Don't Let Me Drown

The day Oliver came home, we had a pretty rough talk about everything. It felt good to get it all out in the open. Well, almost all of it. The band came over later that night to welcome him home. I had cleaned myself up and joined them for a while, listening to them tell each other what they'd missed over the last month, before heading to bed. The next day, I signed my first lease for my very own flat.

Today was moving day. Jordan, Matt, and Tom, had helped me bring everything up to my floor and unpack a little bit. Tom even bought me a couch as a housewarming gift. That, along with the bed I had ordered were scheduled to arrive the next day. For now, I would be sleeping on an air mattress Jordan let me borrow.

"I fink that's everyfing" Tom said, placing the last box of my clothes into the bedroom.

"I think so. Thanks guys. Are you sure I can't pay you or anything?" I offered. I didn't like them doing all this with nothing in return, especially with everything they'd done for me in the past.

"Nonsense" Jordan laughed, putting an arm around my shoulder and giving me a light squeeze.

Just then, there was a light knock on the door. I went to answer it, with the three of them following behind. I opened it up to see Oli, wearing that sweater I always thought he looked good in, and a smile on his face. He had only been away in rehab for about a month but I swear he looked older and less lanky.

"Well, I fink we'd better be going" Matt smirked and the three of them left. Jordan gave Oli a pat on the back and Tom gave him a look as they passed.

"Hey" he said. I repeated it back to him and moved so he could come in. I didn't have any furniture yet, so we were stuck standing awkwardly in the living room. "I was juss wondering if yeh decided yet. On what yeh want to do" he asked.

I took a breath in and nodded. I'd thought long and hard about it the last few days and finally reached a conclusion. "I did".

"Yeh want to tell me what it is?" He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I think we should start over" I told him, "but as strangers". His face fell a little bit and he looked confused.

"Start fresh. A clean slate. I don't know you and you don't know me. And if we happen to meet, we can take it from there and do whatever feels right" he nodded and looked at the floor.

"So how much of a chance does that give me?" He asked and I chuckled.

"A decent one if you play your cards right" I answered and he smirked at me. "And no cheating"

"How am I gonna cheat?"

"Waiting around the corner from my building to 'accidently' bump into me or something, I don't know"

"Fair enough" he laughed, "so, if we meet, am I allowed to ask yeh out?"

"I don't know. We’ll just have to wait and see"

"All right then, I'll leave yeh to it. Go rest up for our epic new beginning" he smirked, noticing me yawning. I was tired all the time these last few months, and moving everything up to my floor had taken a lot out of me.

Once he was gone, I plopped down onto the air mattress and got comfy before falling into a deep sleep.

"what the fuck are yeh doing?" Oliver yelled, slamming the door on his way in.

"What?" I asked, slightly frightened.

"Yeh really fucking eating all that?" He scoffed at me. I looked down at the table in front of me and saw a half-eaten cheeseburger, smothered in ketchup, and an enormous pile of French fries. My heart started to race and my stomach was grumbling in disgust.

I heard laughing and looked to my left and saw Tom taking a video of me on his phone. "Oink oink, Ivy!" He chuckled. I pushed the plate away and looked at my lap, getting teary eyed. More and more people seemed to be appearing around the table, pointing and laughing at me. My heart was going faster and faster and I thought my brain was going to explode from all the voices yelling at me.

I jolted awake, gasping for air and covered in sweat. I got up too quickly, almost falling straight back down, and made my way to the bathroom. I collapsed over the toilet, heaving into it. All that came out was bile, having no food in my stomach. The force of repeatedly trying to throw up nothing, sent sharp pains through my stomach and tears stung at my eyes.

What am I doing to myself? How did it get this bad? I thought, trying to ignore the other voices popping up with reasons. I had an overall foggy feeling and struggled to keep my eyes open. I was just too weak.

I woke up on the cold tile floor of the bathroom and there was a knock at my door. I got up slowly, feeling my head pounding. I walked over and answered it. There was an older man, maybe in his forties, standing there with a clipboard. "I have a delivery for Ivy".

"Uh, that's me, but where is it?"

"It's down in the lobby. You're gonna have to bring it up yourself. Sign here please." He said, handing me the forms. I groaned and signed my name on the line. I walked downstairs after he left and saw a wrapped up mattress, box spring, bed frame, and couch sitting in the middle of the lobby. I'd have to figure out how to get this all up to my flat before anyone from the leasing office saw it.