I'm a User... You're My Drug

I had been dating Joker for a little over a month now. I would see him each night at work, and he would watch me as he said he would. On nights that I didn't work, I would go out with him. Some nights, I stayed home with my boy. I still hadn't told anyone outside of work about Joker and I. I wasn't ready for the world to know yet. He was beginning plans for remodeling the club and he kept me apart of the plans. Each night he would pick me up for work and take me home. Tonight was no exception, only tonight he seemed a little on edge. 

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said angrily. 

"Yeah sure nothing. That's why you just bit my head off." 

"It's none of your concern, Rhiannon." He said through clenched teeth.

"Whatever." I said and looked away only to have him grab my hair and turn me to face him.

"Don't ever give me your attitude again." He said and shoved my head out of his hand.

"Fuck you." I said getting out of the car and slammed the door behind me. I started walking into the club when I felt my arm being grabbed and my body spun around.

"Oh no you don't. You're  not getting off that easy." He said holding me arms in a tight grip. I looked into his eyes and only saw anger. I then kneed him in the groin and ran when he let go. I ran into the club and told Ross what had just happened seeing as how he was the only father figure I had to turn to.

"It's going to be ok. Come with me." I followed him backstage to where the other girls were. "You stay here, I'll deal with him."

"No, Ross, he will kill you!" I shouted.

"Not if I kill him first." Ross whipped out his revolver and walked out to the bar area where Joker now was looking for me. "Hey clown! What the hell did you do to her!?" Ross shouted pointing his gun. 

"Now now, that's not very nice." Joker said, pulling his own gun out. Ross went to pull the trigger, but Joker beat him to it, shooting Ross in the shoulder. Ross's gun also went off at the same time, but didn't even hit Joker, as Ross went down. He knelt down holding onto his wounded shoulder. "The next one goes in your head, fat boy." Joker said menacingly while pointing his gun at Ross's head.

"Don't you dare!" I screamed while shoving Joker into the bar, forcing him to drop his gun. His goons then grabbed a hold of me and shoved me into the wall, keeping me in place. Just then another gun shot rang through the air and hit one of the henchman in head, causing me to scream. I looked over to see Joker.

"Take your hands off my woman, Will, or I'll blow your brains out too!" He roared, his gun still aimed at the goon, apparently named Will. Will let go of me and backed away, his hands up.

"You're fucking crazy." I said shoving past him to comfort Ross. 

"Will, take him to the hospital." Joker commanded and Will came over and helped Ross to his feet. I went to follow them when Joker grabbed me.

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere. We have to talk."

"I'm not fuckin talking to you." I said trying to walk away again, but he stopped me.

"Come here." He pulled me to the back of the club where we stored the alcohol.

"What do you want? I have nothing to say to you." I said crossing my arms.

"Well first of all I'm sorry dammit. I didn't mean to take it out on you." He said putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Take what out on me? I want to know why the fuck you're acting like this to me and why you shot Ross. He is like a father to me." 

"I know that and I shot him because I wasn't going to let him just point a gun at me and get away with it. I'm pissed off because I am tired of watching nasty perverted slobs watching you and hitting on you every night. I can't take it." His eyes were now softer and less angry.

"I get that, but it's what I have to do so I can--"

"No you don't fucking have to do this shit! I want to take care of you! What is this just an excuse so you can take your fuckin clothes off for the world?!" He was angry again and had a crazed look in his eyes.

"Fuck you! Just stay away from me from now on!" I said walking away from him. He grabbed my arm again and turned me to face him. I responded to it this time with a smack to his face. He let go of me, looking too shocked to respond at first. All of a sudden, I was shoved onto the concrete floor, smacking my face into the cold hard floor. He flipped me over on my back and got on top of me. He grabbed my face in one hand, forcing me to look at him.

"That was a bad move, doll." That was the last thing I remembered him saying before he knocked me out.

When I finally came to, I was in a daze. I looked around at an unfamiliar room. When I tried to move, I realized that I was strapped down on a metal gurney. I looked around and didn't see anything that could help me. I looked up at the clock on the wall and it read 3:30. Was it morning or afternoon? Oh no. My thoughts went straight to my son. Did he hurt him? Does he and Gertrude know if I'm ok? I began screaming and fighting the restraints. 

"That won't help you, babe." I stopped and looked up to see Joker standing in the doorway, shirtless.

"Let me go, you psychotic fuck!" I screamed.

"Now why the hell would I do that?" He crossed his arms.

"If this is your definition of love, you're more crazy than I thought you were." I said.

"Oh but darling, I'm doing this because I love you. And don't worry, I called your babysitter and told her you'd be late. So she's with the kid." He said walking towards me. "Yes, it's almost 4 o'clock in the evening. You've been out for almost 24 hours. Didn't think I hit ya that hard, but you really pissed me off, babe. I was nice enough to shoot you with some morphine though, so you wouldn't wake up in excruciating pain." He said with a sadistic smile on his face.

"I hate you, Joker. I was wrong about you. There is no good in you." I felt tears coming, but I fought them back. I had to be strong.

"I warned you." He then started up a machine and held two bars in his hands. I heard the sound of electricity and knew what was coming. I closed my eyes and waited.

"If you're going to kill me, get it over with already." I said.

"Oh I'm not going to kill you. I'm just gonna hurt ya really really bad." He then put a leather strap in my mouth. I kept my eyes closed and I heard the electricity get closer and then I felt it. The pain of  a thousand knives going through my body at once. I tried not to cry, but I couldn't hold it back. Finally it was over. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to even look at him. My whole boy ached but felt almost numb at the same time. He took the leather strap out of my mouth and began undoing the straps. He then walked over to the sink and filled a glass of water. Now what was he going to do? I just laid there, because I couldn't move. He walked back over to me and slid his arm under my shoulders and sat me up.

"Here, you need to drink this." He said putting the glass to my lips. I didn't really want to take anything from him, but I wouldn't turn away a drink of water at this point. My throat was raw and I felt like I hadn't drank anything in days. I took a couple of drinks and stopped. He sat the glass down and then proceeded to pick me up bridal style and carried me out of the room. He walked up a set of stairs and opened a door. I figured out that we were in a basement. This must be his house because the door led to a huge fancy kitchen. He carried me up a huge staircase and down a long hall. We finally came to a purple door and he opened it revealing a king size bed. The room was royal purple. He then kicked the door shut behind us and laid me on the bed. He knelt down beside me on the floor and looked into my eyes. His were now soft and full of regret.

"I'm sorry. I lost control." He said and ran his hand through my hair. I just looked at him, not knowing what to say. I was still so angry. Who wouldn't be? "I know you're mad at me and I don't blame you. When you feel better, I will take you home." He then got up and walked over to his master bathroom and opened a medicine cabinet. He walked back over to me and crouched back down on the floor. He screwed the lid off of a tube of cream and rubbed it on the burn marks on my head from him shocking me. After he was done, he just sat there running his hand through my hair, trying his best to comfort me after the abuse he inflicted.

"I just want to go home to my son." I finally said after 40 minutes of laying there. He sighed and got up.

"As you wish." He went to help me stand up, but my legs wouldn't work and my knees buckled. I started to go down, but he caught me. He sat me back down on the bed and I began to cry. He then put his arms around me and I laid my head on his chest and let him hold me. I didn't know why I even let him. I guess because I didn't have much of a choice. I couldn't move my legs to run away. I hated him so much it hurt, but I loved him too, and that hurt worse. When I finally stopped crying, I looked up at him. He looked so hurt and ashamed. He should be.

"I need you to do something for me, Joker." I finally said.

"Anything you want." He said.

"I need you to call my place and tell Gertrude that I'm very ill with the flu and I'm staying with you until I get better so I don't get Phoenix sick or her. Ask her if they need anything and if they do, I need you to get it. I know yesterday there wasn't much in the kitchen to eat. Can you do that much for me?" I asked looking up at him. 

"Yes, of course. I can't deliver what they need though, unless you want them knowing about us. Plus, I think if I showed up there, it'd scare them." He said.

"You're right. Send one of your henchman that doesn't look scary. They can say they are running the errand for you because you have to stay and take care of me. Which isn't really lying." 

"Ok, doll. I'll do it for you. Now, you lay here while I take care of everything. I will have them go get you some pajamas, too. Whatever you want." 

"I don't want anything from you, Joker. Just what I asked you to do and that's it." I was still angry and even though comfy pajamas sounded great right now, I wouldn't take anything from him. He sighed and stood up. He helped me lay back down and he went out of the room to call Gert. I didn't care how sorry he was, I didn't want anything from him. I laid there for what seemed like forever before finally dozing off.

"Rhiannon, wake up." I was shaken awake by Joker. 

"What do you want?" I mumbled.

"I know you said not to, but I got you PJ's anyway. You don't look comfortable at all." He was right. I was in skin tight leather pants and high healed boots and a tight corset.

"Fine." I said giving in. My legs were still jello. "What did you do to me, I still can't feel my legs."

"Babe, it's just the morphine I injected you with on top of the electric shock. You will get feeling back in another 12 hours give or take. Until then, just let me take care of you." 

"Well, you're going to have to help me. This is embarrassing, but I really have to pee." I said looking away from him. He walked over and picked me up and took me into the bathroom. He helped me get to the pot then he turned around to give me privacy. "This is so embarrassing." I said.

"It's fine, babe. It's my fault. I'll never forgive myself. Tell me when you're ready, and I'll help you get the pajama's on." He said. When I was done, I was still able to wipe, thank god. I pulled my underwear up to my thighs. 

"I'm done." I said. He turned around and first took my boots off and then my pants and socks. 

"Well, this isn't exactly how I imagined stripping you for the first time, but I'll take it." He laughed and I let out an involuntary giggle. It was kind of funny and he was trying. It was becoming hard to stay mad at him. 

"There I finally got through to ya." He smiled up at me and I ran my hand through his green hair. I just couldn't stay mad even after what he done to me. He finally got through putting the pajama bottoms on and warm fuzzy socks. The Pants were Nightmare Before Christmas and the socks were purple. He then unzipped my corset and let me put my shirt on myself since I could do that. It was also Nightmare Before Christmas. He helped me up and carried me back to bed.

"Thank you, Joker." I said holding his hand.

"Don't thank me, it's the least I can do after I hurt you. You're my queen and I hurt you. The very person I wanted to protect." He sat on the edge of the bed next to me.

"Joker, we will get past this. I understand why you were mad, I just wish you would control your anger. You know I have to work though, and that's just what I do." 

"But you don't have to."

"I know, and I appreciate it that you want to take care of me and Phoenix, but I can't not work. I would feel useless. I like making my own money."

"Babe, if you would just come live with me, my money would be your money. You would never have to ask. I would give you the world."

"Did you get Gert and my son taken care of?" I asked.

"Yes, doll. I had one of my men take them food and everything they needed. I have one of my men guarding your apartment. I felt better having someone there with them." 

"Thank you." It was now 10pm and I was worn out. I decided to that I would turn on a King of the Hill marathon and watch it until I fell asleep.

"If you need me, I'll be in my office, ok? Just send a text if you need me." Joker said getting up and heading to the door.

"Wait. Please stay with me tonight." I pleaded. I wasn't entirely over what happened, but I also didn't want to be alone. Even though he hurt me, I still felt safer with him here.

"Are you sure?" He said turning around. 

"Yes, please. Just come lay with me." We laid there together in bed watching the show. I finally drifted off into a deep sleep with him holding me. I knew I loved this man.