Disenchanted

I'm asking for your help
I am going through hell
Afraid nothing can save me
But the sound of your voice

As I sat in my bed, waiting anxiously for Jack to get Melody from my mom, I tried hard to imagine what she’d look like...what she’d be like. Being raised by Jack, I fully expected she’d be nothing less than a mini version of him. Spunky, out going, and full of enough energy to make Tigger jealous.

She probably had his smile, too. You know, that secretive, mischievous smirk Jack tended to whip out whenever he was about to do something outrageous or crazy. He did this a lot on stage during ATL’s sets. If you kept your attention on him during his banter with Alex in between songs, his lips would twist up in that trademark ‘I-know-I-shouldn’t-say-this-but-fuck-it’ kind of way, usually preceding an especially crude joke--the kind that he’d never repeat in the presence of either of our mothers. But this was Jack, and he tried his damnedest to make the crowd laugh even if on paper, these jokes shouldn’tve worked. His jokes, filled with sexual innuendoes galore were technically only suited for those with the sense of humor of a fourteen year old boy by no means should have worked in a crowd filled with teenage girls and their parents--mostly, anyway.

But again, this was Jack, and he always made even the stupidest joke sound like the most hilarious thing in the world.

Damn, I loved that smile.

I continued imagining Melody’s features, from her hair to her nose to the tiniest freckle--I imagined it all. My mind spun around like a carousel, switching out brown eyes for grey, black hair for blonde--the genetic possibilities making my head hurt.

Despite this, I continued as it was the only thing that helped my heart ache a little less. It wasn’t perfect--in fact it was far from ideal as it only made me more nervous for my daughter’s imminent arrival, but it did help distract me from other insecurities; taunting, wavering thoughts that tried desperately to make me break, the most prominent worry being if she’d even like me.

After all, I was far from prepared to be the perfect mom. Mentally, I was still barely a functioning human fumbling my way through life. I didn’t know the first thing about being something as important as a mother. I’d kind of expected to learn as I go, like many young mothers do. Fake it ‘til you make it, you know?

Unfortunately, I didn’t have this luxury. Whether I met her now or met her a month from now, she was here and here to stay. Jack was right. I had missed out on five years, but it didn’t mean I had to miss out on a second more. And if I wanted to be the mother I dreamed of being since I found out I was carrying her, there was no better time than the present to start.

Of course, any confidence I had managed to gather from these thoughts flew out the window the second Jack returned, this time with a small, wide-eyed girl in tow. She was clutching his hand tightly as she slowly followed him up to my bedside, looking about as nervous as I felt.

Her eyes were glued to mine, her body frozen the second Jack let go of her hand to adjust the chair he had abandoned when he’d left the room. For a moment, I thought I might’ve been wrong about my assumption over her assertive personality, that maybe she was a bit more reserved like me after all.

Then, she opened her mouth.

“Mommy? You’re finally up!” Her high pitched, cheery voice broke thru the stark silence like a knife. “I know you don’t remember, but we’ve met tons of times. Daddy takes me here all the time, and I’m just really, really, really happy you’re awake cause now you an’ me can do all sorts of fun girly things that Daddy doesn’t like to do and--”

“Melody...” Jack scolded her gently, stopping her mid-ramble. I just raised a brow, finding it more amusing than anything that I’d been right in my assumption after all. Melody was a mini version of Jack. “What did I tell you about taking things too fast with Mommy?” He stared at her carefully and she slumped her shoulders.

“‘ta not ‘ta...” Her bottom lip drew into a plump pout before she glanced up at me once more, her big hazel-brown eyes drawing me in like magnets. “Sorry, Mommy.”

“Oh, it’s fine, Melody.” I gave her a small, reassuring smile. I shot a quick, hesitant glance at Jack before adding, “It’s, uh, nice to finally meet you.”

She giggled as her lips broke into a toothy smile. “Nice to meet you too, Mommy.”

The side of my lips curled up at her undeniable adorable nature. Not that I ever really doubt anything less, but Jack and I definitely made a cutie. Her grey-brown eyes and dark brown hair complimented her otherwise pale skin in the most delicate and perfect way imaginable. “She looks so much like you, Jack...” I whispered, reaching out a hand to carefully brush her shoulder length hair out of her face.

Jack didn’t sound so convinced. “Well, maybe now, but I swear when she was a baby all I saw was you.”

I gulped at his words, silently wondering if he only saw me in her because of the accident, but stayed silent otherwise. I mean, what was I supposed to say to that?

Instead, I narrowed my eyes, observing Melody carefully while she did the same to me. After all, this was the first time she’d had a proper chance to see what I looked like as well. Not that I didn’t doubt Jack showed her as many pictures and videos of me she would tolerate, but this was different. I was actually here, in front of her, and from the wonder spread across her features I got the feeling she was trying just as hard to memorize every tiny little feature of mine as I was of hers.

“So you’re five?” I asked her as I pulled back, realizing I’d have a lifetime to memorize her features. Plus, any more staring I was afraid I might frighten her.

She nodded. “Yep.”

“And you’re in school?”

Again, she nodded.

“She just started Kindergarten a few months ago.” Jack added. “She loves it, don’t you Mel?”

“It’s okay.” She shrugged.

Jack furrowed his brows at her. “I thought you loved it. What about all your new friends, like Julia and Xander?”

Melody barely blinked before telling her father bluntly. “I like going on tour with you and Uncle Alex and Uncle Rian and Uncle Zack instead.”

I couldn’t help but let out a laugh. Of course our child would prefer going on tour instead of school. “Touring is pretty fun with Daddy, huh?” I smirked, glancing up at Jack a knowing look. “Daddy and I have a lot of fond memories on tour. He and I met at a show in San Diego, actually.”

Her bright eyes widened. “Really?”

I nodded, a bit surprised that out of everything Jack could’ve told her, he had left this little detail out. “Uh, yeah. It was the fall after I’d graduated high school. Your Aunt Anna convinced me to go to a concert, and believe it or not I was this close to not going.”

Melody giggled while Jack stared at me in shock. “You never told me that part.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, it’s true! I told Anna that if we didn’t score two meet and greet passes, I wasn’t going to go just because I didn’t want to be stuck in the middle of a mosh pit--and before you ask, yes, it happened to me twice before, so I really didn’t want to repeat it a third time.”

I paused for a beat as both Melody and Jack patiently waited for me to continue. “Uh, anyway...we managed to get the meet and greet passes and I went, not expecting anything more than a few amusing moments of Anna freaking out over meeting Alex.”

Melody tilted her head in confusion. “Why would Aunt Anna freak out over Uncle Alex?”

Uh. Because it was Anna we were talking about? It’s just what she does.

...or did. From the way Melody stared at me, not to mention the over odd behavior Anna had exhibited in the short time I’d talked to her, she had apparently substantially calmed down when it came to her (once?) favorite singer and anything else involving music. Which is why I just smirked and explained to her with a simple, “Because once upon a time, your Aunt Anna was a crazy band obsessed teenager.”

Jack snorted. I guess I hit the nail on the head.

“So after Anna got her hug from Alex, it was my turn to meet him. I’d brought a CD for him to sign, and that’s when he saw this...” I paused to lift up my left forearm to reveal my still-colorful Sally tattoo. “Right away, it made him think of Jack because--”

Another sharp knock at the door interrupted my story. Before I could even answer, the doctor from before entered the room with my mom following shortly behind.

“I’m sorry to interrupt such a special reunion, Miss Lawson,” The doctor’s face matched his apologetic tone, “But I’ve brought your discharge papers. The sooner you fill them out, the sooner you’re free to begin your life again.”

I stared at him like he’d spoken a foreign language. I’d just woken up. “Wait, already?”

He nodded, peering at me through his thick rimmed glasses as he explained patiently. “We’ve gone over your brain scans and everything seems to be in order. And in terms of your physical health, your bones have long been healed so there’s no reason why you can’t be discharged tonight. Frankly, the sooner you’re back in a familiar environment, the better.”

At the mention of me finally being allowed to leave the hospital, Melody immediately perked up. “Oh, can Mommy come stay with us?” Melody turned to look up at Jack with pleading eyes as she pressed her palms together in desperate prayer. “Please?”

Jack’s eyes grew wide as he stumbled for an appropriate response for the young girl. “Well, I, uh--”

“Your mommy will come home with me and grandpa, sweetheart.” My mom cut Jack off with a warning glare.

I furrowed my eyebrows, unsure why she’d be so insistent that I go home with her. “Um, why?”

“He said a familiar environment, dear.” She responded, already walking up to the small dresser just a few feet away from the heart monitor. She opened the top drawer and grabbed a full set of clothes that she’d probably had there waiting since the day I’d been admitted.

My brows shot up. “And going with my family isn’t a familiar environment?”

My brain almost tauntingly shot back before my mom even uttered a word, You mean including the daughter you literally just met?

Thankfully, my mom wasn’t as crass. Instead, she pointed out, “I’m just saying, Jack’s moved out of that apartment you two shared so everything’ll be new to you. The house, the neighbors, everything. But if you go with me, you’ll have me and dad right there if you needed us and besides, there’s nothing more familiar than the house you grew up in, right honey?”

I hated to admit it, but she did have a point. It would make sense for me to stay with my parents, at least until I got my footing back.

But...so would staying with Jack. I mean, sure, I would be in a totally new environment--the complete opposite of familiar, but I’d be with him. My rock, my anchor, my home.

I was torn, unsure which path I should take when I glanced down at Melody, getting lost once more in those transfixing eyes of hers. She clearly wanted nothing more than for me to come home with her and Jack. She’d grown up all her life with just a dad, dreaming of the day her family’d be whole once more. “I, uh...” I licked my lips, turning my attention back to the adults in the room. Carefully, I made my decision known. “I think I’ll go with Jack--if that’s alright, that is...”

Noting my hesitant tone, he quickly set me straight with a couple short nods, “No, of course. We’d love you to come home with us.” He raised a brow towards our daughter as he added with a smirk, “Right, Melody?”

Of course at this point, little Melody practically jumped out of her shorts, she was so excited. “Uh huh!” She bounced.

“Well, I guess that settles it.” I chuckled lightly at her reaction. “I guess I’m going home with you guys.”

My mom looked far from happy that I chose Jack over her. Her lips were pursed in a thin, white line, and it was clear she was having trouble holding back her thoughts. “Sweetheart...” She began slowly, her voice begging me to think this thru. But really, what more thinking could I do? It would be with Jack and our daughter. Wasn’t that enough to convince me to go with them? “Are you sure? We still have a spare room all ready for you--”

“Mom, I’m sure.” I stopped her before she could really get rolling on all the supposed reasons why I shouldn’t go with Jack. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”