This Love

We all passed.

All of us received our marks an hour after we finished and we all passed. I couldn’t be happier for us. Most of the girls crammed into our common room to get ready for our night on the town. Alcohol was being passed around and to be honest, I was contemplating having some if I saw him tonight. In order to rid these thoughts, I took it upon myself to go back to my room to get ready.

“I have nothing good to wear.”

Julie looked up at me from her bed, “That’s cause all you do is live in converse, leggings and sweaters.”

“At least I’m comfy.”

“Here, I’ll help you.”

Julie and I went through my entire closet and there was nothing to be found. She was right. I live in boring clothes. I had no reason to buy nice clothing though; I was in university after all. Maybe after I get a job and have nursing paychecks coming in, I’ll get myself a new wardrobe … or new converse.

After a few arguments and compromises, we picked pieces from my closet and hers. I settled on some black leggings, a black and white striped V-neck t-shirt, paired off with a penguins hat and a jean jacket from Julie’s collection. A fixed my hair a bit, and put on some make up to freshen my face up. I had to admit; I looked a bit better than I have in a while. Julie left a pair of boots out for me, but I pushed them aside … she wasn’t gonna stop me from wearing my converse.

“Abby, really? You’re wearing converse?” Julie whines as she walks back into the room to finish getting herself ready. She’s a little black dress, ankle boots with a bit of heel on them and a leather jacket. I felt a bit conscious and I stared down at my feet. I was such a tomboy and I could never get out of that phase.

“I don’t dress up, okay? It’s not my thing.”

“Can’t you just at least put those boots on or hell, even some lipstick?”

“I am wearing lipstick.” I replied as I grabbed my tube of faux lipstick from mac. This colour has been my ride or die since last year.

“It’s a nude lipstick … it’s not noticeable.”

“I’m going to a hockey game, not a party.”

She just rolled her eyes at me and began to apply bright red to her lips. It wasn’t for me. I love playing with make up but I don’t do bold lips and winged eyeliner. I stick to neutral coloured make up and that’s about it.

I walked back down into the common room and waited to leave. Once I get into that arena and hear all my favorite sounds from my childhood, I wouldn’t be worried about being stuck with a bunch of Barbie’s. Then it hits me again this wouldn’t be any normal hockey game. He’d be there. It would be the closest I’ve been to him in months. I don’t know if I was ready for that.

We finally made it down to the arena and I was starting to feel at home again. The crowd was a mix of Canucks and Penguins fans. The girls all wondered around as we tried to find our suite. They wanted to go down and watch the Penguins warm up and there was no way in hell I was going down there.

“Guys lets go watch the penguins warm up.” Julie says after we all grabbed a beer from the stands. Like I said, I might need something to get me through this. The beer hit my lips and I grimaced. It was bitter and I wanted to toss it out, but I kept drinking it.

I shook my head and started to leave the group, “I’ll catch up with you guys in the suite later.”

“Abby, I just bought you a $10 beer. You’re coming with us.”

“I don’t want to go down there, okay?” Tears were stinging my eyes at this point and I had no idea why. I quickly sniffed them back and looked down at my shoes, praying the girls would leave me alone.

“Uhm … You guys go down, I’ll be there in a sec.”

Julie walks towards me and puts her hand on my shoulder. Great, tears really wanted to fall this time. I tried to blink them away but one fell. Of course I’d be a wreck with fresh make up.

“Abby are you okay?”

“Not really. I think we need to talk.” She becomes concerned and we find a place to sit down. “Look this is so weird to even talk about but ... remember when I went to the east coast last summer?”

She just nods.

“Well, I kind of met someone when I was there, and the entire month I was there we hung out. I fell in love with him and I don’t know how he felt about me, but he just let me go. I agreed with him it wasn’t going to work but I miss him so much and I wish he were still part of my life. The reason I bring this up is because he sort of plays for Pittsburgh.”

Silence hung in the air and I looked over at her. Her expression is blank and I can tell she wants me to keep going. I didn’t know what else to tell her. It was a simple summer love I’ll never get back, but I’ll never forget it.

“Abby, who is it?”

“I don’t want to say, you’re not going to believe me.”

“Just tell me, please.”

I drew in a sharp breath, “It was Sidney Crosby.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”

“Do you really think anyone would believe me? Yeah sure, simple boring Abby had a summer romance with hockey’s next Gretzky.”

“I guess … Maybe you should come down to warm up. I’m sure he wants to see you. Does he know you’re living here?”

“Yeah.”

“Abby, I’m telling you. This could be your shot to make it right.”

“He probably doesn’t even care about me anymore. He probably has some hot shot blonde girlfriend that’s more NHL approved. What would he want with me?” I snapped as a few more tears escaped from me.

Julie brought her hand up to wipe my tears away. Her piercing blue eyes looked into mine and she smiled, “Look, I know I can be a hard ass on you, but, you deserve to be happy. You worked too hard to not be. I’m telling you, go down to that warm up and see him. If he doesn’t care, at least you know you can move on from him.”

“What if he does?” I choked as I felt more tears coming.

“You don’t know until you know.”

I took what felt like the deepest breath and thought about it. I mean, what would be worse? Hiding and not knowing what could’ve been? Or getting rejected? What if neither of those things happen and he wants to see me?

“You’re right. Let’s just go, I’m done pouting over this.” I replied as I stood up. Julie smiled and we both walked towards the ice.

As we get down to ice level, the rest of the girls come towards us. Great. I roll my eyes in frustration cause I look like I’m with a group of puckbunnies. I just hope Sid doesn’t think I’m one of them …

“Do you guys know if Crosby is single?”

“I hope Letang notices me, this spanx is killing me when I sit down.”

“Everyone needs to keep checking twitter tonight. We need to find out where the boys are clubbing tonight.”

The girl talk came to a halt when the music started and the boys came onto the ice. I froze inside and my heart was at the point of convulsing in my throat. My hand held onto Julie’s for dear life. Where was he?

The girls were freaking out. I watched them glue their phones to the glass as they bragged about players looking at them, even though they weren’t. I mean, if they were looking its cause they’re wondering why these girls are embarrassing themselves.

There he was.

I watched him with such focus and my eyes wouldn’t leave him. He skated around so effortlessly and he was so flawless with his stick work. He looked into the crowd and his eyes were glowing. He was just so captivating, like he was out of a book or a Taylor Swift music video. His smile could light up Manhattan during a black out. Yet, he chose me to be a part of his life for a fraction of a second. I still can’t believe he was mine at one point.

He hadn’t noticed me yet, but I was getting more comfortable being around him and I was silently pleading for him to look over at me. Just being in his presence made me feel like I was walking on air. I felt invincible.

“Oh my god, Abby. I think he just saw you.”

The lump in my throat got bigger as I found him again. His eyes were staring right at me. My eyes were simply glued to him and I waited for his next move. He started to skate towards me and it took everything I had to not run. Was I in a movie? This did not feel real.

At this point, the only thing separating us was the glass. Everyone was staring at us, and I was just staring at him. I forgot I was in a crowded arena with thousands of people. The music, the noise, the stares all vanished.

“Abby?”

I could hardly hear him but I saw him mouth my name. I just nodded at him and he smiled at me. My god, there was that smile of his. He was getting the nudge that warm up was over and I didn’t want him to leave. No words were coming out of my mouth and I was praying my eyes were saying everything he needed to hear.

“Where are you sitting?”

“Suite 101”

“I’ll come find you after, somehow.”

I wanted to believe him, but I felt like that was it. Honestly, I felt worse than I did before not knowing anything. Julie grabbed my hand and we started to walk towards our suite. I took one final look back and he was gone.