You Leave Me With a Dangerous Taste

It felt strange being home earlier again. It wasn’t because I constantly came home late, I often did actually come back at a reasonable time. Sure, I never came home before Jack did, but still. Not even the fact that Rian had caught us had me shaken up anymore. He had been taken care of, he no longer believed Alex and I were having an affair. But everything else had been making my mind race.

Even when I was driving, I noticed myself being lost in my thoughts more often than not. I really did try to snap myself out of it, I couldn’t afford the dangerous behavior. Yet it continued to happen. I had angry drivers honk at me when I reacted too late to a traffic light turning green and I occasionally forgot to pay attention to what was happening around me.

I managed to make it home safe, but I shouldn’t have been able to.

When I entered the house, I saw Jack sitting on the couch, his feet up on the coffee table and a glass of water just inches away from being knocked over. He craned his neck to look over the backrest when he heard me shut the front door and gave me a bright welcoming smile. Usually, I could match up to it and I’d run up to give him a peck on the lips. But this time, I didn’t have the right mood nor the energy to do so. Physically, I was there, but mentally I was nowhere to be found.

I kicked my shoes off and didn’t bother setting them straight like all the other pairs pushed against the wall close to the door. As I entered the living room, I threw my keys on the counter the separated the kitchen from the rest.

“Pays?” Jack carefully asked, his feet now on the floor, his gaze still on me. “Are you okay?”

I nodded and started trudging up to him. “Just tired.”

“Come ‘ere,” he told me and opened his arms after turning off the TV.

I sat down and rested my head against his shoulder as he pulled my legs onto his lap.

“Long day?” He asked, kissing the top of my head.

“I guess you can say so.” I shrugged and nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck. As I took a deep breath, I let my eyes slip closed. Something about Jack was so comforting. I could never get at such ease with anybody else. He managed to make me feel better in no time, even faster than when I would crawl into my parents' bed when I was a child and there was a thunderstorm going on outside.

He breathed in as if he was about to say something else, but there wasn’t a word that left his mouth. The air was in his lungs for way too long, waiting to burst out. It was finally allowed to escape as his fingers grazed the right side of my neck, which was open to the world. “What happened here?”

In no time, my heart managed to start thumping loudly in my chest allowing me to feel it myself. There was no way I could play dumb with what I knew it was. Well, what I believed it was. It couldn’t have been anything other than Alex leaving his mark. I couldn’t recall him purposely working just a tad too long on one area, but there was no other reason why something was residing on my neck.

Yet, still, in fear and shock, I tried to look at where Jack had been gesturing, which was physically impossible. “What?”

“You have a bruise. What happened?”

I was unsure if Jack was challenging me, trying to get me to admit everything that had been happening behind his back, or if he actually was that oblivious. He wasn’t to blame, I was known as the perfect little blonde girl who could do no wrong.

I felt horrible giving the excuse I gave. “William threw one of his toys at me, I didn’t know it actually caused a bruise. It didn’t hurt all that much.”

“Oh.” Jack nodded and relaxed back into the couch. It almost seemed as if it didn’t matter anymore, but it was only because he wanted to give himself some space to run his fingers through my hair in a comforting way. “Is that why you’re so upset?”

I shrugged, snuggling back into his body. “I guess…”

“He’s just a kid. He probably didn’t mean to actually hurt you,” Jack told me in a soft and calming voice.

“Really?”

“Yeah, as a kid you don’t exactly know how to out your emotions. It was probably just a temporary feeling.”

“A temporary feeling,” I repeated in a mumbled, picking at the dry skin on my lips with my fingernails, “are you sure? The gesture was pretty clear.”

“Of course, I can’t read his mind, but it’s most definitely my guess,” Jack confirmed, rubbing my right leg with his hand. “It was probably an in-the-moment thing.”

“Nevertheless, he still did it,” I contradicted, taking my hand away from my lips. “Why would he do it if he didn’t mean to?”

He just chuckled and shook his head lightly at me.

“I’m being serious, Jack!” I whined in desperation. “Why would he do it? It wasn’t like he could try to play it off like an accident. His emotions were full-on on display. I’m pretty sure I know exactly what it meant.”

“Pays,” he continued his soft laughter, “I think you’re over analyzing this. It’s just a four-year-old kid. They tend to act out, especially when angry.”

It was almost like his words shocked me. I had completely forgotten that we were talking about an alleged thing William did. That poor kid was always the one who got blamed for things when Alex and I were actually doing something we weren’t supposed to.

“Hmm…” I sat still, not daring to move an inch with the revelation I had.

“You’ve worked with many unruly kids before,” Jack explained to the best of his abilities. You’d almost say that he was the one supposed to be babysitting. “I get that it must be a shock with it coming from this kid that has done nothing but be nice to you, but things just happen the way they do. It’s not just the rebellious kids that overreact sometimes.”

The problem was that I was the reckless kid, not William. I was the one acting out. I was just lucky that nothing was giving me away.