Runaway

It had been a few months since moving in with Brian and things were great, I was feeling inspiration to write all the time, I was spending time with the guys. And I had gained back almost all of the weight I lost, everything was great. Except for one small detail. Brian wanted me to visit Jimmy's grave and pay my respects since I wasn't there for the funeral. The thought of seeing the headstone tore my stomach apart, could I really go and not make a scene? Brian parked his car and looked over at me, his eyes full of worry. I had to do this though, if I wanted to move on. I stepped out of the car and followed Brian over to where his grave was, the dark stone shined in the bright sunlight. The letters taunting me as I read them slowly, he was so young.

“He still loves you, even if you dealt with the loss differently” Brian held his hand on my shoulder, I was glad to have him by my side for moral support.
“He couldn't hate any of us if he tried, I still remember when he tried to kiss Zack after a really long night at the bar” I couldn't help but chuckle, Jimmy kept us all sane when we were ready to rip each others throats out.
“Zack would've totally kissed him, he just had his eyes on other people” Brian whispered grabbing my arm, I leant down and left the small rose I bought before we made the drive.

It was one of the first things I ever got him when we were dating, and he had loved it. He would always point them out when we would tour on the road, the thought warmed my heart. Even if he wasn't by my side anymore, he was always going to be in my heart, and on my skin.

“I want to get a tattoo for him” I looked down at Brian, Jimmy deserved to be remembered.
“Did you have something in mind?” Brian turned and lead us back down to his car, the wind picked up slightly. It sent a small shiver down my spine.
“Not yet, I'll think of something though” I wrapped my arm around his waist and looked up at the sky. Their were hardly any clouds, I felt my lips pull up into a smile. Things were starting to finally look up.

Things between Brian and I were fantastic, I hadn't told Zack or Johnny about our relationship yet, I wanted both of us to feel comfortable enough to announce it. I got my wish when we arrived home, Brian crawled into my lap and cuddled into my chest, the warmth from his skin warming me up.

“I want to tell them everything, not just us being together” I rubbed my hands along his back slowly, I wasn't even sure if Brian was awake.
“I can call them over now if you want” Brian lifted his head and rested his chin against my shoulder.
“That'd be great, I don't want them thinking I have to keep secrets” I gripped Brian's hair gently and smirked at the small noise he made. He loved his hair being pulled. And fortunately I was the only one who knew about it.

Brian kissed my neck gently and smirked, we needed to get dressed before he made any phone calls but I didn't feel the need to move. Actually, I couldn't feel my legs at all to be able to move.

“You know, the reason we're in this situation is because you can't keep your hands to yourself” I pulled Brian's waist closer to my own and chuckled, his eyes were dark with lust as he straddled my waist.
“They can wait until we're done” Brian said as he kissed down my chest.
“Discussion first and then sex, you'll thank me later”I gently pushed Brian back as I sat up, he pouted slightly and stood up to grab his clothes.

Brian called over Johnny and Zack as I got dressed, the fear of rejection was setting in as I watched the clock tick on, what would they even say? I mean how would anyone react to their best friend disappearing for over two years and then falling in love with one of their other best friends? It sounded even crazier the more I thought about it. They didn't knock as they waltzed inside, laughing loudly as they stopped in the living room. Zack's eyes narrowed in the slightest, as if he could sense Brian and I had been having sex no more than an hour before.

“So what's going on? Brian sounded upset when he called” Zack sat down on the couch opposite from me, I felt my face fall in the slightest. Did I really make Brian that upset? I hadn't meant to.
“I just want you guys to listen, this has been weighing on me for years” I took a deep breath, fear was racing through my veins.
“Back when we were all young, Jimmy and I had started dating, we didn't tell anyone because it was a very touchy subject and I didn't want him to deal with any backlash” I looked down at my hands and frowned.
“We were together for years, and around the time we planned to tell you guys I developed feelings for Val, they were nowhere near the feelings I had for him but he could see I loved someone else. He didn't want to hold me back from being with someone I could possibly marry and have children with so we decided to part ways. The breakup was clean, we didn't hate each other, not that we'd really have a choice anyway. But he was ecstactic when he could see things look up for Val and I, he was proud of me. But when I got the call that he had passed away I blamed myself, if I hadn't chose Val over him he could've still been alive, hell he would still be alive if it wasn't for me” I stopped and bit my lip, tears were streaming down my cheeks in little rivers.
“You guys all saw how that went for me, but I'm sorry for hiding like a scared little boy. I wanted to be open and honest about everything, Brian and I have been together for a few months as well. I just can't keep secrets anymore” I looked up slowly at the shock, hurt, and anger that ran across their features. This was it, the end of what would be two more friendships.
“Matt, you're our best friend and you should know you can tell us anything” Zack stood up and walked over before plopping down next to me.

The air in the room felt thick, as if there was more to a story I hadn't heard. I was just too afraid to ask and make things awkward.

“Well, why don't you tell me about your fiance Johnny?” If I was going to be a good friend I should at least know more about my friends and what happened while I was gone.
“Oh, he's sitting right next to you” My heart dropped into my stomach, he was engaged to Zack? Did I hear that right?
“You guys are engaged? When in the world did you start dating?” I asked shocked, Zack had a grin on his face.
“Right before you proposed to Val, we didn't want to tell you at first because you were enjoying the high of just getting engaged” Zack patted my shoulder lightly and chuckled.
“I..how did I not notice something like that?” I shook my head as Brian walked back into the living room, his hands cupped around a mug.
“We weren't flaunting it every chance we got, we just told people very slowly, but by the time we were about to tell you, you disappeared” Zack frowned and played with the ring that was on his finger, how could I not notice something like that?
“I'm really sorry guys, I would've been supportive if I had known. You'd have every right to kick my ass if I wasn't” I rubbed Brian's legs lightly as he threw them across my lap, his feet just barely inches from Zack.
“Well you know now and that's all that matters” Zack screwed his nose up as Brian put his feet into his lap, typical Brian to ruin a good moment.

We spent the afternoon talking about Zack's clothing line, past memories of Johnny and Zack's relationship, and the little things I had missed from when I had been gone. A daunting reminder came crashing down when I remembered that we hadn't put out an album since 2007. I had written more than enough material to be able to record another album, it was just the thought of talking to our manager about everything that scared me. I brought it up to Zack, who confessed that they actually released an album when I was gone. It was called Nightmare, and since the only things missing were drum parts they didn't need me to finish anything. But what about all the magazines that would ask questions? You can't just release an album and stay quiet for two years.

Unless you're Avenged Sevenfold apparently. Brian turned it on so I could hear the finished product, and if I was going to be honest it sounded amazing. That was until the song Fiction came on, I had completely forgotten about that song. Jimmy's voice sounded so empty, it was his goodbye letter to us and we didn't open our eyes until it was too late. The lyrics worked their way into my skin until I could feel the emotion, the day we had recorded that song Jimmy didn't want to let go. He did anyway, and it was too late to do anything now. I squeezed Brian's side at the end of the song, it was going to be a while before I ever listened to that song again.

“It took a while for anyone to listen to it, trust me” Brian rubbed my neck lightly and set his mug down, it wasn't that the song was bad. It was just being reminded of him when I hadn't mourned wasn't the best idea.
“His deathbat, on my right hand” I needed Jimmy permanently on my skin, and if it meant getting a tattoo in a place I never thought I would then so be it.
“You can set up an appointment whenever you want to” Brian held the back of my neck and kissed me softly, I cupped his cheek and kissed back with fervor.

I would've laid Brian on the couch and ripped off his clothes if Johnny and Zack still hadn't been there, I never really liked an audience. It clicked then, there was something I hadn't gotten the chance to ask Brian without coming off as creeped out, so if he took it that way now then he'd look pretty stupid.

“Brian, the first night we hooked up, you jumped straight into it without a second thought. Have you been with other guys before?” Okay, maybe it didn't sound as bad as my anxiety made it seem.
“Only one, but that was before I was with Michelle” Brian's eyes glanced over to someone I hadn't been expecting. Johnny?

I nodded and laid back against the couch, even though I learned way more about my friends than I was definitely ready for. My mind was going through so many thoughts, none of them were good and some were downright wrong.

“I'm sorry it's just eating me alive, you're telling me that Johnny topped?” Brian's eyes widened as Johnny choked on the drink he was sipping on. So maybe I was wrong to ask.
“Yes, he did. I'm just surprised you asked that so suddenly” I shook my head slightly and muttered a quiet 'sorry'. It wasn't everyday I heard that two of my friends were hooking up before I started dating one of them. Then again I did the same thing behind their backs.

Brian chuckled and wrapped his arms around my neck, Zack helped comfort Johnny who was trying to catch his breath still. Everything felt so normal, there were no secrets between any of us and I couldn't be happier, nothing could ruin this moment.