Explosions

The first pre-season game did not go well. After a blowout loss to the Cardinals, J.J. wasn’t happy. He had shut himself in at the stadium, only coming home to sleep. He would leave before five in the morning, and not get home until almost eleven at night. Charlie would only see him when she would go to the training room on her lunch break. He was pushing himself more than usual, and it was scaring Charlie.

She stopped him on Friday, his shirt drenched in sweat and his skin a dark pink.

“Hey,” she said.

He was drinking from his water bottle. He paused briefly to nod at her.

“Hey, talk to me,” she said. She touched his arm. He was warm.

“I can’t stop right now, Char,” he said, breathing heavy.

He turned to head back toward the weights, but she grabbed his hand.

“You can’t put this all on you, Justin,” Charlie said. “You guys didn’t have Arian or Andre, and Ryan threw two interceptions.”

“Yeah, and I’m not on offense,” said J.J. “So at the very least, it’s my job to stop them from scoring points.”

“It’s pre-season,” said Charlie.

“Doesn’t matter,” J.J. replied. “It’s rehearsal. It’s practice. It’s trials to make sure we’ve got the best guys out there. We have to make sure we work together right.”

“You’re going to hurt yourself more by doing this.”

“It’s not any different than usual.”

“Yes it is. You’re pushing your body past what you do on a daily basis. I’ve seen the usual. This isn’t the usual. This isn’t you.”

“And what do you want me to do?” asked J.J.

“I want you to come have lunch with me and the rest of the team before you run drills with them.”

“Babe, I can’t”-

“I’m not giving you an option, Justin,” snapped Charlie. “I get that you need to push yourself, but this isn’t healthy. You cannot carry this team on your shoulders. I think you’ve done enough for this week.”

J.J. locked eyes with her and nodded.

“Okay,” he said.

Charlie smiled and said, “Thank you.”

J.J.’s face softened, and he kissed her forehead lightly.

“I brought sushi from Main Market and chicken sandwiches from Chik-Fil-A,” said Charlie. “Grilled, not fried.”

“You always know what I want,” chuckled J.J.

“I just always know what’s best,” said Charlie, pulling on his hand to lead him out of the weight room.

---

Ryan looked down at his phone. The number was right there. All he needed to do was press the call button, and it would ring. That’s all that had to be done.

A hand took his phone from him and put it away. He snapped out of his daze and looked up. Carson Palmer, the quarterback for the Bengals and Ryan’s first in command, shook his head.

“Don’t fuck with it man,” he said. “What’s done is done.”

“I love her, Carson,” sighed Ryan. “I’ve gotta try.”

“No, you don’t,” replied Carson. “I know you loved her. I saw it every time you talked about her. From what you’re telling me, though, you both had your faults that you couldn’t overlook. So just let it go.”

“Okay,” said Ryan.

He gripped his beer and watched a bead of sweat drip down the side of the glass. Carson set Ryan’s phone back down on the bar and clapped his friend on the back.

“It’ll be fine,” he said.

“We were in love, dude,” said Ryan. “I fucked up so bad.”

“Okay, look,” Carson began. “I’m going to give you my professional opinion on the situation. I’m not saying you need to follow it by the book, but for fuck’s sake, you need help.

“She was too young for you,” said Carson. “At least at this point in your life. It’s really hard to be in a profession like this and maintain a relationship where the other person can’t move from where they’re at. You never asked her to transfer schools, so you did right by her there. You should never have kept dating after your first year in the NFL. She wanted too much out of a relationship that was only half there. You should have let her go then, and maybe when she graduated or whatever, then you could continue where you left off.”

He paused to take a drink of his beer then said, “It went on for too long, and that’s what made it unhealthy. So do yourself a favor and get over it for now. I’m not saying you maybe can’t try and work it out later in life, but really? Honestly? It’s not worth it to dwell on something you can’t change.”

Ryan nodded. He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath.

“You’re right,” said Ryan.

“Just here to help,” replied Carson.

“Do you really think it might work out later?” asked Ryan.

Carson smacked a hand over his eyes and said, “Seriously, stop fucking talking about it, okay? Look” – he pointed to a group of girls across the bar – “we’re going to go talk to them. You’re going to forget about Charlotte. Or, you know, you could use that as a ploy to get them to fall for you.”

Ryan opened his mouth but Carson cut him off.

“No,” he said. “It wasn’t an option.”

He got up off his bar stool and sauntered over to the group of women. He put his arm around one with bright red hair. He said something to her and then the rest of them. They looked over to Ryan, and a blonde one waved him over. Carson winked at him and indicated for him to join them. Ryan sighed and grabbed his beer, and he got up.

“Ladies, this is Ryan,” said Carson. “He’s intelligent as fuck.”

“Don’t lead with that,” said Ryan.

“Okay, sorry,” said Carson. “We play for the Bengals. How’s that?”

One of the girls rolled her eyes and said, “If you were trying to impress us with a lie, you could have at least told us a good team.”

“I want you to get your phone out right now and look it up,” said Carson. “Carson Palmer or Ryan Fitzpatrick. Either one will pull it up.”

“So you play football?” asked a black-haired girl. “That’s so hot.”

Ryan shook his head and said, “Yeah, sure is.”

“Well, ladies,” said Carson, “Ryan is in a slight predicament here. He just broke up with a long-time girlfriend.”

“I wouldn’t say long-time,” shrugged Ryan.

“Whatever,” said Carson. “He’s kind of struggling to get out and about. I thought we might be able to come hang out with you ladies for a while. If you don’t want us here, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

The blonde one smiled and said, “I don’t think any of us mind.”

Carson punched Ryan’s arm.

“Okay,” said Ryan.

The night continued on. Surprisingly, Ryan was having a good time. He and the blonde made eye contact quite a few times. She was pretty. She had bright blue eyes and a narrow face, and she blushed whenever she smiled. She was interested in him, and just for the night, he would oblige.

Halfway through the night, she stuck out her hand.

“My name’s Liza,” she said.

“Ryan,” said Ryan, shaking her hand.

---

Ryan watched the game film over and over. He couldn’t stop. When he wasn’t running drills and working out, he was watching that game. He had been held to 55 yards, and he’d been intercepted twice. He hadn’t been brought to Texas to lose the starting job. He was pissed.

He couldn’t blame this on anyone but himself. He had to get better. He had to, no excuses. He watched it over and over. Interception. He watched his arm swing back. No third down completions. He saw his arm come forward. Interception.

There was a knock on the door. Ryan looked up and saw J.J. standing in the doorway. He paused the film.

“Hey, man,” he said. “Charlie got sushi and chicken for everyone. She wants you to join us for lunch.”

“I’m a little busy right now,” said Ryan.

J.J. nodded and sat down in a chair next to him. He said, “I thought the same thing, but she’s right. We can’t drive ourselves crazy over this loss. It’s important, but it also affects nothing. It has no effect on our playoff chances or anything else really.”

“This” – Ryan pointed to the screen, where he saw himself throw another interception – “has been engrained on the back of my eyes for the last week. It’s not going away.”

“Okay, but it’s only there because you’ve watched it so many times,” replied J.J. “We’re still finding our footing. We’re going to go out there and kick ass tomorrow. We’re going to kill Atlanta.”

J.J. picked up the remote and shut off the projector. Ryan turned to him.

“Learn from your mistakes, but don’t dwell on them,” said J.J.

“Thanks,” said Ryan. The pair stood, and he said, “Where’d you hear that from?”

“Uh, Charlie…about five minutes ago,” chuckled J.J. “She’s full of wisdom.”

“Don’t let her fool you,” laughed Ryan as they left the room. “Harvard doesn’t magically make you have all the right things to say.”

They were silent the rest of the walk down the hall. Charlie was handing a chicken sandwich to Andre Johnson, who, in turn, kissed her cheek in thanks. She grinned when J.J. and Ryan walked in the room. J.J. kissed her forehead, and he took a sushi roll and a sandwich from her. She handed a chicken sandwich to Ryan. He thanked her, and she smiled from ear to ear.

“Nice to see you out of that room,” she said.

He nodded.

“Hey, I know better than anyone,” she said. “That wasn’t you.”

“Thanks, Char,” said Ryan.

“Enjoy your lunch, Ryan,” said Charlie.

She moved to sit down with J.J. and his defensive lineman when she heard a resounding chorus of, “Thank you, Charlie!” She laughed.

Ryan glanced back at her before sitting down with Arian and DeAndre.