I Knew You Were Trouble

Josh's POV

Oli rests his sweaty forehead against my own with closed eyes as we both catch back our breath. Our warm naked bodies were pressed together like puzzle pieces, moments after making love to each other in his bed. I honestly couldn't get enough of him. I just wanted to stay in bed and let him make love to me all day because there's no other feeling that even comes close to feeling so amazing and loved as I do when we do this with each other. It's such a surreal feeling.

That's all we've been doing the last couple of days is make love non stop. It was as if we were addicted to showing each other how we feel and express this new found connection which has been pulling us together like magnets. The days of meaningless pointless sex are now over and as much as that did excite me back then, I wouldn't trade it for the love making we share now. It's so full of passion, affection and never ending love, there is nothing more that I would want more than this.

The butterflies never left the pit of my stomach. It was their playground to fly around crazy in from all the happiness Oli has made me feel recently. I was madly, truly, deeply in love with him and I guess that can be kind of sickening, but I was just crazy in love.

Oli glides his velvet like fingers along my cheek and kisses me softy on the lips.

"Good morning Sunshine." he smiles against my lips making me laugh into the kiss.

I think he's greeted me good morning already but I wasn't complaining. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

"Morning." I blush with a shy smile and place my hands on his clammy chest.

I could feel his heart thumping away inside of his tone chest, full of life and warmth. Feeling it beat against the palm of my hand only made my love for him feel so much more real. I knew that my heart beats for him and only him. I only wonder if I had his heart in return.

I glance up at him lost in thought from it all and contemplated about asking about how he feels, but I didn't get the chance because he started littering kisses along my jaw, my neck and my shoulder, tickling me with the stubble on his upper lip that I've secretly grown to like a lot.

I absolutely adored waking up to this side of him. This was the Oli he only allowed me to see behind closed doors. The calm, loving Oli who warmed my heart with his hidden caring nature and affectionate touches. No one else will ever see this side but me, and I'm honoured that he can let down his highly built walls and be his true self with me.

He rolls off of me and then props himself up on his elbow and rests his head in his hand as he wraps his other arm lazily around my waist.

I try to sit up and turn to him but I guess I did it too fast because I went all dizzy and my head fell back against the pillow.

"You alright?" Oli questions in concern.

I press my fingers against my temples and winced a little. I've been getting these dizzy spells and headaches for the last few days and I thought nothing of it but they seem to be getting worse. I didn't want to worry Oli over nothing because honestly, I just thought it was down to not drinking enough water and not getting enough sleep. Now I've decided not to do any form of drugs anymore and clean myself up I'm hoping the dizziness will soon stop. So for now, I brush it off once again.

"Yeah, I guess I sat up too fast." I lie, sort of.

"Well, I have had you on your back all morning." he smirks at his sexual joke which makes me laugh faintly in response.

Maybe I should talk to Jordan about them just to be on the safe side.

Our moment of peace alone is soon disturbed when Oli's phone beeps. It's usually one of the guys asking Oli to come downstairs to discuss gang related things. Last time someone knock on the door when we were in the middle of intimate activities, Oli almost ripped poor Lee's head off.

He sighs and kicks the duvet off us which left me lying there in my birthday suit.

"Looks like our lay in is over. Need to talk to the guys." he says kissing the side of my head before getting out of bed.

I was used to this now. It's more or less been our routine for the past week I've stayed here. I made sure I didn't sit up too fast this time and grabbed the sheets to cover my naked lower half as I gaze at Oli pull a tank top over his head and slide on some jeans. That's when I discovered I didn't like him in clothes at all. They just covered up his divine beauty. He was clearly better off naked where I could admire the colourful artwork inked on his skin which was placed on every curve, muscle and inch of his body.

Yes, naked was definitely how I preferred him. Even more so, in bed with me tangled in the sheets push up against my hot sweaty body whilst he has his way with me.

I had no idea I was subconsciously biting down on my lower lip until Oli waltz over to me and caress my cheek and release my lip from my teeth by sliding his thumb over my mouth. My eyes connecting with his dreamy like ones almost had me pulling him back on the bed with me.

"Later Sunshine." A smile tugged on the corner of his mouth.

I feel my cheeks heat up as I've been caught red handed undressing him with my eyes.

"Am I that obvious?" I ask feeling silly.

He gives me his signature overly smug grin and steps back away from me before opening the door.

"Just have a shower and chill out up here for a couple of hours okay."

I nod, knowing not to disturb any gang meetings whenever they were being held in the house. Everything was top secret and I weren't allowed to know a thing, not that I wanted to and nor would I would tell a soul if I knew what they discussed. It wasn't any of my business and I wasn't one for drama. I was here for Oli, not to be involved in deadly secret gang stuff.

When Oli left the room closing the door behind him I fall back onto the bed and hugged the sheets to me. I sigh deeply, staring up at the ceiling as I lost myself in a fantasy land once again. I was a lovesick fool who really needed to figure out how to hide my feelings because it was getting embarrassing every time he caught me out. Not to mention, I actually needed to play it cool because I didn't want him finding out just how madly in love with him I really was.

After enough fantasying, I managed to crawl out of bed and made my way into the ensuite bathroom to freshen up.

~~~

After my shower I got dressed and watched TV in Oli's room but there's only so much you can watch until it got insanely boring. Which led to me wondering around the house looking for Oli or for anyone really, it's been hours so they've must have finished they're meeting by now? I still didn't know my way around here yet. This house was just so big and had so many rooms, I've somehow manage to walk up and down the same corridor twice.

I was working the night shift tonight and Oli had offered to drive me to work but time was already getting on, so I needed to find him soon or I'd be late.

I eventually found Oli with Vegan in a room which looked like some sort of office space. I didn't think gang members needed to have an office, but what do I know about gangs? Clearly nothing.

The door was half open and I wedge myself between the gap and poked my head through hoping they notice me, but they didn't. They were both sat behind a computer screen, looking far too deep into whatever they were working on. I was going to slip away unnoticed and go look for Jordan instead but then Oli spoke, capturing my attention.

"Who would've known, the sly git has a little boyfriend."

"He hid him well." Vegan says.

It made me curious to whom they were talking about. I haven't been interested in any of their discussions before but I knew Vegan was sort of tracker and maybe even a hacker, I wasn't sure but something about what they said just wanted me to find out more.

As if both sensing they weren't alone anymore they lifted their heads up and gawked at me and I just freeze as if my hand were in the cookie jar. When will I ever learn that curiosity killed the cat?

"Josh," Oli's voice was stern which instantly told me I did wrong listening in on them.

"Oh, uh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. The door was open." I mumble, looking down at my feet.

Oli comes over to me with furrowed brows and ushers me out of the room quickly and closes the door behind him. I stare at the close door wondering what he and Vegan were working on in there.

Oli puts a firm hand on my shoulder and walks me a couple of steps away from the room.

"This is my office Josh, and it's strictly forbidden to everyone unless I invite you in. Understand?"

"Yes." I say suspiciously. Did he think I'll go snooping? I guess I should have knocked first.

"I suppose I better take you to work now." He sighs and takes my hand and leads me out of the house and to his car without another word said.

~~~

If was as if the office intrusion never happened because once we were on the road, Oli's hard expression disappeared. He had lighten up fairly quickly and had the radio on which he was bobbing his head along to whilst one hand was placed on my thigh. I'm glad there was no tension; I didn't want to go to work otherwise.

Britney Spears comes on the radio and Oli unexpectedly breaks into song, shockingly knowing all the lyrics to the song. I stare at him with wide eyes not believing what I'm witnessing right here beside me but I can't help when I burst out laughing.

This was a whole different side of Oli that I haven't seen before and although, I could feel my cheeks heating up in pure embarrassment, I found that I absolutely loved this side of him.

It was a rare occasion to see him drop his tough façade and just let go and have a little fun. His guard was down as he allowed himself to be care free for once in a blue moon.

He breaks into that wide toothy grin I adored greatly and glances over at me. It wasn't often that I saw that smile and it filled me with so much warmth and love for him.

"Fan girl much?" I laugh.

"Don't be hating, Britney is cool as fuck."

"Oh my god!" I cringe covering my face with my hands.

"It's Britney bitch." He sings.

I burst out into another fit of laughter and Oli joins in with me, loving the sound of pure fun and enjoyment filling the car.

As the laughter dies down I shake my head at all the silliness and I didn't even think of the consequences when the innocent word vomit just fell out of my mouth.

"Oh God, you're so lucky I love you-"oh shit.

I clasp my hand over my mouth and gape at Oli in disbelief as I watch his face drop, darting his eyes back to the road ahead of us.

Fuck, I did not just tell him that!

The car instantly fell under an awkward silence and I literally felt sick so my stomach. My throat went dry and my chest tighten. Shakily, I move my hand away from my mouth and let out a quiet shaken sigh.

I can't believe I admitted that. The words just slipped out of my mouth with no control or second thought to them whatsoever and now I've ruined everything. I was just so wrapped up in my little world of bliss that I didn't think.

I wanted him to say something. Please say something. Why wasn't he saying anything?!

The longer I was sitting in this car with not a single word said to each other the more anxious I got. I started biting my nails to distract my mind from over thinking but that didn't work. I was seriously panicking. I didn't dare look at him, I couldn't. His silence said it all. He didn't say the words back which meant he didn't feel the same way for me. We were over.

It only made the car journey more unbearable, it was driving me crazy. I felt like the inside of the car was closing in on me and I couldn't breathe. I felt trapped.

The car finally came to a stop and I was fearing the worse now. Neither one of us said anything. We just sat there staring out of the window screen in front of us waiting for the other to speak first. I was too riddled with anxiety to speak first. I knew I had already screwed this up from opening my big mouth earlier.

After the most excruciating moments of silence, I hear Oli sigh and turn his body so he was facing me. I didn't move an inch though, I kept my eyes fixed on the road outside.

"Listen, Josh, you're a great kid, and I've been having lot's of fun with you but I don't fee-"

I've never made a faster retreat before in my life but I was out of that car in seconds. There was no way I was going to hang back and have my heart ripped out by him.

"Josh, wait!" I hear him call after me.

I ignore him and just walked faster across the road away from him. It felt like my heart was in a vice and it was getting the life crushed out of it. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I hear the car door slam shut and footsteps coming from behind me.

"Josh, hold on a second!" Oli shouts.

"No!" I scream, spinning around in full heartbreak and anger.

He abruptly stops in his tracks as I stood glaring at him with eyes full of tears. I could feel my heart breaking in my chest and my fists shaking by my sides as I tried holding myself together. I was seconds away from crumbling. I was so fucking stupid to believe that he might actually love me back.

"I'm not gonna sit and listen to you reject me. Hear you say I don't mean anything to you... I'm nothing more than a meaningless fuck to you!" my voice cracks as a tear rolls down my cheek.

Oli stares back at me with wide shocked eyes not saying anything. Dan was right. Oli would never want me for me.

"Yeah, you heard me back in the car, I love you! Stupid naïve Josh has fallen in love once again and to never hear the words back in return!" I cried, accepting the truth.

"What do you want me to say, Josh? It makes no sense for you to love me. I basically fuck you and leave you whenever I please so I can continue to carry out the Syko name with my ruthless work or get high. How can you love me from that?!" Oli snaps.

Water droplets started falling from the dark grey sky above us. It didn't faze us, we stood in the middle of the road arguing with each other.

"But I do love you!" I yell in frustration which makes Oli growl in aggravation and steps towards me.

"Don't be absurd! I've told you this god knows how many times Josh, that this arrangement has been nothing but sex! I basically use you to have a good time or as a stress relief. I have a rather busy schedule and I fuck you whenever I can fit you in. That's all I want you for, just sex. There are no feelings in what I do to you. So get out of whatever fantasy land you've created in your head because that is most definitely not what I signed up for." He seethes in a bitter cold tone without an ounce of regret on his face.

My mouth drops open as I feel my heart shatter into a thousand pieces then and there. I go to speak but no words come out, just a breathless gasp as his words sink in. Tears leak over my eyes but I couldn't feel them or stop them. I wasn't angry, I wasn't upset. I just felt empty.

The rain began falling harder around us, perfect for this heart breaking scene. I feel my body shrink into its self as numerals unsteady breaths started escaping my lips harder and faster as my mind started shutting down. My worse fear had come true. I was just a meaningless fuck to the man I was desperately in love with.

Above my heavy breathing and sobbing, I hear the screeching sound of tyres in the distance before I'm being blinded by a pair of on coming lights. I hold my hand up in front of my face as I squint my eyes at the on coming car heading straight towards me at top speed.

I stood there like a deer in the headlights, frozen still. I was about to meet my fate and my brain didn't function fast enough for me to react to what was happening. I guess I didn't want it too, in that very moment I wanted this to end.

"Get out the way, Josh!" I hear Oli's voice shout as his body collides with mine and I'm being flung to the other side of the road.

Everything happened so fast, I didn't know what was going on.

As I fall to the ground I hear an abnormal bone crunching sound and the windshield of the car cracking. I whip my head around to horrifyingly witness Oli's body flying over the roof of the car and landing with a loud thud on the hard concrete.

The car however, didn't slow down, it didn't stop. It didn't honk its horn to warn us to get out of the way. It made that horrendous impacted and drove off without checking to see if we were okay. It just disappeared in the dead of night leaving me alone to deal with the horrific outcome of the crash.

My eyes flicker back to the scene of the crime and initial shock takes over my body entirely. I was glued to the ground unable to move as I just stared uselessly at the body sprawled out in the middle of the road. It felt as if time had stood still and at that very moment, it felt like the world had ended and it did. My world had ended but not in the way I had hoped for.

Shortly, my senses all of a sudden hit me like a ton of bricks. A desperate gasp of air left my lungs as I was unknowingly holding my breath. I could feel my heart pounding frantically inside of my chest as if it were about to break through my ribcage. The sound of heavy rain filled my ears as rain drops crashed around me. I looked on in fear expecting the worse.

A voice appeared in the back of my head which demanded me to get up and do something and I did, without a second thought.

I push myself up from the ground and ignored the pain which ran along my left wrist and dragged my feet over to Oli's body. Everything what he said before was forgotten and my one aim now was to help him.

I stop the closer I got to him feeling my chest clench and an unstoppable whimper fell from my lips. Oli was lying lifeless in the road in the pouring rain. His body was in an abnormal position which tugged on my heart that I almost wanted to be sick from the sight.

My teary eyes flicked down to the ground which had a dark rain puddle trailing towards me. I furrowed my eyes brows together and gasp when I discovered that it wasn't a rain puddle. It's a puddle of dark red thick blood.

I cover my mouth with my hand from shock and followed the trail of blood which led to Oli's body. With everything in me I forced myself to move closer to him. I knew this image will forever haunt my dreams at night for as long as I live but I had to help him right now despite that.

The blood was seeping from underneath his body, I think, I wasn't so sure. He was unconscious...I only pray to God he was because I was extremely grateful that he wasn't suffering awake and screaming out in pain. I had no idea if he was dead or alive. I was in no state of mind to check for any signs of life, I was so lost. I was distraughted by what was lying right before my feet.

"O-Oli?" I whisper barely audible to hear over the rain.

I fall to my knees beside his lifeless body and let out a heart wrenching sob. I reached out to him with shaky hands but they only hovered above his body because I was too afraid to touch him in case I caused further damage.

"Oli please. Please, wake up." I begged through endless sobbing.

I gently moved his hair out of his face with my finger tips and I choke on a sob when I see how badly his face is cut up. I couldn't hold myself together anymore, seeing the man I love look so broken on the ground torn me apart.

That was it. I broke down into a hysterical fit of tears. Tears mixed with rain drops ran down my cheeks uncontrollably. The pouring rain had soaked through me that I was now drench and shivering from the cold but that was the last of my problems.

"Please... p-please, d-don't leave me..."

He couldn't die like this, not after I just confessed my love for him. He couldn't leave me. Why did he push me out of the way? The car was coming towards me. It wanted to hit me. I wanted it to hit me. Why didn't Oli just let the car hit me so he would be okay now?

I was blinded by tears as short quick painful breaths struggled to escape my throat. I couldn't breathe but I also didn't care. I didn't want to breathe if my true love wasn't breathing either.

I clung to his jacket and cried into his chest hysterically. Every single part of my body ached and it was a pain that I've never felt before in my entire life.

"I-I love you." I cried, lifting my head to look at his cut up face.

"Y-you hear m-me? I-I love y-you and I'm not g-oing to give u-up on you." I told him adamantly.

I glanced around me desperate to find someone, anyone. Just someone who could call for help but there wasn't anyone around. I was left alone to deal with this. Oli desperately needed medical attention as soon as possible but I couldn't leave his side to find help. He could be dying and it would be my fault.

I needed to get help but the only vocals cable of leaving my throat was frantic sobs. I couldn't form a sentence together. How could I call for help? I couldn't tell them? How could I explain to Tom that his brother might be dead because of me. He'll hate me and most likely kill me to, but I wouldn't stop him.

A ring tone breaks through my messed up thoughts and I glance down at Oli in confusion. His phone was ringing. I carefully took the phone out of Oli's pocket and I literally thought I had met my guardian angel as I cried down at the name which flashed across the wet cracked screen.

I answer the call and bring the phone shakily up to my ear as I tried to swallowed down the lump in my throat.

"J-Jordan..." My voice cracks.

"Josh?"

I choked and I covered my mouth to silence it. I was struggling to find air, I was freaking out and I couldn't calm down.

"Hey, calm down. Josh, listen to me, take a deep breath and breathe in through the nose and out slowly through the mouth, okay?"

It was difficult to hear him over the rain and my panicked breathing but I manage to just make out what he said.

I nodded even though he couldn't see me and started to do what he told me to do. I found a regular breathing rhythm.

"That's it, keep focus Josh. Keep breathing in and out."

I started to calm down quickly and I was able to breath normally again and hold back my sobs.

"You good now?"

"Y-yes." I whimpered even though I was far from good.

"What's going on Josh? Where's Oli?"

I glance down at the body in my lap and started to fall apart again.

"I-I think he's...dead."