Heartless

Zacky.

“The doctor says it’s a critical state.” Matt’s voice said defeatless over the speakers.

“His heart has been running on low battery for quite a while. They’re trying to find out if they can operate in a pace-maker. He’s still alive right now, but we don’t know what’s gonna happen next..” I guess Matt gritted his teeth as he heard the gasps of pain and shattered hope at the other side of the line.

My mind was a blur as I walked into Brian’s room. Matt had called us down to be there with him, and the doctors said it was okay for a little while. They were soon gonna take Brian in to operate him, but right now they were preparing the room.

“Bri-briaaaan!” I cried when I saw the pale body, full of tubes in his arms, a heart monitor beeping wickedly in between my sobs. I broke down on my knees as I fought agains screaming out all my pain. The tears made deep rivers down my porcelain cheeks, my hands clenching around the bedding Brian was wrapped up in.

“I love you…” I whispered as I kissed his cheek, not caring if anyone saw or heard.

The guys stood quiet, watching me, dealing with their own tumors. Johnny was pale, stirring out the window in the room, silent tears forming in his eyes. Matt on the other hand, was pacing back and forth, not knowing how to react right now, it seemed. Arin just sat there in one of the chairs, watching everyone move with brown worried eyes.

The doctors broguht my baby into operation about 10 minutes later.

We’ve waited for about 5 hours now.

“Go home, he’s not gonna wake up tonight.” The doctor informed us.
We were all gathered in the waiting room, Johnny and Arin was half asleep, Matt was just stirring into the air and I was laying on the floor with my arm over my eyes. Not able to move, not able to breath. Just think about the worst possibilities.

“We’re not going anywhere.” I declared, my voice raw. “I see. Well, since this is gonna take a while, I suggest you gentlemen find yourself comfortable in one of the overnight visitor rooms here at the department.” He finished, looking us over one or two times. “You sir, look like you could need something to sleep on.” He turned to me, seeing the tears and noticing me rubbing my temple. “Give me a minute, and I’ll find you some painkillers.” He nodded, I blinked a few times bearly giving a nod in return.

We found the mattresses and blankets that they had stored up in the spare room like a storage of sorts. Without a word, we layed down. Turning my back agaist the others I cried silently the last few tears I had to spare. The rest of them was already cried…

I could hear soft sniffles from Matt as he cried his first and probably last tears that night. You knew that when Matt cried, it was serious.

xoxox

It turned out that Brian had a heartstop during the night, making the surgery even more difficult. We were so pissed that no one notified us. But he was still alive, they managed to start his heart again. Thank God. After the first shock, new tears and lots of new prayers, we were allowed to see him. He looked horrible. Even though, he was still my angel. God I missed him so much.

The pacemaker kicked in 3 or 4 times during the next two days. We still slept in he spare room at the hospital. I refused to leave the building.

xoxoxoxo

Fall came, Brian had been in coma for a month.

We had falled into some routine. Everyday after 6 pm, I sat on the cranky hospital chair by Brian’s bed. Holding his hand tight in mine, trying to to cry any more tears.

I whispered little nothings into his ear as he snored softly. Breathing. The only sign of his existence.

“I love you.” I whispered into his ear, watching the heart monitor jump up and down everytime I said those three small words.

“Don’t you leave me Brian. We hurt so much already.. Oh god, how we miss Jimmy. I don’t think we could live with losing you too.” I sighed quitely, as I felt hot new tears fall down my cheeks. Its like my eyes never gets dry these days. At the same time, it feels like I’m carrying this giant ball of fear, the fear of losing my love, my best friend. Again.

“Please, Bri… It hurts so much!” I sobbed, stroking his pale cheekbones carefully, wishing I could dive in and kiss those lips, and someone would kiss me back.

I needed a kiss.

I carefully leaned over his body, blinking the tears away, watching them fall down on his face as I lowered my mouth over his. Tender, dry lips met mine in a soft kiss, of course nothing happened other than my own imagination. I imagined him kissing me back so tenderly, waiting for the right moment to wrap an arm around my neck, deepening the kiss..

“Brian!” The sound was muffled because of our tight kiss. It wasn’t my imagination, he really kissed me back! He was awake! The heartmonitor beated steadily, making it sound like everything was alright. All though, the only thing I could focus on, was the deep pools of chocolate right infront of me, and the light kisses that was left on my lips. Electrifying waves pulsed up and down my spine. Suddenly the whole situation made me blush feverishly.

“Uh..Y-you’re awake!” I bubbled over, hugging him tightly to my chest as he chuckled his familiar chuckle, hugging me tightly to his firm muscled upper body.

“I-I love you.” I blurted out, suddenly, looking at him bashfully as I stroked his hair. Tears of joy ran down my cheeks, and I also realized how ubelivably scared I’d been the entire time.

“I thought I lost you!” I sobbed.

“Oh Zacky!” Brian kissed my forehead, caressing my spine carefully as if to calm me down. It worked.

“Brian? How are you feeling?” I asked worriedly, wanting to make sure I didn’t do anything to hurt him. “I’m fine Zacky. I feel a little worn out right now, but I think I’ll be fine. I don’t really remember much though..” He bit his lip in embarrasment. “ Elighten me, please?” He asked.

“Your heart.. it finally gave in, Bri. It stopped. And it was almost too late, but they managed to save you. To get you into surgery and operate in a pacemaker to keep your heartbeat steady.” I finished. “You’ve been in coma for a month. They’re not sure what caused it, but they think it’s a side effect to the cardiac arrest.” I stroke his chin gentle, and he seemed to lean into the tocuh, taking all the love he could get. “I understand.” He sighed. He went really quiet for a while, closing his eyes as if to take it all in. “I’m so sorry all this happened to you,” I began softly. “You didn’t deserve this.”

“I survived.” He concluded. Opening his eyes again, a newfound strength was replacing the old fear, or nagging that always swimmed in his eyes since the day he found out his heart was bad. “I’ve been through this so many times in my head.” He frowned. “But I’d never thought that I’d survive…”

“I knew you would survive.” I answered, my expression sincere. “How could you be so sure?” He asks, his eyes wide, his mouth in question.

“Because you’re Brian. You don’t give up. You fight.” I smiled, kissing his cheek gently. This time, he blushed deeply.

“I love you.” I sighed, not expecting a reply this time either.

“Zacky.. I think I love you too. I love you.” He looked at me with shining eyes, kissing me carefully as if to prove his point further.

“But what about Matt?” I asked, knowing the crashing reply that would come.

“I-I love him too.”

“I’m sorry, Zacky.”
“Don’t boder. It’s not your fault.” I bit my lip in defeat. It hurts..

“But I love you too, just as much.”
“Do you know if Matt loves you, Brian?” I had to ask. This was so important to me.

“N-No… I don’t.. actually know that. We never got the chance to talk about it like this I guess..”

“Honestly, Brian.. I don’t think so. He would have been here if he loved you more than a friend.” I played all my cards now. But everything is allowed in love and war, right?

He went quiet again, for a good while too. It seemed like he really thought about my words. Suddenly, tears formed in his eyes as some sort of realization hit him.
He cried into my shoulder while I held him tight to my body. “He never really loved me, Zacky! He just wanted a flirt, a good time all along! He never cared…”

“He does care about you Brian. In fact, he may have been interested in you, enough to kiss you or do whatever you and him did, but he didn’t love you yet..”
I closed my eyes, hoping that he would still stay with me after I put in that last sentence.

“You’re right. But you, you stayed here. For me.” He sneaked a kiss to the crook of my neck, breathing in slightly, he closed his eyes. “I love you, Zacky.”

Those three words were like soft feathers for my heart and soul. I knew that he meant it. “Kiss me, Bri-baby.”

He kissed me. Oh lord, he kissed me.

“I’ve been one month tied to the bed without any action at all…” He grumbled hotly in my ear.

I felt myself swell hopelessly in my pants. I climed up and into his bed, cawled under the covers so I could straddle him. “I’ll be careful I promise..” I whispered, smirking when he gasped as I started to palm him through the hospital gown. “Damn it, Zacky..” He moaned, reaching out to touch me, giving me a shiver. “Mmm.. do you need some help with that, Mr. Haner?” I giggled, winking sexy down at him. “Uhm, yes please.” He crooked his eyebrows in expectation waiting for me to move a little further down.

I removed the hospital gown carefully, knowing that I had to do all the work. “I love you so much..” I moaned when I saw the diamond cut hipbones with a golden tan presented to me in all his glory.. Ohh…

Kissing both of his ties and hipbones just to tease him, I felt his dick twitch and get harder under my touch. He wasn’t exactly quiet either…

“Fuck, damn, My God its so good… Oh please, Zackyyyyy!” Brian shivered as he growled and moaned between eachother, smiling sexily up at him I finally swept my tounge over his leaking head.

Hiding halfway under the covers I began to suck him eagerly, feeling every drop of cum he left drip onto my tounge. He tasted so sweet.. Oh I wanted more.

I made several sounds myself, which seemed to only make him gasp and become harder, urging me on to bob my head. The bed squeaked as we moved, he tugged my hair, making me leak preecum onto the mattress. I’d opened my fly and fodled myself during the whole blowjob….. but I wanted more.

He did too, cause everytime I looked up at him, he seemed to be even darker in his eyes. The lust and love in those eyes made me whimper, and this sound made Brian perplex.

“Fuck, let me make love to your sweet ass, pleasee!” Wow. That was hot..

“Paitient, Mr. Haner!” I smirked, then carefully removed my pants and boxers.

“We got to be a little more quiet.” He said, totally out of breath as I revealed all my goodies.

“Okay, I’ll shut the door.” I sprinted across the room with my bare ass, probably looking rediculous with my hard on slapping against my stomach. Brian laughed joyfully at my eagerness, lifting the covers up sensually as to ask me to join him once more. I hurriedly crawled underneath them again, goosebumps all over my skin as the air in the room was much colder than being under a cover.

“Gimme that ass..” The sassy mother fucker I loved so much was back, he arched those eyebrows back and forth making me giggle. I just had to dive into his embrace kissing his neck and face all over, making him gasp as every kiss lingered on his skin.

I stroke his dick harder again, as he stroked mine, making us both moan into each other’s hot mouths. Tounge battling I got myself ready as I felt two finger caughted in pree-cum enter my ass. “Fu-gnhh!” I squirmed, making him kiss me harder as a distraction. The pain was there, but it was bearable.
“I’m sorry baby. Its’ gonna hurt…”

Fucking hell, he was right.

When he had inserted a third finger the pain faded slowly away, making me squirm for more instead.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

He dived into me, doing it slow but fast, not stopping knowing that I wanted to just get over with the first feelings anyway. “Ohh!” I moaned finally breathlessly into his ear, giving him permission to drive deeper and faster into me.

“Boucne your hips baby.”

I sure did. I gave my all as he helped me lift myself up, and slam back down on his cock.

The sweat droplets made rivers down my forehead as the pleasure took over all my senses. Just Brian. Only Brian. All Brian. “Ohhh! Fuck, this feel soo good, Ahh!”
I moaned as he sucked on my tounge, giving a sexy grunt in reply, breathing horse and heavy.

“God! Ah! Ohhhh!” He found my spot and didn’t heasitate to assult it. “Right there, eh? Oh! Does that feel good? It sure does feel good to me baby, fuck!” He rasped in my ear, crashing my lips harder to his own ones.

“I’m so close AHHH!! BRIAN!” I moaned whorisly as I came heavily on his chest, bouncing harder on his cock to make him come too.
“Oh baby, I love you..” He grunted manly as he came with slow bumps. I felt the warm stickyness fill me up, and that made my muscles constrict one final time in a glorious aftershock. “Ahh…” I moaned softly as I sloppily came down from my orgasm.

“That was so amazing!” The happiness shone brightly in his irises as he caressed my spine, making me lean into the touch, completely exhausted at the moment.
“Lay with me.” He breathed, and I slid of his lap gasping at the empty feeling I got when we weren’t connected anymore. “C’mere.” Protectingly he held me against his tattooed chest. I kissed the foREVer tattoo softly as I snuggled closer, taking his hand in mine, squeezing it. “You are so good, so amazing. My baby..” I sighed, closing my eyes, just enjoying the moment in his arms.

The silence was offendingly irrupted a few minutes later, when I was sleeping soundlessly in Brian’s arms by harsh knocks on the door.
“Oh fuck.”

“Get dressed..” He whispered hastly. I moved slowly, groggliy pulling on my clothes under the covers as the kocking turned into keys being pulled out and unlocked the door.

A loud gasp errupted the air as Matt, Johnny and the doctor stood there, completely in shock.

My blood froze.