You Leave Me With a Dangerous Taste

I came home one day, way earlier than usual. Yes, it meant that Alex had come home early that same day. Usually, I’d hang out for another while longer just so I could spend a ‘little’ time with him. It was what I looked out for every day. I’d be waiting on his hot breath hitting my skin again, his rough dry hands holding me in place, the taste of his lips of mine. Anticipation would run throughout me, wondering what would happen. Nothing was ever expected.

However, there was no point for me to stay around longer this time. A couple of his friends came over again, including Rian, meaning I couldn’t do anything but leave. Despite having diverted Rian from finding out the dirty truth, I didn’t want to risk it. I finished off what I had been busy doing and woke William up before slipping into the living room and telling the boys that I was going to start leaving.

Alex claimed to have to pay me back for some food I had bought for myself and William when he forgot to buy groceries and followed me out to the front door. He didn’t let me leave without giving me a deep kiss first. I could tell he was trying to entice me with the trance he could put me in and pull me into his office. But I was smarter than that. With his friends just a wall away, nothing could be risked. As often as we had gotten away with it, I had had my wake up call.

It was still early on in the afternoon when I arrived home. With Jack working a ‘normal’ nine to five job, I believed I was home earlier than him for once. I thought about surprising him with a nice dinner and some movies. If needed, I even had time to still go out and get some groceries to make the meals. We hadn’t been spending as much time together as we should have, and I was determined to make up for it.

But when I entered the house, something was off. The shoes Jack usually wore weren’t in their ordered place on the shoe rack. Just the fact that they were actually in the hallway was already disconcerting. The black leather was staring back at me, mocking me that I was home later than they were. They were supposed to be on his feet at work, not thrown on the floor.

I stepped over them, deciding to first figure out what was going on before I messed with the crime scene. Another piece of evidence looked like it had been hastily thrown on the back of the couch. His jacket was inside out, nearly crumpled. It was like our entire living room had been corrupted with these two objects out of place. All the organized space, which had looked the same ever since we moved in, now seemed messy.

I turned around, confused as to what happened. By now, I was so used to seeing Jack either in the kitchen making food, waiting at the dining table, or watching TV that it was strange not to see him in any of those spaces.

But then I heard it. A strange sound came from the direction of our bedroom. I perked my ears, wondering if was just the neighbor’s dog or a bird trying to fool me. It was nearly silent, a rustling sound consuming the emptiness. And then I heard the sound again, a little louder than the first time.

I frowned, squinting my eyes as I carefully approached the door to our bedroom. It was all so strange, so out of the ordinary. I didn’t know what to make out of it. Once again, the noise echoed from behind the closed door. It sounded all too familiar yet also so unknown. The only connection I could seem to make was it being similar to the sounds Alex made when we were all alone together.

Nothing could have prepared me for the sight I saw when I entered the room.

The light was dimmed, the curtains drawn half-way closed. There were clothes scattered on the floor, mainly Jack’s. The sheets were bunched up in a way only a nightmare could have caused. And still, the bed was empty. It was empty except for the pajamas I had taken off, folded, and placed on my pillow that same morning.

Confused as I was, I turned to go back and rethink everything. Maybe Jack had been in a rush this morning; he might have realized he had an important meeting and had to wear something else last minute. But, no, that was wrong. Before I could retrace my steps, my eyes had already landed on the bathroom with its door open wide.

There was Jack, taking a shower, explaining the white noise filling up the empty air, one hand holding himself up on the wall and the other down at his crotch. My eyes went wide as I saw him stroking himself, his head hanging down and water dripping from his soaked hair. Another groan escaped his lips, bouncing off the walls and sending shivers down my spine.

It was so wrong, but I couldn’t help but stare at him a little longer. This was the first time I had seen Jack so vulnerable yet so strong and it was sending adrenaline through me. It was like I was back in the kitchen at Alex’s house, sneakily watching him as everything yearned for him to touch me. Only this time, it was Jack making me feel this way.

When I noticed what was going on, what I was feeling toward him, I diverted my eyes as quickly as I could and let out a yelp. As I ran out of the room, Jack called out, “Pays?!”

But I slammed shut the door of the bedroom before the confrontation could happen there and then. This time, I was the one to wait and sit at the kitchen table to have a talk about what happened. I didn’t know what Jack was doing, whether he decided to finish off completely or end his shower abruptly. It didn’t matter to me, I was going to wait as long as I needed.

When he finally did come to join me, his eyes immediately landed on me. They were soft yet also showing me that he was slightly embarrassed. He didn’t make a grand entrance like he usually would have done, instead his lips were closed loosely and his arms were hanging beside his body, his hands fumbling in front of him.

“I-- I’m sorry,” he mumbled, looking down at the floor as he approached me and sat down on the chair adjacent to mine.

“What’s there to be sorry about?”

“Pays,” he sighed, his fingers interlocked above the table, and hesitantly looked up at me, “we have to talk about this, we can’t act like nothing just happened.”

“That’s not what I mean.” I shook my head and leaned back, crossing my arms over my chest. “I mean that you literally have nothing to be sorry about.”

“What?” He frowned and gave me a concerned look.

“If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you. I’m the one that just walked in.”

“So, you’re not… mad?”

“Why would I be?” I questioned. “We’ve been together for over five years, since we were sophomores at high school. Do you really believe I would think you went all that time without… whatever you want to call it,” yes, it was still strange that I just couldn’t seem to get the word out, “that would be unhealthy.”

“So, you really are not mad?” He repeated. “You seem way too cool right now.”

I shrugged, “I’ve done it too.”

Technically, I hadn’t. But I had to count what I had been doing with Alex in some sort of way, right? And, to be honest, I did often help Alex out… or in other words, I helped myself out. Alex just happened to be there as well. I just wasn’t using a silicon or plastic thing… I had the real stuff.

All this time, I had thought I was starting to act uncontrollable, like my urges were wrong. Yet, here I was, finding out that Jack had been having them as well in some shape or form. I wasn’t the only one. It just made me wonder…

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked me letting one of his hands slip down and rest on my knee.

“Nothing…” I tried to brush it off, but I knew that I would never get to ask this question again. “Hmm, well, actually, what do you think about, what do you imagine?”

A blush spread across his cheeks as he quickly looked away again. He mumbled, “you know… stuff…”

“Stuff?”

He gave me a small shrug showing his embarrassment once again, answering in a quiet voice, “you.”

A bright smile graced my lips. Not only was he being adorable, but I felt pride knowing that I was in his fantasies. Maybe I just had luck, with him only having seen me naked recently and never before. But I liked to think that even before that, he would try to make something up.

“I guess you’ll just have to warn me the next time you come home way earlier than usual,” he added soon after with laughter in his tone, trying to change the subject subtly.

It was only then that I remembered that he had told me that he was going to be home earlier. He had an important meeting in the morning and nothing after, so my suspicion of him changing in a hurry was true. The fact that he forgot, probably validated that I forgot too. He hadn’t told me again the evening before.

“I forgot you were home and wanted to surprise you,” I stuck out my bottom lip, hoping the pout would make him forget any possible thoughts that made me seem like a bad girlfriend, and stood up to start finding something else to do.

“Well, you definitely did surprise me,” he chuckled and stood up as well. This was the cue for our conversation to end.

I just intensified my pout. All I wanted was to make up for all the time I hadn’t been spending at home. I wanted to show him that I still loved him.

He grinned and gave me a chaste kiss to get rid of my sad face. And it was like a switch had suddenly been flipped. What started off as a simple innocent peck that couldn’t be overanalyzed, was now the start of something completely new.

We stared at each other after the first kiss, a tension filling the room. It was pulling me towards Jack despite the fact that we were already standing against each other. The only thing on my mind was Jack. It was all too much like being in the kitchen with Alex while I was making pasta sauce and we had our first kiss together. Only, Jack didn’t have near as much experience as Alex did. Alex was a cocky arrogant guy who thought he had moves, but Jack was just my innocent bean. We were always so oblivious together.

But I happened to have gotten some experience in that field now.

I carefully leaned back in, looking into his eyes to check if he was ok with me going back in. If he was going to back out, then that was that, I would clearly know my place. But his gaze kept flickering down to my lips as well. So, I took it as an invitation and let our lips mold together again, only this time not as hasty.

Instinctively, his hands went down to the small of my back and pushed my body further into his as I, in turn, threw my arms around his neck to bring him closer to me. There was this want, this need, as the old familiar smell of home and comfort mixed with lust. The only thing that could satisfy my cravings was Jack.

I pulled him even closer, taking in his body warmth. He felt different to Alex. Jack was less broad and easier to bring close. Strangely enough, I liked it despite how different it was. However, by now, Alex would have broken off the kiss to start working on my neck. Jack just remained in the same position, leaving everything pushed up against each other.

To help him out, I brought one of my hands down to the base of his neck and slowly pulled away. We were both breathing heavily, our gazes falling onto each other’s eyes. It was like he half expected like this to be the end of it while both our bodies and brains continued to go crazy and want more. But that wasn’t my intention. I reached down and curled my fingers along the hem of my shirt and swiftly pulled it over my head in one go.

Jack’s mouth opened slightly as I was now without a shirt. I threw the clothing onto the floor, allowing it to disrupt the order just as his jacket and shoes had done. He tried to take in as much as he could before I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and made him step closer to me as I reconnected our lips once again. Just like Alex had been the one to guide me when I did this for the first time, I was now going to have to guide Jack.

This time, Jack pulled away just an inch and mumbled, “should we go to the bedroom?”

I nodded as I took a deep breath in, resisting the urge to make our tongues speak the same language again. Everything in me had to keep being reminded that this was Jack, that I had to be careful. This wasn’t like fooling around with Alex. Jack needed to be treated properly like I had been.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him along to the bedroom to make sure he knew that I wanted this to happen. I didn’t want him thinking that I was just doing this because I saw something that could make me assume that he needed this. If anything, I was the one that needed this. All I needed was Jack to take care of me.

As soon as we stood at the foot of our bed, the kissing resumed. I wanted nothing more than to move this over to the actual bed. Just the feeling of kissing Jack like this was different to how Alex felt. The roughness of the harsh stubble was gone, instead replaced with a pair of warm lips I could feel completely. Everything was so much softer, both figuratively and literally. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Pays…” Jack once again broke away to catch some air. “Are you sure?”

“Sure that I’m not mad?... Yep.” I nodded and wanted to restart our kiss.

But Jack shook his head and move away as I moved in further. “No, not that. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything else,” I breathed against his lips.

Next, I bit my lip as his shirt was discarded. I lightly kissed him as I sensually pressed my hands up against his lower stomach, carefully rubbing up slowly so that I reached up to his chest and let my hand go in separate directions to finally rest on his shoulders. Our jeans came off next, Jack watching me as I popped the buttons and pulled them down individually.

With both of us in just our underwear, I took the opportunity to lie down on the bed. I propped myself up on my elbows and beckoned for him to come over. His eyes tried to subtly scan my body before he climbed on top of me, unsure where to place his legs and hands. To help him out a little, I reached behind and unclasped my bra, throwing it somewhere on the floor as well.

“Holy shit,” he gasped like he had done when he had gotten a sneak peak.

I grinned and enjoyed the attention as I let him take me in this time. His eyes had gotten wide, both entranced by me and afraid that he was going to miss something. I understood that he needed some time to comprehend it all. Of course, I didn’t know what he had been using to help out his imagination, but I was glad to replace all those images with every curve of my body.

“Are you sure you’re mine?” Jack continued to exhale in astonishment.

Little did he know the irony of the rhetorical question he had asked me. So, instead of lying to him, I cupped my hands over his and picked them up, placing them on my breasts. Before he could take more time to admire it all, I got impatient and entranced him with a kiss. Subconsciously, he squeezed a little at the contact, making me breath out and fall back onto the pillow. The thought that I wasn’t supposed to be this sensitive if this actually was my first time escaped my mind completely. All I could focus on was that we were too far along for me to turn back now. My body would not be able to function properly anymore if I didn’t get to feel his love.

Jack took initiative this time, closing the space between us, taking me by surprise. It just made me enjoy it even more knowing that I wasn’t the only one needing this; that we were in this together.

But then I felt it… the slightest bit of hesitation on Jack’s end. If this had been Alex, I wouldn’t have noticed a thing, I wouldn’t have said it was him trying out something new. But this was Jack. I couldn’t feel the natural passion in the kiss anymore. For just a split second, it became forced. I was starting the wonder what was going on while yearning for him at the same time. He really did try to get back into it.

He broke away abruptly, stretching out his arms so we were feet away. “I-- I’m sorry. I… I can’t.” He bent his left elbow and rolled onto the empty space beside me.

“Jack?” I whispered, a mixture of emotions brewing together inside my chest. Concern, denial, disappointment, pain, emptiness.

“I--” I sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair, “I just--- I--”

“Too nervous?” I asked, hoping I hadn’t done something that made him want to stop.

He looked at me, a sort of sadness in his eyes. It was like he was afraid that he had let me down, like this could never be made up to. And then came the subtle nod.

“It’s okay,” I confided, putting my hand on his cheek and running my thumb along the skin underneath his eye. “I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy it if you weren’t happy.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. There’s no rush. I love you no matter what.”

“At least let me make it up to you somehow. I can promise to buy you that expensive chocolate you like?” He perked up a little.

I shook my head, I didn’t need him buying my love and acceptance. “All I need is a nice long warm shower.”

“Okay,” he accepted my offer and added with a cheeky smirk, “I’ll try not to think about what you’ll be doing in there.”

I rolled my eyes and kissed his forehead before slipping into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. This was the first time I would have done it and I wasn’t exactly sure how, but I knew I had to get rid of the feeling Jack left me with. So, I turned on the water, thoughts of Alex swarming my mind once again.