Hospital Beds and Memories

I woke up on top of Jack, and when I mean on top, I literally mean on top. My chest was touching his chest, my arms were either side of his head, and my legs were in between his long lanky ones. The covers were scrunched up like a messy paper ball at our feet, and the pillow to my left was left lonely. I looked at the digital clock on the bedside table. Bright orange lights formed the numbers 3:29. Normally I would snuggle further against Jack and fall back asleep, but I really needed some advil and a trip to the bathroom. This time I didn’t think about it for another couple of hours, and just got up. With a headache like the one I had, I wouldn’t have been able to fall back asleep.

I tried getting up slowly, hoping I wouldn’t wake up Jack. But of course, that was impossible in the position we were sleeping. We were basically glued together. Jack stirred after I had managed to stand up without making the floorboards creak. He stopped moving and I thought I was in the clear, but I was proven wrong. I took my first step when my hand was suddenly grabbed. My heart stopped for a second and I jumped. It was literally terrifying to have someone grab your hand in the dark without you knowing.

“Where are you going?” Jack mumbled, his eyes barely open as he studied my silhouette.

“I need some advil and have to use the bathroom,” I explained, hoping he would let me go so I could hurry up.

“Ok, I thought you were leaving me, you seemed so careful and quiet.”

“I’ll never leave you… Now, let me go or I’ll pee right here. Drinking way too many glasses of water and not going to the bathroom before you go to bed is a really bad idea.”

He dropped my hand. “Please come back afterward.”

“I will,” I went to the bathroom and took two pills before using the bathroom.

Jack seemed to show his soft side when he was basically still asleep. I guessed that today’s events really had him worried. He probably thought I was going to leave because of the pregnancy scare; I would realize what a mistake it was to date him and leave without saying goodbye, just like the many one-night-stands he had had. But I wasn’t going to do that. Sure, I did think that this relationship would eventually end, but that wouldn’t be for a long while. It was pretty scary knowing that this could either turn into us staying together for the rest of our lives, or have us breaking up. There was no way either Jack and I were ever going to settle down, it just wasn’t how we worked. But as long as this relationship was doing well, I would not give up on it.

I trudged back into the bedroom, not being able to see anything in the darkness, and found my way back to the bed. Positioning myself, I made sure to fall right back on top of Jack. He let out a groan and a lot of air.

I nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck. “I came back.”

“You literally take my breath away,” he said, still out of breath completely.

“Good.”

We stopped talking and the buzzing of the radiators took over. I slowly started drifting back to sleep, when I noticed something; something I didn’t even want to deal with right now.

“Jack,” I groaned, “why?”

“What?... Oh… Sorry.” he realized what I was talking about. There’s a hot girl on top of me, I can’t really do anything about it.”

“Just think about your parents making out of something. I’m comfortable and want to sleep, I’m not moving.”

“That probably won’t work, plus I’m seeing them in a couple of hours. I don’t want to think about that and this when I see them again.”

“Ok, well, goodnight then.”

“You’re not going to let me deal with it?”

“No, I’m making you suffer. Goodnight, Jack.”

----

The second time I woke up, Jack was nowhere to be seen. I was left all alone with the covers hugging me, making me think that Jack tucked me in to keep me warm while he was gone. The room was actually filled with light coming through the curtains and from the door that was ajar. I decided to get untangled from the duvet and got up. One of Jack’s sweatshirts was hanging out of the closet, so I grabbed it and pulled it over my head. After getting out of bed, I often got cold, especially if I had had a blanket around me.

I was hit with the smell of something sweet when I was walking downstairs. It came from the kitchen. I went into the kitchen to find Jack standing at the stove. He looked very concentrated on the food he was making, so I quietly walked up to him and slithered my arms around his waist, resting my head in between his shoulder blades.

“Holy fuck, you scared me,” Jack chuckled and turned around. I got a quick glance of the pancakes there were being cooked. There were some already stacked on a plate, while there were three more in the pan.

“I like scaring you,” I mumbled into his chest before looking up at him and smirking.

“I would take offense to that, but you look too fucking sexy in my sweatshirt.”

“Well, it’s very comfortable and I was cold, I guess that’s just a bonus.”

Jack leaned forward to kiss me, but I stopped him. “Something’s burning, Jack.”

“What!” He jumped so that he was facing the pan and started screaming overdramatically, “No! My pancakes! You’re too hot for them! You’re burning them! Ahh!”

“Shh!” I giggled. “You’re going to wake Abagail up!”

“I’m already up,” a voice said from behind us. I turned around to see it was Abagail. Of course, it was her, I mean who else would it be? Some random intruder? She looked at me. “Umm, Ireland, can I talk to you?”

“Yeah, sure.” I started walking to her, but Jack quickly pulled me back to give me a peck on the lips before letting me go.

Abagail and I both went to the corridor. I felt pretty embarrassed that Jack decided to kiss me before I could talk to her; I didn’t want to rub it in her face. And the way I acted yesterday was unacceptable. I was being pretty rude, and I felt terrible because of it.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured.

“About what?” She asked me.

“About yesterday evening, about walking in on you and Jack, about my relationship with Jack.”

“No, don’t be sorry, you shouldn’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry. I broke our promise, and I came here with the worst problem ever. I could have ruined your whole relationship! What if I actually was pregnant with his baby, what then? And how stupid was I to come here crying without even taking a pregnancy test beforehand!”

“Maybe you were hoping that Jack would get together with you. You made me think I did something wrong; that me walking in on you guys was the worst thing I could possibly do. I should have been the one ignoring you, you broke the promise, not me.”

“I didn’t exactly break the promise.”

“What?”

“You said that it was allowed if we actually had feelings for each other…”

Wait. What? She liked Jack; she had feelings for Jack! What I said was just a theory, I didn’t actually think she came here in hopes that Jack would like her back and be with her because of her ‘being pregnant’.

“I thought Jack actually liked me back,” Abagail continued, “but that obviously isn’t true…”

“Oh my god, I--” I was about to say I was sorry, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t sorry at all.

“I made a mistake, and seeing Jack care for you like that... He actually loves you! Of course, there’s part of me that wishes it’s me, but look at you guys. Deep inside I knew that Jack would never be like that with me, yet I still came here.”

“It’s ok, Abagail, you had a pregnancy scare. It happens.”

“I don’t understand. I fucked Jack and you aren’t mad at me.”

“Why would I be? It’s in the past. It happened before we got together. Sure, I was a bit shocked to find out Jack actually had feelings for me when you guys slept together, but--” I suddenly realized what I had said.

“What! Oh, my god. I really fucked up! I shouldn’t have persuaded him. He said he didn’t want to, yet I still did it! I basically raped him!”

“Ok, wait. Hang on. Let’s go back to what you wanted to talk to me about. I don’t really get it. You keep saying you’re sorry and that sleeping with Jack was a mistake, but you also keep telling me that you have feelings for him. I also caught you trying to kiss him yesterday. I don’t know what you’re trying to say here.”

“I’m trying to say that I do like Jack, but that sleeping with him was a mistake. I’m very sorry about that. I’m also very sorry about showing up here yesterday. Yes, I did try to kiss him, but I was so confused. I didn’t know it at the time, but, being totally honest, I came here hoping that Jack and I could be something, but I already knew I had made another mistake when I showed up, you opened the door and Jack called you babe. I’m trying to say that everything I did was a mistake. I’m going to try to get over Jack, and I hope we can be friends again.”

“Friends again! Are you crazy! We never stopped being friends! I just hope to never find you fucking Jack again.”

“Ok, I promise,” she grinned and I pulled her into a hug.

“Just one thing,” I asked after we let go of each other, “why did you think you were pregnant? I mean, I caught you before that could have happened, even though it is possible.”

“Umm… you don’t wanna know…”

I thought about it for a while before understanding what she meant. “Oh. How many times?”

“Four, five if you hadn’t walked in.”

“You’re right. I did not want to know. What I do want is some pancakes. Let’s go see if Jack is finished yet.”

We both went back to the kitchen and I screamed out Jack’s name. He let out a weird ‘Jacky’ yell, which you could always recognize. After putting the last three pancakes on the plate, he made us sit down at the kitchen table before sitting down himself.

---

I had convinced Jack to take me to my apartment before we went to meet his parents at a cafe. I wanted to change into some other clothes; some clothes that I didn’t always wear after staying at the hospital for a while. Jack told me I always looked beautiful and that I didn’t need to change, his parents wouldn’t mind. But I wanted to put on some other clothes. It wasn’t because I was afraid his parents would judge me. You know what I mean?

“So, Abagail, do you need a lift?” Jack asked as he got his car keys.

“Oh, no, it’s fine. You don’t need to drive me anywhere,” she excused.

“Isle and I are going anyway, so it doesn’t matter. It won’t be any extra work.”

“In that case, sure. Where are you guys going?”

“First we’re going to her place and then downtown to a cafe to meet my parents.”

“I’ll be able to walk from Ireland’s place. I need to do some stuff in the area.”

Jack put on his shoes and jacket, “well, we are going to go now, so get ready.”

“Wait!” I exclaimed, “I need to get my bag from upstairs!”

“Ugh! Hurry up!”

I quickly ran up to the bedroom and grabbed my bag. When I got back downstairs I found Jack and Abagail waiting at the already opened front door. I quickly got in the passenger seat, forcing Abagail to sit in the backseat. It was only fair, wasn’t it? When I closed the door and rested against the window I started thinking. Jack had to leave again soon, or at least I expected him to. He hadn’t told me when, but I knew that they rarely had time in between tours. It had already been a couple of days. Maybe he was making me meet his parents this early because he knew there wouldn’t be any other time to do it. To be honest, I didn’t mind. I just hoped I was able to visit him on tour this time. Something told me he was going to be gone for a very long time.

“Hey, Jack, turn on some music,” I said to distract myself.

“Umm, sure.” He stopped at a red light and connected his phone to the car before shuffling a playlist.

A familiar song came on. Scary electrical sounds came through the speaker and a quick drum beat came in. Jack cleared his throat, “I could change it if you want me to.”

“No!” I exclaimed and waited for the first verse to start, “There's an infestation in my mind's imagination, I hope that they choke on smoke 'cause I'm smoking them out the basement, This is not rap, this is not hip-hop, Just another attempt to make the voices stop, Rapping to prove nothing, just writing to say something, 'Cause I wasn't the only one who wasn't rushing to sayin' nothing, This doesn't mean I lost my dream, It's just right now I got a really crazy mind to clean.”

“Umm. Okay?” Jack’s mouth was agape.

“I actually didn’t mess up that time. I could do the second verse, but I could only mess up on that and it wouldn’t be impressive anymore.”

“Woah. That was amazing. I didn’t know you could rap.”

“I can’t. This is more like really fast talking.”

“I agree with Jack,” Abagail butted in.

“I actually know the guys; Tyler and Josh. They’re my friends,” Jack piped up.

“What! No way!” now I was the one to be flabbergasted.

“Yeah, they’re some pretty cool dudes.”

A couple of songs and some bad singing from Jack later, we finally got to the block the apartment building was on. Jack was able to pull over in front of the building, so we didn’t have to walk far; sometimes you could only park a couple of blocks down. Abagail said her goodbyes to us and Jack and I went up the stairs.

“Why the fuck doesn't this building have an elevator?” Jack desperately tried to catch his breath.

“Because it’s an old building,” I shrugged and took the last steps to the door to the loft, “what time are we meeting your parents?”

“At one, so we have to leave a bit before that.”

“Oh, so I still have time to take a shower.”

“No! We will be late!”

I rolled my eyes and went to my bedroom, Jack not far behind me. “We literally have 45 minutes. It will literally take me no more than 15 minutes max.”

“Ok, fine,” Jack sighed dramatically.

I quickly kissed him before running into my bathroom and locking the door. After I had taken off all my clothes, I got underneath the warm water. Trying to prove a point to Jack, I rushed washing my hair, washing myself, and I actually shaved for once. I jumped out of the shower, turned it off, and towel dried my hair. Because I had forgotten to bring any clothes with me, I walked out with just a towel.

“How long did that take me?” I asked.

Jack swirled around in my desk chair. “Ten minutes.”

“That was pretty good, especially since I also managed to shave. Especially since I managed to do it without--” I looked at my legs, “nevermind, I did cut myself. But it’s so smooth and soft now.”

Jack got up and touched my leg. “Oh my god, so smooth, so leg, so amazing.”

I pulled away and chuckled. “You’re creepy.”

“Thank you, it’s a talent.”

I rolled my eyes before turning around, walking to my closet and dropping my towel. Jack made a weird noise that sounded something like a gasp, harsh breath in, and a squeak all at the same time. If I hadn’t realized what I had done, I would have thought he was choking. I quickly picked up my towel and wrapped it around myself. That shouldn’t have happened, I felt so awkward.

I turned around and saw Jack with his mouth wide open and his eyes popping out of his skull. “You didn’t see anything.”

“I didn’t see anything,” he repeated robotically, in a daze.

“Jack. You didn’t see anything.”

He raised his hands and slowly turned around so his back would face me. “I didn’t see anything. I don’t even know what we are talking about anymore. What even happened? I don’t know, do you? I definitely don't.”

My heart was beating fast and I just hoped he didn’t see too much. This was not my intention. I did not want him to see me naked yet. I knew he wouldn’t do me any harm, but I didn’t feel comfortable like I had said so many times before. Hopefully, he didn’t expect more of me soon. I was not ready for that; not at all ready.

I quickly put on some random clean underwear and rummaged around to find anything I wanted to wear. Something about Jack seeing me naked had really caused me to panic. Eventually, I settled on a burgundy skater skirt, a white loose-fit sweater, a leather/denim jacket and some thigh-high socks to cover my legs. My shoes were some simple black high heeled ankle boots, and I put on a baby pink scarf to keep myself warm.

“Ok, I’m finished,” I announced while looking around for the necklace Jack had given me.

Jack grinned at the sight of me, making me think he was imagining me naked, but that wasn’t the case. “You look very beautiful and fancy.”

“Fancy?” I found the necklace on my desk and tried putting it on myself. “I haven’t had much time to wear normal clothes, so I thought I’d wear it now.”

“Oh, I thought you were dressing up for my parents. You would have had to do that,” Jack approached me and helped me with the locket, “this is the necklace I gave you, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I really like it. I’ve been wearing it a lot.”

“I’m glad you like it,” he trailed his hands over my sides, making me shiver, “because I really like you,” he started moving my hair to the side, but I quickly stepped out of his reach. This didn’t feel right.

“Umm, would you like something to drink before we leave?” I tried finding an excuse.

He frowned and took a step towards me, making me back away, “are you ok?”

“Y-- yeah. Everything’s fine.”

“Isle, I can tell something’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing. There’s a memory resurfacing, but I can’t find out what it is, it won’t let me see.”

“And you’re scared of me because of that?”

“I’m not scared of you.”

“Then why are you backing away from me?” He took another step towards me to prove his point.

Just like he expected, I took another step away from him. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. We have to go now anyway, we will talk about this later. I’ve been able to help you out with other memories, we will find out what this one is, as well.”

“Ok,” I nodded, “I’ll just try to forget about it now.”

“Just remember I’m here for you and that I love you.”