The Lost Journal

My anger was getting the best of me. He promised not to bring up the transformation anymore. All of it was blurring my vision. Tears ran down my cheeks while I ran. Sweating, running crying. I felt my jaw clench and I ran even faster. My hair blew in the wind. The tears stopped as did my bare feet. I clenched the nearest tree trunk and rested my forehead against it. I sighed, “I thought I lost you at the river cross.” I said to him.

“Really? Well that was a while back. How long would you have kept running?” he asked.

“As long as it took to be sure…” my voice drifted off..

“Ha!” he scoffed, “You know you can’t outrun me!”

“It’s still worth a shot.” I whispered. He was suddenly beside me, his hands on my shoulders and his breath on my neck.

“Everything is worth a shot.” He breathed.

“No, stop it. Do you want me to start running again?” I said shrugging his hands off.

“Oh come on Tee! You love me don’t you?” he asked, frustrated.

“You know the answer to that. Like I said, it all hurts too much, you know that.” I said the tears coming again.

“Taika don’t cry, please. I promise to try to keep myself in check.” He said hugging my waist.

“I know you will.” I rested my hands on his.

He kissed the side of my neck and was gone. I sat on a big mossy rock and cried about all the things that have gone wrong with my life. Once my eyes were devoid of tears he arrived again with a bucket of water. “What’s this for?” I asked pointing out the bucket and climbing onto his back.

“I used the river cross as an excuse again.” He said wrapping his forearms under the back of my knees.

“Again? Wow, you seriously need to think of other things to say to your family.” I rolled my eyes.

“I know, and you need to see a therapist but I’m not forcing it on you.” He said with a laugh as he began to run. I listened to his steady breathing, and once he realized this he began to exaggerate. I thumped him in the chest with my fist and he chuckled. We were at the palace in no time. He let me slide off his back. “Thanks, you might want to leave now.” I said, watching Castor float down on his glider, Aiolos.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow?” he asked.

I looked into his eyes and smiled, “Definitely.”

He smiled back and gave me a kiss on the cheek and was gone.

“How dare he! I’ll send after him in the morning!” Castor yelled as he landed.

“If you took as much time being happy as you did being jealous I wouldn’t have ever even met him!” I teased walking up the stairs.

“Oh! You laugh now but wait until that thing hurts you! Then what will you do? My family sure as ever won’t take you back in!” he warned, again.

“I know Castor. Trust me; he won’t lay one finger on me with out my permission.” I tried to reassure him with a smile.

“That’s exactly what I fear.” He looked sincerely worried, not jealous this time. I smiled at him weakly then let my face relax and I walked inside.

As soon as I had reached the second staff keeper’s room I could smell the dinner being cooked in the kitchen. I decide to see what I can do to help.

“You ma’am, have been gone long since lunch.
Where, might I ask?” Benji, the head chef, exclaimed at the sight of me.

“No, Benji you may not.” I said with a teasing smile.

“Ah! The girls smile is threatening to my eyes!” he says sarcastically, putting a hand to his forehead.

I laughed; Benji had a way of bending the mood for his favor, good or bad. He arrived in Tirta shortly after I did, only with less confusion. I turn and find Castor entertaining himself with the door jamb.

“Must you follow me everywhere? You know I have no where to go, or means by which to get there.” I questioned and punched him playfully on the arm. Instantly regretting the words that came from my mouth, I followed him when he ran out the door. “Wait! Castor! You know what I meant! I’m sorry!” I yelled after him. I realized what a big mistake I had made. I didn’t mean to hurt Castor, it was an accident. Castor spun around to meet me eye to eye. He grabbed my right forearm with his left hand.

For the first time I see pain and hurt in Castor’s blue and topaz eyes. Anger and sorrow as well. I look from his left topaz eye to the right baby blue one; the symbol of peace for Tirta. Two completely unlike colors, combined into one body. A collision of tears hits the back of my eyes. I tried to blink them back but with Castor, that’s not such an easy task; hiding emotion. He pulled me close to his chest and held me there as I cried.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, “I tried, I really did.”

“I know, it’s just so hard to believe.” I said between sobs.

“Shh. It’s okay, we’ll find her…I swear on my life we will.” He said a little too reassuringly.

I hugged him close. The thought of him swearing on his own life unnerves me.

“I have to go see Penabrin. I’ll be back before day break.” He tells me.

“I’m coming with you.” I said pulling away from him.

“I can’t let you do that Taika. You have to stay. Please.” He more demands than requests.

I roll my eyes and look straight up at him. “You can’t stop me from going. I know for a fact you don’t like Michael, but that’s not going to stop us from being friends. It doesn’t matter if you like him because it’s my choice who my friends are and I want to go see my friend! If you want to stop me from that then I’ll never forgive you!”

He looks at me worriedly, “Okay, fine, go get ready, three minutes or I’m leaving without you. I have some last minute things to take care of.” He said and walked past me without another word. I watched in amazement that he gave in so quickly, and then ran to my room to change. I find Thomas sitting on the floor. “You startled me, what are you doing here?”

“Well my folks weren’t home, figured I’d stop by for a little while.” He shrugged.

“Yeah well I’m leaving; I’ll be back before daybreak ‘kay?” I said walking to my closet.

“I can wait. It won’t be long now.” He said.

I rolled my eyes as I put my belt on. I wore a long green dress. The bodice lined with gold thread. The sleeves flared at the hand and almost drug the ground. My bulky brown belt resting on my waist. I gave a curtsy and began for the door.

“If it helps my case, you look great.” Thomas said.

I turned to look at him but he was suddenly beside me, “No Thomas, it doesn’t. I’m still going. I love you. I’ll see you when I get back alright? I promise, you can stay, Benji probably already knows you’re here…he’ll get whatever you need.”

“What if he can’t get what I need?” Thomas asked.

“Well what do you need?” I ask suddenly curious.

“You.”He says simply.

“Thomas let me go, I’ll be back later, and we can talk then alright? I promise you.” I said and turned for the door.

“I said I was sorry and I’d let it be, why can’t you stay tonight?” he asked.

I turned to see him once more, “Don’t you see? I have to go.”

He cocked his head to one side, “Why do you have to see him?”

“Because he is my friend!” I retorted.

Michael and I have a history together. After I broke off the engagement we stayed close friends. Castor and Thomas fight for my affections, literally. The two of them being vampires, it’s not easy to watch their duels. Unlike those two though, Michael is partially human. There’s a part of him that wants to be free, but the other part doesn’t want to leave me. Michael is a transitional. This means he can change into an animal at any given time. The main and strongest one is a mustang. Graceful, yet quick, soft, yet, serious. He dares not interfere with Castor and Thomas though his intentions are no longer to marry me. His feelings for me have not changed, yet no longer grow stronger everyday.

I looked at Thomas. He had pain and anger raging through his eyes. Clenching my jaw, I spoke through my teeth, “Look, I don’t feel the same way about him as I do you. Michael and I are friends. Nothing more!”

“Does he understand that?” Thomas asked.

“Of course he does!” I snapped.

With a disgruntled snort he jumped out the window. Knowing I was already late and that Castor would be impatiently waiting, I left. Reluctant to leave with Thomas mad at me I walked slowly until Castor started screaming in my head. He knew what had happened and he knew that Thomas had not hurt me, but he was late and I wasn’t helping anything, so I quickened my pace. As I reach the hall I see Castor and his glider waiting, Aiolos flapping wildly. No words were spoken on the flight to Zulashaka. We land at the main entrance and walk inside. Immediately Castor says he must speak with Penabrin, the recently acclaimed ruler of Zulashaka.

I walk to the third garden in the courtyard on the west side of the palace. My long green dress lay parallel with the flower patches as I sit. The soft grass beneath my fingers, and the sun beaming down on my face, I stretch my arms behind me and lean on my palms. Closing my eyes I suddenly feel as if I’m in a dream. It was nightfall, a few hours from day break and yet it was bright as ever out here. The seventh sun has not set yet, and the third is just beginning to rise. I listen to the story of the flowers, I listen to the whisper of the wind, then a horse whinny.

“Michael!” I say opening my eyes.

As I’ve done a million times before I watch the black majestic mustang transform into the seventeen year old boy I know and love.

“What? No hug?” he asks smiling and holding out his arms.

I giggle and jump up. I leap into his arms and we spin in circles for a matter of seconds.

He sat me back on my feet and took my shoulders in his hands, “My, my, it seems only yesterday we were graduating from sessions and you were still the geeky little girl that didn’t have any friends.”

I rolled my eyes and replied, “That was you! I was made to be your bride at only fourteen! And only for the money!” I teased. This is what was expected out of a reunion between me and Michael.

“You really do look gorgeous. What’s the occasion?” he asked sarcastically.

“Oh, ouch!” I laughed, “Like I don’t look gorgeous all the time!”

“Not with mud on you.” He laughed.

“What mu-.” I began as he threw mud at my green dress, “Ugh! Oh you’re in for it now!” I yelled as I picked up some of my own mud and threw it at his head.

“Oh! Direct hit!” he yelled wiping the mud from his cheek, “You can do better than that!”

“Yeah I can! Watch me!” I yelled back.

We went on like this for about half an hour when he noticed the sky. It had become completely light outside and the third sun was high in the sky, “Mid-day, your day break. I think you might want to get going now.” He says to me.

“Why? What’s wrong? What about Castor?” I asked walking over to stand by his side.

“Castor will be on his way in a little while, trust in that. But your boyfriend followed you here and he’s waiting. When you came in I was running out in the fields and I saw him waiting there, watching. So I decided maybe I had left my guest waiting long enough and I came here. Go now, he’ll be waiting to take you home, go straight home with him, don’t take any detours, if he starts to scare you I won’t be far behind, I have to go…good-bye.” And with that he kissed me on the cheek and transformed into a black and blue butterfly, and was gone.

“Bye…” I said as he flew off. I walked over to the front gate and stopped, “Why?” I asked as I saw Thomas appear in front of me.

“Because I love you and I don’t trust…those…” he says tilting his head to indicate the direction Michael went.

I glared at him, “Those are my friends, deal with it. Now I’m tired, take me home please?”

He smiled and turned around for me to climb on his back, “As you wish.”

We were at the palace quicker than when Castor used his glider so of course we beat him home. Benji was waiting for us outside, “Ma’am, sir.” He said bowing to us, “Um, Lady Taika, may I have a word?”

I look at Thomas and nod my head still thinking about what Michael told me, “Of course Benji,” after Thomas left, “What is it?”

“Madam, she is planning a trip.” He says unclearly.

“Benji, who? You must tell me who this woman is or I can do nothing of it.” I said simply.

“Uh…her royal highness has planned a trip. A trip to the castle, a trip…to decide the next ruler.” He said hesitantly.

Benji’s words shock me. Last anyone heard Adaeze was to be crowned next ruler, so why was Benji telling me this? He read the emotion on my face, “Ma’am, she asked for you to be in the meeting, I told her that you were of no importance to the decision and she said that if she wanted a proper result that you were needed greatly.” He paused and waited for my consent.

“Of course I’ll be there Benji, thank you for informing me.” I said.

The announcement of this meeting surprised me.

“Are you going?” Thomas asked me.

“Of Course, the Queen would be very upset with me if I didn’t.” I stated simply.

He gave a nod of approval and said, “I’m sure that the Queen is a very decent and fair woman, just relax. You won’t disappoint any of us. Remember just relax.”

“Well I was fine until you said that!” I snapped.

He laughed and then stopped abruptly.

“What is it Thomas? Are you okay?” I asked.

“I’m fine, but she’s here. I’d better get going before she sees me, see you later, Taika.” He said before he ran off.

I looked to where Thomas had been staring. Of course Uzoma had planned a surprise attack; after all, she’s just like a big child at heart. “Uzoma, your highness, please don’t do this now. Just don’t, maybe later, ‘kay?” I said to her.

“Aw! That would take all the fun out of it!” she yelled. Just as she said this the sinks in the kitchen turned on and the rushing water flew to her hand. She molded a ball of water without even touching it and threw it at me. I ducked and dove to the floor as it whooshed by my head.

“Your aim is off!” I tell her wittily.

“Sharp tongue for a mortal!” she retorted.

“Only on the outside!” I yelled back, jumping to my feet. I grabbed a dagger that had apparently come from Castor’s side, it wasn’t until then that I noticed he had arrived back from Zulashaka. I took the dagger from his belt while he stood stupidly, open; ready to be hit. I threw the dagger just as she started another water bomb. The dagger sheathed itself smoothly in her throat. I had almost perfect aim before but this was right on target. Castor has watched me throw many daggers at his mother but never that smoothly or…’properly’ I guess. It still scares him every time, it even scared me for a second, but then I remember that water can’t be killed. Uzoma, looking shocked, pulled the dagger from her throat just before she fell backwards to the ground.

“Mother?! Get up mother!” Castor yelled.

We both ran to her sides only to be squirt with water from her hand. “Ha, Ha! I win!” Uzoma squealed.

“Mother!” Castor scolded.

I let out a sigh of relief, “You didn’t think that you had hurt me, did you Taika?” she asked resting her hand on my cheek.

I looked into her deep blue eyes, “No Uzoma, I knew you were just joking.” I said foolishly.

She laughed and got to her feet, “Your aim seems to have taken a turn for the worse.”

“Oh please! You saw where that dagger landed!” I said on our way to my chambers.

“I meant for the enemy.” She said glaring at me.

I laughed and thanked her as I opened the door to my room.

“Thank you for letting me stay with you, and I promise, no pranks.” She said.

“While I do appreciate the thought, I can’t promise the same.” I told her quietly. She smiled and went to brush her hair. For the first time I notice the thread around her ankle. She sees me looking and covers it with her dress.

I quickly change the subject, “How long will you be staying?”

“Oh maybe a couple days, or however long it takes to resolve this matter.” She waved her hand in the air dismissively.

“Ma’am, can I ask, why do I need to attend said meeting?” I asked as I sat on the bed.

Sadly she says, “If a man takes the throne he needs no wife to share the power. If a woman takes the throne she must.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“If Adaeze takes the throne a husband is needed, if Castor does, a wife is not to be! He wishes you as his bride! I want someone to take the throne from the both of them! Someone who won’t let their emotions get in the way of their judgment!” she said frustrated.

“Oh, yes ma’am.”

“Good, I am glad we understand; your appearance at this meeting is mandatory, for you will help me choose the next ruler of Tirta.” She whispers excitedly.

After Uzoma was done brushing her hair we went to the dining hall and found Benji talking to a serving man. It was not until the serving man had turned to leave that I recognized him as Thomas, “Excuse me for a moment.” I said to Uzoma.

“Of course, of course dear.” She said.

I ran to catch up with him, “Thomas! What do you think you’re doing? I’ll tell you what you’re doing! You’re infiltrating my staff that’s what you’re doing!”

“Well now that we’ve cleared that up.” He says, turning to embrace me.

I hugged him back and let him kiss my forehead before I pushed him away, “Why are you here? Why are you dressed in a staff uniform?”

“I had to see for myself.” He said.

“See what? The Queen?” I asked confused.

“No, if Castor was really going to propose to you. I had to know, he told Penabrin and I overheard. I had to stop him.” He explained.

“Wait a minute, first of all I would have said no, because I love you, and secondly you said, “Had”. Does that mean he changed his mind?” I asked.

“No he still intends to ask you but, it would be pointless. I have to get back; Alma is probably looking for me.” He said hurriedly, then again kissed my forehead and leapt out the nearest window.

I walked back to the dining hall. Uzoma and Benji greeted me and Benji sent Uzoma and I to bed. On the way to my chambers Uzoma decided to stop in to see her daughter, Adaeze. I went ahead to my chambers. After making my bed fit for a queen, I pulled out my pallet and lied down. Uzoma came in not even ten minutes later, I didn’t move. She sat on the bed for a while until she thought I was in a deep sleep. She walked over to my window and began yanking the thread around her ankle. I didn’t see where the rest of it came from but there was suddenly a pile of thread on the floor. She wrapped it around her wrist and held onto the end with her thumb, and jumped off the balcony. Then I began to dream…