Runaway

The smell of pizza made it's way into my nose when Brian shut the front door, he held three large boxes in his arms with a smile. Zack followed him like a hungry puppy, hot on his heels. I chuckled and stood up slowly, every time I moved too fast my chest felt as if it was caving in. Brian was never going to find out about that though, the less he had to worry about the better. Johnny plopped back onto the couch with pizza piled onto his plate, and a beer in his free hand. My stomach growled loudly, maybe it was time to eat. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a few slices of pizza, my mouth watering before I even had a chance to set the first slice on the plate. I was tempted to grab a beer from the fridge but decided it would be better not too. Last time I had any alcohol I wound up in the ER getting my stomach pumped.

“I think I should sell the house, it has too many bad memories” I took a bite and chewed slowly before I shoved at least half of the slice into my mouth and nearly swallowed it whole. I had finished four more slices before anyone spoke up.
“That's fine, I can call the realtor who sold my house” Zack said as he set his plate down, his stomach pooching slightly from all the pizza he had eaten.
“I promise I'll be out of your hair soon Bri” I glanced down at my empty plate and frowned, I wanted to get more pizza but I was afraid of looking like a slob.
“You can stay as long as you need to, and please eat more, you're skin and bones right now” Brian grabbed my plate from my hands and walked into the kitchen, piling at least six slices onto the plate. Jeeze, how much did he think I could eat?

I opened my mouth to make a remark before I shut it quickly, I felt as if I was walking on thin ice already. Brian was letting me stay in his home, eat his food, and sleep on his couch after the hell I put him through. Zack's words still bounced around in my mind, there had to of been a different reason. Why would him and Michelle break up just because I had gone missing? They were perfect for each other.

“Hey, Brian I wanted to give this back to you. Found it in a box of my stuff when I was unpacking” Michelle's voice broke me out of my trance, oh shit.
“Thank you! I have been searching for that damn pedal for over four months” Brian ran over and took the guitar pedal from her hands, although her eyes were anywhere but Brian in that moment.
“Hey” I waved slowly and set down the pizza that was in my hand, how was I going to explain this to her?
“Oh my god, you're home” Her eyes teared up as she walked over slowly, kneeling down when she was close enough.
“Don't tell Val, I don't want her to see how much I messed up” I wrapped my arms around her waist as she hugged me tight, sobs wracked through her body.
“Shit, I can't believe you're really home” She ran her fingers through my overly long hair and gasped softly.
“Matt?” I felt my body stiffen, my blood ran cold.

Michelle and I pulled away as we both turned to face her sister, she was breathtaking as she stood in the doorway, she must've come in to see what was taking Michelle so long. I held my chest lightly and stood up, I was expecting her to scream, to berate me the way I deserved. Instead she stayed silent, tears falling down her cheeks slowly. I felt the urge to wipe away the tears, to promise her I wasn't going to leave again but I couldn't, she wasn't mine anymore. She had someone else she went home to at the end of the day, someone who gave her everything I couldn't.

“Hey Val” I rubbed my arm and focused my gaze onto the floor, the ring on her finger was beautiful, I could only hoped he treated her the way she deserved.
“How, who found you? Where did they find you?” The anger in her voiced caused me to look up, now wasn't the time, or the place.
“Down by the theater, the alley” I felt myself become defensive as she glared at me, I would never forgive myself for what I did, but I wasn't going to lie down and take whatever she threw at me.
“You ran away from your problems Matt! How was anyone supposed to grieve over Jimmy's death when you basically died to us as well?” Her voice shrieked with every word. I shook my head slowly and clenched my fists.
“I'm not talking about this right now, I agree I fucked up way beyond recognition, but you moved on so go be happy with whoever you're with” I couldn't stop myself, I was done running away from everything, from being weak.
“I will always admit when I am at fault, and I agree I should've gone to fucking therapy or done something that didn't cause me to nearly lose my life but I didn't! I chose to hide like the scared little boy I was, now if all you're going to do is treat me as if I am garbage you can leave right fucking now, I am not going to speak to you anymore Val” I spoke through clenched teeth, the anger rolling off me in waves, all I could see was red.

The house fell silent, it didn't even sound as if anyone was breathing in that moment. I wasn't the same man I was before, I had learned to toughen up who I was and if they didn't like it then they could all leave. The death of my best friend showed me that things aren't permanent, I had to live each day as if it was my last. And yes, the drugs and the drinking weren't the way to do it, but goddamnit I was hurting! I'm a person just as much as any of my friends, they moved on with their lives and I couldn't. They just didn't understand why it hurt so much.

Michelle and Val left quickly, Brian mumbling a quick sorry and goodbye before the door slammed loudly behind them. I knew coming here was a bad idea, I was too greedy of the thought of showering and eating an actual meal that I didn't think about the repercussions. I should just grab my clothes and leave, they'd of been better off without someone whose a mess.

“Matt?” Brian gently laid his hand against my arm, he was visibly shaken up.
“I'm going to leave tomorrow, I can't stay Brian” I looked over at him, so many emotions ran across his features, his gorgeous features. Wait, what the hell am I talking about? That's my best friend!
“Please don't leave, we just found you dude” Brian gripped my arm and frowned, his fingers able to wrap around my forearm.
“I can't run into anyone else we know Brian, not again” I was craving a cigarette more than anything, but I hadn't smoked in years.
“I'll warn people to give you space for now, just please stay” Brian pleaded, his hands moving down to my wrists.

I wanted nothing more in that moment than to wrap my arms around his waist and kiss him. Why was I suddenly having these feelings for him? I had known Brian since we were kids and it had never been anything but a friendship. It was like I was seeing Brian in a new light, one that was terrifying me to no end. The man was a ladies man, he could woo any women into bed with him if he pleased.

“I'm not going to leave Brian” I wrapped my arms around him in a hug and squeezed, unfortunately a coughing fit caused me to pull away before I had the chance to enjoy the embrace. Brian couldn't know I was sick though, he'd make me go to a doctor and doctors always asked questions.
“Are you okay?” Brian held his hand on my back and rubbed in slow circles, it felt nice.
“Yeah, it's just a chest cold is all” I straightened up and sat down on the couch I had been sitting on earlier. If I was going to be sleeping on it I might as well get comfy.
“Do you want to see a-”
“Brian I can't, they ask too many questions, and if word gets out where I've been then” I trailed off and frowned, I didn't like hiding from fans. Except this wasn't something we could easily announce.
“Okay, no doctors” Brian plopped down into the recliner that was across the room. I guess I could spend a few days here.

The night went on and soon enough Johnny and Zack were heading home to see the people they loved and cared about. I had sprawled out on the couch a little after they had left, I just needed Brian to give me a blanket and I would be all set for the night.

“Matt come on, if you sleep on the couch you're gonna fuck up your back” Brian was standing next to the couch where my legs were, his hands on his hips as he stared down at me.
“Then where am I gonna sleep?” I sat up slowly and yawned, did Brian always look so good when he was shirtless or was it my new found feelings talking?
“My bed, not like it's the first time we've slept in the same bed before” Brian said with a smile, yeah but I didn't want you like I do now.
“Are you sure?” I asked tentatively, was he really sure about all of this?
“Yes, now let's go I'm exhausted” Brian stalked off down to his bedroom with a loud yawn.

I got up and walked down to where Brian's bedroom was, I could hear him humming softly as I walked inside. He had turned on a beside lamp and was starting what I assumed to be his nightly routine. I walked over to the bed and laid down, the bed felt as if I was lying on a cloud. The bed dipped after a few minutes, and soon the room was covered in darkness as Brian turned off the lamp. Silence filled the room before Brian's soft snores filled the air. It felt so nice not to hear cars drive by, or drug dealers fight with each other.

I rolled over to face Brian and blushed, he was lying closer than I had expected, his lips parted slightly as he slept. I lifted my hands and gently traced the outlines of his chest tattoo, it looked new. How could I not see how much I had effect I had on everyone? My friends were getting married, and moving on with their lives and I was getting so drunk I could barely walk. I shook the thoughts from my head and gently held Brian's cheek, the skin felt so warm beneath my fingers. I was going to make it up to them, even if it took me the rest of my life to do. I took a deep breath and gently pressed my lips against his, I had to know if what I was feeling was real, or a false hope. Before I could register what I was feeling Brian's lips were moving with mine, it felt so natural. I slid my hand up and gripped his hair roughly, I wasn't trying to be dominate, but it had been a while since I had kissed anyone.

Brian shoved me down against the bed and crawled on top with lust in his eyes, his lips crashing down against mine as his waist settled against my crotch. His lips moved with an urgency, a deep hunger that I was trying to match. I pushed Brian back slightly and sat up so my back rested against the headboard, our hips pressed flush together. He bit his lip and pulled the shirt I wore off quickly, I gripped my hands on his waist and groaned as he grinded his hips roughly against mine. The sensation causing my cock to grow hard, painfully so as Brian bit roughly on my neck.

“Brian, I'm not gonna last long” It was the truth, I never felt the need to jerk off so I was sure I would cum before my pants were even off.
“I'll do all the work then” Before I could question what he meant, I was pinned down on the bed, my pants and boxers thrown haphazardly behind me somewhere.

I opened my mouth to ask Brian what he was doing before my eyes rolled back into my head the moment his mouth was on the head of my cock sucking hard. It was an intense feeling, Val was always too afraid to really give me head, but Brian? He wasn't afraid, he was confident in what he was doing and that made the sensation more intense.

“No, wait” I gripped Brian's hair and pulled him off my cock with a tiny whimper, the pleasure coursing through my body.
“Tell me what you want, you can have it” Brian's voice was deep and sultry, god I couldn't get enough of it.
“I want to fuck you” I knew this moment could go very badly or amazingly, I was hoping for the latter.
“You're lucky I have lube” Brian sat up and pushed off his pajama bottoms and boxers, his body was absolutely beautiful in the moonlight. Man I sounded really sappy just looking at my best friend.

I sat up and watched Brian grab a small bottle of lube out from the nightstand, wait a minute, wasn't he going to get a condom? He squirted a generous amount of the slick substance onto his hands and rubbed it over my achingly hard cock, I couldn't help the hiss that escaped. Brian bit his lip softly and straddled my waist, taking a deep breath before he lowered his body onto my cock. The tightness and scorching heat of his body had me gasping for air, I wouldn't be able to last at all if this is how great Brian felt. I gripped his hips and moaned loudly as he began to grind his hips down on mine. I couldn't pick a sensation to focus on, I locked my eyes with Brian's and felt the world crumble beneath me. White hot heat flashed in front of my eyes as Brian let out a low scream, his body tightening more than I thought possible. Leaning my head back I took slow deep breaths, my bones had turned into liquid inside of my body. Brian laid with his head against my chest, his breathing slow as he traced the tattoos strewn across my arm. My brain had turned to mush, I was trying to learn how to work my arms and legs again.

“I love you, I want you to know that I still cared about you guys when I left. I never forgot about any of you” I wrapped my arms tight around Brian and sobbed. My emotions were hitting me all at once, it was as if I was comatose before this moment. I needed to show them that I did care, even when I was gone for so long.
“We know Matt, we're just glad to have you back” Brian lifted his head and smiled, his eyes tired.
“I think I denied my feelings for so long because I was afraid, but there's something you need to know. I'll tell Johnny and Zack soon enough but I need to tell you first” This was my make it or break it moment, now or never.
“Anything, I'll listen” Brian rubbed my cheek gently and winced slightly as he pulled off of me.
“Jimmy and I were together, before Val and I officially got together when the band made it big, we were going to make it public but he could see that I was developing feelings for Val so he pulled away. He didn't want to hold me back from someone that could one day give me children, that I could spend the rest of my life with. Someone that wasn't him, even if it was tearing him apart inside” I stopped and sighed softly.
“So the day I found out he had passed I was so distraught that I blamed myself, if I hadn't of gotten with Val he'd still be here, it's all my fault that he's dead. I was the fucking reason he was found that morning by Zack, it should've been me to find him” Tears were running down my cheeks, Brian was silent as his hand stayed pressed against my cheek.
“Don't blame yourself, he passed away because it was his time. I know he was young but god wanted him and he got him” Brian pressed his lips softly against mine, his lips trembling in the slightest. I kissed back before pulling away.
“Brian, why are you not shocked? I just admitted to dating our best friend before I threw it away to be with someone who didn't care about me enough to wait? You waited for me longer than she did” I choked on a sob and gripped his waist tighter, the memories Jimmy and I had together flooding my mind all at once, it was too painful to remember him.
“Because I know that you cared about him as much as the rest of us did, if not a little more, but it wasn't your fault Matt, Jimmy's time had come and there was nothing any of us could do about it” Brian wiped my cheeks gently and kissed my forehead. His body staying close to my own.

Maybe he was right, but I would always feel as if it was my fault. Shaking the thoughts from my head I pulled Brian down so we were lying against the bed. A content sigh slipping past his lips as we cuddled together, his body pressed tight against my own.