Finding Home

I know that it’s OK to feel empty inside every once in a while, but this is killing me. Two weeks have gone by since Ville showed me the “secret” place. He’s been avoiding me off and on. He tries to play it cool in front of me but I can see it in his eyes. He doesn’t know what to do about the situation and we both know it’s not something we can pretend didn’t happen. Ville could be right…maybe I do need to go home for a while, maybe I shouldn’t come back. I can’t imagine how Bam would react to this either.

I fell in love. In love with the wrong person again, this is my life story. It’s Johnny all over again. I love you but you don’t love me. I can write a fucking memoir on it.

I wanted Ville, I couldn’t help that feeling. I couldn’t make it go away.

I’ve been laying in my bed for at least two hours listening to Ville singing upstairs and playing small amounts of guitar. I can’t help but admire the sounds. I don’t know any of the lyrics…that means new music and new music means a tour…maybe I wouldn’t have to leave right away, maybe he would be leaving soon.

I pick up my cellphone and dial the only number I can think of that might still be awake.

“Hello?” her tired voice rings in my ears. “Willow, is that you?”

“Yeah. It’s me.” I take in a deep breath.

“Oh, hey Hun. Is everything ok?”

I can hear the worry in her voice. “I’m OK, Jade…” I pause for a quick second and think about the conversation I had with Ville’s brother Jesse the other night.

Jesse and I had a nice friendship. He treated me well and he always had my best interest in mind. He knew his brother like the back of his hand and he was able to give me the best advice on Ville.
Jesse often told me that I wouldn’t be happy here for much longer. He knew the look in my eyes, that I was ready to go home but Ville had me wrapped around his finger even if he didn’t mean to.
Things seemed like they were back to normal between Ville and I for the most part. I still fell asleep in his arms on the couch. We still wrote music together and stared at the computer screen while skyping my family back home. I could tell he tried not to let the awkwardness take over our entire friendship.

“Well, what is it? You’re calling a little late, you shit.” She teases. “Usually there is something more to it.”
I shrug my shoulders even though I know she can’t see me. “I’m feeling a bit homesick. I’m thinking about coming back home. Honestly. I don’t think it’s healthy for me to stay here anymore.”
She chuckles on the other end. “Yeah, I could have told you that. I uh talked to Jesse the other day. He told me he bought you a ticket to come home but you refused it.”
That was true. He didn’t think I should stay here longer then the end of the month. I loved that he looked after me but I felt like I was being forced into something that I wasn’t sure of.

“It’s Ville.”

“Shocking.” She teases. “Well you’re in for a surprise next week.”

I can feel my brows furrow. “What my birthday?”

She mumbles something I can’t understand and then clears her throat. “Nothing. I gotta head to bed."

“Alright. Goodnight.” I hang up the phone and lean back in my bed. What did she mean Surprise?