Without You.

I woke in the morning to my cell phone ringing, for a moment I was disoriented, feeling an arm wrapped around my waist and a warm body pressed to mine. Remembering the night before, I gently lifted Henry's heavy arm off me and sat up, reaching for my phone near the foot of the bed.
"Hello?" I answered groggily without looking at the caller ID, at the same time, Henry sat up beside me.
"Morning Eva," Jacob's voice floated through the phone. "Sorry if I woke you up, I keep forgetting the time difference."
"It-it's okay." I stammered, caught off guard.
"I just got to work, wanted to call and make sure that you were alright." He told me.
"I'm okay, I got a little paranoid, but I'm sure everything will be fine." I replied awkwardly. It felt so strange talking to Jacob as Henry sat in bed next to me.
"I'm sure it will be too and like I said, you know how to handle yourself."
"Thanks for calling."
"Of course, I'd better head into the shop, but I'll call you later tonight." Jacob replied.
"Sounds good."
"I love you Eva." He said.
"You too." I replied and we ended the conversation.
"Good morning," Henry grinned at me.
"Morning," I smiled back, hoping he hadn't heard Jacob's end of the conversation and wouldn't ask who I was speaking to.
"I must have fallen asleep, I didn't mean to stay all night."
"If I didn't want you to stay, I wouldn't have let you in my bed." I replied with a grin.
"True," Henry laughed and then asked. "What time is it?"
"Almost six." I answered, glancing down at the clock on my phone.
"It's too early," he groaned and reaching out, pulled me to lie down with him. "Wake me up in two hours."
"There's no guarantee of that happening, you might have to wake me up." I laughed pulling the blankets over me.
Henry rolled over to face me and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer.
"I'm cold." He stated.
"Excuses, excuses." I teased with a grin rolling over, my back pressed against his chest.
"Who said I'm making excuses?" Henry retorted. He shifted and suddenly I felt his nose nuzzling my neck. He let out a breath and it sent shivers down my spine.
"See," Henry chuckled. "Isn't my nose cold?"
"That's not why I-" I stopped short flushing with nerves and embarrassment.
Henry pressed his soft plump lips to my neck and began trailing kisses towards my shoulder. I let out an involuntary moan as another shiver ran through me and I instinctively pressed myself into his body. Henry's hand gripped my hip and gently pushed me away from his groin. I laid still, my body stiff with nerves, my mind and heart racing. He pulled my hip down, rolling me on to my back and propped himself up on his elbow.
"You're so beautiful." He told me, bringing his other hand up to brush the hair from my face.
"Oh, stop." I blushed.
"It's true and I will never stop saying so."
Henry leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I didn't protest, enjoying the feeling. He was so tender, there was no aggression or feeling of expectation. I ran my tongue along his bottom lip and then sucked it into my mouth, nibbling gently. Henry groaned and rolled on top of me, being careful not to squish me. Placing his hand on my neck he deepened his kiss and I ran my fingers through his hair. The familiar feeling of longing was beginning to run through my body and it was blocking any rational thoughts from entering my mind. Henry's lips left mine and he began placing kisses along my jawline and down my neck. My hands gripped his biceps as I struggled to catch my breath, shivering as he began lifting my shirt, his fingers grazing my skin. I arched my back, allowing him to pull the fabric higher and then I took my shirt off, tossing it to the floor. Henry sat back on his heels, still on top of me and stared down at my naked flesh. Reaching out, I tugged at the hem of his shirt, not wanting to be the only one exposed. Understanding my signal, he lifted his shirt over his head and threw it to the floor. Now it was my turn to stare. Henry caught my gaze and grinned, dimples appearing. I could feel myself melting into the mattress, he was drop dead gorgeous. He brought his hand to my stomach and his fingers softly danced across my skin. He reached my breast and brushed his thumb across my nipple, causing me to moan. Leaning down, Henry pressed his wet lips against my belly button, his warm breath tickling my skin as he trailed his tongue upwards. I let out a gasp, arching my back as he latched on to my nipple and flicked it with his tongue, massaging my other breast with his palm.
"You have to stop." I panted after a few moments, tugging at the ends of his hair. Warmth and desire were beginning to pool between my thighs.
"You're right." Henry groaned rolling on to the bed beside me.
Jacob's face flashed in my mind and my chest caved with guilt. How could I do this to him? What was happening to me? I just couldn't seem to resist my attraction to Henry.
"Eva," Henry broke me from my thoughts. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm okay." I turned my head to glance at him and attempted a smile.
"Looked like you saw a ghost there for a minute." He chuckled.
You could say that... I thought.
"Just trying to catch my breath before we get into trouble."
"I like trouble." Henry grinned at me.
"Oh, I know you do." I laughed. "Which is why I have to keep you in check."
"Hmm, well we'd better go to sleep before I get myself into more trouble."
We both rolled on to our sides and Henry wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me into his chest. My mind was reeling, my heart racing. I knew I shouldn't be allowing any of this to happen, but I was enjoying it far too much.

"Eva," I heard my name being called. "Eva, wake up."
"What?" I groaned opening my eyes to see Henry dressed and staring down at me from beside the bed.
"I'm going to get my things and bring Chewy over." He told me, his eyes scanning my body. Blushing, I remembered that I was topless and yanked the blankets over my chest.
"Okay," I nodded.
"I'll be back in about an hour." Henry said and leaned down, giving me a kiss.

On Friday morning I decided to venture into town with Chewy by my side, partly because I was running out of food, but mostly because I was bored out of my mind. I stopped by the book store to pick up some more entertainment and then headed to the grocery store. As I pulled into the parking lot Chewbacca began barking, his head sticking out the open window. I glanced over his big furry head and frowned. Was that Henry? I parked the truck and shut the engine off.
"Chewy, be quiet." I scolded, not wanting to be noticed.
Henry was standing a few feet from a woman I didn't recognize and they seemed to be in a heated argument. The woman was pointing to the blue car beside her and Henry threw both hands into the air. I wondered what they were discussing, I also wondered why he was here in the first place. Why would he lie to me and why would he ask me to keep his dog if he was still in town? It didn't make sense. Henry stepped towards the woman and leaned over slightly, reaching his hand up to her cheek as he moved his face closer to hers. With both hands she shoved him away. Who was she? Did Henry have a girlfriend? I frowned. I felt jealous, but why did I had the right? I mean technically I wasn't single and he wasn't my boyfriend. I shouldn't care what or who he was doing. I couldn't watch any longer.
"I'll be right back, you be good." I told Chewbacca as I unbuckled my seatbelt and stepped out of the truck. Hoping I wouldn't be seen, I quickly crossed the parking lot and entered the grocery store.
Once I had finished shopping, Henry and the woman were gone and I sighed in relief. I set the grocery bags in the bed of the truck and headed back to the cottage.

Over the weekend I had time to think and came to the conclusion that just because Jacob was playing games, didn't mean that I had to. I couldn't let anything else happen with Henry, it wasn't right. I couldn't lead him on. I wasn't here to be running around with another man. I was here to heal and fix the relationship that I was in. I didn't want another one. I wanted Jacob. Even if things were complicated, my grandmother was right, love isn't easy. I wanted the kind of relationship that my grandparents have and I wanted it with Jacob. I had decided that when Henry came back, I would tell him we couldn't see each other anymore. I was slightly disappointed because we had so much fun together, but Jacob was more important. I felt horrible about what had happened with Henry the other night and couldn't let it happen again. Part of me felt as though I'd done it to get back at Jacob and it made me feel petty and racked with guilt.
The sound of my cell phone ringing woke me up late Saturday night. With a groan, I rolled over and picked it up off the nightstand. It was Jacob. It was also three o'clock in the morning.
"Hello," I answered groggily.
"Hey baby," There was so much background noise that I could barely hear him.
"Do you know what time it is?" I growled.
"I'm sorry, I just wanted to talk to you." Jacob replied slurring his words.
"Where are you?" I already knew the answer, so I wasn't sure why I even asked in the first place.
"I'm out."
"I see." I responded and we were silent for a few moments.
"I miss you Evie, I wish you'd just come home."
"You seem to be having a pretty good time without me."
"Well, what do you want me to do? Sit at home alone every night and wait for you?" He retorted.
"No, but going out drinking almost every night isn't helping the situation."
"You're impossible, you know that? Such a buzz kill."
"Then why'd you call?" I was in no mood to put up with his bullshit, it was the middle of the night.
"Because I fucking miss you and I love you."
"I know."
"Well then come home!"
"I'm not ready." I sighed.
"You're such a bitch! I can't believe you just up and left me!" He was getting angry.
"Jacob, I don't appreciate you talking to me that way and I don't think we should be having this conversation right now." I replied, trying to stay calm.
"Why? Cause you know it's true, that you abandoned me when things got rough?"
"I did not abandon you, it's because it's after three o'clock in the morning and you're drunk."
"I am not, a couple drinks doesn't -" Jacob began, but was cut off by someone in the background.
"Hey gorgeous come back to the party, you're missing all the fun."
"Jacob," I growled. "Who is that?"
I wasn't sure what the girl on the other end of the phone did, but Jacob laughed.
"Jacob," I repeated.
"Don't worry about it."
"Who is she?"
"Well, I need someone to occupy me while you're gone." Was his response.
"Excuse me?" My blood was beginning to boil.
"You heard me."
"Jacob, I swear to God -"
"Get off the phone, come dance with me." I could hear the girl on the other side of the phone say.
"I have to go." He laughed.
"Jacob -" I started, but the line went dead as he hung up.
Letting out a frustrated scream, I threw my phone across the room and Chewy jumped up beside me. I was livid. The nerve of him. How could he even say something like that? Rage was taking over my body as my muscles stiffened. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face. How could I sleep now? I let out a deep exasperated sigh. I couldn't stay in bed or I'd go crazy. Throwing back the covers, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood. I dressed in shorts and a light long sleeve shirt, deciding to go for a run.
As I left the bedroom, Chewy jumped from the bed and followed me into the living room. I pulled on my sneakers and left the cottage with the dog in tow. It was still dark out, the only light coming from the moon. Even though I was a grown woman, the dark made me feel uneasy, especially when near the woods. My heartbeat quickened as I walked away from the light of the cottage. I ran straight to the end of the dirt road without stopping. I could feel my heartbeat pulsing in my head. My lungs and muscles on fire as I stood still, bent over slightly with my hands on my knees. Chewy was beside me, his tongue hanging from his mouth. I could hear the waves crashing on the shore and the buzz of insects and frogs all around me. My breathing and heart rate gradually returned to normal and I sprinted back to the cottage.
Once inside, I filled the dog's water dish and had a quick shower. Finally feeling worn out, I crawled back into bed as the sun began to rise. I slept until late afternoon, made myself something to eat and then sat on the porch with my book. My phone rang beside me and seeing that it was Jacob, I debated whether or not to answer.
"Hi," I grumbled, having made my decision.
"Hey Eva, I'm so sorry about last night."
"I've heard that before and I'm not so sure you are."
"Evie," he sighed.
"Did you go home alone last night?" I questioned.
"Of course I did."
"I don't know if I believe that either."
"Oh come on, don't be like that."
"Who was she?"
"Lydia," he responded.
"And who is that?"
"Just someone from work."
"Wait, please don't tell me that's the one I caught you making out with?"
Jacob hesitated for a moment.
"Yes, it is."
"Why the fuck are you always hanging around with her?" I cried in disbelief.
"Because we work together Eva."
"Yeah, well that doesn't mean you have to hang out afterwards."
"Look, when the guys go out she always asks to come, it's not like we can say no."
"If you say so."
"Eva," he groaned. "There's nothing going on between us."
"How would I know?"
"It's a little thing called trust. You really think I'd do that to you?"
"Well you did kiss her." I reminded him.
"And I'm really sorry that I did, I was really drunk."
"That's your excuse for everything and it's not good enough."
"I know you're mad baby, but I don't want to fight with you. I'm sorry about last night, I'm just stressed out and really want you home with me."
"Yes I know, but you can't treat me that way."
"I don't know how many times I have to apologize Eva. How can I make it up to you?"
"Words don't mean anything, you know exactly what I want."
"Eva," Jacob sighed again. "I don't need help."
"Do you want to have a family with me?" I asked changing the subject.
"Of course, you know I do."
"Do you really want your kids to grow up seeing you drink all the time?"
"Eva, if we had kids it would be different." He replied, trying to defend himself.
"Oh yeah, that's what you say, but I'm not taking the chance in finding out. Until things change, it's never going to happen."
"Don't say that."
"I'm just telling you the truth, it's on you at this point. When you take responsibility and get help, then we can move forward and I'm willing to help you. Jacob, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I can't bring a child into this situation."
"You act like I'm this terrible person, I'm not that bad."
"You're not, I just don't know how to help you anymore. You're not the same person you once were and I just want you to be yourself and happy again. I don't want you having to depend on alcohol for that."
"I don't depend on alcohol," he grunted. "Eva, you make it out to be way worse than it actually is."
"Jacob, you drink every day. I'm sick of worrying about where you are every night and stressing about what kind of state you'll be in when you get home. Honestly, sometimes you scare the hell out of me. You can be so angry and hateful, I don't know what you're going to do."
"You know I'd never hurt you Eva."
"Physically yes, but there are other kinds of hurt."
"Oh stop being so dramatic."
"I'm done with this conversation." I told him and hung up. He didn't bother calling back.