Unfortunate Souls

"What if we dyed your hair?"

"I tried that already, remember? I looked like the Little Mermaid for months."

"Tattoo?"

"I'm not 18, and I'm lucky if they sign school forms. You really think they would take time out of their day to go to a tattoo parlor?"

"I guess not. You could spend the weekend at my place without telling them. Surely they'd freak out if they didn't see you fit a couple days."

"What do you think I'm doing now?"

"How was I supposed to know?... Hey, they're all about image, right? Tell them you're eloping to an Elvis impersonator in Vegas."

"Do you honestly think that would work?"

"Probably not. Maybe sprinkle in that your dropping out of school and moving to New York. You know, for dramatics."

"I dunno..."

"Hey, this counts as child neglect. I know they work all the time, and are some kind of big shots, but come on. They have to draw the line somewhere. You're their kid."

"I guess. But what if they call me out? Accuse me of crying for attention?"

"You realize that's exactly what you're doing."

"Oh."

"Listen, you go and complete Plan J-"

"Plan K."

"-and you call me back after. Now, go give your parents a heart attack."

"...you know this won't work, right?"

"I know. And I'm so sorry."