You're the One Who Shot Me

I leaned back and pulled him down with me as my back hit the bed. He climbed over me so that he hovered and continued to kiss me. My hands remained on his face as he used his to hold himself up.

My hands move from his face up higher and tangle themselves in his brown hair. I pull gently as he begins to kiss me harder. He pries my lips apart as he begins to move his tongue against mine. I moan quietly and pull him closer.

One of his hands begins to trail down and goes under my shirt. He skims his fingers slightly against my skin and I shudder against his touch. His disconnects his lips from mine and moves them down to my neck. He places soft kisses on my neck and I moan softly.

He begins sucking on the crook of my neck and I whimper when he bites down. He rubs his tongue over it and chuckles before sucking softly again, and soothing the pain.

"Oli," I moan out breathlessly.

Then my eyes snap open in shock and I push him off. "Oh, my God," I murmur. "Oh, my God!" I say, louder.

"Kellin, what happened? What's wrong?" My head snaps to face him and I see him genuinely worried. I get up hurriedly and back away before running out of his room and into mine, slamming the door shut.

I slide down the door in despair and hug my knees to my chest. I feel the door being knocked on behind me, "Kellin! Kellin!"

I ignore him. "Oh, this can't be - no. I can't believe I did this. I cheated on Vic. Oh, my God," I sob into my knees.

"Kellin, open up, please!"

"Go away!"

"Kellin, please open this door!"

"No, Oli."

The pounding stops and I hear shuffling on the other side as I cry quietly. I hear voices muffled on the other side and I stand up on shakey legs and move to my bed where I climb under the covers and pull my legs to my chest again.

"Kellin? I'm going to stay outside your bedroom door until you're ready to talk, okay? I'll wait for you."

And I can't help but compare him to Vic.

I think it was the first night I spent with Vic, I had tried to run away to find Jesse and protect him from my uncle, but Vic stopped me. He had punched me. And I ran into the bathroom where I fell asleep, afraid for my life with Vic. Vic had picked the lock and carried me out. He didn't wait.

But Oli, he was willing to wait. He wasn't going to force himself in. He was going to wait outside until I was ready to let him in. This was my choice. And that fact made me cry harder.

I cried because for the first time ever, I had actual freedom of my choices for once. I wasn't free physically, but emotionally, yes. And I cried.

I don't when or for how long I cried, but I must have fallen asleep during my crying because next thing I know, I'm waking up at around midnight. The red, bright numbers on my clock showed me.

I get out of bed and begin walking to the door. When I open it, I see a body laying across the door, sleeping. Oli. I had to smile. He wasn't kidding, he honestly was waiting for me.

I walk over his body and crouch down before settling down on my knees. I see the guards were gone. I lean over his face and look down at him. His pink lips were slightly parted as he slept and one arm was thrown over his stomach.

Some of his hair was falling over his forehead and I move it back with my thumb. My thumb rubs against his soft skin and I shiver slightly. I watch him sleep and I felt calm until I got an idea, I bite my lip lightly.

I lean over and place a kiss on his forehead. Then I lean back.

"Oli," I whisper, "Oli, wake up," I say, shaking him slightly. He groans and whines at being woken up. "Come on, Oli, you can't sleep on the floor. It'll hurt you."

He groans, but begins to sit up. I lean back and wait for him to be completely sitted. "Kellin? Are you ready to talk," he mumbled. "Not quite yet," I whisper. "Let's go eat something first."

I stand up and hold my hand out for him to take. When he does, I pull my hand back and begin walking towards the stairs. I kept my distance from him. But we reach the kitchen and I pour each of us a bowl of cereal.

We eat in silence and I didn't want to break it. Breaking it would mean we'd have to talk about what happened, and I didn't really want to. Not now, at least, but I knew I'd have to.

We finish and I pick up both the plates silently and take them to the sink where I wash both the bowls and spoons and whatever other dishes I could fine. Finally, I think Oli got impatient because he walks into the kitchen.

"You done yet, Kellin?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm done." I turn of the faucet and dry my hands before we're both climbing up the stairs again and into my room. I take a seat on the bed and he stands at the foot of it. I pull my knees to my chest.

I knew he was staring at me, but I couldn't meet his gaze. "Kellin?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened earlier?"

"When?" I was playing stupid, I know I was. But I didn't want to talk about it.

"You know when, Kellin. Please, what happened? We were kissing and you seemed like you were enjoying it, and I - "

"That's the thing, Oli," I begin, still not meeting his eyes. My head was facing the door, "I did enjoy it."

"Then what seems to be the problem?" I hear movement and next thing I know is he's grabbing my hands from his spot on the bed. "Please, what happened?"

"The problem is the fact that I enjoyed it, Oli. I shouldn't have enjoyed it. I shouldn't want to kiss you again. You touch doesn't repel me like Vic's did when I first met him. It should disgust me. The problem is that I'm still engaged to Vic. I cheated on Vic. I still love Vic."

"But you're beginning to grow feelings for me as well."

"No."

"No?"

"No. I am not growing feelings for you, I won't allow it. What happened was a mistake." I remove my hands from his grasp and wrap them around my legs again. "And it won't happen again."

"What makes you think I won't kiss you anyway?"

I turn my head to face him slowly, I look straight into his eyes as I speak, "You respect me. You wouldn't do anything against my will."

He stays silent at that and looks down at his lap. I uncoil myself and crawl over to him where I climb into his lap. I place a hand under his chin and raise his head. "Thank you." He gives me a small smiles and places his hands at my waist, pulling me closer.

He lays his head on my shoulder and I lay my head on his. I feel him press his lips to a certain spot and if I recall, it's where he put his mark.

Before I could tell him anything, his lips are gone and it didn't seem like he'd try anything else. Though, he leans back and I land on top of him. I wasn't sure what he was doing, but then he moves us around and my head touches a pillow.

I unwrap my legs from around him and turn around. He begins to spoon me and that's how we lay. "You're still going with me to meet my mom later."

I chuckle silently, "Okay." Then we fall asleep.

The next time we wake up, I feel someone's arm wrapped around me and I smile at the familiarity of it. I felt safe, protected, but I didn't feel constricted, trapped. With Vic, when he had his arm around me, I did feel safe, I did feel loved, but I also felt trapped, like I wasn't allowed to escape.

With Oli, I did feel safe and protected, but I wasn't trapped. Oli wasn't holding me hostage, figurately speaking. I like how Oli holds me. And that's why I needed to get away from him.

Whatever I have - whatever I'm feeling - for Oli is not good. Nor is it safe. I'm engaged to Vic. I love Vic. And the moment all of this is over, I will marry Vic.

I will go with Oli to visit his mother, but the moment that's over, i will distance myself. This that I feel for Oli has to vanish.

I love Vic.

I love Vic.

I love Vic.

But now, I'm not so sure.