Shuffle

Die and I had already had a pretty packed day. We started off going to Harajuku to check out all the cosplayers. I’d never seen so many in one place! Well, aside from anime conventions. We had lunch at a local café where I had some of the best tea of my life.

We were currently visiting Yoyogi park where a music festival was taking place. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom, and the park was completely full of music and dancing. There was something for everyone. There were even people dressed as Elvis dancing to American music from the ‘50’s. I didn’t quite see the charm, but they loved it.

There was a crepe vendor where we enjoyed dessert. The light, fluffy pastry stuffed with berries and cream was delicious. We walked around the park, admiring everything, before veering off to a cycling center to rent bikes.

“We’re not supposed to veer from the path…buuut there’s a place I want to show you.” Die laughed, taking us off the long, narrow cycling trail and into a densely wooded area. It was obvious that we weren’t the first to do so, judging by the worn out path. We snaked around trees for several long minutes before hopping off and abandoning our bikes. He took my hand, adjusting the straps of the bag he carried on his back.

“This way.” He instructed, pulling me down a rocky hillside toward the sound of water. Before us was a grassy meadow with a creek running through it. The entire area was surrounded by heavy foliage area on all sides.

Die jogged to a soft looking spot, pulling off his bag to yank a cloth blanket out from it. He laid it on the ground, sitting and indicating I should join his side. I eagerly followed his orders, gracious for the opportunity to rest my legs. We’d been going nonstop all day-I welcomed the chance to relax.

“This is nice.” He sighed, falling back onto the blanket to look at the sky.

“How did you know about this place?” I questioned, following suit. Tufts of white clouds floated lazily in the bright blue heavens.

“Kaoru told me about it.” He answered, looking over at me. “He’s quite the romantic.” He teased. I laughed to myself, meeting Die’s eye contact. I felt his hand nudging mine, our fingers soon intertwining.

I let my eyes fall shut, enjoying the warm sensation of the sunlight on my skin. The wind blew delicately through our hair, and the babbling brook filled my ears. I could fall asleep right here. I felt Die shuffling beside me and peered at him. He was propped on one elbow, his eyes skimming my body.

“You’re so beautiful.” He cooed, a finger tracing my contours. I blushed, smiling at his compliment.

His lips turned in delight before meeting my own, lost in a passionate kiss. He rolled over top of me, his tender kisses covering my cheeks, forehead, nose, and slowly moving to my neck. I let a moan escape my throat before he pulled away.

“Sorry.” He chuckled, his gentle face smiling tenderly.

“Don’t be.” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer to me. I moved to claim his lips when he suddenly pulled away.

“We should get back…I only have an hour rental on these bikes.” He muttered, scratching his head at the same time. I caught my breath, sitting up to fix my shirt.

“Oh…” I uttered nodding.

“Did you rest long enough?” He questioned. I continued nodding in response. I was still perplexed. I thought for sure he set up this whole thing to set the mood. I was mistaken.

Die began rolling the blanket up, stuffing it in his bag before we returned to our bikes. The rest of our ride to the cycling center was almost a complete awkward silence. We were both aware of the change in atmosphere. Maybe our next stop would correct it.

The sun was beginning to set, and the sky looked like a bowl full of melting orange and raspberry sherbet with tufts of cotton candy floating in it. We returned to his car before he spoke again.

“You still wanted to do Karaoke, right?” He questioned, a sly grin on his face. He remembered? I couldn’t help but smile in return.



“As promised, here I am.” I chuckled walking into Kyo’s room. He was sitting in his bed, IV fluid hooked up to his arm. He was obviously pissed.

“Get out.” He growled at me. I rolled my eyes, moving to his side.

“You’re such an idiot.” I narrowed my eyes, smacking him hard in the head.

“You had no right to stick me in here!” He hollered.

“Well you can leave as soon as the doctor releases you.” I rolled my eyes. “Besides, I wanted to make sure you were safe.” I added. He averted his gaze, exhaling sharply. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” I finally exploded, “You won’t even talk to me! What the fuck did I do?!”

“Besides throwing me in the hospital?” He jeered sarcastically. I clenched my fists, resisting the urge to sock the man.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” I repeated, sitting at his side.

“I don’t need to explain myself.” He huffed.

“Dammit Kyo! Is this because of Toshiya?!” I cried. He looked to me momentarily. It obviously was. “Listen, I don’t care what Toshiya says…I need you in my life.” I frowned. He glared in response.

“Why?!” He huffed, “Why do I have to be in your life?! Why can’t you just stay away from me?!” He hollered. I stared at him, hurt and surprised.

“Kyo…” I murmured, my heart thrumming.

“I don’t want to see you again…” He growled.

“Why are you pushing me away?” I frowned.

“Why am I pushing you away?! Because you make me feel so fucking miserable Saya!” He shouted. His words hurt, like I’d been stabbed in the heart.

“Why do I make you miserable?” I stuttered, tears in my eyes. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer. He met my gaze, eyes wide.

“Are you seriously this dense Saya?!” He shouted, making me recoil in defeat. “Why do you make me miserable?! Because I fucking love you, and I can’t be with you! Happy?!” He breathed hard, brows furrowed as he confessed his feelings. My heart beat wildly in my chest.

“…You still love me?” I whispered, lips quivering. My body moved closer to Kyo, of its own accord.

“Of course I still love you, you idiot!” He scoffed, crossing his arms and looking away. Was he embarrassed? My face was hot from blushing, and my chest felt like there was a whole swarm of bumblebees buzzing inside me.

How do I respond? What do I say to that?!

“It’s okay you don’t feel the same way…” Kyo muttered, “I know you have Toshiya. And the last time we dated was in high school.” He added.

It was true. I was supposed to be getting married to Toshiya. I loved another man already. But what was this feeling I couldn’t rid from my heart? Why did I want to wrap myself around Kyo? Why was I feeling so conflicted?

“Thanks.” I whispered, looking away from the man. “…I’m sorry I don’t know what else to say.” I frowned. I needed time to think, and to sort out my feelings. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes. He was silent for a long time, thinking about the right thing to say.

Except, there wasn’t anything left to say.



I’d never done Karaoke before, and it was a blast! In fact, the entire day had been a blast! I decided to push that one awkward scene from my mind as Die and I returned to our suite. He took my hand in his as we got to the lobby where we quickly boarded the elevator. We reached our room quickly, and collapsed into bed within seconds.

“So comfy.” I cooed, squirming at Die’s side. He chuckled softly.

“Sorry about earlier…at the meadow.” He murmured, “I think I gave you the wrong idea.” He frowned. I glanced up at him, taking note of his guilty expression. “I don’t want to take advantage of you Rhu.”

“You’re not.” I sighed. “Back then, at the meadow…I practically threw myself at you.” I chuckled. He still had the same serene face on.

“I don’t want you feeling like you have to do that. I don’t expect that from you. Rhu, I don’t want to take your virginity…I don’t want that burden. That’s something special.” He sighed. I was flabbergasted. A burden?! How do I even respond to that?!

“…I need to pee.” I lied, leaving his side and moving to the bathroom. I felt his wary gaze on my back as I pulled the door shut behind me.

An astounded, hurt face stared at me from the mirror. Her mouth hung wide open, eyes lost in thought. I hardly recognized myself. Had I misheard him? No, my ears were definitely working. He didn’t want to have sex with me. The fact that I was a virgin was disconcerting for him. Was I repulsive?

I felt tears welling in my eyes. Stop it. I covered my face slumping to the floor. Why was I like this? Did I even want to lose it to him that badly? It’s not like I was in love with him…I was confusing lust with love. I buried my face in my knees, willing the tears to go away.

“Rhu, are you okay?” His muffled voice sounded from outside the door.

“Go away.” I murmured. I was content just sleeping here tonight. I heard a sigh outside the door.

“I’m sorry if that came out the wrong way. I just didn’t know how else to put it.” He frowned. “Please come out Rhu.” He pled after my lack of response. I considered feigning sleep. “Don’t make me beat this door in.” He threatened. I sighed, returning to my feet to pull open the door.

“I must have had something caught in my eye.” I lied, rubbing the tears from them. Die frowned, stepping forward to take me into his strong arms.

“We had a long day…let’s get to bed.” He murmured. I nodded, crawling into bed with the man. My heart ached as he slept with his back toward me.