Disenchanted

And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside
Everything means more now than
Words could explain

As we approached the place Jack and Melody now considered home, my jaw dropped, overwhelmed by the sight before me. “This is your house?” I breathed, peering out the passenger window at the two story wonder with shocked eyes. From the outside, it looked to be the typical A-lister hollywood manor, with a curved, red-bricked driveway and even a french-style fountain in the front yard. Adding in the sheer size of the two story house alone, it had to be worth a million dollars. At least.

Melody, who was comfortably seated in the back of Jack’s car, giggled at my reaction, while Jack smiled sheepishly as he knew as well as I that five years ago, he wouldn’tve even considered something so...grand. “I know, it’s kinda over the top...but the neighborhood is good and the school Melody’s going to isn’t too far, so...”

I slowly nodded, easily seeing his reasoning for buying the house while still trying hard to take in the grandeur of it all. “Right...” I swallowed, taking once last glance out the dark tinted windows before stepping out, wincing as I took in the bright California sun. It was strange--I’d grown up in southern California and as a teen I had spent the majority of my free time soaking up the sun. But for whatever reason, the sun seemed especially bright, so bright in fact that it gave me a headache the instant I stepped out of the car. I brushed it off to the side effects of being asleep for five years. After all, the only light I’d experienced in the hours I’d been awake had been sorely limited to fluorescent white hospital bulbs, and though that had been headache inducing in it’s own sense, nothing compared to a bright west coast afternoon when it came to overwhelming brightness.

Luckily I didn’t have to stay out there too long. The second Jack had opened the back door, Melody shot out and grabbed my hand, leading me towards the front door with eager, determined steps. I followed her up the porch steps and waited with her as Jack quickly undid the lock, opening the door with a light push. As he did, my already unhinged jaw seemed to fall even farther.

Now, I knew the house was big--a giant, even. That had already been well established from the outside appearance alone. Yet, I don’t think anything could’ve prepared me as I stepped inside that house for the first time.

The first thing that struck me were the sweeping archways connecting the entryway to the rest of the house. It reminded me a bit of the inside of the Disney Music Hall, from the almost wave-like ceiling that looked to be trying it’s damnedest to creep up towards the heavens. The purposefully placed curves made the room feel like it was moving, breathing, and only made the already grand size feel even bigger, as if it was constantly growing.

My brain flashed to the TARDIS, realizing that maybe the ‘bigger on the inside’ technology wasn’t purely sci-fi, after all.

“This is...” I gaped at my new surroundings, carefully taking a few steps forward to sneak a glance towards the adjoining rooms, which naturally were the kitchen-slash-dining room and living room. I breathed, realizing I couldn’t come close to describe my feelings toward my new living arrangement. “This is sure something...”

Jack smirked, silently shutting the front door before moving in front of me, while Melody let go of my hand. “It’s a bit of a step up from our last place, huh?”

“Hey, I loved that place.” I told him, not wanting him to believe for a second that I was ever the kind of person that dreamed of extravagance and would automatically prefer this kind of place. Not that his new house was bad, it was just...a lot to take in, was all. And if I was being honest, I kind of wished he’d kept that apartment on the other side of town. Yes, it would’ve been a bit small now that we had Melody, but it was simple, well worn, and a lot of great memories happened in those four walls.

His smirk faded slightly as he agreed, “Yeah, I did too...but like I said it’s a better neighborhood here. Plus, with the band more famous than ever, I didn’t want to risk the paparazzi mobbing the apartment building all the time.”

I nodded carefully, again understanding his point. My mind flashed back to when we’d first pulled up to the house, which had been conveniently gated not once, but twice thanks to the gated community the house was located in. “Makes sense...is that why you have the gate?”

“Yep. Can’t be too careful.” He bobbed his head, barely meeting my eyes before he tore away, instead glancing down at Melody who had moved over to her dad and become practically glued to her leg out of boredom. “Gotta keep this one safe.” He ruffled her dark hair while she scowled up at him, readjusting her now knotted locks by combing her hair with her hands.

“Yeah, of course.” I gave him a small smile, finding it amazing and odd all at the same time how much Jack had grown up. I mean, it was still obviously him--visually he still looked virtually the same. He still sported the single diamond ear ring, the spiked pop-punk hair that in the right circles never truly went out of style, and wore the same skinny jeans and band tees when we met back in 2009.

On the inside though, he was more reserved, more mature. I knew part of it had to be a result of raising Melody as a single dad--he was forced to grow up in that regard. I wasn’t sure if this was who he was now, or if I’d just thrown him for a loop with my sudden waking up and all, but I hoped it was the case. I loved Jack no matter what, but I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle him glancing at me with those pitifully sullen eyes, as if he was no longer sure what to truly say to me. Was it too much to ask to get a spark of the old Jack back?

What can I say? I missed the goofball.

Jack cleared his throat, interrupting my thoughts as he gestured towards the adjoining rooms. “Come on, I’ll give you a tour.”

I numbly nodded, following Jack and Melody as they happily showed off their abode. I silently stood by as we went through the house room by room. Melody, naturally, was most enthusiastic when we’d went up stairs and into her room. As soon as we walked in, it was even more abundantly clear that she was Jack’s daughter, as there was a major lack of pink, princesses, or otherwise a-typical girly things. Instead, Melody’s room was a mish-mash of ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ memorabilia, old posters of bands with people that Melody had to have met, including Blink 182, Fall Out Boy and Good Charlotte, and a large cork-board chalk full of colorful crayon drawings she’d displayed for all to see. The whole thing was finished off with a splash of a rich royal purple adorning the tall walls. Other than the age-appropriate drawings, I was taken aback by the things gracing Melody’s room, from the posters to the signed autograph from Billie Joe Armstrong--it was all things that would feel more natural in a teenager’s room, not a five year old.

I hadn’t known her that long, but Melody didn’t strike me as a typical five year old.

We continued on the quick tour, at this point leaving Melody in her room as she’d found more interesting things to do, not looking too heartbroken as she began happily coloring, presumably to add to her overlapping collection of artwork. “So the bathroom is at the end of the hall, and the guest room is right here...” Jack explained, opening a door just to the left of Melody’s room to reveal a basic bedroom with white walls and minimal decoration. I peered inside, but kept my feet firmly planted in the hall before nodding politely. I followed Jack back down the hall to reach the last room next to the stairs. “That’s about it...other than the master bedroom, I guess.” His head nodded towards the closed double-doors with a nervous tickle of a laugh.

I stared at him, fully expecting him to open the door to show me as he’d done with all the other rooms, but he didn’t budge. “...are you going to show me?” I raised a brow.

He stared at me for a moment, frozen as he mentally processed my question. “What?” He blinked before finally catching up. “Oh, right!” He turned around and opened the door slowly and quickly walked in before stepping to the side to let me pass.

“It’s not as awesome as Mel’s room, but it works...” Jack lightly joked as I took in the admittedly much simpler bedroom, in fact not much more decorated than the guest bedroom. It reminded me of how Jack had kept his bedroom back when I first began staying with him--basic and plain. It made sense, considering how often he was away from tour. That being said, in his new bedroom there were still bits of his personality shining through, from the black, purple and white color scheme, to the Raven’s lampshade, to the pictures of a baby Melody on his nightstand, and even to the acoustic guitar tucked away in the corner, it still screamed Jack to me.

I b-lined it to the nightstand so I could get a better view of the baby pictures, grazing my fingers against the glass frame. Melody was tiny in that one, maybe a year as her dark hair was only just starting to gain some volume. She’d been dressed up in a ruffled lace dress and an equally ruffled bow. It reminded me a bit of the outfits my own mom had dressed me up in when I was that age, and I honestly wouldn’tve been surprised to hear that she had a say with Melody’s outfit. I’m sure if Jack had his way, he would’ve been just as happy to see her in a baby Raven’s jersey and from the uncertain face little Melody was giving the photographer, I’m pretty sure she would’ve preferred the latter. “She sure is a cutie.” I chuckled, pointing at the picture.

Jack nodded, smiling as he added nonchalantly, “Yeah, not to brag, but we did make a damn good looking kid.”

I laughed, my mind flashing back to Anna’s declaration that he and I would quote ‘make adorable babies’ way back when. Hell, we weren’t even dating back then when she made such a bold statement.

Bold or not, I guess she wasn’t so far off.

Silence fell between the two of us as my eyes continued to explore Jack’s room...well pretend to, anyway. Like I said before, it didn’t have much, and in all reality I should’ve been in and out of there within a few minutes if I was there just to see what was inside.

Of course, there was so much more going on than that, and it was reaching its boiling point, threatening to spill over if one of us didn’t say something.

Jack seemed to realize this too, as he suddenly spoke up. His voice was oddly soft, yet it still hit me to my core in that silent bedroom. “I’m really happy you’re back.”

My eyes shot up at his earnest admission. “Me too.” I breathed, stepping back from peering at the well loved and well used acoustic to face him. I thought for a second, carefully adding,“I mean, it’s crazy that it’s suddenly five years later, but I’m still glad we still get this; a second chance.”

He nodded, watching me carefully as I took another step towards him, as he mumbled, as if in a trance,“Right. A second chance...”

I continued carefully, as more than anything I was trying to convince myself that things would be just fine. “And I know it’s all going to take time, but honestly, if I can get through today, I think we’ll be okay.”

“We’ll be fine--you’ll be fine.” Jack assured me as he grabbed my shoulders so I was now looking at him directly in the eye, his features serious before eloping me in a tight hug. “You’re a fighter, remember?”

I nodded into his shoulder, feeling that familiar calmness wash over me as I sunk into his arms. “Thank you, Jack.” I whispered. My cheek was firmly pressed to his chest, and if I had my way I would stay that way for much longer than I actually did, which was unfortunately only a few seconds. He let me go, a small, warm smile still plastered on his face. We were still only a few inches a part, gazing into each other’s souls and I admit, I fully expected him to take advantage of this and kiss me. I mean, I’d been in a coma for five years and if I’d been dying to feel that kind of loving touch. I could only imagine what he must’ve been going through. And who was I kidding? A kiss was probably the least of his desires.

Funny thing was, instead of planting a kiss on me and having his way with me like I’d expected and openly welcomed, he pulled away instead, looking up at the clock before telling me that we’d better start dinner if Melody was going to get to bed at a decent hour.

It was strange, being turned down like that. Though...I guess I wasn’t exactly turned down since I didn’t even technically initiate anything but this was Jack. Had this been five years ago, we would’ve been making out and been at least half way naked the second we entered that bedroom.

But I guess things were different now. We did have a five year old daughter in the next room, after all. Was that why he didn’t kiss me? Was he afraid of taking it too far and having Melody overhear?

Or maybe he was worried about me? You know, given the fact that I had my whole world turned upside down in the last twenty four hours? It would be like Jack to be considerate of my feelings, and I admit, I found it kind of strange myself that I wasn’t more freaked out than I was. I mean sure, I was initially, but now here I was, not even a day later and what was I doing? Oh, that’s right: daydreaming of Jack having his naughty way with me, that’s what.

I was a horrible human being.

I cleared my throat, trying my best to hide my embarrassed blush as I avoided his gaze. I made some crappy joke about him actually cooking and he laughed, but other than that whatever it was we had going on upstairs had long disappeared.

It went on like this for a while, the unspoken awkwardness hanging in the air in a taunting reminder. Melody came down not much longer, and we both put our attention towards her. I let her catch me up on some more of her favorite things, including her favorite animal (a dog), her favorite color (purple) and her favorite place in the world, which NOT Disneyland, much to my disappointment. It was actually London, which Jack explained he had taken her to last winter while the band was on tour. And her favorite part about London? She liked seeing the guards with the funny hats.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful, as Melody had school the next morning and I honestly was mentally exhausted from...well...everything. Though despite the aforementioned odd reaction from Jack, he still welcomed me to sleep in his room with him instead of the guest room. I think he knew I wouldn’t go for anything less. As far as I was concerned, I had spent every night I (physically) could with him pretty much since I began staying with him in his old Baltimore apartment. I wasn’t about to change that fact now.

He let me use one of his old shirts as a night shirt as I had literally come with one change of clothes. When he moved, I guess he decided to box all of my things and keep them at my parent’s house. According to him, it was too difficult to see my things everywhere he turned when he wasn’t sure I’d even wake up. I understood, realizing how much my things could’ve represented to him while I’d been out of commission. It wasn’t that big of a deal, anyway. I’d go to my parent’s house to grab my old stuff in the morning and I’d be golden.

For now though, I hopped into the king sized bed with just Jack’s old Blink-182 shirt and my underwear, wasting no time in adjusting my body to the spring-foam mattress as I snuggled into the still cold sheets. I turned my head to glance at Jack. He was next to me, already half asleep as he’d basically passed out the second his head hit the pillow. Careful not to make too many movement, I inched closer to him so eventually my back was pressed to him. As I did, I could feel his body flinch, tightening as he sucked in a breath. Worried that I’d taken a misstep, I froze. “Is...is this okay?” I whispered through the dark, knowing from the way I could feel his heart beat quicken against my back he was anything but asleep.

“Yeah.” He replied after a second, his voice horse as he replied, “...you just surprised me, is all.”

A pleased smile escaped my lips, glowing in the darkness as I tiredly sunk further into his arms. “Great.” He stayed silent, his tense body easing until eventually his hand found its resting place on my hip. I shut my eyes, slowly taking in the moment. It was almost like it used to be.

Almost.