Chasing Second Chances

“Jesus Christ Ella, I’ve been looking everywhere for you, where have you been!?”

I looked down at Tristan, slightly hunched over as he was trying to catch his breath.

“I just, I just needed to be alone for a minute.”

“Can you get off of the roof please?”

“Oh, right.”

Slowly, carefully, I moved over to the side of my house, dangling from the edge.

“Hey! What are you-”

With a light thud I landed on the ground, glancing over at the frantic Tristan. “Calm down will you? I’ve done that a million times.”

Aggravated he threw his head in his hands before swiping them down his face. “I’ve been looking for you for two hours, do you mean to tell me you’ve been up there this whole time?”

“No.”

I slowly sauntered into the house, Tristan at my heels. “No. Just as simple as that huh?”

When I did not respond, he took me by the shoulders, spinning me around fiercely and holding me in place. “Talk to me Ella!”

“I don’t walk to talk!” All of the anger I was trying so desperately to keep bottled up began to bubble over.

“You don’t want to talk to me, you don’t want to talk to your sister, how the hell are you supposed to get better without talking?”

My eyes snapped up to meet his. “I never said I wanted to get better! You told me I need to change my life! You’re the one that barged in here trying to control everything! You can’t control me Tristan, why don’t you just leave?”

As soon as I pushed him away, I felt my heart drop.

“Tristan-”

“No, you’re right. I’ll just leave.”

Without another word he walked out the front door.

Had I been smart I would have followed, I would have apologized, something.

Instead, I just stood there dumbfounded by the inevitable.

Of course he left.

One can only put up with someone’s bullshit for so long before they can’t take it anymore.

I pushed him away when all he was trying to do was help.

I paced the house for what seemed like hours but was merely thirty minutes before finally heading for the door.

“I have to find him, I can’t just leave things the way they are.”

My ears perked as a noise came from the roof.

A sigh of relief escaped my body as I climbed up the house.

Hesitant, I crawled over to Tristan, who was lying there looking at the stars.

He’s not looking at me, he’s ignoring me.

Well, of course he’s ignoring me.

I pissed him off.

I was rude to him.

Just, apologize.

“Listen, I’m sorry Tristan.”

No response.

“I didn’t mean to blow up on you like that.”

Still nothing.

“I’m just, I’m frustrated. With, with you, with Laura, but mostly with myself.” At this point, I didn’t care if he was listening. “I was wrong to take my anger out on you, especially when you’re trying so hard to help me. I’ve never had anybody in my life try to do that before, and it scares me. You make me feel hopeful, you make me realize that what I was doing is stupid and foolish, that I’ve wasted too much of my life hating myself.

I know it’s not going to be easy, and I know I’m not fun to be around, but please don’t go, I need your help. So much more than I ever realized.”

Still Tristan said nothing, just gazed up at the night sky.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Tris-” My words caught in my throat as his hand gently covered my face.

I could just barely peek through his fingers as he spoke.

“Just, look at the stars and shut up.”

Once his words were spoken he dropped his hand and put it back under his head.

With the smallest of smiles I nodded, laying down next to Tristan and gazing up at the stars, finally feeling relaxed for the first time in years.