it was almost a whisper.

“Kakashi... I'm 29 years old. I'm tired of killing and hurting people. Right now my only purpose is training Xavier. It's been nice seeing Gai and chatting up, but things can never be the same,” it's as if that last part was meant for Kakashi.

“I didn't know what he meant to you Vivi. The whole mission was classified,” he reached out to touch her shoulder.

“Why Kakashi... Why do you suddenly give a shit?”

“Vivi I've always cared about you. You're one of my oldest friends.” he sounded so genuine. Vivi looked at him amused.

“Don't you remember anything that happened?”

“Wh-what?” Kakashi looked puzzled. Vivis eyes grew dark again.

“Never mind,” she huffed sitting down on a large winding tree root. “What's the point of all this Kakashi. Why bring anything up at all?” She rubbed her temples again warding off a head ache.

“Truthfully... I was angry. I'm tired of beating around the bush. When the Hokage told me there was word from you I was so happy Vivian. I was so happy you were ok. It was like you vanished in to thin air. Your house remained untouched you left no scent to track, one day you're just gone from the hospital bed.” Kakashi explained kneeling down in front of her. “Then when I do finally see you, you treat me like I'm nothing to you. Like your life in Konoha didn't even exist.”

“Honestly I feel like I'm in a completely different life. I was so young and dumb... Everything I've been through, everyone I've lost... It's changed me good and bad. Sometimes I wish I could go back... To be so simple and lighthearted about everything... but you know as well as anyone, that the past can't be changed.”

“I do know that, very well,” Kakashi rubbed the top of Vivians head warmly. “I also know that I'm not going to lose you again.” She looked up in to his determined eyes feeling a tingle in her chest. He really doesn't remember any of it does he?

“Ok... Let's just start over then Kakashi... but I can't make any promises.”

“That's fine. I'm just glad you'll try,” he smiled at her warmly with his eyes. Seeing that made Vivi's heart feel heavy. She had never let herself believe her disappearance would affect anyone in Konoha.