Breathe

My feet were propped up on the dashboard of Harry’s car, seat reclined all the way back so I was lying down in a comfortable position with my coffee in hand, while he fiddled with his iPod dock by the stereo. I listened quietly as he switched from one song to another before settling on the new Imagine Dragons track. He placed the iPod down and picked up his own coffee to take a tentative sip since it was still hot. The heat was on low in the car and we were parked by the coffee shop with our coats off in the back of the car since the weather was getting slightly better now that spring was slowly, but surely approaching. Harry had run into the shop, grabbed our coffees, and settled back in the car with me.

“This is nice,” Harry said after a while.

“What is?” I asked.

“This,” he replied, gesturing around with his hands. “We haven’t done this in a while. The whole late night coffee thing.”

“We did,” I grinned. “Like, last week.”

“Yeah, but it’s hardly like we used to,” he pointed out. “Remember back in the beginning when we’d come out every night and end up being zombies the entire next day?”

I laughed, resting my head back on the headrest. “Yeah, I do. Liv would get so concerned. She’d always ask what was going on between us as if us just hanging out and talking was something so hard to believe.”

“Really?” he asked with a grin. I nodded my head in response and Harry laughed. “It’s not hard to believe. I mean we hang out and talk all the time. It’s what we have been doing from the start. We’re literally doing it right now.”

“Exactly,” I said, agreeing. He had a point. The two of us were really good at being just friends. We were good at being more, too, though. It was strange that I could have someone like that in my life because I’d only ever heard of other people talk about their significant others like that. Never thought I’d be lucky enough. However, it all seemed rather pointless if I couldn’t even be brave enough to tell him how I really felt about him.

Harry got a thoughtful, pensive look on his face before he looked over at me. “It’s been so long since our first coffee run,” he said. “That was, what, September? It’s February now.”

“We’ve come a long way,” I smiled at him.

“We have,” he nodded. “Almost time for graduation. You ready?”

I nodded my head slowly. “I’ve been ready for graduation for a long time. Literally started this year and was ready for it to happen. I just want to get out there and start the real life, you know?”

Harry chuckled at me. “What? This isn’t real enough for you?”

“It is,” I said to him. “It’s just--I know there’s more out there. There’s more to life than school. Kind of bored of all that. I need something more to happen.”

“What more do you want?” Harry asked before he looked at me with a concerned expression. “Are you unhappy or something?”

“No,” I quickly shook my head, watching the way he looked relieved at that. “I’m not unhappy. It’s more like--I’m curious, really, about what comes after. Like, all I’ve known is school and the familiarity of my friends and the safety net of my family. What happens when I leave all that?”

Harry had a small smile on his lips as he listened to me. When I gave him a questioning look, he snapped out of it and cleared his throat before sipping his coffee. “That’s cool, I think,” he said. “That you’re ready for whatever is out there because I’m sure not.”

“You’re not excited?”

“I’m going to be doing the bar professional training course. I’m not quite done with the whole school life, am I?”

“Suppose not,” I shook my head, looking down at his iPod where the song changed to something by Shania Twain. Only Harry would have such diversity that he’d be listening to rock one minute and then Shania Twain of all people after that. Next to his iPod was his pack of gum, citrusy flavor, and some spare change he got when getting our coffees. “Law training should be fun.”

“I know, right?” Harry said, sarcastically. I looked back up at him and giggled, noticing the little curls peeking out from underneath his dark green beanie. “So, what are your plans then? After graduation, I mean.”

“I have no idea,” I replied honestly. “Like, my parents want me to do my masters, but that’s more school, which no thanks. I kind of want a job, but I have no idea what I want to do with my degree yet either so I wouldn’t know what to go for. I don’t even know if I’ll have the flat anymore. I mean Liv hasn’t decided where she’s going to be doing her bar exam training yet and she might move. I can’t afford our place on my own. I’m kind of all over the place, to be honest.”

“Guess you’ve got some decisions to make.”

“I do. And I think that could be the fun of it, not knowing what’s next or how it’ll all be because starting out this year, I was just really bored with my life. It had become monotonous. Nothing significant was happening for me.”

Harry looked offended as he frowned at me, making me laugh. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked. “We aren’t exciting enough for you?”

“I thought all this before I met you lot,” I said. “I didn’t expect to find a whole new friend group when I entered this school. But even then, I can’t rely on you guys when all of this is over because you have your own plans after graduation and that’s fine. I just have to find mine.”

Harry smiled softly, looking down at his steering wheel. “Aren’t you ever scared that it won’t turn out the way you want it to?”

I shook my head slowly mostly because I’d never thought about it. “I mean, I don’t have specific expectations, so I don’t think so.”

“None at all?”

“Not really, no,” I shook my head again. “Do you?”

“Kind of,” he said. “I don’t let myself think about it often, though. I kind of just try to live in the moment as much as I can and see where it all leads me.”

“How very zen of you,” I teased him with a smirk.

Harry grinned at that. “Alright. So no expectations and no plans. What the fuck are you going to do then? You won’t properly say.”

I laughed, pulling my legs against my chest. “I’m kind of hoping that once summer rolls around, I can use that time to figure it out. Like, how adulthood works because I don’t fucking know.”

“That’s fair,” Harry commented. “It’s not easy. Trust me, I know.”

I hummed in response and we were back to being quiet, sipping our coffee and listening to a Chvrches song on low. When Harry broke the silence again it was to ask me what I thought Niall and Layla would name their kids when they had some because it was obvious they would. We went back and forth on that and then debated over who would get married first: Niall and Layla or Zayn and Zoe. It was riveting and there came a point when Harry and I were seriously fighting and we were both screaming, “friendship over,” to the other until we burst out laughing. Once our coffees were finished, Harry stepped out of the car to trash the cups and he smiled when he got out.

“What is it?” I asked him, rolling my eyes at his attire. He was in old gray joggers and a white Kiss shirt that had HOT ‘N HARD written on the back with the sleeves pinned up against his shoulders.

“It’s really fucking nice out. There’s no wind or anything. What the fuck?”

“Spring is coming,” I cheered, throwing my fist in the air with dramatic flourish and getting out of the car myself.

“About time,” Harry said, walking over from where he’d thrown out the cups. “Winter was fucking dragging on and I’m so done with the snow.”

“Still a few weeks to go, though. Shit, innit?”

Harry nodded before his eyes brightened and he grinned at me. “I’ve got an idea.” I looked at him curiously, leaning against the side of his car as he walked closer. “Get on top of the hood of the car.” I raised my eyebrows in confusion, but did as he said and watched as he got inside of the car and turned up the volume of the music before coming back and sitting beside me.

“What are we doing?” I asked.

“We’re going to watch the sun rise and listen to music,” he replied, as enthusiastically as if he’d figured out the secret to life or something.  

I laughed, looking away from him towards the sky where the color was transitioning from dark blue to a lighter shade.

“Where do you come up with this stuff? I feel like we’re in a Nicholas Sparks film, but an indie version of it because you’ve got Arctic Monkeys on and not some emotional, overplayed tune from the radio that’d we’d get sick of hearing because the adverts just won’t stop playing.”

“Heeey,” he said, trying his best to sound offended. “Don’t mock my aesthetic.”

“Alright,” I rolled my eyes, snickering and mouthing aesthetic to myself. We sat there, talking here and there about absolutely nothing as we watched the sun slowly rise. It was pretty and rather nice with the mix Harry had streaming until “Juliet” by LMNT of all songs came on. I frowned and looked over at Harry, cracking up at his flushed expression and guilty smile. “What the fuck?”

“This song is a classic,” he said, his tone defensive and hysterical. “I couldn’t take it off my iPod. I couldn’t bear it.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t realize you loved pop music from 2002 so much.”

“You’re horrible,” he said, getting up and standing back on his feet again. “Literally so horrible. I hate you. We’re never doing this again. Friendship is so over.”

That only made me laugh harder and I wasn’t hiding it. “It’s been thirteen years, Harry. Don’t you think it’s time to let go?”

“No,” he shook his head defiantly before standing in front of me with a huge grin on his face and belting out the lyrics of the song. “Cause I know that you really want me. I hear your friends talk about me. So, why you trying to do without me when you got me where you want me?”

I laughed with my head thrown back and tears in my eyes, only to slide down the hood of the car till my feet were dangling off the edge and begin to sing along with him.

“I think you’re fine, you really blow my mind. Maybe someday, you and me could run away. I just want you to know, I wanna be your Romeo. Hey Juliet. Hey Juliet!”

We were both in tears by the end of the chorus and into the second verse. Harry smiled up at me through wet lashes and walked up to me until he was stood between my legs. His eyes locked with mine and his hands moved down to either side of me until he was gripping my thighs in his hands to wrap them around his waist. I let out a nervous giggle because his gaze was so intense, it was almost unnerving and I just wanted Harry to kiss me already because he looked like he wanted to. Harry got this strange and quite sexy look in his eye and I wanted him to look at me like that all the time. When he finally did kiss me, he lied me down back on the hood of the car, hovering over me and pinning me down.

Our lips touched, harshly and softly all at once, tongues swiping out and meeting in the middle. After a few minutes, when the song was nearing the end, Harry pulled away, only to place chaste kisses down my cheek until he was singing the last few words in hushed whispers in my ear, making me laugh again underneath him.



Harry dropped me off home after we’d made out on the hood of his car for twenty minutes in broad daylight. We were reluctant to part, despite having spent the entire night together, and saying goodbye was hard to say the least. Harry had a hand on the back of my head, not letting me go, and kept placing these lovely kisses on my face, which had me wanting to stay in his car with him forever. When Harry finally let go, I’d gotten out and pouted as I walked into my flat complex.  

I had only just walked through my front door for two minutes, slipping out of my shoes before quietly walking into my bedroom because I knew Liv had still not gotten up. That was when I heard the rapping at the door and frowned because we had a doorbell, but then again it was nearing six in the morning. No sane uni student in this building would be mad enough to be up at this time to knock at someone else’s. Then I wondered if it was Harry and he’d forgotten something. I walked over, giddy to see him again, and unlocked it.

Harry was panting heavily on the other side of the door, one of his arms resting over the frame as though he’d ran the entire five flights up and needed help to hold himself up. Just as I was about to say something, he moved forward and his lips crashed onto mine, pushing the two of us back into my flat. I fisted his t-shirt right away and pulled him closer to me while his hands wrapped around my waist and squeezed down to my bum. It was hard and bruising, the kiss, and I could feel it all coming down to this.

The fact that we could sit around and hang out like we used to all we wanted. We could sing songs and dance and talk about everything just like we’d always done. However, the sexual attraction and tension between us was so strong that it was almost maddening to just ignore it and go on without doing anything about it anymore. There was always this insatiable want and need constantly between us.

When Harry pulled away, he looked at me for a long moment, just drinking in what I assumed were my swollen lips and messy, blond hair before closing the door behind him and pulling me towards my bedroom. I giggled as he pulled off his beanie and clumsily tripped out of his shoes.

“You’re an absolute klutz,” I told him.

“Pipe down, Gallagher,” he said with a smirk on his face once we walked into my room. I closed the door behind us before looking over at him. He had pulled off his t-shirt and was in the process of pulling off his joggers as well. He looked up at me when he caught me staring. “Stop staring and take those off.” He gestured towards my black leggings and blue jumper.

I pulled them off slowly, only to have him get impatient and do it for me, crushing his lips against mine again. Harry quickly backed me up against the wall, hands roaming down my torso until they caught my thighs and lifted them up until I wound them around his waist. He pulled away from our kiss only to trail kisses down my neck all the way to my collarbones, sucking on the skin there until he was sure it was big and red enough for his liking.

"I think I'm going mad," he said, looking up at me with glistening lips and dark eyes. He let out a shaky laugh when I didn't respond, moving back up to kiss me on the lips. "Do you have any idea what you are fucking doing to me?"

I couldn't say anything again because he licked a stripe down one of my breasts, catching my nipple between his teeth, causing me to gasp out loud. I felt like his mouth and hands were everywhere at once, not knowing where he really wanted to stop or end. And while I couldn’t find the courage to tell him how I really felt about him, I hoped he could feel it with the way I was shaking in his arms and the way my heart was thudding in my chest.

After he pulled me into another mind blowing kiss on the lips, he pulled the two of us away from the wall only to lie me down on the bed and grab a condom from the pocket of his joggers, which was discarded on the floor. When he rolled it on, I expected him to push straight in, but instead, he hovered over me for a moment, the two of us practically hanging off the edge of my bed. Harry kissed my lips softly, a harsh contrast to how things had been going before. He pulled my bottom lip with his teeth and tugged at it before fixing me with a look of desperation.  

"I want to fuck you so much, Blair," he whispered. "Wanna fuck you all the time, every day, every second."

“Yeah,” I breathed out with a nod as I caught his cross necklace that was dangling down and pulled him towards me before wrapping my legs around his waist again. “Fuck me, please.”

If I couldn't have him now, I felt like I wouldn't be able to breathe and I’d be suspended in this lustful haze he always kept me under just by looking at or touching me a certain way. And when Harry finally pushed in and set a hard, rough rhythm, I couldn't help but feel his own desperation through his movements. He’d only gotten like this once or twice before, but it was so fucking hot. And it told me that maybe he felt how I did at times, too. As if he felt the same way and was showing me that through sex because he was scared to say it out loud, too.



Harry and I tried to be as quiet as we could while walking out of my room once he'd gotten dressed. It was nearing ten in the morning and we managed to get a full three hours of blissful post sex sleep before he had to get up for his class. I was tired and groggy, wearing nothing except for a pair of my pants and my t-shirt from three days ago that I’d found lying around by the bed.

"Got everything?" I asked, following him out.

"Yeah," he replied, his voice gruff and deep from sleep.

When we made it to the front door, Harry turned to give me a kiss goodbye and just as I was about to do it, I noticed Liv standing in the kitchen, watching us with a soft frown. "Liv," I said, slowly. Harry turned around to look as well and gave her a wave.

"Hey Liv," he said. “Morning.”  

She pursed her lips, assessing the two of us standing there, sleep ruffled and probably with huge bags under our eyes. Not to mention, I had big, sore thumb bruises on my thighs from Harry's tight hold earlier. She raised an eyebrow before saying, "Remember when you two used to have little sleepovers and I'd walk in unaware of the idea that you were here and you'd tease me and act like something happened when it really didn't?"

Harry nodded with a jovial grin. "Yeah, t'was funny. Good times."

Liv laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, not so much this morning when something did happen and I was woken up at six in the morning because of loud moans and something banging on the wall."

I flinched, feeling every inch of myself flush as I shuffled back till Harry was hiding me from view. He looked just as uncomfortable and I wondered if Liv really was mad or just teasing. Either way, I wanted to crawl back into my bed and sleep some more and be anywhere but here. At least until the embarrassment wore off.

Harry cleared his throat, shakily. "Uh, sorry about that."

She eyed the two of us for a moment before replying. "I'll forgive you this time, however, I'd appreciate it if you did it at normal hours of the day and also, get that sex music while you're at it. I'd rather listen to your obscure choice in music rather than Blair screaming your name."

"Duly noted," Harry said with a two-fingered salute. Liv finally smiled and sipped the coffee in her hand. Harry turned to look at me again and gave me a quick, soft kiss before seeing himself out.

I looked at Liv once he was gone and smiled sheepishly. "Uh, I'm just gonna go back to bed. Didn't sleep much."

"Oh, trust me," she said sarcastically. "I know."



Phi Sigma Rho girls were having a Valentine’s Day themed mixer at their sorority house with Theta Chi on the fourteenth itself. It was exclusive to just the sorority sisters and the frat brothers, meaning no one outside of it could come. Layla, who was actually staying at her dorm for once, was going to come down, but cancelled after she heard of the weekend plans. Niall had none of it and invited her over to his, instead of going to the mixer, making a proper date of it.

I figured Liv and I wouldn’t get to go either and it kind of peeved me because it was Valentine’s Day. It was so obvious this sorority chose the hottest frat on campus to have a mixer with on that day because they figured they could all get some. I knew all the boys except for Niall and Zayn were going and while Harry and I hadn’t had a solid conversation about what we were, I couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed that he was going off to some sorority mixer on that particular day. I knew he wasn’t my boyfriend, but on the other hand he wasn’t just a friend, either. Our relationship somehow stretched between just friends to more than just friends and it all depended upon where we were and who was around.

And I trusted Harry, I really did, but as the week wore on and we got closer to February fourteenth, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated at not only him, but myself, too, for never bringing up the topic of exclusivity. Were we or were we not? I didn’t know whether he thought of me as just one of the many girls he slept with or if they were something more. A part of me was scared that since I had been the one that convinced Harry to start his series of casual hook ups, Harry probably thought it was fine to continue doing so and that that I only wanted casual, too. Casual sex and nothing more.

The only difference, really, was that I was one of his best mates. Harry couldn’t sleep with me and then choose not to hit me up the day after if he wanted. We hung out all the time, in groups or just alone, and even in those times we kissed freely and touched obsessively and stared at each other like we never wanted to stop. Because of things like that, I had faith in whatever this was. However, with this mixer coming up, I could feel my faith faltering and my hope dampening.

The day before Valentine’s Day, I was sat in the school library doing an assignment when Liv plopped down in front of me.  

“Hi,” she smiled, passing a cup of coffee and doughnut towards me.

“For me?” I asked gesturing towards the food.

She nodded. “Was down at Cuppa and thought I’d get you something.”

“Thank you,” I smiled, taking a bite of the donut and letting the coffee cool in front of me. “And hi to you, too. Haven’t seen you all day.”

“I know,” she said, settling down with her books. “I left early for class and had things to do on campus. How’s the assignment going?”

“Nearly done,” I replied. “Glad I’m getting rid of this now because I want to get drunk tomorrow. Like super drunk and watch a marathon of horror films.”

“Haven’t you got plans with Harry?” she asked, raising her eyebrow curiously.

I froze slightly, suddenly remembering that she thought we were a couple. It would make sense for us to have plans if we were a couple, but we weren’t and we didn’t and I had no idea how to tell her that. It was kind of embarrassing. When the silence stretched out too long and Liv looked suspicious, I shook my head slowly.

“They’ve got that mixer thing, right? He’s going to that because some shit about frat brotherhood and sticking together,” I said as casually as I could. “Besides, you know I’m not the conventional type. I see him all the time and wouldn’t single us out on one particular day just because everyone else is coupled up. It’s chill.”

Liv let out a laugh, which sounded more like a ridiculous scoff. “I would know,” she said and I blushed, thinking about the last time she’d heard us going at it. “Well, anyways, we’re going to that mixer.”

I frowned at her, confused and surprised. “We can’t,” I reminded her. “It’s exclusive to that sorority and their frat.”

“Well, I got us in,” she said. “I know Georgia Thorpe and she’s a sister in that sorority said she’d let us in.”

“Oh,” I said, a bit taken aback now that Liv and I were actually going to have plans other than what I was proposing. It wasn’t surprising that Liv knew a member of that sorority because she knew everyone on campus. Liv was involved in several things and since she was around for classes or whatever, she ended up being friends with everyone. It was intimidating sometimes.

I bit my lip, wondering if it would be fun to go. This entire time, I’d pictured the mixer being full of beautiful girls all making moves on Harry and had been torturing myself with the images in my head. And now, there was the option of going and actually seeing it happen in front of me. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. I looked back up at Liv, wary and tentative. “Do you really want to go? We could stay home and get drunk like I said. Watch, like, The Exorcist or something. Very fun Valentine’s plans, don’t you think?”

Liv looked confused. “Don’t you wanna go?” she asked. I shrugged in response because I honestly didn’t know. I didn’t want to be there to witness Harry getting with some other girl. I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. Liv frowned slightly, putting her hand over mine on the table with a concerned expression. “Is everything alright?”

“It’s fine,” I assured her quickly. “It’s just--it’ll just be us and a bunch of girls that I don’t know.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I mean I invited Zoe, but she said that her and Zayn had plans all day and you know Layla and Niall are staying home. Think of it this way, it’ll be the boys you spend every weekend with so it’s not that bad.”

Liv had a point there. It just felt weird because Harry only mentioned the mixer in passing and a part of me wondered if that was because he didn’t want me there. Then again, it wasn’t like I could go. Until now, that was.

“Are you done contemplating whether we’re going or not?” Liv asked. “Because I really want to go. It’ll be fun because their theme is so much more fun than what the boys usually do.”

“They have a theme?”

Liv nodded with a huge grin on her face. “Candy land,” she said. “Georgia told me the place will be all pink. They’re getting like pink drinks and they’re all dressing up in these costumes. We should go all out, too. Pretend we’re in a sorority.”

I made a face, scrunching up my nose like I was turned off by that even though I knew at this point I had no choice. I’d go for Liv, if anything, because she’d make me. Sure enough, she pouted at me and I sighed, leaning back against my chair. “If we must,” I said.

Liv clapped, excitedly before talking a mile a minute about where to get our costumes and what her ideas were for the both of us. Meanwhile, my mind was stuck on how this mixer would end when Harry found out I was going after all.



The outside of Phi Sigma Rho was bathed with bright pink spotlights. They had red and pink balloons hung up on the way into the house and everywhere I turned girls were dressed up in colorful outfits and holding big lollipops in their hands as accessories. Some of them even went as far as wearing bright colored wigs and hot pink bikinis with M&M’s adorned on their tops.

Liv had chosen to wear a red and white striped dress like peppermint and these tall red, leather boots to match. I had difficulty finding my costume before eventually settling on this half dress, half skirt and a crop top. It was pink and white striped, similar to that of Liv’s, but mine cut off at the waist and had a zip that led up to the top, which cut at my waist and slid down my collarbones past my chest and I paired it off with a teal bra. I even bought a cute little pinwheel to go with it, but was getting tired of holding it already.

When we walked inside after Liv’s friend Georgia let us through, I could already feel myself being happy over the fact that I ended up coming because it was so much cleaner and better decorated than the boys’ frat. The place was just as bright and colorful as Liv had said it’d be, but there was more. Like heart shaped sugar cookies and all these types of finger foods and candy that I wanted to devour as soon as I got the chance. Whenever the boys had parties, they’d only supply beer. Never snacks.

“What do you want to do?” Liv asked me over the loud bass of the new Zedd track playing.

“Eat,” I replied, pointing childishly towards the table with my pinwheel.

Liv laughed, her blond curls bouncing. “Don’t you think we should go see if we can find the boys?”

“If you want,” I shrugged. “I don’t mind.” I looked around the room, wondering if anyone could tell we were basically crashing their mixer, but no one seemed to notice as of yet. Everyone looked unfamiliar and I wondered if the food was going to be the only good thing about this party. That was when I spotted Ed going into one of the rooms and nudged Liv. She looked over and started pulling my hand towards his direction.

I let her lead me into the room, but not before quickly grabbing a red cookie off the table and taking a huge bite of it. Upon entering, I realized all the boys from the frat, or at least the ones we knew, were gathered there. It was sort of a den/rec room of the sorority and they’d set up a table filled with all kinds of drinks next to a big punch bowl that held some pink concoction in it. All the boys were in there talking, drinking and playing with the foosball table they had.

But once we walked in, they all looked up and grinned in surprise, talking loudly and all at once over the music. “What are you doing here?” Louis asked, walking over and giving us both kisses before he took in our outfits and laughed. “Sick. You guys look gorgeous.”

“Thanks,” Liv grinned, looking down at hers proudly. “I know Georgia Thorpe and she said we could come.”

“Bless Georgia Thorpe,” Louis said, his words slurring a bit. “You guys want a drink? They’re actually quite delicious, even for the color.”

“Yeah, sure,” Liv nodded, tugging my hand again. I think she was doing that because she knew I didn’t want to come and she wanted to make sure I was with her at all times and having fun. I followed, still munching on my cookie when I zeroed in on Harry amongst all the people there. His eyes were on me and he looked surprised for the most part, his lips parted in an O and his eyes wide. And so fucking gorgeous. He had on his usual black skinny jeans, but on top he wore a lavender jumper that made him look almost angelic. His curls were pushed back with a lavender and cream colored head scarf and I wanted to run over there and kiss him to see if he tasted as sweet as he looked.

I stared back at him like a deer caught in headlights as I was pulled towards the drinks and his eyes followed me, his gaze moving from my face to what I was wearing, eyes widening even more when he got a good look. When I turned to see who he was with, I suddenly wished I hadn’t seen him at all. There was a girl in front of him and she was beautiful. She had the prettiest caramel colored skin and her hair was curly and framing her face perfectly. It was killer, really, because she wore all red with dark lipstick. No wonder he was talking to her. I would be, too, like damn.

“Blair,” Louis said, snapping me from my thoughts and breaking my gaze from Harry and that girl. I turned to look at him with wide eyes, pretty sure I’d throw up if I looked over at Harry again. Louis just looked at me impatiently. “You want a drink?”

I figured I’d nodded because Louis handed me one after and then Liv was once again pulling me towards the couch where Ed, Liam and a few of the others were sat. They all echoed hello’s to me, which I returned and looked down at the ground, sipping my drink, liking how fruity it tasted. I felt so awkward and uncomfortable and I knew this would happen. Harry was probably over there wondering why I’d come because if I hadn’t he could get with that beautiful girl. Maybe now he felt like he couldn’t do that anymore, and while a part of me was glad because I didn’t want her even touching him, there was also another part of me that just felt bad. All in all, I felt like shit and wanted the floor to consume me so I didn’t have to be in that room any longer.

And I was curious to know who that girl was, so I turned to Liam on my left and nudged him. “Sup?” he asked, looking at me.

“Who’s that girl Harry’s talking to?” I asked him.

Liam looked over and then turned back at me. “That’s Dylan Wilkinson. She’s, like, president of this sorority, I think.” I hummed in response and Liam smiled at me knowingly. “You don’t have to worry, you know?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, pretending to play dumb.

“She approached him. He wasn’t here to pull tonight.”

“Boys are always trying to pull,” I scoffed. “Who are you trying to kid?”

Liam laughed, his eyes crinkling. “Can’t even try to defend myself, can I?”

I shook my head with a smile and sipped my drink. I talked to him for a while to distract myself and did my best to not look over at Harry. Liam told me about his courses and how hard they were, about his sister’s engagement, and the last girl he slept with. Apparently, she started to call him daddy and it turned him on more than he thought it would. After a while Liam excused himself and not even a second later, Harry was beside me, his arm immediately coming around my shoulders to pull me into a half hug.

“Hi,” he whispered, kissing the side of my forehead.

“Hey,” I said back, pursing my lips. “Having fun?”

He nodded slowly, his eyes once again roaming down my body and then slowly coming back to my face. “I didn’t know you were coming. You didn’t tell me when I texted you this morning.”

“I didn’t know I was either,” I said. “Liv knows someone here and got us in because we had no other plans besides what I’d suggested, which was mostly to get sloppy at our flat and watch horror flicks.” Harry let out a loud laugh, his eyes bright and happy even though it wasn’t that funny. I smiled at him, tilting my head to the side. “You surprised or disappointed?”

“Disappointed?” he asked with a frown. “Why would I be disappointed?”

I shrugged and Harry frowned deeper, but let it go. We chatted mostly after that and it was easy because Harry and I always talked. I rambled on about my day in detail and it was easy to because Harry always seemed so interested, like he could listen to me talk for ages and would never get bored. And it was easy to sort of forget about him and Dylan. It helped that he was here with me and not her. I had no idea if he was doing this because he felt he was obligated to or if he actually wanted to be with me, instead. I wondered if it had anything to do with my pinwheel because he couldn’t stop playing with it.

His hand that was around me brushed over my exposed skin in soft strokes and I felt chills run down my spine even though the house was warm. It might have also have a lot to do with the way Harry was looking at me. His eyes were everywhere. On my lips, on my tits, on my hips, and my legs. Like he wanted to take me apart right there, slowly and bit by bit, and then put me back together.

“What are you staring at?” I asked after the fifth time I caught him just staring at me blankly with this zoned out look on his face while I was telling him a story.

“What do you think?” he said with a breathy, exasperated laugh before kissing my cheek. “You look pretty. I like your costume thing.”

“Thanks,” I said, staring down at it. “It’s new, except for the knee high socks because I’ve had those since secondary school.”

Harry laughed loudly again and then leaned in close next to my ear. “Can I be honest?” he asked.

“Of course,” I said matter of factly, grabbing my pinwheel back from him.

“It’s really hard sitting here next to you and not being able to kiss you.”

My first thought was why couldn’t he kiss me? He’d kissed me before at parties, like his birthday, and in public several times, too. Why couldn’t he do it now because it’s not like I would stop him? Not when he looked like that in his stupid lavender jumper that I wanted to crawl into myself with him.

Instead of voicing my questions, I smiled at him in a passive aggressive way. “Oh,” I said. “Must be a hard life.”

“You have no idea,” he drawled out with a lopsided grin, staring down at my lips while doing so.

I smiled at him, looking at his lips as well. They were bitten red and a little chapped because he’d been chewing on them this entire time. “It’s a shame,” I said, eventually.

Harry nodded, his hand sliding down until it was around my waist where he prodded at my bare skin. “You reckon we should do something about it?” he asked.

I let out a short laugh. “I mean, I don’t know. Don’t you want to go back to Dylan Wilkinson?”

It came out before I could properly think it over. I froze and my eyes slowly turned towards him. Harry looked confused as ever, but more amused, which what? He smirked and pulled me closer, if that was possible with how many of us were on that small couch. “Dylan Wilkinson?” he asked.

I could only nod.

Harry paused for what felt like forever before saying, “Are you jealous?”

I scoffed as convincingly as I could. “Jealous?” I asked, my voice way too high pitched and nervous for my liking. “What? No.”

Harry only stared at me with that stupid, knowing smirk before nodding. “Alright, if you say so.”

“Well, I am saying so,” I retorted quickly.

“That you’re jealous.”

“Yes,” I nodded, but then quickly shook my head when I realized what he’d said. Harry was grinning at me with a smug expression and I wanted to die. “No. Not jealous. For fuck’s sake. Can we change the topic?”

“Of course,” he said, coolly. “I didn’t start it.”

“Yeah, but you’re continuing it,” I said, poking at his chest with my pointer finger. Harry continued to smile at me, grabbing my finger in his hand. He kissed it quick and I fought the smile threatening to form on my lips because this was too much. “I, um--I like your jumper.”

He looked down at it for a moment before looking at me again. “Do you? My mum got it for me.”

“It’s lovely,” I said. “Suits you really well.”

“Thank you,” he said. “Louis said it reminded him of candy so I wore it.”

“Yeah, because Candy Land theme.” Harry nodded with an amused laugh. “Speaking of which, I saw a ton of candy and snacks out there that I kind of wanted to devour.”

“You would,” he snorted. “I saw you stuffing that cookie in your mouth as if you were the cookie monster.”

“Don’t act like it didn’t turn you on,” I replied, a playful smirk on my lips.

“Oh, I can’t deny that,” he said, like it was obvious. “I was so hard. Still am, probably.”

“Damn, that must suck,” I said. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “I was going to ask Dylan Wilkinson to help me out. Think I should?” My mouth dropped and Harry burst out laughing, slapping his knee in the process. “I’m kidding. I swear I’m kidding,” he wheezed out.

I couldn’t even fake a laugh if I wanted to. Harry’s words struck a chord and I was annoyed. The thought of him and another girl was always hard and nauseating to think about, but hearing it from him like that just pissed me off. I had no idea how I ever thought introducing him to the culture of hooking up for fun was a good idea. How did I help him hook up with that first girl? How did I go from being his wingman to wanting to rip the hair off of beautiful Dylan Wilkinson and every other girl he’d ever slept with?

When Harry noticed I wasn’t laughing and had closed in on myself, his laughter subsided and he looked at me gently with concern. “B,” he said, trying to look me in the eye even though I was resisting. “I’m sorry. You know I was joking, right? I’m sorry, babe.”

The term of endearment didn’t go by unnoticed, but only made me more upset. “It’s whatever,” I said, trying to shrug away from him. “I get it.”

“No,” he said desperately. “That was stupid. Not a funny joke at all. I’m sorry.”

“Harry,” I said with a bit of forced laughter. “It’s, like, fine.” I smiled with a bit too much teeth and stood up from there, managing to cover my bum before walking over towards the other room where I’d seen the snacks. I wanted to eat my weight in cookies and find something to drink if this was how bad the jealousy would get now that I had Harry, but didn’t really have him at all. I wanted to be drunk enough that the thought of someone else touching him wouldn’t hurt so bad.

I was only alone by the table for a few minutes, eating a chocolate brownie with pink sprinkles on it when Harry found me. He walked over, biting his lip and looking apprehensive. I gave him a casual smile, trying to show that I wasn’t bothered. He stopped in front of me and looked down at the brownie in my hand.

“Is that good?” he asked.

I nodded. “Superb,” I replied. “Want a bite?”

He nodded and I lifted it up to his mouth, but Harry took the whole thing into his mouth, including my fingers, and I wondered if he meant to make this as sexual as it was or if he just wasn’t aware of it. I pulled my fingers back, fixing him with a look, and grabbed another cookie. Harry stood beside me, leaning against the wall. He watched me finish the cookie with a fond look in his eyes until I turned to look at him.

“What are you staring at now?” I asked. “Can’t be because I look pretty since I’m standing here eating my face off.”

Harry laughed. “No,” he shook his head. “Still pretty.”

I rolled my eyes at that and Harry ignored it, instead grabbing my hand and pulling me towards him. “Are you upset with me?” he asked, softly. I shrugged, but then shook my head. Harry sighed, realizing that I wasn’t going to admit it no matter how many times he asked. He gently tucked in a strand of my hair behind my ear. “I wasn’t ever going to hook up with Dylan Wilkinson.”

I looked at him for a long moment, letting him wrap his arms around my waist. “Okay,” I said.

“Okay,” he said with a smile, his dimple sinking in. “Can I kiss you now?”

“Didn’t realize you needed permission,” I teased.

Harry grinned at me before tilting his head down to kiss me. “Mm,” he moaned softly. “You taste sweet.”

It should have felt inappropriate with the way his tongue was dipping into my mouth and his teeth biting down on my lower lip given that we were in the middle of a party, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. I lifted myself up on my toes and tilted my head to the side, kissing him back with fervor while tangling my fingers into his hair, tugging on the curly ends. One of Harry’s hands slid down until it rested over the curve of my bum and he gave me a squeeze, which I squeaked at. I felt him grinning into the kiss, only pulling away when we heard the loud voices of our friends.

“Break it up, you horn dogs,” Louis bellowed, walking over. I heard Harry groan as I turned around to see the lot of them walk in, heading towards us. Liv was grinning cheekily and Liam looked smug, like he knew this would happen.

“What’s up, Louis?” Harry asked, looking at him pointedly.

“Not much, Haz, why?” Louis asked, popping a marshmallow covered in chocolate into his mouth.

“Just know that next time you’re with a girl, I’ll remember this,” Harry noted, reluctant to let me go. When his hands eventually slipped from my waist, they ended up pulling me right back in so that my back was leaning against his chest. He looped his arms around my waist again and held me there.

Louis snorted, leveling him with a look. “Hardly like I was interrupting something that doesn’t happen quite often now, was I?”

Harry hummed in acknowledgement, burying his face in my hair, probably sniffing me like the weirdo he was. We stood around, talking with our friends and ranking the best costumes at the mixer. The guys were all dressed up in light colors, mostly, but the girls were most creative. Right now, the girl with the M&M’s on her bra and skittles on her knickers was winning. She even had on a rainbow colored wig. After that we took stupid pictures to put up on Instagram and made fun of how domestic Niall and Layla and Zayn and Zoe were because of their Valentine’s Day pictures.

When a certain classic Rihanna song came on, Liv’s eyes brightened up. “I used to love this song,” she practically screamed. “Do you guys remember this song?”

“Rihanna is so hot,” Louis commented with a nod. “She always had the hottest songs. Like ‘S&M’ was so hot.”

“Please,” Liv said. “‘What’s My Name’ is so much better. Come dance with me.” She quickly grabbed Louis’s arm before he could protest and started dancing against him, which he shrugged and went along with.

“I quite like this song, too,” Liam said, stood beside me and Harry. “Mostly because Drake.”

“Good solo,” I commended, as Drake’s voice crooned out about the square root of sixty nine. Harry snickered and I turned my head to look at him, his hands still not letting me go.

“What?” I asked.

“Is it weird that I’m getting turned on by this song right now?”

I quietly looked at him for a moment before laughing, too. He grinned at me, placing a kiss on my lips before nosing against my neck and cheek before he moved up until his lips hovered next to my ear.

“You got that something that keeps me so off balance. Baby, you're a challenge, let's explore your talent.”

I bit my lip, suddenly understanding what Harry was talking about. How could I not with the way his tongue traced the ridge of my ear while he sang to me in hushed whispers. With the way I was pressed up against him and could actually feel how much he meant it. It sent chills down my spine and I couldn’t do much but follow him when he led me to the dance floor in the same position we’d been standing in, leaving my pinwheel in Liam’s hands. I could feel the eyes of a few girls and even boys looking over at us and I wondered whether they thought I was just one of Harry’s many girls or if they thought we were together. They saw me with him all the time and had to know that we were friends. I didn’t get a chance to think about it longer because Harry pressed a kiss on my shoulder and distracted me, like always.

We wound our hips together, his hand splayed across my stomach as we moved to the beat of the song. It was suddenly so hot in the room despite what I was wearing. Harry’s face was buried in my neck, pressing soft kisses and biting down occasionally, and I’d never felt so connected nor this turned on because of another person while dancing. Harry was touching me everywhere just how I liked it and I had no idea how long I could hold it together with the way the space between my legs were practically throbbing for him. I tilted my head back on his chest, giving him more access and he sucked down on the exposed skin, kissing and biting.

You're so amazing, you took the time to figure me out.

That's why you take me, way past the point of turning me on.

You about to break me, I swear you got me losing my mind.

I quickly turned around and faced him, his lips immediately finding mine in a deep, insatiable kiss. I kissed him back for a few moments, letting his hands roam my body as freely as he wanted before pulling away. “Can we go?” I asked him. “Please. I wanna go.”

He nodded quickly, his lips pressing one last kiss to mine before pulling me over to where our friends were. They all catcalled as we walked through the crowd of people. “Have a good time?” Liv asked, smirking at us.

“Enough teasing,” I pouted, taking my pinwheel back from Liam. “I think we’re going to go, though.”

“We’ve hardly been here long,” Liv said, looking upset.

“Oh, let them be, Livvy,” Louis said. “It’s Valentine’s Day. I’m sure they have other ways to celebrate now based on what we’ve just seen.”

“Piss off,” Harry snickered as we headed out the door. We gave our friends waves before walking out into the late February night. The two of us walked aimlessly for a few moments, both smiling giddily, until he turned to me. “Where do we go?”

“Um,” I mumbled, wrapping my arms around myself to fend off the cold. “We could go to mine. I’m sure Niall and Layla are busy at yours.”

“True,” he agreed, his lips pulled up into a grin. His hands were swinging by his sides, brushing against me every so often and I let myself entertain the idea of holding hands. I’d held hands with him before, but there was something about holding hands while walking when you weren’t fucking or just playing around. And I suddenly wanted him to hold my hand even if it was couple-like and slightly towards the romantic side of things. I wanted to hold his hand more than I wanted to go home with him and have him take me apart.

“Do you think Liv could pull tonight and we could have the flat to ourselves?” Harry asked, breaking my train of thought.

I snorted, my breath fogging up in front of me from the cold. “Liv doesn’t pull often, even though I know a bunch of guys in the frat who would totally hook up with her.”

“Damn it,” Harry said sulkily before putting on a cheeky smirk. “It’d be nice if we could be louder, especially you. Fuck.”

“Shut up,” I muttered, feeling my cheeks heat up despite the cold and smiling down at the ground.

“Aw,” he teased, laughing as he walked backwards so that he was facing me. “Are you embarrassed? Because you shouldn’t be. You sound amazing.”

“Harry,” I groaned, rolling my eyes and looking anywhere but at him.

“Yeah,” Harry said, nodding his head with a dirty smirk on his face. “That’s it. Except, it’s also like oh, fuck, Harry, oh right ther--ouch!” He rubbed over the spot on his chest where I’d hit him and flinched, despite the grin on his face. “That fucking hurt.”

“Good,” I said. “You keep this up and you won’t be going home with me.”

“Oh, yeah?” he asked, with a challenging glint in his eye.

I nodded once, leveling him with a look even though I was still embarrassed and blushing over him imitating me. “I’ll find someone else.”

Harry let out a forced laugh, his smirk more forced than before. “Someone else?” he asked. “And how many guys are you shagging on the reg?”

“Um, let me think,” I said, thoughtfully with my pointer finger on my chin. “How many guys are there in the frat?”

Gone was the smirk and the smug attitude. Harry looked anything but amused and rolled his eyes at me. “Shut up,” he said, sounding almost livid.

“Oh,” I drawled out, laughing as I walked faster so I could keep up with his long backward strides .“It’s only okay if you tease but when I do it, it’s not fun anymore.”

“Yeah because mine was funny and yours wasn’t,” he replied sullenly.

“Why wasn’t mine funny?” I scoffed. “I found it plenty funny.”

“Blair,” he said sternly. “That’s enough.”

I widened my eyes and looked at him with a faux fearful expression. “Should I be scared?”

Harry shot me a look before going to grab me, but I let out a loud squeal and ran away from him. While I tried to outrun him as he chased me for about a block and a half, he eventually caught up with me and wrapped his arms around me from the back. “I’ve got you now,” he said, with harsh breaths hitting my ear.

“Congratulations,” I said, trying to even out my own breaths. “Would you like a prize for having obnoxiously long legs?”

“Heeey,” Harry said. “I’m just a bit tall."

I laughed out loud, mouthing out a bit as he moved around so that he was walking beside me again and grabbing my hand in the process, tangling our fingers together. For a moment, I couldn’t even speak. Not just because I was out of breath, but because I was holding Harry’s hand. The fact that we were walking back to my place holding hands like we were proper together. I could feel every part of me zero in on where my hand was entwined with his and my heart was beating loud enough that they could probably hear me several blocks down.

Harry looked at me with a tentative smile, his dimple prominent as ever. And he wouldn't look away, even though I was probably flushed red and looking really dumb. His gaze was fond and steady, making me more nervous than I wanted to be.

"Stop looking at me like that," I said, finally.

"Like what?" he asked with a laugh. "Like I couldn't stop if I tried?"

“That was cheesy,” I said, despite the huge grin on my face. “Bet you say that to all your girls.”

“All my girls?” he asked, pointedly. “But I only have one girl. You're my girl.”

“You sure about that?” I asked him, trying to sound cool, even though I knew his next words could either make or break me.

“I’m sure,” he nodded. He smiled at me before lifting our hands up to his lips to press a kiss to mine.