Heartless

Zacky.

His long fingertips caressed his arm in a way I never thought I’d see him do. After Matt kissed him, Brian seemed to be torn between shock and emotion. When he caressed Matt’s hand, I knew my heart stopped. Then it started again, in a painfully slow peace, as if someone just stopped the time just to start it again. He smiled, a goofy smile. I didn’t hear much of what they said to each other, and I didn’t stay to hear it either. I stamped abruptly back to the studio, wanting to get there before them. I quickly picked up my guitar to make it look like I was there all along. The anger boiled in me as I tried to keep calm. Avoiding their gazes as I kept fiddling with the strings.

I listened to the conversation, and when we had declared the session done, I made my way over. Brian tensed up immediately as he probably saw the look at my face. He stopped me. Stupid Brian.

“Hey, you okay?”

I glared at him, keeping my pokerface as I snapped back.”Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

He got a worried look on his face then. “Woah, what’s your problem, Zee?” He asked me sternly, frowning down at me like only Brian could. “I saw.”

“Saw what?” I cut him off, looking back up at him.

“Saw what?! I just saw my best friend kissing my other one, and you didn’t have a problem with it!” I yelled, suddenly feeling all the anger pointing towards Brian.

“Okay I get it, Matt kissed me, so what? What’s the big deal?!” He fought back, his face almost in panic it seemed. Good.

“Put yourself in my shoes.. how would you feel if you saw your best friend kissing your love?” I asked as calmly as I could, storming off as I realized my mistake. Too late.

Brian

Damn, that stung.. Why did it stung so bad? Was I feeling guilty for doing what I did with Matt? No..

It was just. Wow. seeing Zacky like this just really made me think about him, like wow, he has some really beautiful eyes..

Damn, Gates. What have you done to yourself.

And he said he was in love with me.. .. That was the case!! Oh my god, what am I gonna do now..

Next day, we all was supposed to meet up in the studio again, and my heart was feeling just the same as yesterday. It was weird, painfully uneven.. I stopped to catch my breath as I felt how it jumped up in my troat for the 1001th time this day.

I tried to remain calm on the outside as I walked in the door to the studio, almost watching over my shoulder for any rythmguitarists that I knew… heh.

That’s when I heard it, coming form the toilet. Crying sounds. sounds I’ve heard one time before. Zacky never cried for anything. He would usually punch it back to your face if you hurt him. But this time is was a lot more serious..

Damn it!

I couldn’ just walk away from there, I needed to make sure he was okay.

“Zacky? I-Is that you?” I stammered, knocking softly on he door.

“Go away, motherfucker!” His muffled cry sounded really painful through the wooden panel.

“Zacky, please, we need to talk about this..” I sighed, knowing that this wouldn’t be an easy conversation.

“You already broke my heart Brian.. I-I just can’t hear you saying that you don’t wanna look at me anymore.”
“Who the hell made you think that?” I was suddenly standing there, in the door way, looking at him. His red puffy eyes told me that he’d been crying for a while. That hurt me more than it should really.

“Uh…”

“Get your shit togehter Vengeance. I never said that I hated you did I?”

“No, but-”

“Fuck you’re so lame.” I growled. “Do you really imagine that I’m gonna kick you out of my life because you love me? That’s ridicolous.” I finished, got down on my knees to wipe his tears off his pearly white cheeks, tilting his head up a tiny bit so he was facing me from where he sat with his arms around his legs. “You’re beautiful.” I said simply, then I leaned down and kissed the corner of his mouth, both to mine and his brilliant surprise.

“uh.. what just happened?” He looked dumbfounded, haziness showing in his eyes as he tried to process what just happened. “This.” I said and kissed him agian, aming for the same spot. I did it for the third time when he finally had enough. He crashed his lips to mine , sending shivers down my spine as my lips met the cool shill of his snakebits. “Mmmm…” he sighed, not dirty, just showing that he really enjoyed my kisses. It was a tender moment, his fingers caressing my cheek softly, moving into my hair to deepen the kiss. Right now , everything was Zacky.. everything was green eyes, soft pale skin and cold snakebits against thin lips.

First when we parted something familiar showed up inside my eyelids. Matt. The beautuful smile, those dimples. All the old feelings. The kiss on my cheek, the c aring gesutres , the dream that came true.. Was that dream what I really wanted. My heart was confused before, but now it was even more confused. It scared me, really bad to be honest.

“Zacky. What am I doing?” I whispered, not wanting to scare him off. Not my intention at all. I just needed to get a hold of the reality again.
“Whatever you need to do to be happy,Brian.” He answered, happiness shining in his emerald eyes , and I felt that he meant it.

“Whatever my decision is in the end, we’ll still be friends right?” He trailed his fingers down my neck, making me shiver and almost moan. That was my week spot. He seemed to notice, cause he did it agian.

This time I was really moaning loud. “Fuck Zacky, what are you doing to me..” I panted, a growing arousal coming to life in the lower regions of my body. “ I just want to feel you r love honey… just one time. Please?”

“God..” He started to palm me through my jeans. I was perplexed, not daring to move an inch as he continued to suck on my neck, which he started to do almost imidietly when he felt my arousal.

“Just one time..” He whispered hotly into my ear, licking the shell softly.

“Ohh…” I moaned. I was so exited that I couldn’t just turn him down.. my dick spoke for me.

“Just a handjob okay?” I managed to say. At least I wanted to keep some of my pride ..

“okay.”

While my mouth was hanging open, cusing and moaning like a bitch, he stroked my shaft tightly in his callused fingers, the guitar hand only making it even more exiting. He flicked and tugged, squeezed and just caressed, drawing out long moans and tiny pleads form my lips. “Oh god, that feels so good.!” I stated form one time to another. He grinned as he felt my dick leaking pree-cum, whispering little nothings in my ear as he continued to pleasure me, harder and faster. “Oh Zee… Please, please..” I moaned deeper, needier than before, he hold me tighter to his body as I sat on his lap, giving him full acces to every part of my senistive neck.

“Soon there, yeah?” He licked the corner of my mouth slowly, his flexible tongue doing amazing things to my imagination, sending me over the edge with a grown, spilling my juices all over his palm.

“God, oh Zacky…”

“Was it good?” He grinned, and I only nodded, my cockiness didn’t have a good answer to this.

“I love you Brian…” He whispered into my hair. “I-I..” I didn’t know what to say! I loved Matt… but I aslo felt a simular feeling grow in my chest when he said those words to me, hell, they feel just as strong as the feelings I have for Matt.. Is just, different. Its just like the person, the person you love is special in their own way. So is the love you have for them. It’s like that kind of love is made for that person only. Well, its enough to scare me to death, to make me confused, and to stammer and apology before I escape form Zacky’s arms, running out of the building.

“Hey, man! Brian what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.” Matt mused, looking at my face sceptically, sunddenly running his fingers over my cheek. I shivered. “Matt, I’m not feeling well..” I whimpered weakly, wanting nothing more then to just lay down and sleep. “C’mere,” He opened his arms, and I willingly snuggled into them, smelling his manly cologene.

“This feels nice..” I mumbled against his bicep, his warm skin underneath his t-shirt...oh that thought made me want to kiss it. So I did, I kissed his arm lightly, making him shiver as he looked down at me with something I guess was a surprised look on his features.

I looked up at him, my eyes probably seemed quite unhappy, becuase he did the only thing that could ever cheer me up agian in no time. He kissed me. His wet lips made their ways onto my mouth, suddenly his tongue was asking for permission to enter. The sunlight hit his back as he pressed me up agianst the stone wall. Matt’s sent, Matt’s muscles and Matt’s growing bulge in his jeans made me moan satisfying into his mouth. This was all I’d ever wanted, for so long. No counfusion, just Matt. His hands searching over my body, making every touch tingling and electric.

He caressed my torso, trailing his fingers down my happytrail, watching me writting underneath him as his hand found its way into my jeans.. Stroking my bulge softly before he opened the button with a soft sound.

“Bri..” He moaned when I attacked his neck hugirly, like a vampire that wanted his blood. I guess I kinda was a vampire in one way. I just wanted to feed his love instead.

His hands found my cock, he smirked when I made a sound unlike any other than I’d did before.

Holy fuck, it was so hot, and it felt so good.

“Matt, please..” I whimpered, he smiled and nodded. “Anything for you, Baby.”

Then he went down on me. Big bad, Shadows was sucking my cock, with groaning sounds. His quick talented tounge caressed the head of my dick, then he wiped if over my stilt, making me groan his name in a short breathed voice. “Matt! oh god, do that again!” So he did that again. And again. Until my breathing was getting faster, I was almost not able to stand still as I shivered, the pleasure so ubelivably burning.

“M-mat.. MATT!” I shouted highpitched as I came down his throat, wanting to stay there forever as I rode out my orgasm. “Fuck, that was so hot..” He panted, his cheeks caughted with a red blush, his eyes glowing. I could tell he felt alive.
“You need a little help yourself?” I asked him, panting as I stroked my now sweat hair.
“If you don’t mind..” He squeaked. His turn to be pressed against the wall. So I sucked him off just the same way that he sucked me off. It was wonderful.

Afterwards. I was a mess. The last thing he said before he went back inside with a feverish grin on his face was this: “You know I love you?” Yep.

I stressed, my body trembled as my heart raced at an unbelivable speed. My forehead was wet with sweat droplets, and my hands felt sticky and clammy. “What the hell is happening to me?” I whispered to myself as I continued trembling, the confusion only grew bigger. Their faces infront of my eyes, their touches, their lips...

Everything spinned, I fell forward as I hit the ground, crying.. My heart jumped, went back to an incredible speed.

“Oh god. No..!” I sobbed, wet tears running down my face as I cried..

My chest was stinging, the feeling forgin, didn’t belong anywhere at all. I trembled, the fear was creeping over my frame like a spider. All the things I wanted in life flashed over my mind in a haze. I whimpered. The thought of leaving this world was so painful. I want to live. I’ve so much to live for…

That’s when I felt a special kind of nagging pain in my heart.

It stopped. Everything went blank.