Diaries of the Man Upstairs

June 6th

Dan's been locking himself in our room. Only comes out to eat.

Pj's been puking every 5 minutes and constantly sleeping. I have to go in and take off his binder for him.

Chris keeps mysteriously disappearing. When he comes back, so does the strong smell of alcohol.

He's back.
But he's been my friend lately.

Dan won't let me in. When he does, it's Becky. When it's not Becky anymore, he freaks out. I've been sneaking clothes when he showers and sleeping on the couch.

It's my worst nightmares coming true.

I can't do this! I keep breaking down! We're going to lose this house because I can't pay on my own!

I really miss my baby.

I need him back.

I'm desperate.

1:32pm

Phil

I knock on the bedroom door. "Baby... I have food," I coo.

I don't get a reply. Therefore, I leave it at the door.

"I'm going to check on Pj if you need me." I wait more, nothing.

I go downstairs and over to Pj, taking his binder off of him. As usual.

My phone goes off, my boss telling me deadline is in an hour.

I grab my folder of pictures and run as fast as I can to the office, handing them in to him.

As I turn to leave, he stops me.

"Phillip, I need a retake," he demands, handing me a picture... of Dan...? My favorite one... How did that get in there. Not just any picture, the one where he's on top of me, biting my ear. Even worse, it was the day we were racing with pj and Chris so we were shirtless. It looks bad. Real bad.

I turn bright red, ripping it from his hand.

"Phil, can you explain that," he asks. I feel weight added on my shoulders and my chest.

"Th-that? Uh... well that... that would be me and my husband on game night," I state, scratching my neck. "I guess I was just missing him and forgot it was with my pictures...?"

"Game night," he asks. I nod.

"My cousin who lives upstairs and my husband's best friend comes over and we uh... we race and play the Xbox till we get hungry and we go to the McDonald's." I play with the hem of my shirt, trying to avoid eye contact.

"You get off this time. Next time though..."

"I completely understand, sir. Um... next game night is Saturday. Would you like to join?"

"Why not," he says with a shrug. "Alright, scram. Your pictures were good. No more gay fest please."

"Yessir," I mumble before leaving.

When I get home, I notice that Dan left his glass of water untouched.

I sit at his door, knocking gently.

"Dan... I uh... I wanted to tell you about something I dreamt. I dreamt that we had our baby... and we named him dil. Short for Dillon. After our sim that we'd made along with a gaming channel we made. You, you called our baby your fearsome dinosaur and roared. He looked like you. Just like you. Kinda makes me jealous... because you're his dad... and I'm... I'm not in anyway part of his making. But then he spoke... he has my personality. He didn't have the eyes we were hoping for. But he wasn't born with my ugly hair color so he was definitely hit with good luck. Obviously didn't get that from you. He had Pj's smile though. But none of that even matters. We loved him. We loved him more than anything. I held him in my arms... fed him... he was my mini you. I think it's a sign. I wanna name our kid Dil. Short for ether Dillon or Delilah... it made me miss you." I wait for a reply.

Nothing.

I sigh. "Dan, do you want to go for a drink," I ask.

I wait for a couple minutes.

"Didn't think so... okay. Well I needed to let that out."

I just sit there. After a few more minutes, I here the lock. I get up, opening the door to him.

"Could I... borrow a shirt," I ask. He steps back for me. I grab his favorite shirt on, taking in the smell.

"C-can I... hug," I ask. He nods. I run into his arms, completely breaking down in his arms. He rocks me.

"Look, I love you," I whisper, fixing myself up a bit.

No one talked the whole way to the bar.

He didn't order for himself. I did.

But I did find Chris. He's at the bar. And I realize at that point that he has an alcohol problem.

I decide to just ignore him for the moment.

I try to get dan to talk to me. Not a peep.

He had a bit to drink. But I couldn't tell how tipsy he was.

It wasn't till I was walking him home and he couldn't walk straight that I realized he can't talk. He doesn't have the ability anymore.

Maybe that's what he does.

I don't think so though.

It's probably me.

"Dan," I ask. He looks up at me. "You know I love you... right?"

He puts his head in my shoulder.

I smile. He wraps his arms around my waist and we just walk home together.

I like the way the moon glares on his hair. The sign from passing restaurants and pub signs reflect in his pretty eyes.

It was nice to walk home with Dan. Mute or not.

H falls down, flat on his butt. I give him a small smile and pull him up.

"You're so cute... I hate it so much," I whisper, pulling myself into him and nuzzling my head in his neck.

He tenses up for a second but relaxes after a minute. But why...? He puts his arm around me, pulling my whole body against his.

"I missed you. You can't ever do that again  just let me in. I don't care if you talk or sleep or smile or not. Just... let me know you're okay."

He thinks about it for a minute, then gives me a squeeze.

Eventually, we make it to the house. I hear Pj in his room.

"You go on up, babe. I'm gonna check on Peej," I tell Dan as I sneak over to Pj's door. I let myself in.

I find him happier than he's been in awhile. He was eating and yelling at the tv so I decided not to bother him.

I sneak back upstairs to find Dan had shut himself in again.

I knock on the door. "Come on! I took you out for a drink!" I hear the toilet flush, meaning he didn't hear me whine.

I try the handle, to my surprise, unlocked. I walk right in, change, and he comes out. He gets comfy in bed so I join him, only to notice that he's been watching my videos while locked in here. I blush, cuddling up against him. He puts in his headphones and continues. The room pitch black other than the computer.

I fall asleep in my own bed. Which is really comfy. I haven't done that in a long time. Better yet, I have Dan. Maybe not the same Dan but Dan is my Dan no matter what. We swore to it. And I love this man.

I really love this man.