Bury Me

From a small distance I can hear Willow slowly stirring in our bed. Even though I can’t see her I can picture her wondering how she got into our bed last night. I made sure to carry her back to bed where she belonged at night.

I finish grabbing the rest of my clothes from the walk in closet and make my way out. I glance up at her, smiling I say, “I’m right here.” I drop the clothes on the bed and make my way over to her. I lightly cup her cheek and kiss those lips that I’m going to miss so much. “You slept late.”

She eases into my touch. Her beautiful smile shows. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

I shrug my shoulders. I didn’t really have an answer for her. I stand up and began to fold the pile of clothes at the end of the bed. “You tossed and turned all night.” I give up and start shoving piles of clothes into the duffle bag. “I don’t know if you couldn’t get comfortable or what but you ended up on top of me a few times.” I try to zip the duffle bag but it’s snagged on something and for whatever reason I am not capable of zipping it up right now. Frustration starts in. What the fuck is it snagged on? I try one more time before giving up. “Fuck it!” I toss the duffle bag full of clothes towards the bedroom door.

She sadly sighs as she looks out our bedroom window. “It only happens when I know you’re leaving me.”

She’s not trying to make me feel guilty but I feel it. I half heartily smile and crawl up the bed. I stop when my face reaches hers. I lightly kiss the top of her nose; my eyes are pleading with her not to make this departing any harder then what it is.

I love Willow and I hate seeing her like this but this is my job and this is something that she signed on for. I didn’t just start doing this. She had a hard time with the first tour as well but it made a difference that I was with her for three years before I toured and this time I was only with her for six months.

I lightly grab her chin and force her eyes to connect with mine. “Please don’t make this harder for me to leave, please.” I lay down beside her and intertwine my fingers with hers. “It’s hard for me to leave you too, babe.” I feel my voice weaken. “But, I’ll be thinking of you every second I’m away. There won’t be one moment that you don’t cross my mind.”

She turns her head to face me. Her eyes are slightly glassed over and I know she is doing her best to not show how upset she is by me leaving. She’s incredibly strong and I know that while I’m gone she will be OK, it was just the process of me leaving that she hated.

“Me too.” She softly says.

I gently kiss her forehead. “I got you something.”

Her frown turns into a small smile. “You did?”

I nod my head and hop off the bed. “Yeah. Hold on I’ll go get it.” I walk out of the room and down the hallway. Opening the closet door I begin to rummage through all of the stuff in there. Finally I find the black shinny bag that’s holding my surprise in there. I lightly laugh to myself. I’m sure she’s not only going to make fun of me but she’s going to tell all of our friends about this.

I take in a deep breath and walk back down the hallway. When I enter the room I know I’m grinning from ear to ear. I can’t stifle my laughter. “Here.” I extend my arms and hand her the bag.
She cautiously takes the bag and begins throwing the purple tissue paper out. She takes one look in the bag and bursts into a fit of laughter.

“Jared!” She laughs. “What the hell is this!?” She says staring down at the bag. She finally pulls the pillow out of the bag that has my face printed on it.

“What you don’t like it?” I laugh. “You can cuddle with me when I’m gone. It’s the mobile Jared.”

She tightly squeezes it and kisses where my lips are in the photo. “Terrible kisser.” She jokes. “I love it. Thanks babe.”

I catch sight of my watch seeing that it is time for me to get going. I slouch down and grab a hold of her hand. “Walk me to the door. I gotta take off.” I lazily pick up the duffle bag still slightly annoyed with the nonworking zipper. “I need a new bag.” I huff it over my shoulder and with my free hand I lace my fingers with Willow’s and lead her down the hallway. “I’m sorry about last night. It’s just that this is really hard for me too and when I see how it affects you I get conflicted inside.” I stop before the front door. The last thing I want right now is the guys poking fun at me for the next six months about how sappy Willow and I are. “I love you.” I brush my nose against hers. “I’m sorry I’m selfish and I wanna keep you hidden from the public. You’re the only thing I have left of my personal life that is kept out of the media and I’m afraid what will happen with us if we did make it public. It’s going to make everything a lot more complicated. I signed up for this I knew people were going to figure out every detail of my life but you don’t deserve that. I just want to protect you because I love you and it’s my job.”

Her big green eyes soften with each honest word I speak. It’s true. Living life in fame wasn’t the easiest thing and I didn’t know how it would affect Willow. I didn’t want her to get so sick of the lifestyle that she would just peace out and never talk to me again. One of my biggest fears was that she would grow tired of this lifestyle…because that lifestyle included me and the last thing I’d want is for her to leave me over it.

She nods at me but doesn’t say a word. She’s trying to hold it back and it’s becoming more difficult for her. She quickly tries to wipe the tear falling down her face but it’s too late. I’ve already seen it.

I gently cup her face with both of my hands. “I know...” I wipe the tear away from her cheek. “You’re going to be OK.” I open the front door to see Tomo and Shannon standing outside. Shannon’s got that look on his face that says he’s ready to get the fuck out of here while Tomo is walking up and down the drive way talking on his phone.

Willow latches her arms around my body again. She’s got a tight grip and I don’t want to be the asshole that pushes her away from me. She loves me and I can’t deny that. I catch Shannon’s eye and give him a pleading look.

“Come back in one piece.” She mutters against my chest.

Shannon rolls his eyes as he walks to the porch. He softly pries her arms away from my waist. “C’mon buttercup. Gotta let us go. The sooner we leave the sooner we will be home.”

She takes in a deep breath and finally releases me from her grip. “Fine. I love you guys.”

Shannon pats her on the back. “We love you too. Let’s go.” He roughly grabs my arm and drags me from Willow. “I’ll keep him safe. Don’t worry.”

Willow nods her head and walks back into the house and out of my sight. God, damn. I’m going to miss that girl.