California Dreaming

“So tomorrow is visitation day, Alyssa. I know your mother is coming to see you. How does that make you feel?”

Alyssa sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as Jeff waited for her answer on the other side of his desk. This was her third one-on-one session with him this week, and he really needed to work on coming up with different questions.

“The same as I did yesterday, Jeff. Annoyed,” she answered him shortly, crossing her leg over her knee before folding her arms tightly across her chest. She watched him jotting notes down in his notebook and let out a loud, agitated sigh. “Do you really need to write that down?”

He glanced up at her before shrugging nonchalantly, setting his pen down. “Not really, I suppose. Have you spoken to her recently?”

“Not since she told me she was coming. She thinks I’m not eating.”

“Are you?”

Alyssa groaned, her head falling back. She really didn’t want to deal with this right now. She hadn’t slept in two days, maybe more, and she was exhausted. Rosalie had been trying to get her to take some sleeping pills, but she didn’t want to. She wasn’t in jail for murdering two people, so she guessed maybe living with the nightmare was her self-inflicted punishment at this point.

Jeff didn’t say anything for several more moments before looking up as the door to his office opened. It was George, and a wave of relief hit her. She hadn’t expected to see him until later this afternoon, when she could slip outside into the courtyard for a cigarette.

“Mind if I grab Lys, doc?”

“We’re in a session, George,” Jeff told him, giving the man a small, but stern smile. “Perhaps after—”

“It’s three, Jeff. My session is over for today,” Alyssa cut him off as she looked up at the clock on his wall before she stood up. She didn’t want to sit in this stuffy office any longer than she had to.

“Alright, alright,” Jeff relented. Alyssa didn’t wait for him to say anything else as she left the room, following George down the too-bright hallway towards the exit. By the time they reached the heavy metal door, his cigarettes were already out of his pocket and he’d handed her one. They made their way over to the tree in the corner of the yard, and Alyssa noticed that not very many of the other patients were out today.

She waited for George to light his cigarette before leaning in as he offered her a light. A light flush colored her cheeks as his rough knuckle brushed against her skin, and it didn’t go unnoticed by him. A cocked grin tugged at the corners of his lips as he exhaled a large plume of smoke before he leaned against the trunk of the tree.

“Thanks for springing me,” she told him as she inhaled her own cigarette, holding it for a few moments before breathing out the smoke slowly.

George didn’t say anything in response, just gave her a nod before looking down at the ground. He seemed in a good mood today, though Alyssa never really knew for sure how he was actually feeling. The older man was quite good at hiding his real emotions. Maybe that was what he talked about in his sessions with Jeff, she surmised.

“Three more weeks, kid. That’s all, and we’re outta here.”

She shrugged, taking another hit off her smoke as she studied his face. She could tell he hadn’t been sleeping, either. His eyes looked conflicted, and she knew there was something on his mind that he wanted to talk about. She wouldn’t ask, though. She knew he’d speak when he was ready.

They’d been standing there in silence for ten minutes or so before he spoke again, his eyes meeting hers. He almost looked a little afraid as he began speaking. “My manager called me yesterday. Said that Asia got ahold of my Mom.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded, taking a shaky hit off his cigarette before throwing it down onto the ground, stomping it out with his foot. “She wants to bring Ava to see me.”

Alyssa’s face lit up. She was truly happy for him, if his ex was actually willing to bring his daughter to see him. She knew he hadn’t seen the little girl for a long time; too long, and that it had been a definite factor in his drug use in the months leading up to this most recent stint in rehab.

“That’s great, George. I’m really happy for you,” she told him as she lifted her hand to his shoulder. He was shaking a little bit, and she frowned. He should be happy too. “Hey,” she murmured softly. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know if I can see her, Lys,” he mumbled the words out. “She’s eight now. I haven’t seen her in…fuck. At least three years. What if she doesn’t remember me?”

Alyssa had never seen George as fragile as he was right now, and if she was being honest with herself, it was a little unsettling. She thought on it for a few moments, looking at the ground before hesitantly reaching for his hand, giving it a light squeeze as he let her slip her fingers around his larger ones.

“She couldn’t forget her daddy, George. No little girl could,” she told him quietly. “Do you think Asia will actually bring her?”

He nodded, reaching for another cigarette. “I think so, yeah. What will I say to her?”

Alyssa smiled at him, giving his hand another squeeze before she let it go so that he could light his cigarette. “That you love her? That you’ve missed her? I don’t know,” she murmured, moving to sit on the grass in front of him before she patted the ground for him to join her. He did, and she was grateful for it. It meant that he wasn’t shutting her out.

“That simple?”

She nodded, resting her head on his shoulder. “That simple,” she answered.

George didn’t say anything else, and neither did she. The sun was starting to set, and she knew Jeff or one of the nurses was going to come through the doors any minute and tell everyone to come inside for the nightly group therapy session. She doubted George was up for it, but what could she do?

“I’m scared, Lys,” he finally whispered to her. Those three words broke her heart, and she bit down on her bottom lip as she wrapped an arm around him as his head rested on hers.

“I know. But I’m here for you, okay? I promise, you’re not alone. Not anymore.”

George didn’t reply, and she didn’t need him to. As the sun set lower in the sky, the stucco wall painted a muted shade of purple from the dimmed light, she realized that maybe they were both here because of fate. Maybe her purpose for coming to San Diego hadn’t been to save herself from the consequences of drunk driving. Maybe she was here to help George through the darkest days he’d ever faced in his life. And maybe…maybe his reason for being here was to realize that he didn’t need to carry everything on his own.