Nothing Really Matters

It was still hard to get use to the fact that she was still there every night I got back home. A part of me was still terrified every time I opened the door, that she wouldn't be there. But as Friday night came and I once again parked the bike in the garage I heard the steady rhythm from the music inside and I relaxed at once. She was still there. I found her sitting cross legeded on the floor, her back to the TV, looking through a box of photographs I didn't even remember I had. She was softly singing along to the pop song, something I normally wouldn't be playing. I should have known I wouldn't be able to sneak up on her.
"How was your day?"
She asked, not turning to look at me, keeping her eyes on the picture of Steven and Andy that rested in her hand.
"Great."
I joined her on the floor, grabbing another photo from the floor. Most of them where from the set of Walking Dead.
"What are you listening to?"
"Ed Sheeran. I saw him in concert a few months ago and he kinda stuck with me after that."
"You saw him in concert?"
"Yeah."
"How?"
"Madison Square Garden isn't that hard breaking into if you know where to do it."
"Of course it isn't... How was your day?"
"Fine. I missed you."
Finally she looked up at me. I was surprised to find her eyes red and swollen. She had been crying. At once I stated to panic. Why had she been crying?
"Hey... What's wrong?"
I gently grabbed one of her arms when she made to move away from me. I could see her first instinct was to snatch it right back but she manage to stop the movement. She starred at me for a long time, I guess waiting for me to give up but when I didn't she sighed and finally spoke.
"I just missed you."
"That's not why you've crying."
I was getting pretty good at reading her too by now and I could definitely tell that she was lying.
"Partly... I just realized that I wanted you to be here, or just us being together and... I just never thought I would have to worry about that again."
"Worry about what?"
"Carrying for someone other than myself. I only had to worry about what happened to me before and now you're... I worry about you and it just sucks."
"You're gonna have to make a lot more sense than that, love cause I don't follow. What's so wrong worrying about people?"
"Cause it means I care too much about what happens to you. I told you I would hurt you."
"What the hell are you talking about, Lo? Of course you care, of course you worry. It's part of being human, of falling in love with someone."
She was suddenly on her feet and I quickly followed, not ready to let he go without a fight. Cause she was leaving. I could feel it in every fiber if my being.
"Not for me. I can't... I don't want to hurt you!"
She wasn't making any sense to me at all. Did she care or not? Or did she care too much?
"God damnit, London. What the hell happened?"
"I fell in love with you, that's what happened!"
"And why the hell is that so wrong?"
"Cause I couldn't think straight. It's been a fucking fairytale these past weeks. Something out of someone else's life. I forgot all about the fucked up shit when you came along..."
"And that's a bad thing?!"
I cut her off, my heart racing in panic and my mind completely blank. This couldn't be happening.
"Yes. To the both of us. I told you he always pushed people I care about away."
"Don't you fucking dare standing here and accuse you're fucking father for this! He's not here, Lo! This is just you being a fucking covered! You love me and you can't deal with it!"
"I told you this was how it would end. I warned you I would hurt you."
"And now you have... Happy?"
I could feel the angry tears start to build at the corner of my eye. I just wanted to get down on my knees and beg her to stay but the range was overwhelming at that point. I had failed her. I had failed myself by not doing enough. But I honestly didn't know what I could've done differently. What else did she want? Maybe she was right, maybe she wasn't cut out for my world. She belonged in the horror stories, not this fairytale. We had both went quite and I watched as she collected her backpack from the couch.
"Are you going back to New York?"
"I don't know yet..."
"Could you at least text me or something now and then? Letting me know you're ok?"
"Sure."
She put on a cap and swung the pack to her back before leaving through the back door.

I had seen him. At first I had thought it was just a dream. One of my worst nightmares, but he had really been there. Sitting outside the house in a big ass black SUV. It seemed he had worked his way up to the FBI, or at least that's what his jacked had said. I knew then that I had to leave before things got out of hand. He would hurt Norman if he had the chance, if he saw what he meant to me. I had cried at first but then realized I had been fucking stupid to think it wouldn't end this way. I had never been allowed something as good as him in my life. Why would that suddenly have changed? It was a fairytale too good to be true. So I ran. I always ran. But this time it took every ounce of fight in me to do so. It had been easy before but leaving him wasn't. I had tried to leave while he wasn't still home but every time something kept me from taking the final step out the door. And I wanted to give some type of explanation, although I knew it wouldn't matter. I was hurting him with every single word I said. Nothing I ever said would make me leaving him any easier. I hadn't decide where to go yet. I part of me wanted to go back to New York, my safe zone, not there real was one anymore. I hated how he had found me. I hated the fact that I was stupid enough to allow a picture of the two of us ending up in People magazine only 3 days before. I knew that was how he had found me. My father was really good at his job. Apparently good enough for the FBI. I wasn't afraid of dying but I had wanted a life with Norman. I wanted to be there every night he got back from shooting. I wanted him to make me scream his name every night in bed. Now that was all gone because of my fucking father. Everything would be so much easier if he didn't exist anymore. Maybe it was time for me to actually do something about it on my own...

Norman were going to come over for breakfast Sunday morning but as night fell and I still hasn't got hold of him I decided to go check if he was alright. My first thought had been that they probably hadn't even made it out of bed yet, having a pretty steamy sex life at the moment, according to himself. The house was dark when I got there and when I rang the doorbell no one opened. I made my way into the garage, using the code to the garage doors. The bikes where all there and the car was parked out on the driveway. He was too damn lacy to walk anywhere. I turned on the lights as I made it through every room of the house, not finding him anywhere. The liquor cabinet was open in the living room and the worry that hadn't been there at first started to crep on me. A loud groan from the backyard made me rush towards the back door. He was out there, but it was hard telling what he was doing. I turned on the porch light, making him jump and turn around, pointing the crossbow at me.
"Andy, fuck...."
"What are you doing?"
He was covered in dirt and I suspected blood as I took a closer look at him, walking closer. He lowered the bow to the ground.
"Practicing."
"Why?"
"Leave me alone, Andy."
"Not gonna happen, bro. What's going on?"
He held a big kitchen knife in the other hand.
"London’s father was here yesterday."
"Ok... Where's she?"
"No fucking idea. She left Friday night."
"And you haven't heard from her since?"
"No..."
He turned around and throw the knife hard into a near by tree. And although he has freaking the hell out of me I must admit I was pretty impressed at his knife skills in a time like this. I knew it was to realize some of the anger he had but yet, his aim was flawless.
"I'm sorry, man."
The arrow from the crossbow nailed itself millimeter above the blade of the knife. Once he had lower it again I felt safe enough to approach him closer.
"Can we go inside and talk?"
I waited for almost five minutes before he turned and walked back into the house, not looking at me once. I decided to let him have some space and followed first when I heard the water running in the kitchen. He was rubbing the dirt of his knuckles as I walked on and up to the kitchen counter.
"She's just gone."
The anger had subsided with each stroke of the towel in his hand. Almost like he washed away the anger. Instead tears started to build up in his eyes and his voice got thick.
"She can come back."
I knew that probability wasn't true but he needed to hear it. He needed every little bit of hope he could get.
"Yeah, if he's dead."
"Who?"
"Her dad."
"Fuck, Nor you can't... What did you do?"
"Nothing. I'm not that fucked up! I wanted to. I wanted to kill him."
"What did he do to her?"
"Pretty much everything you can imagine and then some... The worst part is that he hasn't been the worst one."
"Norman, what the hell happened? Why was he here?"
"He came looking for her. He's FBI. Came knocking 5 o'clock yesterday morning. Said she was wanted for questioning in some identity theft or some bullshit.”
“How did you know it was him? Did he actually say he was her father?”
“They have the same eyes… She… She tried to explain why she had to leave but I didn’t believe her. She said it was because of him and I just blew her off, yelling at her that she was just scared.”
“Why is she afraid of him? I mean what can he possible have done to go all this way? You know she loves you, right?”
“Yeah, but that really doesn’t matter anymore, cause she ain’t here… I think she was most afraid of him actually hurting me, I mean actually physical hurting me. She said he had before with people she cared about.”
“Do you think he would?”
“I don’t care. I just want her to be here right now. I’m fucking losing my mind here, Andy.”
“Have you tried to calling her?”
“Yeah.”
“How long has she been gone?”
“She left Friday, around 5. I had just got back and she had been crying. I don’t even know what the hell happened and then she just walked out the door.”
“Is she going back to New York?”
“No I don’t think so.”
“Why?”
“Cause I’ve see her.”
“Here?”
“Back in the woods over there.”
He nodded his head towards the backyard. It wasn’t big but where his place ended, the woods followed.
“Maybe she just needs some time.”
“She told me this would happen. She told me over and over that she was going to hurt me. I actually thought I had done the right things, trying everything I knew….”
“You have. You’ve been bending backwards for her, Norman. There really isn’t anything you haven’t done for her and you know it… I know you love her, but maybe you should just let this sink in a little. I’m not saying you should forget about her cause I know you won’t. But… This has been going on for three weeks…. 3 weeks, Norman.”
He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. It seemed he looked a little stunned over this fact. But the harsh truth was this had been going on for less than a month. Sure, it been a hell of a month, but still.
“Do you want to come back home with me? I really don’t like you being alone right now.”
He considered this for a moment before nodding. We walked out to the car 5 minutes later and I noticed a black SUV parked by a few yards behind my own car. I knew he saw it to but it seemed he forced himself not to turn towards it.
“Is it him?”
“Yeah.”
“What did you tell him when he asked if she was here?”
“I told him the truth. I figured he already knew she had been there so no point in lying really. I told him she had left Friday night and had no plans on coming back…. I did tell him I didn’t want her to come back but… I don’t know if he bought that lie.”

He jumped into the car and I followed. As we drove past the black car I could see an older man, wearing a cap sitting in the driver seat. He lifted his hand slightly as a greeting but ether of us returned it.