Want You Bad.

We sat in the car, my GPS telling me how to get to the address she had given me that was supposed to lead us to the bar she thought Joker was at. She hummed along to the upbeat pop punk song on the radio, her head and shoulders moving slightly in a subtle dance. It made me smile.

There had been a question nagging in the back of my head since I had witnessed her being left and I had been debating asking or just letting the curiosity just go unanswered. Finally, I couldn’t resist anymore. The song came to an end and the radio deejays talked in their animated voices; I turned the volume down a couple notches and glanced at Jaime. “Can I ask you something? If you don’t mind me being nosy, that is…”

She eyed me cautiously, brushing her hair from her face, but nodded. “Be as nosy as you want.”

“What was all of that about anyway?” I couldn’t bring myself to be specific.

“What? The whole business outside the salon?” I nodded and she settled back in the seat, staring out the passenger window for a minute. Just when I thought I wasn’t going to get an answer, she sighed and her gaze shifted to the windshield. “Me and Joker fight a lot. He likes to harass me about stupid things just to annoy me, says it’s his way of showing he loves me. I don’t usually mind that; he does it to make me laugh or smile. But sometimes he’s just plain hurtful, intentionally.” She paused and I looked at her. The sunset bathed her thoughtful face in shades of amber and gold, making her look like a painting. “He says I’ve been hateful lately, that I’m not being myself. I don’t know what he means by that, I don’t think I’m acting any different from usual. Anyway, at the stoplight outside the salon, in the car next to the pack, there was this girl. And she was staring at him and trying to flirt.” Her expression grew irritated, her nostrils flaring and her hands twitching slightly. “I could see his face in his mirror; he was smiling at her, so I smacked his arm. I know it was ridiculous, and I would take it back in a heartbeat if I could, but it was a knee-jerk reaction; jealousy flaring inside me. Anyway, for some reason, that set him off...” Her eyes glazed a bit, like she was reliving the memory; all traces of irritation having vanished just as fast as they had manifested. “He got mad, furious; told me to get off the bike if I was going to be a disrespectful bitch. I told him no, I wasn’t being disrespectful; I was just keeping him in line. He called me a cunt, told me to remember my fucking place and who I was talking to, then told me again to get off the bike.” Her voice was starting to crack and I felt guilty for making her tell me, for making her relive it when it obviously hurt her. “When I didn’t get off, he made me get off... And now here I am.” She looked at her hands, then quickly at me. “He isn’t usually like that. He has never laid a finger on me or ever physically hurt me intentionally. Sure, I get some bumps and bruises when we play wrestle, and yes I have some bruises from other curricular activities, but he isn’t like that.” She sounded almost desperate to convince me. “He’s usually very sweet to me. He likes to pester me, yeah, but he loves me. Otherwise we wouldn’t be engaged or trying to start a family… I love him, and he loves me.”

Engaged? I looked at her left hand and, sure enough, bright as day was a ring on her delicate finger. I didn’t know what to say to any of that. The guy obviously had some problems for him to be okay with treating this girl, this woman, his fiancée, so badly and to not even care; to say it was how he showed he loved her. But then she was here defending him, saying that it really was how he showed that he loved her and that it was okay. She was a martyr, a masochist. It seemed like they were made for each other. A match made in heaven... Or maybe in hell. I looked over at her to see she was already looking at me. She averted her eyes for a second then looked at me again curiously, trying to read me.

“Sorry. I know it isn’t really my business. I was just curious...” I cut my sentence short, not wanting to admit that I had seen their other fights and already knew how they were together. I ran a hand through my hair awkwardly.

The next few minutes passed in silence and I found myself getting angry. I kept looking at Jaime, now fidgeting with the ring I had been too oblivious to see. I wanted to shake her. Didn’t she understand that what he was doing was abusive? She tried to defend his honor by saying he never physically hurt her on purpose but she had blatantly admitted that he intentionally hurt her emotionally. And with his behavior today? I couldn’t believe she was crawling back to him. I wanted to shake her and tell her to open her eyes.

I parked in front of the bar, a little hole in the wall next to a parts shop, and stared straight ahead at the neon “open” sign. The air was thick and uncomfortable, or at least it felt that way to me. I looked at her and was surprised to see the expression on her face. The biker chick in her leather vest proclaiming that she was Property (that thought still revolted me) looked like a scared little girl, staring at the door of the bar. “Do you want me to come in with you?”

She nibbled on her lip and wrung her hands, eyes never leaving the door. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea... But yes…” She tore her gaze from the door and looked at me pleadingly, “Please.”

I nodded silently and took my keys from the ignition, opening my door and sliding out. As she walked ahead of me through the door, I could see her trembling and fidgeting with her ring again. We walked through the entrance and I found the bar unusually empty for a Thursday evening in Los Angeles. The bartender looked up and welcomed us with a generic smile, eyes instantly lighting up and smile widening when she saw Jaime. I watched Jaime walk over to the opening in the bar and give the tender a hug. I could feel eyes on me and I tried not to let it make me seem nearly as uncomfortable as it did.

“My Harley Quinn!” Joker jumped up as soon as he caught sight of Jaime, rushing to her. He put his arms around her waist and lifted her feet from the ground; the smile on her face was full of relief and love. I felt a stab of jealousy and anger shoot through me. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. I don’t know what got into me, I’m sorry. I’m such a fuck up.” He set her back on her feet and gave her a tender kiss. I rolled my eyes.

She smiled. “It’s okay, puddin’. I love you. Ride or die, remember?” He looked at me and I shifted awkwardly; she followed his gaze and waved me over. I reluctantly indulged her request, shoving my hands in the pockets of my jacket. “Babe, this is Mark. He gave me a ride. Mark, this is my fiancé, Joker.”

His icy blue eyes darkened. He snaked his arm around Jaime’s waist and pulled her closer to his body in an almost crude way. “Thanks for looking out for my ol’ lady, man. I really appreciate it.” He looked over toward the group he had been sitting with then back to me. “Come on, have a drink with us.”

I wanted to say no. I wanted to make an excuse and go back home; something felt incredibly off and I didn’t like it. But then she looked at me and I couldn’t say no. “Alright, but just one…” I followed them back to the table where Jaime introduced me to the members, each with their own nickname. She was the only female. I sat by the wall with her occupying the seat beside me.

“Carrie, get our new friend here a drink of his choice on us,” Joker said before drinking from his bottle of Corona. The way he looked at me made me very uneasy; I felt like I had really made a bad decision in walking in here with his… Property.