Family Goals

**Sept. 30, 2015 Kallie’s POV**

Here I was at 10 am, waiting in Dr. T’s office. I was waiting for my first prenatal check up. I had been doing everything I could to keep myself from going insane during the last 4 days, including calling both moms to find ways to stop the constant nausea I’d been having. I had both ginger and peppermint drops in my purse and new acupressure bracelets that Jass had told me about. These helped me not actually vomit while driving here and as long as I moved a bit slower the nausea was a bit better.

“Kallie?” The nurse called. I swallowed and stood up. “Bad nausea?” She asked as I came through the door.

“You have no idea.” I answered as she directed me to sit in the phlebotomist's chair. The tech quickly found a good spot on my arm and stuck me with the needle. I was not watching as I felt another wave hit me.

I made it through another wave without tossing anything up and counted it as a win. I then got weighed. I was 120 pounds, down 5 pounds from usual. I was concerned but the nurse didn’t say anything. I then got to pee in the cup. From there I got shown into a room. “Dr. T will want to check you over while she does this exam.” She laid a paper gown on the table. “Go ahead and get into this and she’ll be in as soon as she can.”

I changed and waited. I couldn’t tell you how long cause I didn’t watch a clock. Dr. T finally came in and had a concerned look on her face. “Kallie, how have you been feeling?”

I paused, thinking about how the last few weeks had gone. “Honestly, lousy. I’ve been very tired all the time, sore all over and don’t even get me started about the nausea and vomiting.” She frown at me. “I took a couple tests and both came back positive. As I told you last week I have been taking prenatals, at night or else they don’t stay down.”

She sat down and looked at my chart again. “How badly do things stay down?”

I handed her the note that Kris had written on this subject. How if I got out of bed before having something in my stomach I threw up, if I had coffee I threw up, if I didn’t eat often enough I threw up. On and on it went counting the ways that I was trying to be good and my body was failing me. I had skimmed it and it had depressed me. Dr. T read it and then looked up at me. “Let me check your blood pressure.” She did that while frowning. “Hmmm, that’s on the low side.” She put the cuff back and then put me on hold. “I’ll be right back, I think I might have an answer for your severe nausea.” She left the room, leaving me wondering what she was thinking.

In a few minutes she came back in with a thick book I couldn’t see the title of. “Ok, I’m not trying to alarm you and I know this will anyway. I think you might have Hyperemesis Gravidarum.” I felt my eyes go wide as she continued. “You’ve lost nearly 5% of your body weight from your last check up to now, your blood pressure is low, your urine sample is on the dehydrated side, the constant nausea and vomiting reported by your husband. They’re all key signs.” She put the book down and looked at me. “It’s the same issue that the Duchess Kate had with her pregnancies.”

I started to get worried, she must have seen me changing as she held up a hand. “Hold on before you freak out. It’s very treatable and the likelihood that yours will be as severe as hers was is slim. I actually have another patient that has it as well so I’m already versed in treating it.”

I took a cleansing breath and then spoke. “So, that’s what’s making me miserable.” Ok, so I was worried how this would effect me and the baby but to have an answer, oh it was heaven. “Where do we start?”

She handed me a piece of paper. “You write this down. You need to try to eat every 1 to 2 hours.” I gawked at her. “Write, I want you to be able to read it.” I wrote. “Secondly avoid as much stress and get as much rest as you can.” I laughed but I wrote it down. “Try really hard to get as much water into you as possible so we can avoid IV fluids, electrolytes too. I’m going to give you a list of additional supplements you’re going to get and take. Your favorite brand of Probiotics, Coconut Oil, Pink Stork Folate Acid, Magnesium Oil Spray, Magnesium Flakes, and Peppermint essential oil. You can make the oil spray from the flakes so just get a big bag of it.”

“Pink Stork?” I queried, digging out my phone. I quickly found their website and the severe morning sickness plan package. “Would this work?” I passed my phone to Dr. T.

She looked and started to laugh. “Yeah those would work. If you don’t want to pay an arm and a leg you can get them at lower prices on Amazon or just buy them individually. No sense in getting something that doesn’t help.” I dug out the card and bought my first set right then. “Wow you aren’t wasting time.”

I looked at her seriously. “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to enjoy my family and it’s growth and I’m not right now.” She nodded in understanding.

“If you lose any more weight I’ll have no choice but to put you in the hospital for help so I understand. As it is I’m concerned, but you’re taking this seriously and that’s good. Talk to your mom about this, see how she was during her pregnancy with you and your siblings.” I started to cry. “Don’t cry.” She said worried she had upset me.

“Sorry, I can’t ask my birth mom, she died when I was 2.” Could this be why? I fought to get myself under control. “I can ask my aunt and dad though. They might know.”

Dr. T nodded with a small smile. “I would also suggest you get some support. I know that your husband will be behind you but with his job you’re going to need more.” She put the book aside and took my hands in hers. “You’ve done really well with trying hard to combat this on your own and without knowing what you were up against, but you’re not alone now.” I could have cried in relief. I now knew what was causing the issues I had been facing and working hard to overcome.

“On the plus side, Alex has been wonderful and is loving preschool. I also found that these acupressure bands.” I showed off my bracelets. “They help a lot with all the motion sickness. It means I can drive, heck even walk without feeling like I’m about to throw up.”

Dr. T took the pad from me and wrote down a website. HelpHER.org “This is the best HG website the US has. It’s where I’m getting all of my info for treatment. Read it, have Kris read it, have whomever you have as support read it. If you can’t find an answer there, then google it and call me. Who knows I might have an idea of where to look.”

I swallowed the fear that was growing and sighed. “Ok, now that I’m frightened enough to listen, can we move onto happier topics?” She smiled in understanding.

“Of course. Why don’t we check you out and then go see if we can get some pictures of this little one.” In a business like manner she checked me out physically and found besides the HG nothing seemed wrong. Once that was done I could get re-dressed and follow her to the ultrasound room.

Once in there and semi-comfortable she gooped me up and started looking, pressing really hard. “Sorry for the pressure, but it’s the only way other than transvaginally we can see anything. I didn’t think you wanted that.” I grimaced cause she was right.

It took her a little bit to find the peanut shaped fetus. “Ah, there it is.” She showed me how the head was facing and pointed out the limbs. “Now’s when my census comes into play. I’m sure you haven’t heard of the Ramzi’s Method but it says that we might be able to predict with serious accuracy the gender of a baby by even this first ultrasound. It looks at placental location, if it’s on the right it’s more than likely a boy and if it’s on the left it’s more than likely to be a girl. We won’t know for sure if this baby is male or female until your 20th week scan, but if you’re still interested in helping we might get a clue now.”

It sounded fascinating. I’d have to remember the name and look it up when I got home. “If we can have a clue, then by all means let’s do it.” She nodded and had me sign a consent form, no big deal to me. It said that this wasn’t accurate to her knowledge and would only be used for her personal practice. “What’s your census saying so far, how close to the study are your patients?”

She smiled as she went searching for the placenta. “I’ve had really good results. Over 98% correct which is better than the original study. I’ve even made up a form for this census so I can track how accurate it is at the first scan, the anatomy scan and finally after birth, which is the same depth as the study went. It looks to me like your placenta is on the left, so I’d say the probability of you having a girl is about 98%.” She made some motions on the keyboard and then printed out a couple pictures for me. “There, now you can share them with dad and the rest of the family.”

She cleaned me up and I carefully sat up, feeling a wave of nausea as I did so. I slowed way down as it rose and felt it back off as I did. “Whoa.” I stopped moving for a moment. “I hate that. Move after laying flat and the world tries to come up.”

Dr. T came over and put a hand on my shoulder. “Take however long you need.” I was able to move after a few minutes and get fully up. “How you feeling now?”

“Ok, it’s when I change elevation that it’s bad right now. The bracelets help a lot.” She nodded and gave me space to move how I needed to. “I’ve also found moving very slowly helps when it tries to take over.”

Dr. T grinned. “Sounds like you’re already trying to figure out how to survive this. If _ever_ you need me, call. I have a small list of people who can get through to me whenever, even after hours, I’ll add you to the list as soon as I get back to my office.” That gave me some peace of mind.

I was given a chance to set my next appointment for the 28th of October and then realized that Kris would be out of town. I texted him to see if he wanted me to change it but got back ‘Don’t bother love, see you at home’. So I left the appointment where it was and headed for home.

When I got there Kris was there but Alex wasn’t. I followed doctor’s orders and poured myself a glass of water. I added some lemon slices to it and electrolyte cubes just to be safe. Taking a sip I closed my eyes and wished for the nausea to go away yet again. When I opened them Kris was across the island from me. “How did it go?”

I pulled out the ultrasounds and instructions. “Scary but good.” He got a look of concern. “Dr. T knew why I’ve been so sick and gave me some ways to help.” I passed over the note.” I’ve already ordered the supplements she’s ordered.” I leaned over and took another sip of my doctored water. “She also told me to ask how my mother’s pregnancy went. I’m going to call my aunt and dad during the game.”

“Okay… how can they help?”

“I have the same condition as Kate did during her pregnancies. Dr. T told me to make sure I had more support than just you, not that you aren’t helpful but to help me and Alex.” He opened his laptop and looked up what I said.

“This looks serious. Call your aunt now. I have an idea.” He handed me the phone and went upstairs.

I called my Aunt Jayne and Uncle Henri in Thunder Bay. “Darling how are you?!” Aunt Jayne sounded like everyone else, worried like crazy.

I took a deep breath and almost choked on the stench of my kitchen. Coughing I missed Kris coming back in and sitting close. “She’s not so good Tante. She has orders from her doctor to take some supplements and other stuff.” He covered me getting my control back.

“Auntie, you do you remember how mom was when she was pregnant with me?” She went quiet. “My doctor thinks I have hyperemesis gravidarum, acute and severe morning sickness.”

“Stop, I know all too well how it goes. I know how it makes you unable to do anything, robs you of a so called normal pregnancy and nothing helps but drugs you aren’t sure you want to take.” Kris’ eyes lit up while the horror dawned in mine. “Henri I’m going South until she gets better.”

“Auntie, you don’t have to.”

“Arret! Kris still has a job to do and Alex still has needs and now so do you. I have done this 3 times Kalista.” 3 times, but I only had 2 cousins. “Between my knowledge of what worked for me and your mother, your doctor and the web you _will_ get through this healthy, happy and sane.”

Just then the front door opened and a wave of a diaper in need of changing into the house. “Excuse me!” I ran for the bathroom and threw up.

Kris went on to explain to Vero and Flower what was going on and they verbally paled. “What can we do? How can we help?”

Over the water I was using to clean out my mouth I heard Auntie ask Kris to book her the soonest flight to get here, she would be there. I came back out feeling like hell. He was telling her when to be at the airport in Thunder Bay. “Tante, your flight leaves Thunder Bay at 7:05 tomorrow morning, it’s the soonest I could find one. It gets in here are 1:50 in the afternoon.”

“Good, tell Kalista to hold on. I’ll gather my notes and pack for months. I hate to leave but she needs me.” My aunt sounded terrified and determined.

“Go, we can handle things here. She needs you more than we do. Her mother can no’ be t’ere so you will be.” My beloved oncle was just determined, no fear in his voice. “Her fat’er won’t be able to get t’rough the whole ordeal of what her mot’er went t’rough to have her, to try and give her a sibling. You must go and get t’em _all_ t’rough t’is.” I heard the passion in his voice and gave a weak smile. His accent also got heavier, which happened when he was feeling passionate about what he was saying.

My aunt sighed and Kris simply said he would be waiting. Before hanging up my aunt had one more piece of advice. “High protein shakes and smoothies as smooth as you can make them. Freeze Gatorade and use them as ice cubes in as cold water as you can get. Sometimes putting cut fruit into the water helped me keep it down.”

Kris looked over at my glass and laughed. “We didn’t know about the shakes and smoothies but Kallie has been doing the cubes for several weeks now and the fruit water. We will see you tomorrow Tante.”

I had to go lie down after we ended the call, but I wasn’t throwing up. It took Kris a little while before he crawled into bed with me. He didn’t pull me into his arms, we had found out the hard way that was a trigger.

When I woke next I had Alex tucked next to me and a note from Kris. ‘Went to the game. Smoothie in fridge for you, peanut butter and chocolate. Alex has food in his boxes.’ If he were here I might kiss him.

Alex was a trooper like he had been for weeks. “Papa say Tante Jayne is coming.”

I smiled. “Yes she is. She’s going to help us all. You know how I’ve been sick?” He nodded gravely. “Tante Jayne has been sick the same way, she’s coming to make sure that we are all happy and growing. With Tante Jayne, papa, my doctor, me and you we can all make sure the baby is good.” I felt like crying, I had help coming. Someone who knew how scary this is, who could be there for us all.

Alex laid his head on my shoulder and smiled. “Baby little, I am big.” I ruffled his hair, my big boy. “Mama, why does the baby make you sick?”

I had no idea how to explain this to him, so I sent him on a couple errands while I composed myself. “Please go get my laptop and then the smoothie papa made for me. If you are hungry you can bring one of your boxes too.”

Alex scooted off the bed in a hurry. “Okay Mama! Stay still, I be back!” I listened to him thump down the stairs. it took him longer than I hoped to get back but that smart little otter had brought everything, including one of his boxes in one trip. “Papa pack you com-poo-ter so I could bringed it to you.” Ah Kris had thought of everything.

I brought up Google and wrote into it why does morning sickness happen. The list exceeded 10 pages of hits so I rewrote and put in how to explain morning sickness to a child, it also gave me a huge list but it also gave me an idea of how to explain it to my 3 year old. “You know that mama is making a baby right?” He nodded. “When a mama is making a baby her body sometimes makes too many hormones, that’s what makes mama different from papa and you. Those hormones sometimes makes mama sick.”

Alex cocked his head at me. “I get sick like you?” It was an obvious question.

“No sweetheart, you won’t get sick because of me or like me. It’s a special mama only sick. Not even papa can get it.” That made him look relieved.

I picked up the smoothie and through the straws which had become a dear friend to me, too a drink. God peanut butter and chocolate never tasted so good! I didn’t move and prayed that it stayed down. “Baby sick?”

I smiled and chuckled weakly. “No Alexander, the baby can’t get sick like me either. Oh did papa leave something on the island, black and white pictures.” It seemed to jog his memory and he very carefully got off the bed and ran downstairs. In a flash he was back, pictures clutched in his hand. “Yeah that’s them.” I slowly moved into a semi-recline position and tucked him close. “This is the baby.”

I explained that until the baby was much much bigger it couldn’t live outside of me. “When mama?” Alex asked and I pulled up a calendar.

I highlighted today. “This is today, September 30, 2015.” I then highlighted the date Dr. T gave me, May 1, 2016. “This is when the baby might be ready to come live with us.” Alex counted the months between October and May.

“That’s a long time mama.”

The first sip seemed to be staying down, yay! I took another and smiled. “The playoffs come before the baby will.” I said, putting it hockey perspective for him. His little jaw dropped into an O. He knew how long it took to get to the playoffs.

“I help mama. I help you feel better.” He cuddled close. I pet his hair, like I did when I wanted to feel better or wanted him to feel better. “I help?”

I kissed his forehead. “Of course ma loutre. What did papa put in your box?” He opened the box and found a cold grilled cheese, sliced apples, baby carrots and some of the last of my homemade hummus. I took another sip of my smoothie and encouraged him to eat. “Eat up otterkin. It’s cold so it won’t make me feel bad.” That’s something we had figured out, even if it was prepared hot, if it was refrigerated and still was good cold, it didn’t make me as nauseous. He ate with a smile.

We spent the evening in bed. Alex was careful to not jostle too much, even when the team scored. He wanted a story between the second and third and ended up falling asleep with me.

Kris got home and moved him carefully to his own bed. “Thank you for the smoothie. It tasted really good and stayed down.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead gently.

“I will tell Sid that you approve. He gave me a list of shakes and such that he liked when his jaw was busted. We can try another tomorrow.” We buried ourselves in the blankets and slept. Tomorrow was another day, but I wasn’t alone.