Status: Fixed layout now writing chapter 2
Ella Floating Away
8:18
It took some convincing, but by my 18th birthday I finally got my parents to start calling me Ella. I explained how college was never going to give me a fresh start if I still had that stupid name "Elena" tacked on to me. However, that was just the first step. I was still stuck in this ginormous elephant body, and isn't that what brought me here in the first place? I guarantee if I were skinny people would at least pretend my art was good.
I headed downstairs, ready to make myself a cup of coffee. Mom brought me a small chocolate cake that read "Happy 18th, Ella!" and had a picture of Mickey Mouse. My twin brother, Ian had his own separate cake which was vanilla and raspberry and was a Tardis. Immediately I could tell how thought out his must have been, and mine was one of the cheap already made ones. The past 17 years we have shared a cake, usually designed to Ian's liking, but this year, we got two cakes and "two parties" to celebrate being adults now. It was mom and dads dramatic way of expressing our lives separate from here.
"Party" for me was a loose term because I was just having one friend over, and it was at the same time as Ian's party. So it was really only one, and then Helena was spending the night after. Ian was having a pool party, and mom said I had to go since I "opted out of having my own big party".
Now, let me explain what different world's Ian and I are in. He /is/ the field of four leaf clovers. He's the one who can draw a stick figure and get an award for originality. He's a quarter back, and everyone loves him. And hes not even that much of a jock, he just plays the sport...for fun! I was wrong before, it should be one of the seven wonders that we are related. I knew immediately that this "party" was going to be huge, and although mom and dad were going out and trusting us, that there is no trust to be held.
I stared at my cake for 5 minutes before Ian started digging into his, barely waiting for a fork. His tardis oozed red jelly, making him look like a cannibal. It was an amusing sight to see. Dad finally came downstairs, his hair a mess, yawning.
"Happy birthday, kiddos," he ruffled Ian's hair and kissed my forehead. I coughed at him. He smelt like cigarettes. I stuck my pointer finger into the chocolate frosting and sniffed it, not daring to put it near my mouth. I wipe it off onto a napkin, and notice no one was even watching. I grab a big "bite" of nickey's face and toss it into the trash behind me. Mornings are so easy, everyone is too tired to notice anything.
Ian finishes off his cake, using the rest of the napkins off of the table, and then smiles.
"Thanks mom!" he says, the red sugary delicious-no-disgusting filling coating his teeth.
"Yeah!" I chime in, "It's delicious, I'm gonna save some to share with Helena later!"
"You don't have to!" Dad cut in, "We got another cake for your guys' party tonight! You can have that one all to yourself."
"Cool." I tried so hard to sound amused, I really did. They must have bought my acting because no one responded. I turn to go upstairs when my mom cuts in, whispering.
"Ella, you're looking really good lately but I think you should slow down on that cake. I want you to enjoy your birthday, but you don't want to be big again, do you? I'm just looking out for you." Mom's face jiggles when she talks.
When I was Elena Amber, I weighed 220 pounds and I ate waffles for breakfast every birthday. Elena Amber drank energy drinks until her stomach hurt, and they weren't the sugar free kind. Elena Amber could eat the whole cake and whole thing of ice cream, too. She was like a vacuum. Her favorite food to have for her birthday dinner was Chinese food and Ian would get Italian but still get a fortune cookie.
I get upstairs with my coffee in hand. Ideally I check my weight at 8:13 every morning. The exact same time, the exact same way, the exact same stance. But mom's comment delayed me 5 minutes and it was now 8:18. My stomach churned.
I undress completely, then put my left foot all the way on the edge of the scale, and my right a little bit more towards the middle, aimed towards the door. The scale blinked 125.5.....125.6.....125.5.....125.6....125.7...and stops. 125.7 I scribble it on my whiteboard above the toilet. It is .3 less than it was yesterday and I am 5.7 lbs away from my first goal. My fake goal.
I sip on my coffee as I dress my "healthy BMI" body. A black dress and some jelly shoes are all I can get myself to wear today. Cute, but not too much effort. I draw on my face the way Elena Amber used to, with cat eyes and far too much eye shadow, and add a little bit of pink lipstick for color. I throw my red dyed hair into a messy bun then head back downstairs. Everyone except for my younger sister Emily, left to buy the food for the party. Emily is sleeping on the couch, not to my surprise, although I hadn't noticed her earlier.
"Em," I whisper slightly, shaking her, "It's noon and our party is in an hour, you may wanna get ready."
Originally, Emily wasn't going to be allowed at the party, but since I was inviting no one I told her she could come with a few friends and hangout. Mom and Dad are going to spend the night in a hotel, and I didn't want her to have to stay with them anyways.
She sits up, her long brown hair knotted countless times, and her eyeliner smeared all over. She looks as if she was out partying last night. Emily is 16 and has been to more parties than I have. She hiccups.
"Oh shit," she mumbles. "Sorry."
"You're just lucky mom and dad are oblivious," I mumble, heading to the kitchen. "Waffles?" She nods.
When I was Elena Amber, I looked up to Em. 2 years apart and she was already the cool girl I aspired to be. I used to buy her cigarettes, when she was 15 and I was 17 I would have my best friend, Helena, who was 19 buy her some. I didn't think twice about how stupid and harmful I was being. Em was always thinner than me, and I always hated that I couldn't be her. I daydreamed about my soul crawling up into her body and taking over, finally being skinny and wanted.
I headed downstairs, ready to make myself a cup of coffee. Mom brought me a small chocolate cake that read "Happy 18th, Ella!" and had a picture of Mickey Mouse. My twin brother, Ian had his own separate cake which was vanilla and raspberry and was a Tardis. Immediately I could tell how thought out his must have been, and mine was one of the cheap already made ones. The past 17 years we have shared a cake, usually designed to Ian's liking, but this year, we got two cakes and "two parties" to celebrate being adults now. It was mom and dads dramatic way of expressing our lives separate from here.
"Party" for me was a loose term because I was just having one friend over, and it was at the same time as Ian's party. So it was really only one, and then Helena was spending the night after. Ian was having a pool party, and mom said I had to go since I "opted out of having my own big party".
Now, let me explain what different world's Ian and I are in. He /is/ the field of four leaf clovers. He's the one who can draw a stick figure and get an award for originality. He's a quarter back, and everyone loves him. And hes not even that much of a jock, he just plays the sport...for fun! I was wrong before, it should be one of the seven wonders that we are related. I knew immediately that this "party" was going to be huge, and although mom and dad were going out and trusting us, that there is no trust to be held.
I stared at my cake for 5 minutes before Ian started digging into his, barely waiting for a fork. His tardis oozed red jelly, making him look like a cannibal. It was an amusing sight to see. Dad finally came downstairs, his hair a mess, yawning.
"Happy birthday, kiddos," he ruffled Ian's hair and kissed my forehead. I coughed at him. He smelt like cigarettes. I stuck my pointer finger into the chocolate frosting and sniffed it, not daring to put it near my mouth. I wipe it off onto a napkin, and notice no one was even watching. I grab a big "bite" of nickey's face and toss it into the trash behind me. Mornings are so easy, everyone is too tired to notice anything.
Ian finishes off his cake, using the rest of the napkins off of the table, and then smiles.
"Thanks mom!" he says, the red sugary delicious-no-disgusting filling coating his teeth.
"Yeah!" I chime in, "It's delicious, I'm gonna save some to share with Helena later!"
"You don't have to!" Dad cut in, "We got another cake for your guys' party tonight! You can have that one all to yourself."
"Cool." I tried so hard to sound amused, I really did. They must have bought my acting because no one responded. I turn to go upstairs when my mom cuts in, whispering.
"Ella, you're looking really good lately but I think you should slow down on that cake. I want you to enjoy your birthday, but you don't want to be big again, do you? I'm just looking out for you." Mom's face jiggles when she talks.
When I was Elena Amber, I weighed 220 pounds and I ate waffles for breakfast every birthday. Elena Amber drank energy drinks until her stomach hurt, and they weren't the sugar free kind. Elena Amber could eat the whole cake and whole thing of ice cream, too. She was like a vacuum. Her favorite food to have for her birthday dinner was Chinese food and Ian would get Italian but still get a fortune cookie.
I get upstairs with my coffee in hand. Ideally I check my weight at 8:13 every morning. The exact same time, the exact same way, the exact same stance. But mom's comment delayed me 5 minutes and it was now 8:18. My stomach churned.
I undress completely, then put my left foot all the way on the edge of the scale, and my right a little bit more towards the middle, aimed towards the door. The scale blinked 125.5.....125.6.....125.5.....125.6....125.7...and stops. 125.7 I scribble it on my whiteboard above the toilet. It is .3 less than it was yesterday and I am 5.7 lbs away from my first goal. My fake goal.
I sip on my coffee as I dress my "healthy BMI" body. A black dress and some jelly shoes are all I can get myself to wear today. Cute, but not too much effort. I draw on my face the way Elena Amber used to, with cat eyes and far too much eye shadow, and add a little bit of pink lipstick for color. I throw my red dyed hair into a messy bun then head back downstairs. Everyone except for my younger sister Emily, left to buy the food for the party. Emily is sleeping on the couch, not to my surprise, although I hadn't noticed her earlier.
"Em," I whisper slightly, shaking her, "It's noon and our party is in an hour, you may wanna get ready."
Originally, Emily wasn't going to be allowed at the party, but since I was inviting no one I told her she could come with a few friends and hangout. Mom and Dad are going to spend the night in a hotel, and I didn't want her to have to stay with them anyways.
She sits up, her long brown hair knotted countless times, and her eyeliner smeared all over. She looks as if she was out partying last night. Emily is 16 and has been to more parties than I have. She hiccups.
"Oh shit," she mumbles. "Sorry."
"You're just lucky mom and dad are oblivious," I mumble, heading to the kitchen. "Waffles?" She nods.
When I was Elena Amber, I looked up to Em. 2 years apart and she was already the cool girl I aspired to be. I used to buy her cigarettes, when she was 15 and I was 17 I would have my best friend, Helena, who was 19 buy her some. I didn't think twice about how stupid and harmful I was being. Em was always thinner than me, and I always hated that I couldn't be her. I daydreamed about my soul crawling up into her body and taking over, finally being skinny and wanted.