Prescription for Miss Walker

As I entered my office, I grew hopeful of the day ahead. My patients were doing well, Michael and I were on speaking terms and I'd almost moved all my things out of the house.

Best of all, Shira and I were going to have lunch together this afternoon. It may have only been a couple of days, but it felt like our argument was weeks ago. I'd already discarded it, looking forward to a meal with someone I actually wanted to spend time with.

Overall, I was glad she called me, as I was beside myself with doing the same thing. However, thoughts had plagued my mind, telling me she wouldn't want to see me after how I acted in her apartment.

Guess I was lucky she did.

It was rolling on around twelve, so I sent Shira an eager text, only slightly disappointed to receive no response. But I let it slide, grabbing my coat and getting prepared to take my leave.

The smile fell from my face though, when I noticed the slim body standing in front of my door, blocking the only way out.

Amy hadn't made much of an effort this morning. Her usually straightened hair was untamed and thrown up in a messy updo, stray strands resting peacefully on her tense shoulders. She wore little to no make-up, if none at all. She even dressed plainly, brown slacks with a pristine white top and ballet flats.

I couldn't remember a time when she hadn't taken the time to cater to her appearance. It's been years.

The silence was heavy for a few seconds, until my eyes fell upon her hands. She noticed, scrunched them lightly in her grip and approached. She always had walked with purpose, feet ready to take her wherever she wanted to.

"Everything's signed. You can take them in now, I was just here to drop them off." Her voice was distant. She wanted this over and done with.

I nodded. I knew she'd sign them. Despite how much she loved me, had continued to stay in love with me through all these years, she wasn't stupid. She and the rest of the world knew she deserved better; more.

I took them from her calmly, not facing her directly. It would only make it a lot harder than it needed to be.

Biting her lip and resisting the urge to demand more, Amy turned. I figured I was finally in the clear and began to follow her out.

Then... she whipped back around.

"You know what? I think I've been a model soon-to-be divorcee in all this, so I'm entitled to ask you something, right?"

I'd given her the impression she could tell me anything, without judgement, for years. Secrets or not, I'd said straight to her face that nothing could stop me from loving her.

Back then, it wasn't a lie. I guess I just never believed I'd ever fall out of it, never mind under the spell of another woman. I'd been so confident, certain of the emotions I carried for my wife. There were no warning signs to say Shira would change my mind.

Amy's lip trembled.

"What did I do wrong?" When I just stared, she giggled nervously, lashes fluttering all over the place. "I mean, I know it wasn't just the kids thing. You'd been distant for a while and I just figured that it was work. You see people die every day, that has to have an effect on your conscience. I just -- I don't know what I did, exactly."

Be brave, I told myself. She hadn't asked for much, the least I could give her was the truth.

"You didn't do anything... I did." I took a deep breath, refusing to let any kind of emotion cross over my face. I couldn't let it happen. If I appeared remorseful, she might end up forgiving me and requesting we start over again. I didn't want that from her -- I didn't want her anymore.

"I had an affair."

I detected something flash across her eyes, although I wasn't sure what it was. Pain, anger, hate, who knew?

"When?"

"What?" Why was she being so calm about this?

"When did this happen? Is it still going on?" Her voice cracked lightly, but she avoided my gaze. It was probably for the best, I thought.

I went to shake my head then stopped myself. When Shira and I go for lunch, I didn't plan on coming back here available to other women. Open relationships had never been my thing, which was ironic, considering how I'd been treating Amy the past few months.

If Shira said she had no intention of turning this into a romantic relationship, then I had no clue what I'd do.

"It started a couple of months ago. We met and we hit it off. I never meant to..." I trailed off, mainly because somewhere in our sheet rolling, I stopped caring about the damage the affair could do to my marriage. I stopped imagining my wife's face if she stumbled upon my dirty laundry and the possibility of being homeless. I didn't know when, but in the midst of it all, I'd ceased to care. Suddenly, all I was preoccupied with was Shira, caring for her, getting to know her past and embracing her scars.

Amy squeaked lightly, as she brought a hand up to her mouth, a sign to say she was fighting back tears.

"Is it still going on?" She repeated, this time at the pitch of a hyena. Any other given moment, I would've comforted her, but I was aware of the time and I didn't want to be late.

Fuck, I'm such an asshole.

"I... I don't know. I ended it at first, for us, but we just weren't..." I'd never been at such a loss for words. I was a doctor for God's sake, it was my job to give bad news. "I'm sorry."

But my soon-to-be ex-wife just looked elsewhere. Her eyes were glassy and I wanted to hold her, to say everything was alright and I deserved whatever revenge she planned for me.

Instead, I sighed, ran my fingers through my hair and just continued to stand there. I was like a fish out of water.

"Answer me one more question."

Immediately, I felt the tensions rise, as Amy picked at the loose skin around her nails. She only ever did that when she became anxious or afraid.

What could possibly be worse than what I'd already told her?

"Who is she?"

My eyes widened. "Amy..."

"Please, Ash, I'm not asking for much. If you're apprehensive just give me a first name, it will be harder to decipher who exactly it is among many of others who have the same name."

That was thing -- there were no other Shira's. The second I were to say it, then we'd both be fucked. And I just couldn't do that to her.

I shook my head, all too firmly.

I didn't know what was stranger. My lack of honesty towards the person I'd called 'home' for six years, or my sudden, consuming protectiveness for the dying woman I was ten minutes late to lunch with.

"No, Amy. I won't--"

"Do you love her?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. Dammit, why hadn't I just got out when I had the chance? I didn't want to be here right now, not with her, and especially not like this.

"It doesn't matter what I feel for her, okay? Our marriage is over--"

"So, you do love her? Like, in a 'forever' kind of way? Like," She licked her lips, erasing the existence of her fallen tears. I wish I could've cared at that point, at least enough to make her feel better, but I couldn't. I didn't want to. "Like... more than you ever loved me."

Holding my breath, I went to answer when my mobile began to chime.

I exchanged a glance with the woman breaking her heart in front of me.

And it was enough, somehow, to make me check the caller and hover my finger over the 'ignore' button.

It was Shira.

She'd be upset with me, furious even. But I couldn't leave Amy like this -- I couldn't leave her knowing how much my feelings for her had diminished in such little time.

Internally pleading I don't regret it later, I pressed the reject icon. Immediately, my phone went back to its home screen.

I'd send Shira a text after I was finished. She had to understand.