Breathe

There was a brief five seconds after I woke up where my mind was a clean, blank slate. It felt good to have no immediate thoughts or feelings; felt good to just be. However, as my eyes started to adjust to the cerulean blue walls of the room and the bay window in front of me, I smiled. All my thoughts were suddenly filled with Harry. His touch, his smell and his presence. And all I could feel was content with the way he was plastered to my back, his hand curving over my stomach, stroking it softly.

I realized he was awake when I felt his steady heartbeat against my back and his hot breath fanning over my neck. He must have realized I’d just woken up, because a moment later, he pressed soft, warm kisses on my shoulder. I smiled again, pushing my face into the pillow when I felt a blush rise on my cheeks and felt around the bed until I found his hand, entwining our fingers.

“Morning,” he mumbled, voice deep from sleep as he pressed another kiss on my upper arm.

“Morning,” I said.

“Beat you to it this time,” he chuckled, head resting over my arm so he could look at me.

“Didn’t realize it was a competition,” I replied, jokingly.

Harry grinned at that. “It’s not,” he shrugged. “Just wanted to wake up before you.”

“Why’s that?” I asked, reaching over to brush a strand of his hair away from his eyes. Harry’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment and he smiled contently before looking at me again.

“So, that you wouldn’t leave again. Wanted to make sure I’d be here before you changed your mind,” he said like it was obvious.

My head and heart felt light. Not only from Harry’s words, but from his soft, morning expression and his careful vulnerability. He was afraid I’d wake up and convince myself to leave before he got a chance to say otherwise like I’d done all those weeks ago. That was the last thing I wanted now. Back when we first hooked up, I was not only unsure of what Harry wanted, but I was also unsure of how I felt. Now, I wasn’t confused about my feelings, in fact, I was sure of them. And I even had an inkling of how Harry felt about me, albeit it was still just physical.

I smiled at him softly, tracing his eyebrows towards his puffy, sleepy eyes. Harry looked beautiful in the morning light that was creeping through his windows. His lips were chapped, a shade of light pink, and I wanted to kiss them again until they were bitten red and swollen. Instead, I traced them and watched him hum in approval. Everything about him was soft in the morning and I wondered how he could possibly think I’d want to leave and be anywhere but here to see him like this.

“I wouldn’t leave,” I said to him adamantly.

“No?” he asked.

I shook my head, tracing his tattoos now with concentration. My forefinger grazed over his ship and down to the three nails before falling over his anatomical heart. I wanted to lie him down and kiss over every tattoo he had, especially his swallows because they were right above his heart.  

“Don’t want to forget it happened?” he asked, going for a joking tone, but I could tell it was a lot more genuine than that.

I giggled, shaking my head and smiling at him. “I couldn’t if I tried.”

Harry smiled back, gazing up at me. “I couldn’t either.”

My heart stuttered at that and before it could show on my face just how much he affected me with simple words, I composed myself.  “How long have you been up?”

“A while,” he replied. “Wanted to wake you, but didn’t have the heart to. Did you know that you snore when you sleep?”

I gaped at him, shocked that he said that out loud and called me out on it. “I do not,” I tried to deny, pouting at him.

“You do,” he said firmly. “You snore like a baby.”

“How does one snore like a baby?”

“They’re like little baby snores, not like dinosaur snores.”

“Oh my god.”

“Don’t be embarrassed or anything,” he said, as though he was doing me a favor. “It’s fine. I totally think it’s hot.”

“You’re a filthy liar,” I cried, laughing as I covered my face. Harry pulled my hands away, smiling at me with dimples and all. I shrugged after a moment. “I mean I’m not embarrassed.”

“Good, you shouldn’t be. Like I said, it’s hot. I dig it.” Harry took one of my hands in his again, playing with my fingers.

“What are your plans for the day?” I asked.

Harry chewed his bottom lip before responding. “Probably going to do some revision. Might see a movie with Lou. You?”

“Revisions as well,” I replied. “I wish that wasn’t the case, though.”

“Yeah?” he asked, grinning cheekily. “You want to stay here?”

I hummed in response, aware of what he really wanted me to say, but I decided I was going to be a shithead and fuck with him. “Yeah, your bed is amazing. Could sleep in it all day.”

Harry looked unamused and a giggle escaped my lips. “You’re funny,” he said flatly, but then he smirked knowingly, like my nonchalance wasn’t going to deter him. “I can think of a few other things this bed is good for.”

I bit my lip, watching as Harry looked back at me, his eyes tracing every feature on my face with a smile before he moved back up until we were face to face.

“Like what?” I gulped.

He smiled softly before curving his palm on my back and lifting me up slightly to capture my lips in a deep kiss. I kissed him back, slow and languid, as though we had all the time in the world. And it was staggering to me how right it felt because it didn’t matter if we had morning breath or if I wasn’t all made up with makeup. We could kiss and have sex and be more than what we were. It worked so well between us and happened so easily that I could hardly believe it myself.

Harry’s tongue swiped against mine playfully before he sucked it in his mouth and I let out a soft moan, pushing my hips up until I felt how hard he was. I could feel him laugh against my mouth before pulling away. “I’ve had this all morning,” he said almost apologetically.

I giggled, kissing him softly again before moving one of my hands between us till I grasped his length. I pumped it a few times, slowly, watching his eyes flutter shut. “Aren’t you going to take care of it?” I asked, staring intently at his kiss swollen lips, the color of cherry red.

“I would have,” he replied, barely getting the words out without moaning. “Maybe have a cold shower.”

I smiled against his lips before kissing them again since it had obviously been too long since I’d done so. “No need,” I whispered, pushing my hips against his again. Harry smiled at me wickedly, his eyes darkening as he moved his hand to grasp one of my thighs before swinging it over his hips. I easily complied, letting him stroke my skin until he finally reached my upper thighs.

Harry stroked once, watching the way my lips parted in an inaudible gasp, his fingers warm and gentle with friction. He was transfixed by me and the desperate way I responded to him. He bit his lips as his eyes locked with mine, pressing our chests together until our hearts beat against one another’s in the same frantic rhythm. I tilted my head back to meet his eyes and he searched them once before kissing me again, deep and slow. His fingers continued to stroke and press against my center, making me wet and shuddering against him in need to come apart.

I couldn’t ever remember a time when I’d been so consumed by another person and that was exactly how it felt to be with Harry. I didn’t know whether or not I should have been paying more attention to the way his fingers were working magic inside me or the way his mouth felt against mine, soft yet aggressive. I felt him all around; the way his long fingers pressed exactly the way I needed him to, the way his kisses always seemed better than any other kiss I’d ever shared with someone, or the way his heart raced against mine.

When he pulled away, it was reluctant and left the both of us breathless and staring at each other with wide, desperate eyes. Harry gulped, searching my face for some sort of approval and when I kissed him again, soft and quick, he leaned back and pulled out another condom packet from his side table drawer. I watched him rip it open in record time, rolling it on before swinging my leg back up over his waist again.

I held on to his bicep, breathlessly, while he slowly pushed into me. He inched in slowly, bit by bit until he was completely inside. “Fuck,” I half rasped, half laughed, feeling him pull out before thrusting back in again.

“You okay?” he asked. “Feel good?”

“So good,” I nodded eagerly, curving one of my hands to the crook of his neck, pulling him down to kiss me, while the other gripped on to his back.

Harry kissed me back, his lips soft and pliant, while keeping up a steady pace of thrusting in and out of me. It was a lot slower than the night before, but it didn’t feel any less amazing. And it scared me that the only thoughts going through my mind were always good and wanna do this forever. I couldn’t remember ever having those thoughts about a boy while having sex with them. I couldn’t remember ever loving the taste of someone else’s mouth the way I did Harry’s. He was intoxicating and always just so fucking good.

And I thought about the fact that this was the second time we were doing this within the span of twenty-four hours. Did Harry do that? Did he bring girls over and let them stay the night and go for another round in the morning? My thoughts wandered back to the first time we hooked up when I’d bumped into Niall, who had told me that Harry never let girls sleepover, but he let me. He let me sleepover twice and we were having sex again on this dreary February morning and I wondered if it could get any better than this. If I could ever tire of hearing him breathing and moaning out my name in my ear because I wanted to stain his lips with my name. So, that even if this was it for us, the taste of my name wouldn’t leave him and the girls he got with in the future would know that I laid claim first.

The idea of it spurred me on furthermore and I met his thrusts, matching the pace he set. Harry groaned into my mouth, speeding up his movements, and I only then realized he had a hand over my bum, squeezing it between his palms every time he thrusted into me.

“Wanna come with you,” he whispered, going in for a kiss, but missing it and landing on my chin instead.

I nodded my head in agreement and Harry flipped us so that I was lying on my back and he was between my legs. He leaned down, kissing my neck and trying to suck marks while my fingers grasped onto his back because his quick and deep thrusts were not slowing down and I was so close. It was only when I felt him bite over one of the marks he left that I felt myself coming, just as hard as I did the night before. Harry followed suit right away, letting out deep moans and breaths into my neck.

As we came down from the high, he lifted his head up, nosing against my cheek. I turned my face, searching for his lips until they found it and we kissed, something neither of us were tiring of.



Harry pulled over in front of my flat and put the gearshift into park before looking at me. I gathered my small bag, which contained my dress and things from last night, because Harry had insisted I change into some of his clothes. “Thanks for the lift,” I said, meeting his eyes.

He looked at me with fond eyes, a small smile on his lips. “No problem,” he said quietly, like he was sad, which wasn’t far from what I was feeling. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, later,” I agreed. We both sat there quietly, smiling at each other until Harry just laughed, leaning forward to kiss me. I angled my head to fit our lips better and entangled my fingers in his long, curly hair, just trying to get that one last taste before I had to say goodbye. It was a long kiss and it seemed even Harry was reluctant to let go.

After our nice little morning wake up call, the two of us had unwillingly gotten out of bed and showered, sadly separately. When we finally stepped out of Harry’s room, we found Niall and Layla passed out on the couch, also freshly showered and with their breakfast plates on the table. It seemed they’d gotten up and had eaten before deciding to take a little nap together. I was cooing at them for at least five minutes until Harry pulled me away and asked if I needed a lift home.

I’d agreed of course. A bit hard to not do so when Harry was standing there in front of me with long, red scratches down his back and red, swollen lips from our kissing. Mostly, though, I didn’t want to leave him or say goodbye, solely because I wasn’t sure what was going to happen after this. Where did we go from here? What was different about hooking up with him last night as opposed to a month ago was that we didn’t wake up kissing each other and eager for round two. We’d sort of just walked away from it as though nothing happened. It gave me a sense of hope as we kissed goodbye in his car that maybe we wouldn’t go back to how things were before. Maybe something would change this time.

We both pulled away, breathless with slick, puffy lips. “I’ll see you,” he whispered to me once more. His voice sent chills down my spine and had my stomach fluttering. I could swear my cheeks were heating up and I’d wondered when boys, specifically this boy, started having such an effect on me. It hadn't happened in years, let alone like this.

I nodded my head with a smile before finally getting out of his car and walking up to my front door. I turned to give him one last wave before going in. When I walked into my flat, Liv was in the living room with her feet up on the table and all her notes and school books lying around her. She turned to look at me and smiled so wide, I thought her face would break.

“Have a good night?” she hummed.

I nodded my head, smiling as I toed off my shoes and walked towards her. “And morning.”

“Nice,” she said with a tone of approval before narrowing her eyes in on me. “Are those Harry’s clothes? And bloody hell, look at that love bite. He’s savage.”

I grinned, looking down my body at the too big joggers and white t-shirt that I was wearing. “He lent it to me so I didn’t have to wear my clothes from last night again. Proper thoughtful and all.”

“What a guy,” Liv applauded slowly. “Tell me details. I want details.”

“Well, we had sex,” I responded coolly, sitting down beside her and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “And it was probably the best sex I’ve ever had. Hands down.”

“That’s good,” she nodded her head, excitedly. “Makes sense, too. You two are so in sync together.”

“I know,” I agreed with a shy smile. “And--I don’t know, Liv. He was just great. We woke up and did it again, which, I wasn’t expecting, to be honest. Wasn’t expecting it to be this good.”

“I’m happy for you,” she smiled, genuinely. “You deserve it. Was he good in bed?”

I nodded eagerly. “So good, Liv. Like, you can just look at him and tell he’d be good in bed, but shit. It lived up to my expectations and more.”

“Good!” Liv laughed. “I’m so happy you two are finally together. Honestly, I had a feeling something would happen since you couldn’t stay away from each other at the club and Harry looked like he wanted to take you from the moment he saw you last night, so no surprise there, I guess.”

My smile faltered slightly because I suddenly realized that Harry and I didn’t have a conversation about whether or not we were together. Last night we were too swept up with each other to even form coherent words and then this morning we’d just sort of talked casually and had sex again, but other than that, there were no conversations regarding our relationship. And I didn’t want to say anything to Liv just yet, even though I never hid anything from her.

It was just that with my last boyfriend, I was such a mess after things ended that I swore not only to myself, but also to Liv and Layla, that I wouldn’t let boys toy with me anymore. I would ask for nothing but complete respect and clear signals instead of the usual mixed ones because often times boys did that. In our age and generation, it was easier to get involved in having friends with benefits and fuck buddies than it was to have a proper relationship. It was easy to half ass your way through relationships and text your significant other that you wanted to break up rather than do it face to face.

That was exactly what my ex did and it had taken me a while to get over it and realize that this had a lot to do with how we as women viewed ourselves. Whether or not we thought we were worthy for something better or if this was as good as it was going to get. I’d grown since then and I knew what I deserved and what I didn’t. However, Harry was different than just any other guy. He was one of my best friends and I knew he wouldn’t treat me badly. I just needed to let this play out and see where it went. I didn’t want to scare him off by asking him such loaded questions the day after we hooked up. And if Liv thought otherwise about our relationship for the time being, then no one had to know.

“Right,” I smiled again, responding back to her, deciding to go for a topic change. “How was your night? Have fun?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Got really drunk. Had a hangover this morning, too, but got coffee, some meds, and a good fry up that helped. And just been revising since then.”

“What about Aiden?” I asked her. “Did he have fun?”

“He did,” she confirmed. “The other boys made him feel very welcome and he got on with everyone, which I liked because if he gets on with my mates, then he’s a keeper. Plus, he asked me on a date.”

I widened my eyes at her and smiled. While it wasn’t surprising that Aiden was interested in Liv since he showed several signs of it last night with the way he looked at her and tried to make her laugh the entire time, I was surprised Liv was so relaxed about it. I knew she valued his friendship and if she really was having a bit of an issue with that girl she kissed a few weeks back, I wasn’t sure how she’d feel about him asking her out. It also seemed that as soon as she let Aiden into her life again, she’d forgotten all about her sexuality crisis, even though it had been bothering her for ages.

“He did?” I asked.

She nodded calmly. “I said yes. I think we’re going bowling or something next weekend, which should be fun.”

“Yeah,” I breathed out a laugh, albeit unsure and confused. “Should be.”

“What are your plans for the rest of the day?” she asked, changing the topic herself.

“Umm,” I mumbled, running a hand through my hair (which smelled like Harry). I kind of just wanted to lie around in Harry’s clothes (which also smelled like him) and think about our night over and over again, but I knew I couldn’t waste time like that. I had uni and I couldn’t fuck about just because I’d spent the past twelve hours shagging an attractive boy. I had work to do. “Think I’m going to do revision. Maybe order in take away later?”

“Sounds good,” she agreed. “Pizza?”

“Perfect,” I replied, standing up. Liv waved me off as I walked into my room and plopped down on my bed.



I did end up lying around in bed, letting Harry’s smell intoxicate me while thinking about our night (and day) together, but got down to business an hour later, which was as good as I could have hoped for.



Harry had me backed up against a row of gym lockers, one hand placed firmly on the lockers beside my head and the other curved around my waist, so that I was angled towards him while his mouth was pressed firmly against mine. His tongue swiped over my lower lip before parting them and dipping in. My hands grappled onto his hair, running through his curly, wet strands and trying to keep upright but barely managing it. It was just that he smelled like soap and that delicious apple shampoo that he always used and everything about him was just so soft and clean.

It was late after the boys’ footie practice. Harry always stayed back to run some extra drills because he still struggled to play as well as the others and he’d asked me to come see him once he was done. I’d met him by the locker rooms and he pulled me inside, freshly showered and tired from his day. He wasn’t tired enough to not kiss the life out of me, though. It was the first thing he did as soon as he saw me after whispering hello and i missed you into my ear.

After last weekend, Harry and I saw each other only briefly around school, exchanging chummy hugs and quick kisses on the cheek before departing. Then on Wednesday night, we had all met up to have dinner at a new Hibachi place that opened up. The entire time Harry and I had laughed and been absolute nuisances, sword fighting with our chopsticks and overplaying our reactions to the cook, which he greatly appreciated. It was fun and I was happy that that aspect of our friendship hadn’t changed even though the physical part had.

We didn’t really get any chances to be alone together till now. I hardly ever came by to see Harry after his practices because my classes ended much earlier, so I would always leave campus. So, when he texted me to come by, my self control was next to none and I’d immediately said yes. And I was glad I did because I got to see Harry and kiss him again until my lips were and I could barely feel our kisses, until my mouth started tasting like the watermelon gum he’d been chewing, too.

I breathed heavily once he pulled away, gasping for air and looking up at him through my lashes. He pressed soft, sporadic kisses to my lips, smiling at me. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad, too,” I said, noticing what he was wearing for the first time since I’d gotten there, which was barely anything. He was in a pair of footie shorts, hanging low on his waist, with nothing on top. I appreciated it very much.  

“I almost didn’t ask you,” he admitted.

“Yeah? Why?” I asked, tracing the butterfly on his stomach, feeling his muscles clench under my fingers.

He laughed shortly, almost embarrassed. “Because I didn’t want you to see me all sweaty and smelly, so I skipped out earlier than usual and showered.”

I laughed, throwing my head back, and Harry leaned forward to take the chance to leave a line of kisses down my neck. I closed my eyes, feeling my stomach flutter from his kisses. “I like your hair right now. It’s luscious.”

I felt him snicker against my skin, lifting his head up so that we were eye to eye. “Luscious?”

I nodded my head with an assuring smile. I ran my fingers through his hair again, tugging it at the end. Harry let out a deep, guttural moan, his eyes fluttering shut. My lips parted in surprise and I stared at him, lust taking over every inch of me. I pulled him in again, kissing him deeply, my tongue finding his easily as though we’d been doing this for years. His hands slipped under my shirt and he roamed my skin with his fingers before settling over my bra, lightly squeezing my boobs in his hands.

If it weren’t for the sound of the door opening, I was seriously considering letting him take me right there in a smelly boys locker room. We both pulled away, his forehead resting over mine as he stared at me unabashedly.

“Styles.”

We both turned to see Kyle Baker, a third year, walking over towards us. He was on the footie team with Harry and had done shots with me once at an after party at the bar. I thought he was hot because he was really tall and worked the buzz cut really well, but had never gotten a chance to chat him up or make anything of it. Now that all seemed like kind of a moot point considering I still had my hands on an even more attractively fit footballer in front of me.

“Hey,” Harry said to him, reluctantly letting go of me and stepping back. “You good?”

“Yeah,” he said, walking over to a locker a few feet away from us and unlocking it. “Just forgot a book I needed.” He turned to look at me then. “You doing alright, Blair?”

I nodded with a smile. “I’m alright.”

“Haven’t seen you around much,” he said with a sad, exaggerated pout.

“I’ve been around. You probably didn’t notice,” I said, a playful smile on my lips.

“I think I’d notice if you were around,” he said, chuckling.

I bit my lip and shrugged at him. “You were good at that last game, by the way,” I told him at last. “Never got a chance to tell you.”

Kyle chuckled, pulling his book out and closing his locker. “As long as I’m impressing you, I’m good.” Once closing his locker, he walked backwards, facing us, even though his words were only for me. “I’ll see you around, then.”

I nodded at him in agreement. Kyle gave Harry, who was behind me, a nod before walking out of the locker rooms and leaving the two of us alone again. I turned back to Harry, who was standing in front of his own locker, and staring at me with this look.

“What?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Nothing,” he shrugged with a smile as he rearranged his stuff in his locker for no reason.

I frowned at his curt response and sat down on the bench with my legs on either side. His school bag lay open in front of me and I poked through it, nosey and intrusive. All I saw were textbooks with words like legal, law, court, case. Liv had the same exact books and I actually read them now and then to test her. It was hard stuff.

“Alright,” I said, being just as passive aggressive as he was.

He paused for a moment. “Just didn’t want to intrude on your flirting.”

I scoffed, a bright, amused laugh escaping my lips. “You’re so stupid,” I exclaimed.

“I’m not stupid, Mrs. Blair Baker,” he said trying to imitate me with an exaggerated high-pitched voice. "Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

“Fuck you,” I replied, throwing one of the pencils poking out of his bag at him.

He caught it swiftly. “Gladly,” he said smugly, pushing his bag away and sitting in front of me with his legs on either side of the bench to match me. I rolled my eyes and gave him a bored look like he was not getting to me. He laughed, pulling me closer by tugging on my thighs until they were resting over his.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I want to see something,” he said.

“What do you want to see?”

“I’ve heard that the pupil of your eye expands up to forty five percent when you look at someone you like,” he said.

A small, shy smile formed on my lips, one that I didn’t want Harry to see because it was so embarrassing how much I liked him. “Oh, so what are we checking for?” I asked, trying to rile him up.

He sighed loudly, like he was fed up with me not cooperating. “You know what.”

“I don’t,” I responded, airily.

“Oh my god,” he groaned, wrapping an arm around my waist so that I had nowhere to look but right at him. “Look into my eyes, okay?”

I giggled, biting my lip and nodding. I stared into his forest green eyes, noticing then how big his dark pupils were. I could tell he was staring into mine as well and I wondered if he could see whether or not my pupils were dilated, too. Whether or not he could tell that my heart was beating out of my chest because this was the closest Harry had come to telling me that he felt the same. He’d come into my life at a point where I was in a strange place, not wanting anyone new, not wanting to feel anything. And I wasn’t quite sure how it had happened, but he had just made a place for himself in my life and in my heart, so important and so honest, that I couldn’t have resisted if I tried. That was Harry, though. He was so charming and so captivating that he could get anyone he pleased just with the wink of an eye or a flash of his dimpled smile.

“Do you see it?” he asked, breathless and still holding me tight.

I nodded, feeling my throat dry up because we were looking at each other a little too long to be considered just friends. “Do you?” I asked.

He nodded, too, before closing the gap between our lips. I tugged on one of his necklaces and pulled myself up so that I was closer and he grinned into the kiss, hand coming to rest over my bum. When he wouldn’t stop smiling into the kiss, I pulled away with a frown.

“What are you smiling about?” I asked, huffing out a breath.

He looked at me, his eyes wide and faux scared. “What ever would Kyle think?” he asked. “We’re friends, B. He's my teammate.”

“Oh my god,” I groaned, punching him on the chest with my small fist. “You’re so dumb. I literally want to kill you.”

Harry laughed, practically falling over, but keeping a steady hold on me so that I wouldn’t topple over. “Heeey,” he drawled out through his laugh. “That fucking hurt.”

“Good,” I said, sticking my tongue out. Harry grinned, still laughing as he tried to lean forward and bite at my tongue. I screamed, cowering in on him until he was holding me in a crushing hug. I rested my head over his shoulder, content on just being there, wondering whether or not I had any choice in the matter of being swept away by Harry.

It was treacherous, the road we were going down, and it was reckless the way we were doing it. But there was nothing anyone could say to convince me otherwise. I didn’t really have a choice after all. I wasn’t really sure I even wanted one.