You Leave Me With a Dangerous Taste

I woke up disoriented and lost. When I let my left arm lie beside me, if fell off the edge of the bed. While it didn’t seem like anything was out of the ordinary, everything was out of place. I always slept on the right side of the bed, I had ever since Jack and I spent the night together for the first time. Either I had crawled over him during my sleep, or he had disappeared. No matter what, though, I had never been such a wild sleeper.

And then I remembered.

I remembered Alex bringing me to his bed, I remembered how his touch felt on my bare skin, I remembered the sweat that glazed both our bodies, I remembered losing what I had planned to keep until my wedding day. Somehow, I had let myself get carried away and be put under a spell. But I couldn’t lie. I had never felt such a euphoric feeling like the one I had felt that night.

Still, I shot upright, the reality of what I had done settling in. I looked around the dark room. To my right, I saw Alex sleeping on his stomach, his body just as exposed as mine. The room itself was just as big as my living room, dining room, and kitchen combined. At the foot of the bed, the beautiful dress Alex had given to me was thrown to the floor like trash. It was like I was trapped in a prison.

As my gaze shot over Alex’s body, I found a digital clock flashing the time. Just like the harsh color of the orange numbers, I felt panic spreading through my entire body. It was past midnight. I had promised Jack that I would be back fairly early. It was way past early. He must have been worrying his ass off.

I tried my best not to make the mattress shake as I placed my feet firmly on the floor. Checking over my shoulder to see if Alex was still asleep, I pushed myself up. I never had to sneak out of a room before, let alone after I had slept with somebody. The past few hours, I had way too many new experiences than any person should be having.

After looking around the floor without any light, I finally found my underwear and slipped it on. The pair didn’t match at all and nothing about them was seductive. I had never had a reason to care, I didn’t need to do it for Jack and I didn’t want to tempt myself. While most people did prefer one over the other, Alex didn't seem to mind one bit. Sex was probably clouding his thoughts too much.

I put on the dress and tiptoed toward the door that was open just a few inches. It was my small slither to escape. However, before I could get to the opening, Alex started stirring. His eyes must have fallen on me as soon as he opened them, because he fully woke up.

“Where are you going?” he asked, his voice sounding more awake and less raspy than it should have.

“Home,”’ I stated bluntly and let my fingers curl around the door handle before adding a whisper for myself, “to Jack.”

“Why?”

I nearly snorted. Did he really think I could stay here? This room was filled with scandals. I couldn’t stay here longer than necessary, the crimes were becoming too heavy to carry. Just his presence gave me chills. I had let a stranger take away my last part of innocence.

“I need to go home,” I repeated, not daring to look back at the dark abyss that was the same color as my shame.

“You need to be here in a few hours again. Why leave now?” he continued to press as if he could really convince me to crawl back in bed with him.

I didn’t say another word and left the house.

When I arrived home, it was just as dark as back at Alex’s place. All the lights were switched off and I wouldn’t dare turn one on out of fright that I would wake Jack up. I left my shoes at the front door and sneaked into our bedroom. In our bed, which was nearly twice as small as Alex’s, Jack was sleeping soundly, hugging his pillow close to his head. His lips always parted a little, making him look so cute. Watching him only made the guilt worse.

My eyes started watering as I went to get my pajamas from the chair in the corner of the room. As my vision became blurrier by the second, I tried to walk while already barely being able to see anything. Just to my luck, I loudly walked against our dresser, knocking over a few things that were stood on top.

“Pays?” Jack mumbled, his head raised a little from his pillow to look at me.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered, my voice trembling worse than I wanted it to. I had no right to start crying. This was all my doing.

“Are you ok?”

I nodded, feeling a tear drop down my nose as I looked at the floor. “Just stubbed my toe…”

“I’d say I’d kiss it better, but I do believe that would be a little weird this time,” he chuckled back at me.

I didn’t deserve him.

“Hey, where did you get that dress?” he asked me after I hadn’t said anything for a little while. I was surprised that he even noticed what I was wearing without being able to see properly with how dark it was.

I knew where I got the dress; I knew it had been a gift from Alex, which was given for no particular reason at all. But I couldn’t tell Jack that. He couldn’t know. But, you see, I was a terrible liar. I always had been. I didn’t know why I thought I would have gotten away with this when I let Alex kiss me and touch me. All my lies were either horrible content-wise, or my tone just didn’t work. It was why I was such a goody-two-shoes… or why I had been one.

“I spilled pasta sauce on my clothes, Alex gave this to me to get changed into,” I easily told him, making myself frown at how realistic it sounded. I didn’t even need to think about what I wanted to say. It came out so naturally.

“Oh, that’s nice of him,” Jack replied. He knew how bad I was at lying. With how I sounded, he couldn’t do anything but believe me. To him, if I had actually been lying, I would have been stuttering and told him it had just fallen out of the sky.

“Yeah…” I sighed as another tear dropped down from my eyes and hit the carpet at my feet. I felt even worse for not telling him the truth, yet I couldn’t stop. “I’m sorry I’m late. Alex got called back to work, so I stayed back until he was done.”

“I understand, of course you couldn’t leave the kid alone. You did the right thing.”

No, I didn’t do the right thing. I had done anything but the right thing. I shouldn’t have let Alex almost kiss me that one morning, I shouldn’t have let him kiss me at all, I shouldn’t have let him give me a dress, and I shouldn’t have let him take my virginity. All of it was wrong. However, the hidden lust deep inside of me would only grow every single time I remembered a specific detail, whether it be when he was taking me or when he was touching my hair.

“Alex is a good guy,” I agreed, trying to find something positive, “I wouldn’t let his three-year-old son stay at home alone.”

“I see he’s managed to convince you to call him Alex,” Jack pointed out.

I hadn’t even realized it, but I had started calling him by his first name.

“How was it, though?” he questioned next, long forgotten about his sleep and more interested in my day.

“How was what?” I retorted quickly, my eyes snapping towards him. Did he know? Did he know that I had been unfaithful?

“Dinner, of course,” he laughed, taking my comment lightly as if I was just playing oblivious. “Well, that is without you spilling pasta sauce.”

“It was good… very good…” My lips twitched into a smile a little. All I could think about was how Alex made my back curve as his fingers glided over my skin and how his kisses made me feel like I was on fire.

I picked up my pajamas and went to the bathroom to change. My tears and guilt had dried up more than they should have.