A Summer Nowhere

I liked to shower every day, but I'd never appreciated a shower more in my whole entire life.

Back at the cabin, I'd woken up so sweaty that my skin was sticking to the plastic air mattress. Getting all of my clothes together without waking Gary up was impossible. Every time I moved an inch, the mattress would get all wavy and he'd stir a little bit more. By the time I'd managed to stand up and pull my shirt over my head, he'd rolled over onto his back and was looking up at me like he wasn't sure where he was. It took all my energy not to stare at his torso. It was all ripply and muscly and shiny. Finally, he managed to get dressed, too. We walked all the way back to his truck and once he found out that it was just Mama and Dennis at the house, he dropped me off and said he'd be back in half an hour.

“What on earth happened to your face?” Mama asked me when I came out of the bathroom in shorts and an old Lynyrd Skynyrd tank top, with a big, white towel wrapped around my head.

She'd been in her bedroom putting laundry away when I'd gotten home, so I hadn't said anything to her about the night before at the lake, and I didn't want to until Gary got back. I wasn't sure why I felt like I needed protection, but I figured I'd just feel safer with some kind of character witness. All Mama knew was that I was home when I was supposed to be and Heather and Brad were nowhere to be found. She was fit to be tied, and I knew that because she was screaming at me about it while I was washing my hair. But I guess the state of my face had distracted her.

“It's a long story.” I told her, backing away from her when she went to grab my chin. “Ow, Mama!”

“This side looks like you got your wisdom teeth ripped out.” she said, turning my face from side to side. “And this one looks like somebody slapped you with their brass knuckles on backwards.”

“Mama!” I whined, hoping she'd drop the subject for a little bit. “I'm starving.”

That did it.

“You didn't eat breakfast?” She asked, stomping into the kitchen. “Tell me you at least ate supper.”

“I ate supper.” I lied.

“If you're not gonna' tell me what happened, you're at least gonna' ice that face.” Mama demanded, handing me two bags of peas from the freezer.

“Thanks.” I mumbled, almost letting out a scream when the cold plastic touched my cheeks.

She started grabbing stuff out of the fridge—eggs, ham steaks, mushrooms, tomatoes—and went to work. Mama liked to talk while she cooked, and she wouldn't shut up about how quiet the house had been the night before and how she didn't like it. She said when her kids were out of her sight, she worried sick about us. Even though Dennis' kids weren't hers, she considered herself responsible for them. She was the same way with all of my friends. I think she'd rather have a house full of teenagers than ever spend a quiet night alone to herself. She said she didn't know what she was gonna' do if I ever moved out and that, maybe, she'd be lucky enough to keep me with her until she was an old woman.

“You might be the quiet one,” Mama told me, waving her paring knife in the air. “but if I was to ask one of your friends, they'd spill the beans quick, fast, and in a hurry.”

She was probably right. Especially Jenny. That girl never knew when to keep her mouth shut and when she and Mama got together, it was like they were two old friends who had a ton to catch up on. Also, there was something about Mama that made Sam feel safe and comfortable, so Sam would tell her just about anything. Gary was too honest to lie to anybody, even if it was to save somebody's feelings. He was usually polite, but he was always blunt.

Dennis was sitting at the head of the table, not saying a word, and flipping through the sports section of the newspaper. He was smoking like a freight train and looked like he hadn't slept or showered in days. There was a cup of coffee in front of him, but he still smelled like vodka and I wondered if he used Bailey's as coffee creamer. I wanted to tell him that I hoped his liver exploded and he died. And that his son was an asshole. And that I didn't know what the hell Mama was doing with him. The longer I looked at him, the madder I got, so I just focused on holding the frozen peas on my face.

When the front door opened, I jumped sky high. It was Gary with Sam trailing behind him.

“Something smells good.” Sam greeted us.

I guessed that Gary had explained to her that he was gonna' be the one to start the whole 'Hey, your boyfriend's kid tried to rape your daughter.' conversation. Sam looked like she felt horrible for me, but she was a good actress, so she didn't act like anything was wrong.

“Have y'all eaten?” Mama asked, eyeing them both suspiciously and jerking her head toward me. “And do either of you know anything about that?”

Gary made a big show of walking around the table so that he circled around Dennis and took the chair between us. Sam sat at the other end and glared angrily at him from across the table. He looked up at her like he'd just realized he wasn't alone in the room. When he put the paper down, I could tell that for a quick second, he looked a little scared. He had two very angry sets of eyes burning holes into his face and I looked a hot mess.

“Coffee?” Mama asked, breaking the silence.

“I'm alright.” Gary waved her off, smiling as politely as he could at the same time as Sam said, “Please!”

“Jobie?” Mama asked.

“Uh-uh.” I shook my head.

I hadn't realized how bad my face hurt until I'd started trying to make it feel better. My jaws and cheeks stung and I felt like everything was all swollen. Any little bit of pressure hurt like hell and if I pressed too hard with those cold compresses, I saw stars. Gary took one of the bags off to look at my face. He frowned so hard that the spot between his eyebrows crinkled up and I had to try not to laugh.

“What the hell happened to your face?” Dennis asked, picking up his old, yellowed bifocals.

Gary's whole body tightened and he laced his fingers together, resting his elbows on the table. I didn't know what to do and I didn't have a free hand, so I just kind of leaned against him and he softened just a little tiny bit.

“Alright.” Mama dropped a big bowl of scrambled eggs and veggies and a plate of ham onto the table. She grabbed a stack of plates and a handful of forks. “Dig in.”

Sam was never shy around food. She grabbed two big spoonfuls of eggs and a slice of ham, then she jumped out of her seat and went to the pantry to get a bottle of maple syrup. I looked at her with a mixture of disgust and fondness as she sat back down and poured the syrup all over her food.

“You're an odd duck.” Mama told her, then looked back at me. “Talk, Jobie Ann.”

“I'll talk.” Gary said, pointing his thumb at Dennis. “Where's his Satan spawn?”

“That's not very nice.” Mama scolded him softly. “But that's a good question. Neither of 'em have called and I haven't seen them since I dropped 'em off yesterday afternoon.”

“You should check the hospital.” Sam laughed through a mouthful of food.

“He better hope he made it to the hospital.” Gary grumbled under his breath.

“What is going on?” Mama looked at all of us, even Dennis. “Tell me what happened.”

Gary started from the beginning and left out the parts that would get me into trouble. He said that I hadn't felt well—he thought maybe I'd gotten too hot—so I'd gone to lay down in the tent with the fan on. Then he said that Brad hadn't been anywhere to be found. All of a sudden, he said, he'd heard me holler from the tent and when he got to me, he said Brad was trying to attack me and that he had one hand up my shorts and the other trying to cover my mouth. But, Gary told her, Brad had jumped out through the other side when he saw him coming in. Then Gary admitted that he chased him down and beat the daylights out of him. Sam was well past worrying about anybody getting in trouble, and she was so proud that she chimed in, saying that when Gary finally let him go, Brad looked like he'd gotten stung by about a hundred killer bees.

“He did that to your face?” Mama asked, looking like she was about to cry.

“Call the police.” Dennis grumbled, looking angrily at Gary.

“Call 'em.” Gary challenged. “But you're gonna' need an ambulance, too.”

Mama told Dennis to keep his mouth shut. She told him that his son was gonna' get his second ass beating when he got back. Gary told her he wanted Brad out and Mama said that it wasn't as simple as kicking him out of the house and they'd have to figure out a plan. Gary said it wasn't up for discussion and Mama told him he was right, because this wasn't his house; it was hers. Gary offered to let me stay at his house and she told him that he'd very clearly lost his mind. How the hell was she supposed to let her seventeen year old daughter stay in the same house as her eighteen year old boyfriend? Did he think she was crazy? He said he didn't think she was crazy, but he thought she knew him better than that because he'd never do anything to disrespect her daughter and if she thought he would, then he didn't know what to think about that. Mama said to stop pestering her and Gary shut his mouth.

She grabbed the phone and called Logan Memorial to see if Brad had somehow ended up there. When that turned out to be a dead end, she called the police station, too and explained that there was a seventeen year old boy who'd left Lake Malone the night before and had been heading back toward Russellville. She told them that he'd been injured in a fight and might've needed medical attention, but when they asked her about the fight, she told them she didn't know anything about it, but he'd probably been drunk off his ass.

“Boys will be boys.” She'd said, “It being the fourth of July and all. They think nothing goes better with fireworks than a six pack of beer.”

Not two minutes after she'd hung up the phone, the front door opened and Heather came strolling through, pulling Brad behind her. She was mumbling something to him about keeping his mouth shut, but when she saw all of us in the kitchen, she pushed him forward. I wondered if she'd been planning on lying for him until she realized everybody in the house already knew what he'd done.

Sam was right. Brad's face looked a hundred times worse than mine. His eyelids were swollen and bruised to a deep, blueish purple. His bottom lip was split open and you could tell that he'd been bleeding from somewhere, because it was either dried all over his face or he was covered in scabbed over wounds. There was bruising around his throat and the side of his neck where Gary had maybe tried to strangle him to death.

The violence that Gary was capable of probably should've scared me, but the idea that he'd done all that for me made my throat tighten and my eyes burn. It was sweet and romantic and overwhelming and I didn't know what to do or say.

When Gary pulled his chair out and stood up, Brad nearly jumped out of his skin and tried to wedge himself between his sister and the side of the refrigerator. Instead of going after him, Gary motioned for me to get up, and we walked back toward the living room.

“Stay the fuck away from me!” Brad yelled when Gary and I passed.

“Hey!” Mama snapped. “You watch your mouth when you're under my roof!”

Gary lunged toward him, but stopped when his chest bumped into Brad's collar bone. I waited for him to start yelling, but he whispered instead.

“Touch her again.” Gary said. “I dare you.”

“She wanted it!” Brad shot back. “I didn't do anything she didn't already want me to do!”

“Come on.” I pulled at Gary's arm, reminding him. “I don't want you to go to jail.”

“You better take care of this, Helen.” he told Mama, pointing at her. “Or I will.”

“Take her down the hall.” she told him.

Sam was still eating and she'd piled another spoonful of eggs onto her plate.

“I'll stay here.” she mumbled, chewing slowly and eyeing Brad like she was ready to eat him, too.

“I don't think so, Samantha.” Mama said. “Get outta here.”

Sam nodded, scooping another forkful of egg into her mouth before bringing her plate to the counter.

“I'm gonna' head back home.” she hugged me. “Call me.”

I told her I would and squeezed her a little bit tighter than I normally would've and she squeezed me right back.

“Wait a second.” Heather said, rushing down the hall ahead of us. She grabbed a change of clothes out of her bag and headed into the bathroom. “I'm going next door. You guys probably need some alone time.”

“Thank you.” Gary mumbled.

Once my bedroom door was shut, Gary locked it and pulled me real tight against him. His cologne smelled nice and I took a deep breath, letting it fill up my nose. I felt the pressure in my chest ease up and all my muscles relaxed. He made me feel so safe and I felt so stupid for not seeing how much he loved me a lot sooner.

I pulled him toward my bed and made him sit next to me. When I swung my legs over his lap and kissed his jawline softly, he laughed.

“What are you doing?” He grinned. “You want to start kissing me with everybody right down the hall?”

“I know you'd rather be in there kicking ass.” I told him, working my way to his neck. “So I'm gonna' distract you.”

“Oh.” He mumbled. “That's real nice of you.”

“See?” I pushed against his chest so he'd lay back. “And you say I'm mean.”

I stretched out next to him. It was hard to balance two people on a twin sized bed, but he held onto me real tight. My face hurt so bad, but I pressed it against his and kissed him as hard as I could. His leg found its way between mine and before I knew it, I was on my back with him on top of me. He was propped up on his elbows and I could feel him moving against me. I held back a moan so nobody would hear us and tried to lift my hips so I could pull my shorts down.

Yelling from the kitchen distracted him and Gary stopped kissing me so he could listen. I let out a frustrated breath and flattened myself against the mattress.

“You're yelling at me because your daughter's a whore?” Brad was screaming. “She hooks up with anybody that gives her attention! How's that my fault?”

Gary stood up and leaned against the wall by the door.

“Don't.” I warned him, sitting up and pouting at him so he'd pay attention. “Don't leave me in here by myself.”

“I'm not going anywhere.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

He looked like a model for blue jeans or cigarettes. His gray t shirt was stretched tight over his chest and his jeans hung a little bit low on his hips, showing off the elastic band of his boxer briefs. I tried to focus on how good he looked, but Brad was getting louder and louder.

“I was just giving her what she wanted!” He was screaming now.

I could hear Dennis saying something in the background, and then Mama started in.

“Keep your mouth shut!” She yelled.

Dennis said something else that I couldn't hear and I got up to lean against the door next to Gary.

“You're damn near grown!” Mama yelled. “You should know by now that no means no! You don't ever put your hands on somebody without their permission, you hear me?”

“She gave me her permission!” He screamed, sounding hysterical. “Why does nobody believe me?”

“Because you're a liar.” Gary mumbled under his breath, fuming. “I'm gonna' kill him.”

“Okay.” I joked, trying to lighten his mood. “I'll send you care packages in prison.”

“If you don't mind, I'm gonna' go take a nap.” I heard Brad say, stomping down the hall. “Not that anybody cares that I just had to walk halfway here from Deliverance country!”

As his footsteps got closer, my heart started pounding out of my chest. I leaned back against the door, putting all my weight into it like I expected him to burst in. Instead, I heard his bedroom door open and shut, and I sucked in some air and let it out.

“Hey.” Gary said. “Don't worry about that little shit.”

“I'm not.” I lied.

“Jobie!” Mama called. “Come out here, baby!”

Gary opened the door and pulled me in front of him, putting his hands on my shoulders as we walked into the kitchen. I didn't know why, but I felt like I was heading towards a firing squad. Mama was sitting at the kitchen table across from Dennis. He was pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers and holding his cigarette in the air with the other hand.

“Sit.” Mama told me, patting the chair to her left. Gary took the one to her right. “Here's what we're gonna' do.”

If there weren't custody issues involved, Mama said she would grab Brad by the ear and toss him out on the street. But if any of what happened between him and Gary got out, Dennis' ex-wife would have social workers, police, and a family court judge up our asses so quick we wouldn't even see it coming. In just under a year, Brad would be eighteen and he wouldn't be required to spend every other weekend and holiday with Dennis. When that happened, if I hadn't forgiven him yet, Mama said he wasn't welcome back. But until then, we were stuck with him.

“You're choosing him over your own daughter's safety?” Gary looked like she'd told him that somebody had just died.

“Her safety?” Mama's voice got all high when she was ready to smack somebody. “Boy, the only time she's ever been unsafe was when she was out of this house.”

Gary swallowed and lowered his head like a scolded puppy.

“It's not your fault, honey.” Mama told him, patting him on the back of the neck. “I appreciate what you did.”

He nodded.

I hated that they were talking about me like I wasn't sitting right there—and that they talked about me like I was a small child. I wanted to ask what had happened to that ass kicking Mama had promised for Brad, but I guessed she'd just meant she'd give him a verbal beat down. Also, even though she was a feisty lady, she was way too small to take Brad in a fight. I didn't know what her plan was, but I knew there'd be no arguing with whatever she decided to do with me. As long as Gary and Sam were on standby, I didn't feel like anything bad could happen.

“Why don't you pack a bag and head back to Sam's?” she looked at me, jerking head back toward Brad's and my bedrooms. “Both of you can take a couple'a days to cool off. They're only here for a few more weeks. I'm sure you can both survive that.”

“I don't know if I can.” Gary admitted, bouncing his knee restlessly.

“You're just gonna' have to.” Mama told him. “What's she gonna' do? Move out?”

“Like I told you, she can stay with me.” Gary reminded her.

Mama rolled her eyes and let out a deep breath. “What's your mama gonna' have to say about that?”

“She loves Jobie.” Gary said, shrugging his shoulders. “I'm a grown man. What can she say?”

“She can say you're a statutory rapist.” Mama told him point blank.

That shut him up real quick. Nobody would ever bat an eye at us being together. He was over a year older than I was; it wasn't like he was twice my age. But Mama worried that if anybody found out we lived under the same roof, even temporarily, that there'd be talk.

“Everybody knows everybody's business here.” Mama sighed, shaking her head. “You can't wipe your ass in this town without somebody knowing about it.”

I scrunched up my nose, really wishing that she hadn't given me that visual.

“Go to Sam's for now.” She told me. “Then come home. Nothing's gonna' happen to you in this house.”

“Alright.” I shrugged my shoulders and stood up. Mama got out of her chair and held her arms out for a hug, and even though it hurt my face, I leaned my cheek against her shoulder and let her hug me real tight.

“I'll call Lynn.” She said. “Make sure you keep ice on that face. Grab some Neosporin out of the medicine cabinet for those scratches.”

“Alright.” I repeated.

Gary followed me around like a puppy while I shoved a bunch of clothes into a duffel bag and then packed all of my toiletries in a fancy leak-proof case Mama had gotten me one year for Christmas. Any time I went from the bedroom to the bathroom, he stood in either doorway, like a faithful guard dog. If he wasn't taking it so seriously, I would've patted him on the head and asked him who was a good boy.

“I think I'm ready.” I said, throwing the bag over my shoulder only to have him take it from me and lift it like it weighed the same as a feather.

Brad's bedroom door cracked open and he peeked out for a second before opening it all the way. Gary took his arm and pushed me behind him and Brad let out a little laugh.

“What're you?” Brad scoffed, looking up at Gary through his swollen eyes. “Her personal pit bull?”

“Stop talking.” Gary told him calmly.

“You should keep your dog on a leash.” Brad told me, shoving his shoulder into mine on his way to the bathroom. “I can't believe you're letting everybody think you're so innocent.”

“I can't believe you're still talking.” Gary's narrowed his eyes at him. His voice was getting real gruff.

“Keep an eye on your boyfriend.” Brad snarled at me, like an ornery dog. “He's probably gonna' dump you faster than that pussy you were pretending to be dating before him.”

“You're just pissed 'cause you couldn't get in my pants.” I snapped back at the sting.

“Don't worry, bitch.” He growled at me. “I'll get over it.”

Gary waited until he was behind us and then he turned around and pushed Brad into the bathroom door, making him knock his head against the frame.

“C'mon.” Gary tugged on my arm and pulled me down the hall. “Let's go.”

“I'll press charges!” Brad groaned, pressing his palm to his forehead.

“Good.” Gary said. “Let me know when the cops show up.”

When we got to Sam's house, everybody but Granny and Papaw was sitting in the living room like they were waiting for me to get there. Jenny patted the seat next to her on the sofa and I plopped down onto the cushion. Gary stood with his back against the door for a minute before taking the recliner in the corner.

“Well,” Lynn said, “I guess we don't have a body to bury.”

I finally laughed, which made me feel a hundred percent better. Lynn put ointment on my face and made me an ice pack and I ended up curling up in the recliner with Gary. I don't know how long it took me to fall asleep, but when I woke up, I was alone in the chair and the house smelled like food. When I walked into the kitchen, Lynn was standing over the stove, poking at a pot of boiling potatoes.

“Hey, baby.” She smiled at me. “How's your face?”

“Still ugly.” I joked and she rolled her eyes at me.

“Gary had to go back out to the barn.” Lynn said. “We're gonna' head over there for dinner later. I'm making mom's potato salad.”

“Need help?” I asked.

“I'm good.” she shook her head. “Sam's with Chris. He's roofing or framing or something. And you know her; she can't be away from him for more than ten minutes at a time.”

I laughed, watching her screw up her nose and shake her head at the thought of her oldest's boyfriend.

“He's a good guy.” I said, pulling a big, metal strainer from the cabinet and putting it in the sink for her.

“Maybe.” Lynn said. “But if he's not a bad influence on her, she's a bad influence on him.”

“I think they're good for each other.” I admitted. “And he's nice to me.”

“Everybody's nice to you, Jobie.” Lynn grinned at me, adding sarcastically, “You're an absolute ray of sunshine.”

“Alright.” I laughed, standing up. “I'm heading to the barn.”

“See you later, kid.” She called after me. “Don't do anything I wouldn't do.”

“That doesn't leave much.” I joked.

There were dark clouds overhead and the wind had picked up. I really liked the breeze because it made the air seem cooler. Since mid-June, the heat had been brutal; and even though I knew fall wouldn't come for almost three months, I wished it would hurry up. I wanted to wear sweaters and jeans again without feeling like I was about to melt. The idea of jack-o-lanterns and bonfires and pretty colored leaves seemed a lot nicer now that I had somebody important to enjoy it with. And it wasn't that my friends weren't important. And it wasn't that Gary hadn't always been around. But he was different now. Obviously.

Gary was filling all of the troughs with feed when I finally made it to the barn and as soon as I stepped underneath the roof, the sky opened up and it started raining cats and dogs. For a minute, he didn't see me, so I just watched him for a little while. He was super focused on what he was doing and I noticed that whenever he had to lift his arm over the stall doors, he gnawed on his bottom lip a little bit, like it would help him aim at the trough better. It was just about the cutest thing I'd ever seen in my whole entire life.

“Hey.” He finally looked up. “You bring that rain with you?”

“I guess I did.” I shrugged, walking around to Tessa's stall and pulling myself up onto the side of it. “Apparently, dinner's at your house tonight.”

“I heard.” He said, tossing an empty feed bag into the dumpster. “How you feelin', baby?”

The butterflies in my stomach woke up and started flapping their wings like crazy. He'd never called me that before. In fact, when I thought about it, the closest thing to a term of endearment he'd ever used on me was asshole or shithead, but in his defense, that was way before his tongue was in my mouth on a regular basis. I always cringed whenever Chris and Sam called each other sweet little pet names. It seemed annoying as hell. I always said I'd probably throw up if a boy ever talked to me like that, but I really, really liked it. If he could tell, he didn't show it. And I tried my best not to squeal like a little idiot, but I was pretty sure I was grinning like one.

“I'm okay.” I shrugged, looking out the open doors at all that rain coming down. “We're gonna' get soaked.”

“Yeah, well,” Gary nodded his head and walked up to me, resting his hands on my thighs. “I don't mind getting you all wet.”

“You're awful.” I laughed, rubbing the tips of my fingers over his stubbly cheeks.

Tessa whinnied quietly and rubbed her nose against my back, nudging me forward.

“See?” I said. “Even she's embarrassed for you.”

“You are mean!” Gary laughed.

“You love me anyway, right?” I grinned.

“I love you anyway.” He nodded.