Nothing Really Matters

Both men looked at me and every fiber of my being told me to ether pick up the knife that was only inches from my hand or turned the fuck around and make a run for it. I watched as he got up from the couch and walk towards me. My hand moved instinctually towards the knife but then I came to catch his eye and my hand stopped. I could’ve kicked myself for letting him infect me like that.
“Lo…”
When he spoke my name my head cleared a little and although my body still was ready for an attack, my mind relaxed a little and I could see him more clearly.
“Remember what I told you…? You have to get use to certain people if you want to stay here.”
“I’m still here, aren’t I?”
I hadn’t meant to snap at him but I was still in defense mood and it would take more than that to calm down. I saw however that his face fell and a part my mind, the part that had surrendered to him completely, told me he was probably hurt.
“Yes, you are.”
He composed his faced quickly at the same time as he came another step closer to me. I starred at his outstretched hand for a long time before I realized he was waiting for me to grab it, not forcing himself on my but instead letting me come to him when I was ready. Making the part of my brain that had surrendered completely, expanding even further. Andy was his best friend, it had to count for something, right? He had said they were the same. He had said he would protect me. Did that mean he would protect me against his best friends as well? I took a closer look at the man on the couch. He sat stuck still, watching us intensely. He looked harmless enough, but then, that wasn’t always the case. I looked back at Norman and his eyes were begging me to let down my guard.
“I’ll be right beside you.”
He whispered a moved his hand a bit closer. After looking back at Andy one more time I was convinced Norman would probably win if they ever got into a fight and grabbed his hand.
“Thank you.”
I felt safer once he held my hand, not completely comfortable, but at least safer knowing he would be by my side. When he rose from the couch once again, I only flinched slightly but as he squeezed my hand, I relaxed a little and walked to meet the intruder.
“We got off on the wrong foot, I’m sorry. I’m Andrew, I work with Norman.”
“Andy. I’m gonna call you Andy.”
“That’s fine. Can I hug you?”
“What’s up with ya’ll people always hugging?!”
“No hug then…”
“Hell no… Nothing personal.”
"It's his fault. I wasn't a hugger before I met him, I swear."
"Whatever you say."
"What are you doing here, Andy? Really?"
"I told you, you freaked me out...!"
"I'm fine."
"Can I buy you guys some coffee or something?"
"Why don't you two go out for coffee?"
"And leave you here alone?"
He snapped his head to me and the worry in his eyes would probably have made me laugh if it hadn't been for the other man standing before us.
"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here when you get back."
"It was you I wanted to get to know, him I already know."
"Well, that's not gonna happen that fast and definitely not over coffee out in public with the two of you."
"Alright, guess that make sense... Are you up for some coffee, Bro?"
"Sure. Will you be alright?"
"I've another 4 seasons left, I think I'll be fine... Besides, I would feel a lot better if you removed yourself from my sight for a while. I need to... Get my head straight. No offense, I'm not just good at handling surprises like that."
"I will try to remember that. Shall we?"

It was a relief seeing the door close behind the two men. He had freaked the hell out of my by just showing up like that. I had been halfway out the window when that small voice that was already over her head in love with Mr. Reedus suddenly started shutting. Maybe we should just think this through more than 2 seconds before doing something as stupid as climbing the outside of a New York building. Then I had heard them talking and he had said the words I needed to hear, that he couldn't live without me. My body was however still working on its own accord in situations like this. That's how I had survived, disconnect my thoughts and feelings from my body. My body wanted to protect itself no matter the cost and my hand had moved towards the kitchen knife automatically. His voice had broken through one of the walls just in time to realize I was about to draw a knife at the same man I only minutes before had wanted to fuck. I needed to process the fact that he was in love with me. And I needed to do it alone. It was probably a bit of self torture but I turned on the second season of Walking Dead and grabbed his covers from the bed before crawling back into the couch. His smell along with watching Daryl Dixon on TV made my heart rate spike even before I had watched the first episode. How could someone be so goddamn addictive? It should be illegal! I got that I had to deal with certain people in his life but it was hard enough to get use to having one person around me 24/7 that actually genuine cared about me and wanted me to trust and love him the way he trusted and loved me.

He came back alone after 4 hours and handed me a bag of doughnuts without speaking. I knew he was probably mad at me for the knife but he just didn't get it. No one ever would. I just needed him to understand a fraction of what kind of work it took to sometimes put on foot before the other. I would have bad days, good days and the-world-is-going-to-shit-bad days.
"Andy really is a good guy."
"I'm sure he is."
"You cold?"
"No, not really. I just missed your smell while you were gone."
I watched as a smile filled his face even though his eyes were still fixed on the screen.
We sat in silence, eating doughnuts and watched as the walkers were realized from the barn and Sophia was finally found. I found the whole scene extremely disturbing and raised the cover pretty much up to my eyes. He was suddenly pressing up against my side and I let out a small gasp of surprise. The same second he leaned closer I could smell him and my whole body relaxed. I had gotten so used to him so quickly.
"Its better fresh isn't it?"
He smirked up at me.
"Shut up...but yeah, it is."
My hand found its way into his hair and I could hear him sigh with satisfaction. 10 minutes later his breathing got heavier and he was asleep with his head in my lap and I kept twisting his dark hair between my fingers absentmindedly. On TV his hair looked messy and dirty but in real life it was soft and smooth and smelled incredible. I drifted off to sleep as well closely after him, fingers still tangled in his hair.

We messed up the rhythm of the days. Sleeping during the days made both of us restless at nights. The day before we were heading out to Atlanta I walked in on him in the bedroom, packing, only wearing underwear and brushing his teeth at the same time. He was singing along to the radio and didn't even noticed as I sat down in the chair behind him and watched in amusement as he kept going. Finally he turned around and spotted me.
"Hi!"
"Well, hi yourself... Don't let me keep you. I was starting to enjoy the show."
"Hold that thought."
He rushed into the bathroom but returned only seconds later, without the toothbrush.
"You were saying?"
"I was just rather impressed by the multitasking going on. I mean you are a man after all. Packing, brushing and singing at the same time?"
"I'm a man of many talents. Many of them you haven't had the time to enjoy yet."
He smiled as he walked up to me. We both knew what he referred to. I had shared the bed with him every night but he was still the only one getting any pleasure out of it. He was trying extra hard this morning, eye-fucking the hell out of me.
"Could you stop looking at me like that?"
"Why? I thought you liked it."
He grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet. My hands came to rest on his naked chest and I felt him tremble. He put his head under my chin and lifter my lips to his. As always my hands found its way into his hair as I pulled him closer. I wanted him so bad my entire body felt like it was on fire.
"Ok, could you... Stop for a second?"
When I pulled away from him he groaned in disappointment.
"No, I really can't..."
"Just give me a sec."
I took one step away from him and watched him closely. He was flushed and panted slightly. His lips were swollen by all the kissing and I just wanted him more for every passing second. When I raised both arms over my head to pull of the shirt he took one step forward and helped me toss it to floor. I had never exposed myself like this before. Sure, he had seen my arms but this was a whole other thing. He could see every scar on my body as I let my jeans fell to the floor. His fingers landed on the biggest scar across my lower belly and I couldn't stop the shiver that went through my whole body.
"I'm gonna choose to look at all your scares as one step closer to what we have right now. Without them you wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be the same person as you are now."
He traced the scare up to my belly button and kept going until he reached my still covered breasts. My voice wasn't working anymore, I focused on keep breathing. His hands set my skin on fire and I lunched myself at him. Thankfully he caught me in his strong protecting arms just before we both fell into bed, me on top of him. My bra came of the same second he rolled us over. This wasn't even close to that first dream I had had about him. He took his time, making sure he didn't miss a single spot on my craving body. Spent a little more time on certain parts, making me scream his name they way I knew he had wanted me to for days now. I never knew sex could be this good. He took me places I didn't even know existed and it never stopped. I couldn't get enough. I had missed out indeed. The room smelled strongly of sweat and body fluids when I became somewhat conscious of our surroundings again. I was sitting in his lap, both legs wrapped around his waist and he sat with his sweaty forehead pressed to my shoulder, trying to catch his breath, still buried deep inside me.

“Fucking hell…”
“You could say that again.”
“Don’t know about you, but that was fucking insane, if I may say so myself.”
He grinned when he lifted his head to look at me.
“Did you not notice me screaming your name?”
“Twice I think actually.”
"If I would have known you were this good at sex, I would have given in much earlier."
He gave me a gorgeous smile before pulling my sweaty hair away from my face and kissed me deep and hard.
"Thank you for trusting me."
"Well when you said all that there was no going back."
"And I meant ever word."
"Yeah, that's the weirdest part of all this. I actually believed you."
"I know this most not have been that easy."
"Not quite as hard as I thought it would be. I just have no idea how the hell I'm gonna be able to stop."
"Good, cause I'm not going to able to stop ether. Just a really bad timing with a 14 hour drive in front of us."
"There're a lot of hotels along the way and we have more the 48 hours, right?"
"And the car is pretty big too."

We both groaned as he gently lifted me of off his lap and laid me down next to him. I looked at him with new eyes that morning, of maybe a new mindset is a better way to describe it. There was nothing holding me back anymore. He had broken through every possible wall and my mind had surrendered completely. I was still terrified and I knew this was probably too good to be true and I knew I would hurt him worse than anyone ever had before. Still, when I looked at him I wanted it to work out. He actually eased some of the physical and emotional scares, which I know was corny as hell to say but it felt better, easier, when he put his hands on me. I rolled over to my stomach and put both hands under the pillow with a deep sigh and closed my eyes. His fingers came to rest at the small of my back.

“Is there any part of your body that isn’t covered in scares?”
I felt him trace the fine lines on my back with the tips of his fingers. I figured his question was only rhetorical but I answered him anyway.
“He never touched my face. Said it was too hard to cover up and that I was too pretty to have scares and bruises on my face.”

I could feel him move next to me and his lips were suddenly on my shoulder blades. He traced his tongue along my spin as he slipped his hands under my hips, making me bit down on the pillow. My body had never worked on its own like this before, wanting and needing more of his touch. My hips moved closer to his hands and expert fingers. For the third time that morning, his name escaped my lips in a loud moan.

“Holly fuck…You honestly gotta stop doing that…!”
“Why?”
He came crawling up to me with a huge grin on his face, tracing small kisses on my back as he did.
“You seemed to enjoy it.”
“I do, but we need to get going.”
When I turned around to face him I nodded towards the alarm clock on the night stand. It was 2 o’clock already.
“Fuck… Alright, you’re right. Do you wanna take a shower with me?”
“If I do, we won’t be leaving before midnight.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

I stepped into the shower in the second bathroom, alone, 5 minutes later. I was sore all over. In a good way for the first time in my life though. I almost felt high but then, I had never had that much endorphin in my system before, as least not for having too many orgasms…